Saturday, February 16, 2008

Keanu


Please help me with something. I need to understand this in order to get some sleep. Is Keanu Reeves like a train wreck? You are appalled by him but you can't you look away? Why is this? Is it is his Southern California surfer charm or just that his acting is so bad you can't quite believe it? Yesterday I watched the movie A Walk in the Clouds. My jaw is on the floor to extent of Mr. Reeves' acting ability. I want to know from what post office Keanu mailed in his performance for this film? If Ed Wood were still alive Keanu would headline all his movies and we'd be up to Plan 20 from Outerspace.

Suddenly Ben Affleck has the range of Dustin Hoffman. Sly Stallone is Laurence Olivier. And Christian Slater actually is Jack Nicholson and not just doing a bad imitation of him.

Yes, Keanu, Bill and Ted had an excellent adventure but your acting career is a bogus journey! Actually this movie should be required in acting classes. It will show students what not to do.

But if you do enjoy Keanu's thespianism, shall I suggest Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula. Pay no attention to Keanu's gnarly and totally awesome 19th century accent. It is not a plot point! But, instead of calling this movie Dracula, it should have been called Dude, Where's My Blood?

Thanks Keanu for the memories. If it weren't for you, there'd be no good or great actors. You give us all hope that our names can be in neon lights someday.

- The Mountain Cat

15 comments:

Hammer said...

Thank you. I thought I was the only one who thought his acting was akin to taking a ride on the short bus.

Matt-Man said...

His appeal to some is a bit of an oddity. Cheers MC!!

Leighann said...

MC, how do you really feel?

Bill and Ted annoyed the holy hell out of me. I did like the movie Speed, but that's probably because Sandra Bullock was in it and she's got a hot ass!

ZenDenizen said...

Your Christian Slater line was great! Keanu had a classic line in Thumbsucker where he's a new age-y dentist who advises his patient to envision a "power animal" for strength. It's so insanely bad, you have to see it!

Anndi said...

Keanu is an actor?

Jay said...

I totally agree. If Keanu Reeves can get acting jobs I should be able to too!

Single In The City said...

I love him in all of his Love Movies.. Sweet November! LOVED IT! Anything with Him and Sandra Bullock acting together!

Other than that! He cannot act. he is only a Romantic Actor!

Toodles
Single!

Doc said...

Didn't he win an Oscar for those Matrix movies?


(j/k)

Anakin McFly said...

I see that the drawing involves Keanu's disembodied head sticking out of a plank of wood. That's really profound, seeing as how most people accuse him of being a smiley face painted onto a plank of wood. Yet this shows an actual human head - perhaps implying that Keanu's face itself is the only part of him that isn't wooden. Interesting.

It is however puzzling that the rest of him is portrayed as wooden; alternatively, this might merely be the result of the artist's secret desire to decapitate Keanu and stick his head onto a plank of wood in some macabre display for all to see.

If the former is the more accurate, then I would like to direct anyone who agrees to this page -> http://www.freewebtown.com/whoaisnotme/anr/kcthetree.htm, which I hope you would consider solid evidence that Keanu is not made of wood.

Worth noting also is how the author describes him as having 'Southern Californian surfer charm', which, taking into consideration that Keanu happens to be Canadian, seems to be an acknowledgment of Keanu's acting skill - he is evidently talented enough to convince people that he is American, and one as stereotypically-American as a surfer dude, no less.

With regards to Hammer's comment, I would like to politely question him or her about which rock he or she has been living under for the last twenty or so years, seeing as how Keanu is possibly the most insulted actor in Hollywood. For many of us over at WINM, it seems more that it is people who recognise that he can act that are the rarity.

Meanwhile, many of the other comments serve to further the theory that people like and dislike different movies of Keanu's. Thumbsucker, for one, has been declared by quite a few to be one of his best acting turns; meanwhile, Sweet November, which Single In The City so eagerly praised, was nominated for a Razzie.

In reply to Doc, no, Keanu did not win an Oscar for the Matrix movies. He was however nominated for a Saturn Award from the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films (USA), won Best Actor in a Leading Role in the Csapnivalo Awards, and won Best Male Performance at the MTV Movie Awards, all for The Matrix.

Thank you everyone and have a nice day.

- Anakin McFly
Webmaster of Whoa is (Not) Me: Defending Keanu Reeves
http://www.freewebtown.com/whoaisnotme/index.html

DirkStar said...

No one has ever brought to Shakespeare what Keanu did. he is a genius and should be worshiped.


Why yes, I am on drugs this evening...

How did you know?

DirkStar said...

You don't even have White Castle in your poll.

Anndi said...

LMAO @ dirkstar!

Doc said...

Hello.... hello..... McFly!


Please refer to the definition of tongue in cheek ;-)

Micky-T said...

Whats Keanu?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.