Friday, February 29, 2008

Here is the Kissing Lion video

Leap O' Faith sent this to me:

This Is AMAZING . . . LOVE IS FOREVER !!!

Several years ago this woman found a sick, malnourished lion cub in the jungle.
She took the cub home and fed him and brought him up until he was too big to keep anymore.
Then she made arrangements with a zoo in Colombia to take the lion.
Here's a video of what happened when she went to visit him in the zoo for the first time: http://www.telestereo.com/Archivos/video.html

- The Mountain Cat

And the best bumper sticker is.....

Oh I can't decide.
So it is a tie!

The winners are:

Leighann: 'If you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair!'

and

Lulita's:
'Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. Daddy's hunting Momma with a big harpoon.'

You both have won my very first Lion Kiss Award:


Right click and save this photo to your blog page and speak kindly of me to your friends and family. Congratulation you crazy kids. Y'all have a great weekend!

- The Mountain Cat.

The Night We Never Met

When I was a senior in high school I played football but also had a part time job as a bagger at a local supermarket. As it turns out the combination of these two things was the way that I ended up meeting ole Mt. Cat who ends up turning out to be one of my best lifelong friends. This is the story of how we met and how we sort of met before we ever met. It will make more sense as I tell it.

Friday night football is a huge tradition at our high school (West Charlotte Senior High) and back when we were there we were really good. My senior year we were undefeated conference champs. One thing you need to know about West Charlotte high is that although the school was very racially diverse historically it was known as an African American high school. It's located in a very prominent "black" part of town and has always been a source of pride in the black community. Especially the athletic teams and the marching band. No offense to the rest of ya'll bands but our band could JAM!

I tell you all this to set the stage for the picture of me on the football team. There were multiple white players on the team but we were in the minority. Certainly no problem there...may the best athlete play. However lets just say that I was one of very few white players on defense. There were actually like 2 of us. I was also not a starter, as a safety I played when the defense needed additional coverage for receivers and on special teams. My group of friends and classmates always used to sit together at games and sometimes they would call out things from the stands to show their support and encouragement for the team and my playing status. It was not at all unusual to hear things yelled from behind me during games such as "Hey Coach, Put the white boy in!" or "White boy....48 white boy 48" (my number) I prefer to think of them as just having a lot of school spirit and support for the team and not that they were making fun of me.

Enter Vince. (Mt. Cat) Now what you have to know about Vin at this point is that he is not from Charlotte, NC. Vin is from Brooklyn New York City and moved to Charlotte NC during the summer before his senior year of high school. I can't even imagine the culture shock he went through not just in terms of the difference in city but it was a big transition in school and just before his senior year. I guess that he didn't know very many people. He and I hadn't met. Heck there were probably 3000 students at our school. The only people that he knew were kids that he had met at his new job as a cashier at a grocery store. Yep you guessed it, the same grocery store that I worked at on the weekends.

OK, back to the football game. One Friday night early in that fall of 1989 Vince decides to check out the school football team and go to the game. I am sure that we were demolishing some poor opponent and so the mood in the stands was pretty good. As fate would have it Vince happens to find a large group of students to sit with that just happen to be acting as my own personal cheering section that night. So as he is sitting there hanging out watching the game apparently people are cheering things like "GO SHANE!!" " Way to go 48" and other very encouraging things just trying to keep up the school spirit. So curiosity gets the better of him and he asks the guy sitting next to him. "Who are they yelling for? Who is this Shane?" and the response that he gets is something along the lines of a drunken slurr "He'sssss numberrrr forty-eight. He'ssss the best playerrrrr" Vince then searches the field looking for this hero. This team leader who is helping the Lions crush their opponent. Is he scoring Touchdowns? Is he sacking the quarterback? Suddenly he spots the elusive 48. The one who makes the other students chant special things. And Vin then asks the million dollar question.... "Hey, If he's the best player then what is he doing on the bench?"

Fast forward to the weekend. I am going to my job at the grocery store where I usually clean up the back room and mop the floor... 25 times just to make sure it's clean. (and to get out of the real work) and I notice there is a new guy up front as a cashier. I ask Carol in the office who this new guy is and am told. "His name is Vinny. He is from New Yaak" OK fair enough. I go about my duties. Later when Vin goes to take his break I come in to introduce myself. The conversation went a little something like this:

"Hey, I'm Shane, I hear you are from New York. Cool. Hey where do you go to school?"
"I just started at West Charlotte."
"Cool I go there too... I play......football"
"Oh, so you're Shane!!??"
At this point I think that my reputation has exceeded me so I smile and get ready to enjoy my adoration as a football hero when Vin follows it up with, "So hey, why do you ride the bench?"

I guess my reputation did proceed me... Too well in fact.

I am still not sure how we got to be such good friends after the night we never met.

-Doc

Friday's Top Ten List: The Best or Worst Bumper Stickers

You decide:

10. I’D CHEAT ON HILLARY TOO!

9. WHILE JESUS SAVES...MOSES INVESTS.

8. DON’T LAUGH, YOUR DAUGHTER MIGHT BE IN HERE.

7. VISUALIZE WHIRLD PEAS.

6. IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY DRIVING, PLEASE DIAL 1-800-EAT-SHIT.

5. PROUD PARENT OF A STEROID USER.

4. FRODO FAILED. BUSH HAS THE RING.

3. I BREAK FOR TAILGATERS.

2. YOUR HONOR STUDENT FILLED UP MY GAS TANK.

And Doc’s favorite bumper sticker of all time:

1. I’LL BE GRATEFUL WHEN THEY’RE DEAD.

(Disclaimer: The Mountain Cat likes the Grateful Dead. This list was intended for satirical use only).

OK, I want to hear your bumper sticker ideas. I think I finally thought of my own cool award to complement Doc’s Peach for most creative one.

- The Mountain Cat

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Thursday Random Thoughts 2/28

Stuff I have been thinking about:

-I didn't see any of the Oscar nominated films this year and I don't really care. As a matter of fact the last movie I even saw in the theater was Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

-I saw this headline the other day "Plane carrying 46 Missing in Venezuela" and thought, Is there ever a happy ending to one of the stories? Is a "missing" plane ever "found" OK and in one piece? Sadly I don't remember any.

-Have you made someone else smile today? If not then try to... It's good for you I promise.

-One of the commentators (I don't know her name but she has red hair) on "The View" the other day was talking about the upcoming Presidential election and said, " It's really important that we all get out and vote this time." This time? As opposed to what? The Presidential election in the past that wasn't all that important? Yeesh...

-Speaking of the Presidential Election here is an odd tidbit for you. It is generally thought that only 7 to 10% of the adult population in America is left handed. So you would think that it would be out of the ordinary for both Presidential candidates in the general election to be lefties. We have that distinct possibility because both Barack Obama and John McCain are left handed. That is odd but not the oddest All three of the candidates in 1992 were lefties as well. Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ross Perot. That almost defies odds unless there is something inherent about politicians and being left handed. Use that little fact there to impress your friends at parties... LOL! (Ronald Reagan and Gerald Ford were lefties too)

-Odd Google search note of the week: Someone from Seoul South Korea found our blog by searching for Danny Noriega Superstar... Someone is also delusional.

-I miss Triumph the Comic Insult Dog... That was one funny dog!

-I heard on the radio this morning that the OK symbol we make with our thumb and finger is the symbol for flipping the bird in Brazil... Better remember that on your next trip there.

-I live hundreds of miles of miles from the nearest beach but somehow on Monday a seagull (yeah a dadgum seagull) actually landed on the hood of my car when I was stopped at a stoplight. What the heck?? I shooed him off before he could poop on my car.

-I heard on the radio the other day that there is a scientific theory out there that women actually have the big O when they are giving birth. (I only heard this so don't shoot the messenger) Now I am not a woman and certainly have never given birth but something tells me that there is something a bit flawed with that theory.


Observations from My trip this past weekend as a church youth group chaperon:
-The breakfast buffet at the Embassy Suites is fabulous. They will even make you a made to order omelet if you want one and they carry a $30 filet mignon on their menu but they don't have flavored creamer for the coffee do they Apple??

-The Christian folk group Tangled Blue played at this event I was at. They are really good. They are a married couple who tour around the country in a VW bus with almost 300,000 miles on it. Their message is really positive and the music was great. My favorites were the old testament Advent scripture that they wrote into songs and play with a heavy metal guitar. It's not hokey It's sweet! you can look them up on line if you want to http://www.tangledblue.com/ - But don't confuse them with Bob Dylan's tangled up in blue. (that's what got Hootie in trouble)

-A surefire sign that I am getting old and out of touch is that I have no idea who the heck "Hollister" is. I am not sure if he is an athlete or in a band but this guy sure must be popular though because every third kid at this event had one of his shirts on. Oh well, whatever....

-This tells me that the kids are out of touch because there was a dance at this event and none of them liked one of the greatest rap tunes of all time "Let me clear my throat" by DJ Kool. Shameful.

-Speaking of the dance (which was loosely 80s themed) I have come to the conclusion that they can now "re-mix" anything. Song after song was butchered err re-mixed in one way or another in most cases totally ruining the song. The ultimate out of place remix had to be their rendition of John Denver's "Country Roads" Yes you read that correctly they played a dance remix of John Denver singing his classic "Almost heaven... (woop woop shikky shikky) West Virgina..." It was terrible and I am not kidding. I have witnesses. One reader of this blog was actually with me at the time and called someone on the phone leaving them a message to prove that there was such a horrid thing.

-BTW I am told by that same person that the kids were laughing at me when I was singing my favorite song from 2008 "Clumsy" by Fergie (including the spoken parts) Whatever... they just don't know cool when they see it.

-Hotels have gone Hi-tech on us. This is for real! The clock radio in my hotel room actually had a connection to plug an MP3 player into it. So I guess you can wake up to your I-Pood. Yeesh there was once a time when you had to actually hope they would give you a wake up call on time. If the desk clerk hadn't fallen asleep. Ah those were the days.

-It was a really good weekend and for the most part the kids were very well behaved. I had a great time but was happy to get home to my wife, child and own bed though.

-I came home from my weekend away to find that my son had taught himself a new trick. He really wants to walk and has previously had no desire to crawl. Well I guess all of that changed this weekend because I came home to find him doing this very humorous looking "inchworm" crawl. He scoots along the carpet by arching his back and then pushing of with one foot kind of like an inchworm... It is a scream to watch so I had to get it on video. He is getting really good at it too. He is fast getting across the room. Ahhh the sign of things to come.

Enjoy your "Leap Day" tomorrow everyone !!

-Doc

Congrats to our 10,000th Visitor !!

Mt. Cat and I would like to thank each and every one who comes here, reads and tries to figure out the crazy random stuff that we think about. We love hearing from each and every one of you every day. So having said that we would like to congratulate Single In The City who writes You Say tomato I Say Tomahto who this morning became the 10,000th visitor to You Just Keep on Believing That.... (and there was much rejoicing Yeeeahhhh!) So to give back we have a cash award for her... A special $10,000 bill. Congrats Single (don't spend it all in one place especially since you gave up shopping for Lent...LOL) and once again thank you to everyone who comes here daily. You all make it great fun for us.

-Doc and the Mt. Cat

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

My office is on the 14th floor of a 30 story building. I enter the elevator section for floors 1 through 14. So I am the last stop. Every morning and afternoon, it is a mad dash for me to get into an elevator by myself and then quickly press the close door button so I don't have several people follow me in and stop on floors 1 through 13 below me. Well this afternoon after lunch I was in a good mood. I got on the elevator and as the doors slowly began to close, a woman was peering through the doors from the other side to get on. Kindly, I put my arm between the doors to open them to let her on. What I did not notice around the bend of the hallway was the cavalcade of people that also wanted to get on my elevator car! Suddenly the elevator went from just one person, me, to eight people. The elevator was so packed it was a fire hazard!

Oh well at least I am going to heaven now. That is after the elevator stops on every floor first on my way there.

- The Mountain Cat

The Homeless Prophet

Everyday in the 53rd Street and Madison Avenue subway station there is a homeless guy who walks up and down the train platform with his cane and pontificates! He looks like Samuel L. Jackson in the film The Caveman’s Valentine (pictured to the left). But he speaks very eloquently.

Among his random oratory contributions are:

- 'The Kennedy family KNEW that woman (yes, singular) would be the cause for all the war in the land. Can't we just live in peace and harmony?'

- 'Lesbianism is a fact of life! If you touch a woman, who are we to judge if you are going to hell or not?’

- ‘President Bush isn't a liar nor thief. If you elected him, you are just as much to blame! Hillary may cause more damage!’

- ‘Woman invented marriage to torture man. Woman invented marriage to torture man! Man should expect to give up all his power and possessions once he is married.’

I think you see a theme here. I assume he was hurt really bad by a former female lover and he lost all his will to be a normal member of society.

In any event, I look forward to his diatribes everyday. Despite his obvious shortcomings (sic) he seems friendly and I see some people talking to him. UH UHH! Not me! I don't want him to know me just in case he does snap one day and decides to throw the first person he recognizes onto the train tracks!

But I bet'cha he is independently wealthy and has nothing else to do with his time.

- The Mountain Cat

Word Game Winner

Thank you all for your entries in the Tuesday word game. This weeks was truly fantastic because there were a ton of very funny entries. At times like this I wish that I had the wisdom of Solomon. Lacking that wisdom I have to go with the wisdom of our readers. So many of you agreed that even though he should not be eligible that my fellow blogger Mt. Cat's entry was the funniest. I must agree because I actually spit out the soda I was drinking when I read this entry:

"In addition to dancing, President Bush also showed his previously unseen talent for his best Lionel Richie imitation when serenading his Secretary of State: 'Condoleezza say de moi ya Yeah, Jambo Jumbo! Way to parti' o we goin' Oh, jambali! Condoleezza say de moi ya Yeah, JUMBO JUMBO! Oh, O, O, O, Yes! We're gonna have a party, Yeah, ugh! All night long (all night)' "

So here I go breaking my own rules and awarding this week's Peach to the Mt. Cat. Enjoy it and of course we will play again next Tuesday. Here is your Peach, Thank all of our readers because they were the ones who convinced me to give it to you:


-Doc

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Tuesday Word Game 2/26

This weeks word game could prove to be hilarious. For this weeks Peach award we are going to the world of Politics and focus on President Bush's trip to Africa last week. According to this article Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice says Ole W knows how to shake what his mama gave him!

The rules are the same as always. Fill in the blank at the end of the actual news article below with a witty (but fake) ending for the story. The one that makes me laugh the most wins my peach award. Of course you can enter as many times as you wish. Just please try and keep it PG-13
Here goes:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush has rhythm, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice assured reporters on Friday after watching her boss join African dancers during his five-nation tour of the continent this week.

"I just want to report that the president did a fair amount of dancing when he was in Africa and demonstrated that he can stay on the beat," said Rice, an accomplished musician who loves to dance herself.

"You look sceptical, but I was there? I can certify," Rice added when reporters chuckled at her observations and
then announced that during the trip to Africa in addition to dancing President Bush also showed his previously unseen talent for ___________________________.


-Doc

Monday, February 25, 2008

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 2/25/2008

- The FDA has declared that www.yougoaheadandkeeponbelievingthat.blogspot.com/ contains 95% of your recommended dietary allowance and is an excellent source of protein and fiber.

- What ever happened to Monistat 1 through 6?

- Pinocchio’s porn name should be Woody Splinters.

- Can I write off Girl Scout Cookies on my taxes as a charitable contribution?

- If Reverend Run can go from rap to a preacher, image if Vanilla Ice tried it? His sermon would go something like this: 'If you got a problem, yo he'll solve it. Check out the cross 'cause he's nailed on it! He's Christ, Christ baby. He's Jesus Christ, Christ baby'. (Yup, I am taking the express elevator directly to Hell someday, aren’t I?).

- A new study finds that women who live in places with bright illumination at night are more likely to develop breast cancer. Headlights bad for headlights? Hmmm.

- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But what if you are studying for you doctorate? Stay away from apples then I guess?

- Hickory dickory doc. Three mice ran up a clock. The clock struck one, while the other two got away with minor injuries.

- I'm going to vote for John McCain as he looks like a guy my dad would hang out with.

- Someday I am going to writing a book on how to be a non-conformist.

- 'Oh yes. Thank you. You Americans are so nice to us foreigners. Yes, I would love a knuckle sandwich. Sounds tasty. Thank you.'

- I wonder if there is a strip club in a Boca Raton, Florida retirement community called Old Wives’ Tails?

- What exactly qualifies as a bitch slap? I can never quite figure that one out.

- When I was a little boy in the mid 1970s I used to think that every celebrity in the world knew each other. For instance Pope John Paul the First and the band members of KISS had each others phone numbers.

- I dated June last April. Then I dated April last May. And I hope to start seeing May this June.

- There is a drink called The 3 Wise Men which is a combination of Johnny Walker Scotch, Jim Beam Bourbon and Jack Daniels Whiskey. Also known as The 3 Js. Then there is a drink called The Four Musketeers which adds Jose Cuervo Tequila to The 3 Js. I feel a headache coming on as I write this. I need to lie down now.

- My Jack Handy profound thought of the day: Humans are always people...but people aren't always humans. Think about it.

- Have you ever heard anyone say, ‘Man, I can't wait until Tuesday!'? Nothing good ever happens on Tuesdays. (Unless of course you are a big American Idol fan?).

- I can't wait for the movie Ernest Goes to Fallujah. It is going to be a big summer hit!

- I once took a wooden nickel. But nothing bad happened.

- And finally I was with my dad in his car last week and he accidentally took an illegal left turn. Then a cop stopped us and asked him ‘Didn’t you see the arrow?’ And my dad’s response was, ‘Arrow? I didn’t even see the Indian?’ The cop thought that was hilarious and let him go with just a warning.

- The Mountain Cat

Weekly Poll 2/25

After a one week absence the weekly poll returns this week. Nothing really controversial, but I figured that with the Oscars being last night we could ask who your favorite awards show is. Please take a moment to cast your vote and may the best show win!

If you like something not on the list then just vote "other" and post what it is in a comment.

-Doc

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Weekend Update

Man I sure am getting old.... I can't keep up with these teenagers anymore.

-Doc

The Nose Knows

We just received a new question for our Ask Doc & The Mountain Cat Advice Section.

The question comes from fellow blogger Micky-T (http://malihinitennessee.blogspot.com/).

He asks: Would like to know if there is a difference between snot and boogers. Are they one and the same, or is snot the juicy stuff and boogers the chunky bits?

It is a wonderful question Micky-T which has a long history behind it.

Firstly, yes snot is more of a liquid substance per the research I found in Encyclopedia Britannica. The scientific term of snot is actually called Snotseptum Membranus. Hence, snot for short. A booger is more of a solid substance. The word booger is Latin for nasal blockage per Wikapedia.

Snot is more likely formed in lower elevations and damp climates while boogers are more like formed in higher mountainous areas with lots of dry air per Health Weekly.

But snot and boogers have a very long history. Per National Geographic, the ancient Incas used to save their snot and boogers as seasoning for their celebratory feast when they slaughtered ox and cattle.

However, the turn of the century American Industrial Revolution saw a snot and booger famine. Too much saw dust and steel iodine in the air prevented people from producing snot and boogers. Which eventually led to the Great Depression. (This is per the research I found in the Ladies Home Journal).

Finally, snots and boogers have been the subject of many novels and poems. Ernest Hemingway was supposedly fascinated by snots and boogers and once wrote in his initial draft of his novel To Have and Have Not that, ‘To snot is human but to booger is divine.’

- The Mountain Cat

Friday, February 22, 2008

The unfortunate middle name Wayne

I have been thinking that having the middle name Wayne is a very unfortunate situation. It seems that anyone with the middle name of Wayne that I can think of turns out to have serious issues. Parents may want to think twice about giving your child the middle name Wayne. A few unfortunate (but famous) examples of this are: John Wayne Gacy, Elmer Wayne Henley and of course how could we forget John Wayne Bobbitt.

These examples got me thinking further and I decided to do some research. I found some alarming results: Just a quick search gave me access to the following guy who has really done some serious research and has complied a huge list of names of people whose middle name is Wayne who are/were murderers:

Timothy Wayne Adams (Texas)Shannon Wayne Agofsky (Texas)Thomas Wayne Akers (North Carolina)Stephen Wayne Anderson (California)*Joshua Wayne Andrews (Virginia)David Wayne Arisman (California)Timothy Wayne Barnett (Alabama)Gerald Wayne Bivins (Indiana)Scott Wayne Blystone (Pennsylvania)Elvis Wayne Botley (California)Steven Wayne Bowman (South Carolina)Ricky Wayne Brown (Florida)Michael Wayne Brown (Oklahoma)Dennis Wayne Bryant (Virginia)Edward Wayne Bryant (Oklahoma)Estell Wayne Buck (Ohio)Bradley Wayne Cagle (Texas)Seth Wayne Campbell (Texas)Darren Wayne Campbell (Oregon)Mark Wayne Campmire (Connecticut)Michael Wayne Carter (Indiana)Rodger Wayne Chastain (California)*Ronald Wayne Clark, Jr. (Florida)Douglas Wayne Clark (Texas)Darryl Wayne Claughton (Alberta)Kevin Wayne Coffey (Texas)Michael Wayne Cole (North Carolina)Joseph Wayne Cook (North Carolina)Billy Wayne Cope (South Carolina)Alvin Wayne Crane (Texas)*David Wayne Crews (Tennessee)Donald Wayne Darling II (Alabama)Christopher Wayne Davis (Louisiana)Gary Wayne Davis (Kentucky)Jerry Wayne Dean (Kentucky)Aryan Wayne Duntley (California)John Wayne Duvall (Oklahoma)*Dennis Wayne Eaton (Virginia)*Dale Wayne Eaton (Colorado)Michael Wayne Eggers (Alabama)Gary Wayne Etheridge (Texas)Michael Wayne Farmer (Maryland)Ellis Wayne Felker (Georgia)*Matthew Wayne Ferman (Ohio)Michael Wayne Fisher (Pennsylvania)Terry Wayne Freeman (Illinois)Percy Wayne Froman (Alabama)Ronald Wayne Frye (North Carolina)*Morris Wayne Givens (Alabama)Richard Wayne Godwin (Oregon)Arthur Wayne Goodman, Jr. (Texas)Richard Wayne Gorrie (New Zealand)Jeffrey Wayne Gorton (Michigan)Keith Wayne Graham (California)Coleman Wayne Gray (Virginia)*Charles Wayne Green (Arkansas)Christopher Wayne Gregory (Texas)Kenneth Wayne Gregory (Florida)Ralph Wayne Grimes (Kentucky)Anthony Wayne Grimm (Illinois)Randall Wayne Hafdahl (Texas)*Conan Wayne Hale (Oregon)Kenneth Wayne Hall Sr. (South Carolina)Michael Wayne Hall (Texas)Steven Wayne Hall (Alabama)Jerald Wayne Harjo (Oklahoma)*Robert Wayne Harris (Texas)Jerald Wayne Harvel II (Oklahoma)Mark Wayne Hauseur (California)Carl Wayne Heath (Maine)Brandon Wayne Hedrick (Virginia)Michael Wayne Henry (Texas)Rodney Wayne Henry (Kansas)Donald Wayne Holt (Maryland)Bryant Wayne Howard (Oregon)Kenneth Wayne Jackson (Texas)Allen Wayne Jenecka (Texas)*Mark Wayne Jennings (Virginia)Robert Wayne Jiles (New York)Jason Wayne Johnson (Texas)Terry Wayne Johnson (Florida)Timothy Wayne Johnson (North Carolina)Mark Wayne Jones (Ohio)Bruce Wayne Koenig (Maryland)Derrick Wayne Kualapai, Sr. (California)Dudley Wayne Kyzer (Alabama)Monty Wayne Lamb (Texas)Robert Wayne Lambert (Oklahoma)Jonathan Wayne Larrabee (South Dakota)Jeffrey Wayne Leaf (Oklahoma)Christopher Wayne Lippard (North Carolina)Kenny Wayne Lockwood (Texas)*Mark Wayne Lomax (Texas)Shelly Wayne Martin (Maryland)Donald Wayne Martin (Texas)*Steven Wayne McBride (Minnesota)George Wayne McBroom (Arizona)David Wayne McCall (Texas)Rocky Wayne McGowan (Kentucky)Robert Wayne McMillion (Florida)Jason Wayne McVean (Colorado)David Wayne Mears (Michigan)Wesley Wayne Miller (Texas)Jimmy Wayne Miller (Texas)John Wayne Moore, Jr. (Missouri)John Wayne Moses (North Carolina)Jack Wayne Napier (Kentucky)Danny Wayne Owens (Alabama)Bryan Wayne Padd (Arizona)David Wayne Pallister (England)Jeffrey Wayne Paschall (Utah)Michael Wayne Perry (Tennessee)Jason Wayne Petershagen (Texas)Curtis Wayne Pope (Texas)Donald Wayne Rainey (Mexico)Randy Wayne Richards (Canada)Barry Wayne Riley (British Columbia)Robert Wayne Rotramel (Oklahoma)David Wayne Satterfield (Texas)Christopher Wayne Scarber (Kentucky)Michael Wayne Sears (Virginia)Kenith Wayne Sherrill (Washington)Dallas Wayne Shults (Tennessee)Mark Wayne Silvers (South Carolina)David Wayne Smith (Virginia)Daryl Wayne Smith (West Virginia)Richard Wayne Smith (Texas)*Richard Wayne Snell (Arkansas)*Richard Wayne Spicknall (Alabama)Randall Wayne Stevens (Illinois)John Wayne Stockdall (Missouri)Michael Wayne Summers (Missouri)Gary Wayne Sutton (Tennessee)Bobby Wayne Swisher (Virginia)*Michael Wayne Thompson (Indiana)Andrew Wayne Toler (Texas)Robert Wayne Vickers (Arizona)*Billy Wayne Waldrop (Alabama)*Anthony Wayne Walker (Ohio)Jerry Wayne Walker (Kentucky)Jessie Wayne Walker (North Carolina)Chadwick Wayne Wallace (Illinois)Daniel Wayne Warfield (Virginia)John Wayne Warrener (Colorado)Alexander Wayne Watson Jr. (Maryland)Louis Wayne Watters, Jr. (Texas)Coy Wayne Wesbrook (Texas)Larry Wayne White (Texas)*Michael Wayne Williams (Virginia)Richard Wayne Willoughby (Maryland)Kenneth Wayne Woodfin (Virginia)Bobby Wayne Woods (Texas)Darrell Wayne Wright (Texas)Jerry Wayne Wright (Tennessee)William Wayne Wright (Texas)

GOOD GRIEF !!

And that is not counting other violent crimes - just murder.

Hopefully this has given pause to any prospective parents out there to carefully consider what you name your sweet new child. The impact of the wrong name can be dire. Isn't that list enough proof for you all that you shouldn't give your child the middle name Wayne? Can anyone else think of any name like this that seems to be predisposed to a life of crime?

-Doc

(btw - just an aside in looking this subject up I found that there are a HUGE number of others who have blogged on this exact same topic.. and most of them quote the same guy I credited with the list of names. Interesting)

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Friday's Top Ten Movie Quote Spoofs

10. “Frankly my dear I don’t give a rat’s ass.” (Gone With the Wind)

9. “Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Bagwine, Ohio anymore.” (Wizard of Oz)

8. “E.T. text home.” (E.T.)

7. “If you build it, he will come and tax the hell out your land value.” (Field of Dreams)

6. “I love the smell of bear spray in the morning.” (Apocalypse Now)

5. “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful MySpace friendship.” (Casablanca)

4. “Show me the Stimulus Package refund money!!!” (Jerry McGuire)

3. “iPhones? We ain't got no iPhones! We don't need no iPhones! I don't have to show you any stinking iPhones!
(Treasure of the Sierra Madre)

2. “Mama always said life was like a box of HGH. You never know when you're gonna get caught.” (Forrest Gump)

1. “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some Arby's Horsey Sauce and a nice Grande Soy Chai Latte...Fwwfwwfwwfwwfww.” (Silence of the Lambs)

- The Mountain Cat

Hello Norma Jean!

This past Sunday, as a long departure from the book I was reading about the Baltimore ghetto ‘The Corner’, I started reading ‘The Many Lives of Marilyn Monroe’ (Yes I am so metro-sexual aren’t I?). It is a very revealing book analyzing who she was along with stories about her many sexual trysts and mysteries behind her death. The cover photo is a naked Marilyn with a pink scarf in her mouth (This is from her last photo shoot known as ‘The Last Sitting’ which was taken not long before her death). I never saw or heard of this photo shoot before I started reading this book. Well now I hear that this is the exact photo that Lindsay Lohan re-creates in a New York Magazine spread this month. Famed photographer Bert Stern shot the original Marilyn ‘The Last Sitting’ as well as the Lindsay homage.

Here is the link from New York Magazine of Lindsay along with original photos of Marilyn: The New ‘The Last Sitting’. Click on the Slide Show and the Behind the Scenes at the Photo Shoot as well.

Well LiLo in my mind your comeback is complete. :-)

- The Mountain Cat

Thursday Random Thoughts 2/21

Stuff I have been thinking about:
-Am I the only one who thinks that as a society we need to come up with a preventative way to decrease the glamour given to these school shootings in the media?
-Last weekend my wife was watching a Lifetime movie called Moment of Truth: Broken Pledges about fraternity hazing. Guess who the guest star was in this movie. Barry Bonds, yep it was him. He played the role of the senator who kept looking the other way and not helping with legislation as fraternity pledges kept dying. I actually found it interesting and watched this for about 45 minutes.
-After playing at the Super Bowl halftime show Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Greatest Hits album sold 65,000 copies in a week and Free Fallin' was the 10th most downloaded song of the week. Behold the power of the NFL.
-The racing was pretty good at Daytona even though my guys stunk it up. I am just glad that a Toyota didn't win the 500. They will get their shot sooner or later.
-This past Saturday night my wife and I helped out the youth group at our church with their Valentines dinner. I ended up cooking steaks for about 60 people on this huge grill. That was a lot of steaks! I didn't hear any complaints so I guess I did ok.
-I heard on the radio that Newark, NJ set a record for the most number of consecutive days without a murder. At first glance that sounds like a pretty good record but I think it's actually very scary that Newark has never gone more than 30 days before without a murder.
-Charlotte was blessed with a huge superstar this past weekend. Comedian Ron White was in town doing a show. Too bad I found out too late and the tickets were sold out... My wife loves him and thinks he is the funniest guy ever.
-This weeks fun blog search fact. Someone from the UK actually found our blog this week by searching for "American Idol tattoo husband face" - That is funny right there.
-Speaking of American Idol; does anyone else think that Danny Noriega is this years version of Sanjaya?
-According to everything I read and hear the runaway favorite for American Idol this year is 17 year old David Archuletta. I don't get it. Yes I think he can sing ok but apparently I am missing where he is the second coming of David Cassidy for this generations young teenage girls.
-My picks for who did the best/worst this week on Idol. For the guys I liked Robbie Currico and Jason Castro... Chakizee, Garrett Haley and Luke Menard were fighting it out for the worst. Among the ladies Kady Malloy was by far the best followed by Asia'h Epperson and Alexandrea Lushington (what kind of last name is Lushington?) The worst were Joanne Borgella and Amy Davis. Feel free to discuss and disagree with me if you like.
-Please pray for me. I am going to spend all weekend as a chaperone for a youth event and have to sleep in a hotel room with 5 teenage boys. Please pray for some semblance of sleep for me. I bet I will have a random thought or two to share after this trip.... YIKES!

-Doc

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I prefer dissonance

Last night I did not feel like going home after work as I wanted to go out and watch the Ranger game and get something to eat. None of my friends were around and they don’t like hockey anyway. So I went to the trusty website Meetup.com to find some Rangers fans. To my surprise there are no Ranger Meetup groups. Strange considering this is such a big sports town. So I searched some more and I came across the Pittsburg Penguins Meetup Group. So I figured why not? So I hopped on a train to the East Village Bar where they were meeting. When I got there I met the crowd of 10 Penguins fans….rabid Penguins fans, 6 men and 4 women. Immediately I made my allegiance be known. I explained that yes I am a New York Rangers fan but I just wanted to meet some cool hockey fans and enjoy some brewskis. There was sudden silence at the table. They were in shock that I had the gall to show up. I was about to excuse myself but they told me not to worry as they won’t beat me up. So I hung around and had some beers and food with them. They turned out to be a nice group of kids (mid 20s/early 30s so I was the elder statesman). However, they still had to get there zingers in to diss my beloved Rangers. I didn’t get mad at any point considering that I volunteered to be there! It was all in good fun.

Their Penguins were losing to the Florida Panthers 1 to nothing at the halfway point. Meanwhile I was sitting pretty as my Rangers were destroying the Montreal Canadians 5 to zero in the middle of the second period as well (Goals are hard to come by in the NHL nowadays). But little by little, that score began to change. Montreal scored to make it 5 to 1. They scored again to make it 5 to 2. Then again; 5 to 3. Then again; 5 to 4! The more the Canadians scored the more abuse I got from these Penguins. Their team tied the score and eventually won in the finally minute of regulation. But suddenly the second to last nail in my coffin got hammered in: 5 to 5! Ex-Ranger castoff Alexi Kovelov scored the game tier for the Canadians. I began to sulk. I should have left. But I decided to be a good sport and stick it out. The game went to overtime. Then a shootout then……...NO!!!!!!.......Saku Koivu wins the game for the Canadians 6 to 5!! The damn Rangers blew a 5 goal lead while I was at a table full of abusive Puffins. This team has been so inconsistent all year. I was sad and angry. But then the Penguins were nice to me and asked that I come hang out with them again. I guess they felt sorry for me. Afterwards we all chipped in for some Mega Millions tickets before we left. I haven’t heard from the group’s organizers so they may have run off with part of my $220 million dollars. Last time I trust any Penguins fans! But they did inspire me as I need to start my own New York Rangers Meetup Group.

But like I said I am a sucker for punishment. I like to test the waters full of sharks to see what happens apparently. Just like the time I wore my Yankees cap at Fenway Park in Boston when I was 16. Uhhh, that was not a good idea either. Some drunkard took my cap and the Red Sox fans threw it around like a beach ball. I did get the cap back an hour later with mustard stains on it. I am sure I did a lot more eccentric things but I’ll save them for another blog. Like Shirley Manson once sang ‘I only like it when it’s complicated. I'm only happy when it rains’.

Oh well curiosity killed the Mountain Cat I guess?

- The Mountain Cat

Tuesday Word Game Winner !!

Thank you to everyone who submitted for this week but I had to choose one winner... Dana who writes Amid Life's Crises had the funniest answer in my opinion with this gem:

Reports indicate that the reason Pement gave for spraying the bar patrons with bear spray was so that he could do a little "bear back mountin'"

Congrats Dana! Here is your "Peach"




-Doc

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Tuesday Word Game 2/19

Today's Word Game comes to us from the state of Alaska. Fill in the blank portion of this real news article with a humorous off the wall response and the best gets a little prize they can post on their blog if they wish:

Man allegedly squirts bear spray at bar

KODIAK, Alaska - A man faces assault charges after allegedly spraying bar patrons twice with bear spray. Kodiak police charged Daniel Pement after the incidents Saturday and Sunday at the B&B Bar. The spray is a kind of pepper spray used to ward off a bear during an encounter.
Police said Pement was escorted from the bar on Saturday, but returned 15 minutes later and allegedly sprayed customers. Police talked to him later and took the bear spray, but were called away on a more urgent matter.

Reports indicate that the reason Pement gave for spraying the bar patrons with bear spray was _______________________.

-Doc

(my submission: because they were constantly picking on him and his crush on Brittney Spears)

Monday, February 18, 2008

1-800-62 (everyone please re-listen)

U P D A T E - I am sorry I previously linked the wrong Audio... Now both are linked - Please listen to Part One - It should make more sense now.... Sorry

Today you guys get a little bit of a treat. What we have today is a piece of the past. A little audio from 1994 that I hope that you will find hilarious. Ok here is the set up. My first job out of college was a claims investigator with an insurance company who insured drivers who had problem driving records. During my time there I found that dealing with many of these people was difficult and actually comical at times. I began to document some of these conversations and situations that I had. The following audio is actually me attempting to give my phone # to two different people trying to have the person involved in the accident call me back. I am just trying to give a simple phone # and that's where it all goes awry. My good buddy Mt. Cat has been nice enough to transcribe the conversation as well. Stick with it because even though it is a little bit long it is hilarious. Oh yes and what you are about to hear is 100% real and unscripted. Enjoy, we call this 1-800-62. Part 1 The audio starts after I have tried 3 times to give this old man my 1-800 number. Let me know what you think:

PLEASE CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE AUDIO - I am sorry I had the wrong audio linked before

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO PART TWO AUDIO

Transcript:

SHANE: It’s, it’s 1-800-642…not six four three.

OLD MAN: Uhhuh, you said four two?

SHANE: Yes six four two.

OLD MAN: Ok.

SHANE: You got it?

OLD MAN: Wait just a minute…6….fo….six four two.

SHANE: Yes sir.

OLD MAN: Ok…I to have him call you.

SHANE: Ok hold up hold up. It’s 1-800-642-0506.

OLD MAN: Uh…is this some kind of business or somthin’?

SHANE: I’m his insurance company.

OLD MAN: What kinda place is this?

SHANE: This, I’m the person who is investigating the accident he was involved in.

OLD MAN: Uh-huh.

SHANE: ‘k…I’m not, I need to, I to get give you the full number so he can call me…It’s a (half laughing) free call.

OLD MAN: Wait just a minute (---walks away---) Freddie, come here…..I thought……(---comes back to the phone---) I thought that was him out there but it wasn’t.

SHANE: Ok…well how much of the number do you have down so far?

OLD MAN: HUH?

SHANE: The, the phone number how much do you have written down?

OLD MAN: I got 1-800-62.

SHANE: Ok.

OLD MAN: Oh.

SHANE: Ok…It’s…(Half laughing) start all over.

OLD MAN: Huh?

SHANE: Lemme give you the number again.

OLD MAN: 1-800,

SHANE: six four,

OLD MAN: six,

SHANE: four two,

OLD MAN: Yeah.

SHANE: zero five,

OLD MAN: Wait a minute…..Zero…five, yeah?

SHANE: And then zero six.

OLD MAN: Zero six.

SHANE: After the zero five …..(Half laughing) And there’s more.

OLD MAN: Huh?

SHANE: (half laughing) and then there’s more…. I have an extension number.

OLD MAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: The extension is three nine….

OLD MAN: Yeah.

SHANE: three three….

OLD MAN: Yeah?

SHANE: Now read me what you got.

OLD MAN: 1-800-62…

SHANE: No it’s six four two…..

OLD MAN: Six…no I ain’t talking about, I’m talking about just a straight number?

SHANE: Right.

OLD MAN: Oh, 1-800...six…two.

SHANE: No it’s six four two, sir.

OLD MAN: (feeble) Huh?

SHANE: It’s it’s 1-800-642-0506 and then the extension number. I don’t know where you are getting the six two after the 1-800.

OLD MAN: I got 1-800- but I...and ah…six, six two…..and you say?

SHANE: No it’s six four two.

OLD MAN: Six…..le uh, let her get this I can’t understand that! (Trails away)

OLD WOMAN: Hello?

SHANE: Ma’am?

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh?

SHANE: Can you talk down a number and have uh Fredrick call me back?

OLD WOMAN: What’s this number?

SHANE: 1-800,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: Six four two,

OLD WOMAN: Six four two.

SHANE: Oh five,

OLD WOMAN: Five.

SHANE: Zero five!

OLD WOMAN: Oh five.

SHANE: And then oh six.

OLD WOMAN: Oh six?

SHANE: Let me read it to ya.

OLD WOMAN: Wait now, I’ve got 800, 1-800-six four two, five oh five.

SHANE: No, it’s not just zero five, not oh five…six four two,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: Zero fiv,

OLD WOMAN: Zero fiv, uh, oh? Not, not 800?

SHANE: Yeah it’s 1-800,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: six four two,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: Zero five,

OLD WOMAN: Zero five.

SHANE: Zero six.

OLD WOMAN: Zero...six.

SHANE: And my extension number,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: Is three nine three three…

OLD WOMAN: Six three nine, what?

SHANE: Three three.

OLD WOMAN: Three three, ok.

SHANE: Read it back to me one mor, one time just to make sure I got it.

OLD WOMAN: Ok...now eh you have uh uh, six four two, five oh, six oh.

SHANE: No it’s oh five oh six.

OLD WOMAN: (laugh) It’s oh five oh six! Oh my goodness let me start all over! Six four,

SHANE: (half laugh) That’s 1-800 six four two

OLD WOMAN: Oh…oh five, oh six

SHANE: Yes.

OLD WOMAN: Oh six, extension three nine three…

SHANE: Three.

OLD WOMAN: Three.

SHANE: Now let me read it to you one time to make sure we got.

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: 1-800,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: six four two,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.
.
SHANE: Zero five zero six,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: Extension three nine three three.

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh, awhoaw.

SHANE: Ok, have Fred, and my name is Shane by the way.

OLD WOMAN: Shane?

SHANE: Yes.

OLD WOMAN: S,

SHANE: Have, have,

OLD WOMAN: S H what?

SHANE: S,H,A,N,E.

OLD WOMAN: S, H, A, N, E. Ok.

SHANE: Have Fredrick call me as soon as he gets in.

OLD WOMAN: Ok.

SHANE: Thank you.

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

*click* *dial tone*

SHANE: You gotta be kidding me? (laugh)


-Doc

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Keanu


Please help me with something. I need to understand this in order to get some sleep. Is Keanu Reeves like a train wreck? You are appalled by him but you can't you look away? Why is this? Is it is his Southern California surfer charm or just that his acting is so bad you can't quite believe it? Yesterday I watched the movie A Walk in the Clouds. My jaw is on the floor to extent of Mr. Reeves' acting ability. I want to know from what post office Keanu mailed in his performance for this film? If Ed Wood were still alive Keanu would headline all his movies and we'd be up to Plan 20 from Outerspace.

Suddenly Ben Affleck has the range of Dustin Hoffman. Sly Stallone is Laurence Olivier. And Christian Slater actually is Jack Nicholson and not just doing a bad imitation of him.

Yes, Keanu, Bill and Ted had an excellent adventure but your acting career is a bogus journey! Actually this movie should be required in acting classes. It will show students what not to do.

But if you do enjoy Keanu's thespianism, shall I suggest Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula. Pay no attention to Keanu's gnarly and totally awesome 19th century accent. It is not a plot point! But, instead of calling this movie Dracula, it should have been called Dude, Where's My Blood?

Thanks Keanu for the memories. If it weren't for you, there'd be no good or great actors. You give us all hope that our names can be in neon lights someday.

- The Mountain Cat

Friday, February 15, 2008

As if American Idol wasn't already a joke....

Ole tattoo girl Carly Smithson is actually previous music industry flop Carly Hennessy... funny that in all the background that they did on her there is no mention that MCA records spent millions trying to shove this Irish "pop star" down our throats years ago to no avail. Hmmmm she wasn't worth listening to a few years ago but now with tats all over her arm, a freaky looking inked up husband and her "visa issues" taken care of she is ready for American Idol. Heck she isn't even American why the heck is she on there in the first place?

Pretty much the same is true of Kristy Lee Cook who had a Nashville recoring deal previously and is also in American Idols top 24. Oh yeah and "i once had voice paralysis" David Archuletta he is no first time adutitioner either. He has been performing on TV for years. Call me bitter if you must but I think that American Idol should give us new undisovered talent not rehashing of stuff that has already flopped before.

-Doc

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Top 10 Rejected Campaign Slogans

Happy Friday folks. Enjoy:

10. Jihad! Just Kidding. Vote for Barack Obama, You Infidels.
9. No Frillary Hillary.
8. Ron Paul: He Stands for Something. Eventually. Theoretically. Presumably.
7. Dennis Kucinich is Ross Perot's Bastard Love Child.
6. Fred Thompson: Special President's Unit.
5. Mitt Me in November! Romney in '08.
4. Evolve This! Mike Huckabee for President.
3. John Edwards is Down with You Homies.
2. From Prisoner of War to Prisoner of Love. Vote for John McCain.
1. When America is in Distress, Dial 911 for Rudy Giuliani.

- The Mountain Cat

Thursday Random Thoughts 2/14

Stuff I have been thinking about this past week:

- Happy Valentines Day Everybody!- I was wondering the other day if elementary school kids still give out those Valentine Day cards or if the P.C. police have banned those too?

- Ok, so I have had the stomach flu and then the resperatory flu both within the past 9 days. I think that I have met my "sick quota" for the year.

-Who even knew that Paris and Nikki Hilton had a little brother? Well they do and that apple doesn't fall far from the tree either. This youngster named Barron was arrested the other day for DUI. Driving over twice the legal limit and almost hitting a filling station attendant. And this punk isn't even 20 years old yet. I bet we soon get to hear about everything having to do with this nimrod's life too. Oh joy.

-I heard on the radio that Angelina Jolie's Oscar statue for Best Supporting Actress is missing. She gave it to her mother years ago and once her mother passed away no one has been able to find it. Somone out there has a heck of a piece of memorabelia.

-Not only has Barack Obama won eight in a row in terms of the Democratis primaries and ast weeks poll on this blog but he also won a Grammy on Sunday. No joke... he did. Nothing can stop this guy he is on a roll.

-Why on earth does John Rocker continue to pop up from time to time? This oxygen thief just won't go away. So it's no surprise to me that he wants to inject himself into this steroids debate. (no pun intended)

-On Monday the temperature in International Falls Minnesota was at -40. Thats 40 degrees below zero. No wind chill that was the actual temperature. THAT is cold folks.

-If you haven't heard about this story about a guy attacking and stabbing a psychologist to death in her New York office then please read it... It will scare the heck out of you. Be viligent there is danger out there kiddies. Wow.

-I tried that new Wendy's Fish Sandwich they are advertizing all over the place. (including this blog) You know the one they claim is made from 100% "North Pacific Cod" ? Well I think they are lying because I swear it tastes more like South Atlantic Mahi-Mahi to me.

- I can't stand either Tony Stewart or Kurt Busch however I would have paid good money to watch Tony punch the crap out of Kurt inside the NASCAR officials trailer the other night. It's too bad there is no video of that!

-In my customer follow up list on Tuesday I had an actual customer named "Bute Flosse" - No kidding. I wonder is his/her friends call him/her "Thong" as a nickname?

-I heard yesterday that Gary Coleman (who is now 40) claims that he was a virgin when he got married (to a girl half his age but twice his height) about six months ago.... Yeah Riiiight. Anyone else believeing that? Well if it is true maybe his life was the real basis for the movie 40 year old virgin.

-I had an old manager years ago who claimed that the group "Creed" was the best band ever and would go down with the greats like the Beatles and Zeppelin. How did that work out for him? Come to think of it this was the same guy who claimed that Richie Sambora was the best guitarist dead or alive (no pun intended) because he could make his guitar "talk". I actually laughed out loud at this and tried to explain to him what it was. One time he was even over at my old house for a party and a co-worker and I played him Jimi Hendrix, Joe Satriani, Jimmy Page, Eric Johnson, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and even Peter Frampton (who used a voice box long before Richie Sambora did) as multiple examples of better guitarists. He wouldn't listen. I wonder what ever happened to that guy.

-So how would you like to be one of Roger Clemens' kids? Both of your parents shooting up roids. I bet there was some rage going on in that house. "You didn't do your HOMEWORK????... GRRRAAAHHHHHHH! "


-Doc

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 2/13/2008

- I thought Herbie Hancock was dead?

- I recently watched the movie Titanic for the very first time on my 11 inch black and white TV. I thought the special effects sucked.

- I am going to write a screenplay to counter act 'Sex & the City' and call it 'Abstinence & the Backwoods'.

- ‘911, can I help you?’
‘I’m sorry I must have dialed the wrong number.’

- How do people confuse sarcasm with irony?

- How the fuck can shampoo condition your hair as well!?!? It's fucking bullshit man and it pisses me off!

- ‘A, B!....C D?’

- Why do smokers throw their finished cigarette butts into the street near the curb? Cars park there. Cars run on oil. And sometimes that oil leaks from cars. Oil is flammable. Someday I will see a huge fiery explosion when someone tosses one and I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh.

- Image Grimace and Barney having sex. Wow, that’s a lot of purple pushin’.

- I decided not to wear my thong Speedo again this summer.

- ‘Just because we had sex doesn’t mean you get to spend money on me.’

- If Joe Torre must wear a Dodgers baseball uniform while he is on the bench, why don’t the coaches in other sports wear a uniform? I’d like to see Bill Belichick wearing a Patriots jersey and shoulder pads on the sidelines. Or Tom Renney in a Rangers hockey outfit and skates. White haired Phil Jackson would look great in a Lakers tank top and shorts don’t you think?

- I am offended by Cracker Barrel. They should change their name because of its racial undertone.

- ‘My name is Hannah Montana. You killed my father’s career. Prepare to die.’

- Last night I went to the store and bought a loaf of bread, some eggs, milk, juice and cereal. No real joke here, I just thought I’d share.

- I just smoked a couple of blunts of oregano. It didn’t get me high but it did give me a craving for Italian food.

- I have never used the word ‘Arsehole’ before.

- I have a great new idea for a TV show: ‘American Idle’. A contest to see who can come up with the most creative way to sit on their fat ass all day. Should be a big hit, no?

- Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Mayor Culpa???

- Seventh Sign the Apocalypse: ‘And the Oscar goes too…..Carrot Top! Yes!’

- The Mountain Cat

Word Game Winner !

Thank you to all who participated in TuesdayWord Game... Great responses. However I had to pick just one and this weeks winner is Jay the Cynical Bastard.... for this response:

So to ensure that Beijing is ready to host the Olympic games authorities have also decided to ....provide needle disposal stations throughout the event facilities so the athletes can dispose of their HGH supplies properly.

This made me laugh the hardest (and may be not be too far fetched) so congrats Jay ... you won the Peach !!



I hope the peach is showing up properly because my work blocks all photobucket images and I can't tell if it looks right or not... Jay you can e-mail me at docnolz at yahoo if that doesn't show up properly and you want the image code. Congrats again and Thanks for everyone who participated!

-Doc

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Tuesday Word Game 2/12

For today's Tuesday word game we go across the ocean to Beijing China where they are busy preparing to host the Olympic games. In order to do that they want to be more friendly to their guests. To show this friendliness they are now bragging about how things are much more civilized in Beijing than before. To prove it they are hanging thier hat on the fact that public spitting went down 2.4 percent in 2007. Interesting you say? Well as cute as that may be its another part of the article that I am taking todays word game from.

Fill in the blankc to complete the article (in a comment) with something offbeat and funny and the best choice will win the peach award. I will make the decision tomorrow morning. Here it is:

"In the drive to reform behavior, Beijing has instituted the 11th of every month as "voluntarily wait in line" day, distributed millions of etiquette pamphlets and threatened to detain boorish fans at sporting events. But city officials cannot afford to let their guard down yet." So to ensure that Beijing is ready to host the Olympic games authorities have also decided to ______________________________.

-Doc

A very quick plea to Roger Clemens

The opposing Rook is on the corner. The Queen is in front. And the Horsey...I mean the Knight is hovering at the side. Hey Roger, do you hear what I'm saying to you??? Or do you want Congress to move their Bishop just before checkmate on Wednesday?

- The Mountain Cat

Monday, February 11, 2008

This was too good not to share....

Wienermobile wipes out
Famed vehicle spins, crashes on snow-covered Pa. highway; 'hotdoggers' OK.
February 11, 2008
By George Osgood
Star-Gazette Wellsboro Bureau

(Give this article a good read... all credit goes to the writer George Osgood... he writes this story EXACTLY the way I would)

MANSFIELD -- Let's be frank: motor vehicle accidents aren't much fun for anyone.But when a 27-foot-long tube-steak spins out on a snow-covered highway, it's bound to generate some grins.That's what happened Sunday to an Oscar Mayer Wienermobile on Route 15 about two miles south of Mansfield (at least it didn't roll over).The growler contained two "hotdoggers" -- driver Emily Volpini, 22, of Lexington, Ky., and Caylen Goudie, 22, of Hinsdale, Ill. Although they didn't relish the experience, they weren't hurt, investigating state Trooper Rex Johnson said."Hotdoggers" are goodwill ambassadors for Kraft Foods and Oscar Mayer. There are 12 of them in the country -- two for each of the six Wienermobiles. They spend a year on the job traveling around the country. Part of their job is to recruit their replacements.

On Friday and Saturday, Volpini and Goudie and the iconic frankfurter were at Syracuse University, fulfilling the promise to the winner of "A Weekend with the Wienermobile" contest. Sunday morning, the women and the wiener on wheels headed south toward Penn State, where they will try to recruit candidates for the 2008-09 hotdoggers from a stable of Nittany Lion hopefuls.Mother Nature intervened, though briefly, at 12:20 p.m., putting the plastic porksicle on the median and out of service.


"We thought we had come out of the blizzard," Goudie said. "We thought we were through it. Then we hit a patch of ice. The Wienermobile weighs 7,000 pounds, so usually ice and snow isn't much of a problem. It was this time."Stuck, Volpini called 911 dispatchers in Wellsboro. Though skeptical at first, they notified state police at Mansfield. As passersby called in the crash on cell phones, the dispatchers became convinced that the barkburger was indeed in hot water.Police contacted Dave Kurzejewski of Costy's Truck and Auto Mart, and he showed up in short order with a heavy four-wheel-drive vehicle and some chains. Johnson, the trooper, grilled the women briefly and concluded that a routine and sober spinout was all he had on his plate.Kurzejewski hooked up and Emily fired up the highway hot dog, and a few well-timed tugs later, the Wienermobile was back on the highway.For Kurzejewski, veteran of hundreds of tows over the years, Sunday's experience was a new one."I've pulled out a lot of vehicles," he said. "But that's the first wiener I've ever pulled out."It was a first for the women, too. They left none the wurst for wear."Usually we try to keep from scratching our buns," Goudie said. "But sometimes, things go wrong."

-Doc

New Poll 2/11

Thanks to everyone who voted in last weeks poll... It looks like our gut tells us that Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States by a very slim margin over John McCain. Only time will tell but that sounds like a pretty accurate scenario as I look at it today.
This week we are back to food! Who makes the best fast food burger? McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, or Hardees/Carls Jr. ? What do you think. Please let us know. Vote for your favorite and we will crown a winner. Voting ends Sunday at midnight.

-Doc

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Lenten McSacrifice


Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent for a good innocent virgin Catholic boy like me. Well this time of year always reminds me of a funny story that happened many aeons ago when I was a college scholar in the foothills of the North Carolina Mountains. (Doc you know already where this story is going don’t you?).

Back in 1994, one of my roommates….lets call him Cory. Well that is his real name, so why not call him Cory? Ok, Cory was a good innocent virgin Catholic boy too. He put himself through school and worked full time while taking 15 odd credits a semester. He becomes an assistant manager at McDonalds. Certainly not the prestige as the CEO of Proctor & Gamble, but hey it’s noble for a 22 year old in Boone, North Carolina. Anyway, Cory was strapped for cash all the time. But luckily for him, as an assistant manager, he was able to indulge for free in the epicurean delights that McDonalds had to offer. So basically he began to eat McDonald’s food virtually every meal, every day. So much so, he acted as if he was addicted to their food. Sausage, egg & cheese McMuffin and hash browns for breakfast. Big Mac, large fries and apple pie for lunch. But for dinner he would eat light and just have a Crispy Chicken Sandwich and small fries. Yes he was Morgan Spurlock’s wet dream. And if I remember correctly, he hated coffee so he had soda for breakfast too. Not quite a South Beach Diet. More like a South Bronx Diet.

As Catholics, during Lent we are supposed to atone for our sins by not eating meat on Fridays. A sacrifice for Yahweh. Now it is the first Friday of the Lenten season 1994. So Mayor McCory and I that afternoon were getting ready to drive to his McDonalds store for dinner. Suddenly, Cory realized he had a dilemma. This is when Cory turned to me and uttered the following phrase that still haunts me to this day: ‘I can’t eat meat today so that means I have to eat a Filet O’ Fish’.

The operative words in this proclaim is ‘have to’.
‘I can’t eat meat today so that means I HAVE TO eat a Filet O’ Fish’.

‘HAVE TO’!

That is fucking scary.

Cory had no choice. He backed himself into a corner and had to eat McDonald’s contribution to seafood cuisine in lieu of beef or poultry. Cory sounded like a heroin slinger addicted to his daily needle blasts into his veins. He had become brainwashed by the fascist McReich of Ronald McDonald and Grimace. He must have been forced to read McMein Kampf by the Hamburgler. Judgment at Nuremburger. Poor Cory. I figured with his diet, he was not going to live past 35. A heart attack in waiting.

Where is Cory now you say? Well I lost touch with him. Last I heard he did make it past 35 and is married with 3 kids! I doubt he still eats Micky Ds as much anymore but the man sounds like he is doing quite well for himself. But whenever I go near I fish sandwich, my eyes welt for a man who was once a McMenu hophead.

- The Mountain Cat

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Thank you Leighann

Mt. Cat and I want to say a public thanks to Leighann who writes Pessimists need love too. We both love to read her 'cause she makes us laugh and simply doesn't care what she says or who she says it too.... She gave us this award this week and we wanted to say thanks babe!! Look for us to pass it on sometime next week.


-Doc and the Mt. Cat

Friday, February 8, 2008

Top 10 rejected cereal names

10. Buttafucc-Os! (Kids love 'em).
9. Shredded Meat.
8. Honey Bunches of Bark.
7. Weedies.
6. Lobster Bran.
5. Dingleberry Chucks & Corn Kernels.
4. Princess Pruneberry.
3. Brokeback Mountain: The Cereal. Now with bananas!
2. Caesar Salad & Vinegar clusters.

And the number one rejected cereal names:
Come on Doc lets say it together,

1. Krispy Wheats & Razor Blades.

Have any other rejected cereal names? Let me know!













- The Mountain Cat

Thursday Random Thoughts (on Friday) 2/8

Stuff I have been thinking about:
-I wonder if kids are still taught in school that Google is actually a number... as in the number 1 followed by 100 zeros?
-I don't have any inside sources in NFL merchandising but I would be willing to bet you that the red "hoodie" that Bill Belechick was wearing during the Super Bowl hasn't been a real big seller this week.
- Yay! NASCAR season starts this weekend with the pre-season Allstar race and Daytona pole qualifying. Now to be truthful this is the real test for the new TV.
-Safe travel and a good trip to my parents who take off today for a week in London. My Dad is going to try and sneak me back a rock from Stonehenge.
-Speaking of travel, I heard on the radio that the fastest growing region of the world for tourism from visitors outside that region is the Middle East. WHAT ?? Oh unless they are counting soldiers as tourists then I guess it makes more sense.
-I was on Amazon.com last week and found this interesting. I looked up Stephen King's "Nightmares and Dreamscapes" and in the section where it lists "others who bought this book also purchased" it listed "Living History" by Hillary Clinton. Interesting.
-I read this article yesterday about the extridition of a suspected Muslim terrorist to the US. What caught my eye was the way he was described as "a one-eyed, hook-handed preacher" Anyone else find that creepy?
-On the pregame show for the Super Bowl they gave a statistic that 5 % of all avacados purchased in America per year will be used for Super Bowl Sunday. I found that pretty cool.
-Speaking of Super Sunday. I was busy doing a bunch of stuff during the game and missed most of the commercials. My understanding is that I didn't miss much.
-Does anyone else think that the "Super Delegates" in the Democratic party are a really REALLY bad idea?
-I heard on the radio the other day that there is a study that found the longer that men spent on their cell phones the lower their sperm count was. I can't stand talking on mine so maybe that's part of the reason we have our son.
-What ever happened to that Riverdance craze?
-Vice President Dick Cheney spoke at a closed session of the Charlotte Chamber of Commerce last week. Rumors floated around that the session was closed because direct sunlight might have killed the Prince of darkness.

-Doc

Thursday, February 7, 2008

On a lighter note....

Report: Tom Jones has chest hair insured
DAILY NEWS STAFF
Tuesday, February 5th 2008, 1:04 PM


It's Not Unusual ... it's really unusual.

Ageless heartthrob Sir Tom Jones has reportedly insured his chest hair for almost $7 million.
Though the 67-year-old crooner's management told a British tabloid that Jones has been "working far too hard in the recording studio" for such frivolity, media reports have confirmed the policy was taken out with the world-renowned Lloyd's of London.
The prestigious insurance house has a history of catering to strange celebrity requests.
Lloyd's of London has insured the legs of Fred Astaire, Angie Dickinson, and supermodel Heidi Klum, the hands of pianist Liberace and the fingers of Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards. The most famous rear end in the world - the one belonging to Jennifer Lopez - is also said to be insured by the London-based insurance house.
On its Web site, Lloyd's of London boasted that the storied firm issued coverage of a celebrity's chest hair in 2006.
"Admittedly, this is one of the most obscure requests I've had – but I still came up with a wording that addressed the need," underwriter John Thomas said at the time.

This will make you mad



ST. AUGUSTINE, Fla. - Police have arrested a motorist they say had a 24-pack of beer strapped in with a seat belt but had a 16-month-old girl unrestrained in the back seat with the toddler's mother.

Tina D. Williams was pulled over in St. Augustine on Sunday for allegedly running a red light.
A 24-pack of Busch beer was strapped in with the passenger-side seat belt, according to an arrest report. The girl was in the back seat with 20-year-old Amber Tedrick, who is the toddler's mother.

Williams, 46, said she didn't know why the child wasn't restrained.
The article goes on to state that the driver was arrested on DUI and drug charges BUT the mother whose child was un restrained was not only NOT arrested but the child was released into her care... Shameful. There is no reason whatsoever that a child shouldn't be in a child safety seat.
Sorry but I just had to post this and call these losers out. Maybe I can sic Absolutgator on them, they live the same county.
-Doc

Back from the dead....

At least I think that I am. I am feeling much better today. I got rid of my fever yesterday afternoon and was finally able to eat something. Thank you to everyone for the get well wishes.... Wheew I needed them. It seems that other than my wife and I at least 4 other people from our Super Bowl party on Sunday came down with the stomach virus so that may have been the start. (and no it was not from partying too much)

I am sorry that I have not been able to be on the computer much and I am sure I have missed tons on all your blogs. Leave me some comments and let me know what blogs I need to read to catch up.... other than all the stuff I need to catch up on here at work... YIKES!

Happy Thursday everyone. Oh and I think that Thursday random thoughts will actually turn into Friday random thoughts this week.

-Doc

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

MT Doc, Empty Float



Wow all the pressure is on me while my blogger brother is out.

Well I attempted to see the Giants parade yesterday. I only managed to get as close as five blocks north of City Hall. I did get a great photo of the float the Giant players WERE on. Great picture clarity don't you think? I pushed my way though a crowd of two million fans so what more do you expect from me dammit! I had too much to do at my office than dance around in this crowd all day. Besides I had to go to the bathroom.

I did however see a bunch of punks smash up a couple parked cars! They were standing on them in order to see the parade. Either their weight, or carelessness or both destroyed a minivan and a white Ford. I was unable to get good photos of these mangled cars due to the immenseness of the crowd. Ahh, shades of 1999 when the Yankees won the World Series and I saw a few cars get smashed as well during their ticker-tape parade. However I do not feel sorry for those folks who got their cars totaled. They should have known better than to park in on a street corner during such an event!

I did manage to get these photos as well:
(Click on the photos to make them larger).









Those are some of the punks who smahed the cars.










Is that Eli Manning on the bus in the background?

- The Mountain Cat

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Doc = Sick

I am sorry that I didn't post the weekly word game today but I have been home sick and really haven't been able to get off the couch. Watch out for the stomach virus. It got me, the wife, and the boy... You don't want it.

Hopefully I will be feeling better and can get caught up tomorrow.

-Doc

Flyers?!?! Super!!!

On my way to the train station this lovely Super Tuesday morning I was greeted by a 20-something woman handing out flyers spouting 'Vote for Obama! Vote for change!' over and over and over and over. Now call me cynical, but does she REALLY believe what she is saying? Sure she may like the man and may understand his rhetoric, but if all she can say is 'Vote for Obama! Vote for change!', than I doubt she really does believe it. Now common salesmanship is to embellish the positives while ignoring the negatives, but her almost robotic demeanor deludes what she was trying to accomplish. Or maybe I am just thinking way to much into it as she was probably just paid $5 an hour to hand out these flyers and recite that two-liner. Either way she represents Barack Obama and DID NOT help his campaign in my humble opinion.

So then I glide down the escalator before the train platform and this time I am greeted by two women passing out more flyers announcing, 'Vote for Hillary! Vote for Hillary!'. But by now, I do not feel like analyzing anything anymore. I take a flyer and feel like saying to these Bobbsey Twins 'Wow! Vote for Hillary?? I never thought about it! I will vote for Hillary now that you mentioned it! Thank you for enlightening my my train trip, my morning, my day, the rest of my life and probably all of mankind! Man what are you doing here!? You two should be million dollar sales women. Thank you for convincing me with your eloquent persuasiveness!' But I decided not to say it for fear of sounding too sincere (sic).

At any rate, these flyer-passer-on-ers are probably good people who obviously work hard. So I shant be picking on them anymore.

-The Mountain Cat

Monday, February 4, 2008

New Poll 2/4

Well last week we learned that Dunkin' Donuts coffee is preferred by over 60 percent of the readers of this blog over that caffinated sludge that is Starbucks coffee. Thank you to everyone who voted... This week we are going to go back to the political arena. With "Super Tuesday" where tons of primaries will help decide who is the nominee for each party being tomorrow I figured a good political question is in order. This isn't the run of the mill poll where we ask who you want to win the White House. This poll asks who does your gut tell you will win the White House this fall? Please feel free to discuss but leave the voting to who you think WILL win and not who you want to win. Voting runs through midnight Sunday. Should be interesting.

-Doc

Sunday, February 3, 2008

SHEER WILL


As I write this blog, it has not set in my mind yet that the New York Giants are the Super Bowl Champions. I am in shock and in euphoria! They beat the previously unbeaten New England Patriots 17 to 14. They did not give up after giving up the lead late in the fourth quarter. Our field general Eli Manning decided to take the ball down field for 83 yards in the most intense 12 plays of football you will ever see. Sheer will. The Giants willed this victory. With just over a minute to play, Eli Manning is virtually sacked by the Patriots defense, but somehow gets away, scrambles and OVERTHROWS 32 yard to David Tyree. But Tyree, out of SHEER WILL, somehow jumps up and grabs the ball on his helmet, while getting mauled by a Patriot defender, and completes the pass for the first down. SHEER WILL! If I could read David Tyree's mind at that point, he was telling himself, 'I AM CATCHING THIS BALL. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DEFEAT ME!' We will see this Manning to Tyree pass on the highlight reels for a very long long time. Four plays later Manning connects with Plaxico Burress for a touchdown to take the lead for good. The Giants are the Super Bowl Champions. This is one of the most amazing victories of all time.

- The Mountain Cat

GO GIANTS !!

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a huge Carolina Panthers fan and don't really pull for anyone else. However I really can't stand the New England Patriots and their smugg-ass coach Bill Belechick. My wife's family are big Giants fans and so is the Mt. Cat. So of course I am supporting the NY Giants in the SuperBowl. I actually went out and bought a NY Giants hat yesterday (it was 75% off) to wear during our party. However last night as I was going to bed ESPN was running the NFL films highlights of all the Super Bowls and they happened to be showing the year that my beloved Panthers came up short against those Patriots and seeing that galvanized my will even more... NEW ENGLAND MUST GO DOWN TONIGHT!!!
Enjoy the SuperBowl everyone. I hope the Giants win 100-0.
-Doc

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Saturday Cute Kid Pics... Alert!

It's Saturday morning and I have just finished uploading some pictures of our son and figured I would share a few:


Here is the boy all dressed up for church

Here he is sitting with Mama and all dressed up for football. GO PANTHERS !!

Here he is getting a ride from his Uncle Brian

Here he is with me trying to teach him how to eat "Puffs"
Here he is playing with his Uncle Mark


You can't tell me that kid isn't cute!!!

-Doc

Friday, February 1, 2008

BobbySocks & Portia


‘Hi BobbySocks. Why so sad?’

‘Portia, I think I finally over did it this time.’

‘Oh no, you finally did it!?’

‘I know, I know. But the temptation was too great.’

‘I warned you not to do it.’

‘Yes but what else was I suppose to do? I couldn't stop thinking about.’

‘Well what did the Doctor tell you?’

‘I didn’t tell the Doctor.’

‘Why???’

‘He is the one that did this to me.’

‘What!? Then how did you get the protection.’

‘His assistant, the Nurse. He did the same thing to her, so she knew what to give me.’

‘But didn’t she get rid of hers?’

‘Yes but then he gave her another.’

‘Shut up!’

‘Yeah, she is thinking about getting another one from him too.’

‘Wow. What does her husband think?’

‘He was going to go down and talk to him.’

‘Talk to him? That’s it?’

‘Sure I mean it wasn’t entirely the Doctor’s fault.’

‘Not his fault!? BobbySocks, Come on you are so na├»ve. He did it to her, twice, and now to you.’

‘Yeah I know but I did ask for it.’

‘Now I am raving mad!’

‘Don't be! I expected this to feel sore afterwards.'

‘I am going to go down there make sure he takes responsibility.’

‘No! No!’

‘My mind is made up. You look horrible and I think it is infected.'

‘ **SOB** ‘

‘I am leaving...BobbySocks now what is the exact address of Doctor Tattoo’s store?’


(The preceding is a spoof and any names to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.)

- The Mountain Cat

DirecTV Tirade !!!


Direct TV needs to be drawn and quartered. These lowlife scum sucking headache inducing vermin have the worst customer service and lack of internal communication of any company I have ever seen in my entire life.

Let me tell you a story:

Last week I purchase their $200 Hi-Def DVR (that the cable company gives you for free) ahead of my TV because I knew that I had to schedule installation of a new satellite dish. I scheduled the installation for this past Monday morning between 8-12. My wife took off from work to make sure she could be here for the install. So I get a call at 7 am from Mark saying that the DVR didn't come in and could I reschedule? Sure I said but this time I want a specific time because you are now inconveniencing me... Oh Sir we will have someone there at 8 am on Wednesday. It will only take 30-45 minutes and we will have you all set to go. With that information in mind I decided to take and hour or two off from work and my wife and I sent out invitations to about 30-40 people telling them to come and see the Super Bowl this Sunday on our new Hi-Def TV.

Wednesday morning gets here and no truck at 8 am. No problem probably got stuck in traffic. Once it got to be 9:15 I gave the tech Mark a call. He acted surprised that no one was here to install and said he would call me "right back". OK I am still not mad. Things happen right?

It gets to be 10 am and no return call. I call Mark back and get his voicemail. He is screening his calls. So I call Direct TV customer service. They say that my appointment is with an outfit called MasTec an independent contractor and it is for between 8-12. NOT what I was told by Mark. So I now call MasTec and after being on hold for 15 minutes I get a supervisor named Ken. Ken apologises for Mark telling me something wrong and tells me he will call the right tech and then he will call me right back. By now it's 10:30. I hear nothing until 11:30 when the tech, Paul who is supposed to be doing my install today calls me to tell me that he does not have a DVR for me and I will have to call DirecTV to reschedule. WHAT ??? WHAT??? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? I just sat here for almost 4 hours for this? No Sir you are coming to my house and there will be HDTV here TODAY !!!

I call MasTec back and finally track down the supervisor Ken and of course he is oblivious. What? Why would anyone say that to me? Let me see if I can find a DVR for you and give you a call back. Uh Sir you are the first person who told me earlier today that you would call me back but has not. 2 questions for you Ken? First, if you have no DVRs (including the one I paid $200 for a WEEK ago) then why didn't you tell me that to begin with and second why on earth do your techs keeping re-scheduling people to sit around and wait for these non-existent DVRs on SUPER BOWL week? I explained to him in no uncertain terms that there would be no re-schedule and my house would have HDTV today. It's bought and paid for and we have sat around TWICE waiting for this to be installed and now we have 40 people coming in 4 days to watch the biggest football game of the year. There will be no reschedule as today is already shot you will be here today. He is going to "see what he can do"

I then wait around until about 12:15 and get a call from Chris who claims to be the "real" supervisor. Chris informs me that he has located the last DVR and cancelled my second tech Paul and now is going to send Greg right over. I tell him where I live and he promises that Greg will be there within the hour depending on traffic. Greg then gives me a call to say that he has a stop to make but has my equipment and will call me when he is en route from that stop to get my address.

I sit around until 1:45 waiting for Greg to call beck because I stupidly forgot to get his number but he finally calls to say that he is now en route. I ask from where. Hwy 51 in Charlotte a good hours drive from my home in Kannapolis even with a little traffic. At this point after having dealt with 3 techs, 2 supervisors, and 3 cust service people just today all to get something done that has been promised to me twice I have had it. But since Greg promises that he is coming with my DVR I don't holler at him.

Greg finally gets there about 4 pm due in part to his GPS not leading him to my house properly and in the course of putting up my new dish he cuts out my cable internet access... I am about to scream. Could this get any worse? Maybe. It turns out from my conversation with Greg that the main reason that all of this happened with the missing DVRs is that MasTec fired the "DVR Lady" who orders such things so that the techs have them to install in customer's homes. When did they fire the DVR Lady? Oh a couple of weeks ago...has anyone been hired to replace the DVR lady? Nope. When did I actually have HDTV at my house available for viewing? 6:45 pm more than 10 hours after this was promised to me. Why was Greg the one who ended up coming to do my install? Because he is apprently MasTec's version of Mariano Rivera who comes in to finish the job when the customer is heated up... I say this because Greg is from New York and is a big Yankee fan.

Here is the moral to all of this and it stinks to say this because I generally consider myself pretty easy going but the moral of this story is that you have to hollar and hollar long and loud and to many people in order for companies not to take advantage of you and give you what you paid for and they promised to begin with.

Oh and to steal a line from something Mt. Cat once told me.... I wouldn't recommend DirectTV to a stray dog.

-Doc