Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 2/13/2008

- I thought Herbie Hancock was dead?

- I recently watched the movie Titanic for the very first time on my 11 inch black and white TV. I thought the special effects sucked.

- I am going to write a screenplay to counter act 'Sex & the City' and call it 'Abstinence & the Backwoods'.

- ‘911, can I help you?’
‘I’m sorry I must have dialed the wrong number.’

- How do people confuse sarcasm with irony?

- How the fuck can shampoo condition your hair as well!?!? It's fucking bullshit man and it pisses me off!

- ‘A, B!....C D?’

- Why do smokers throw their finished cigarette butts into the street near the curb? Cars park there. Cars run on oil. And sometimes that oil leaks from cars. Oil is flammable. Someday I will see a huge fiery explosion when someone tosses one and I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh.

- Image Grimace and Barney having sex. Wow, that’s a lot of purple pushin’.

- I decided not to wear my thong Speedo again this summer.

- ‘Just because we had sex doesn’t mean you get to spend money on me.’

- If Joe Torre must wear a Dodgers baseball uniform while he is on the bench, why don’t the coaches in other sports wear a uniform? I’d like to see Bill Belichick wearing a Patriots jersey and shoulder pads on the sidelines. Or Tom Renney in a Rangers hockey outfit and skates. White haired Phil Jackson would look great in a Lakers tank top and shorts don’t you think?

- I am offended by Cracker Barrel. They should change their name because of its racial undertone.

- ‘My name is Hannah Montana. You killed my father’s career. Prepare to die.’

- Last night I went to the store and bought a loaf of bread, some eggs, milk, juice and cereal. No real joke here, I just thought I’d share.

- I just smoked a couple of blunts of oregano. It didn’t get me high but it did give me a craving for Italian food.

- I have never used the word ‘Arsehole’ before.

- I have a great new idea for a TV show: ‘American Idle’. A contest to see who can come up with the most creative way to sit on their fat ass all day. Should be a big hit, no?

- Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Mayor Culpa???

- Seventh Sign the Apocalypse: ‘And the Oscar goes too…..Carrot Top! Yes!’

- The Mountain Cat

50 comments:

Leighann said...

Wow I don't even know where to start here.... that whole purple pushin thing scared the living shit right outta me!

Doc said...

I howled laughing at my desk when I read this:

"My name is Hannah Montana. You killed my father’s career. Prepare to die.


EVERONE should get this historical/literary/cinematic allusion.... And in this case it fits PERFECTLY....

Pure uncut genius Vince !!!

Doc said...

Oh and Herbie Hancock's best song ever is Rockit. It's currently beign used in one of those Visa check card commercials. They even use the politically incorrect part of the song about smoking... Amazing!

The Mountain Cat said...

Thanks Doc. Does that mean I get a peach too???

Karen said...

ummm....if you actually owned an 11 inch black and white tv, that would be hysterical. Also, I love Abstinence and the Backwoods. LOL. Coffee nearly came out of my nose on that one.

Doc said...

HAHAHAAAAAAA - I can't help reading that line outloud and using a Spanish accent.

The Mountain Cat said...

Thanks Karen. The show will be like Paris and Nicole on the Simple Life.

Doc:
Mandy Patinkin is going to sue me now for misuse of his quote.

Doc said...

He can't sue you...It's an obvious parody.... just ask our lawyer pal Karen !

The Mountain Cat said...

It is Rob Reiner's line anyway. He wrote the script.

Jay said...

My insanely hot neighbor got rid of her cable cause she said she could just download most of her favorite shows online anyway. So one day I walk outside and she's sitting there watching Battlestar Galactica. ON HER iPOD NANO!

It loses a little on a 3.5 inch screen. I told her you couldn't even enjoy Grace Park's hotness on that little screen.

Doc said...

Jay, I am with you. Ipoods have gone TOO FAR - They MUST be stopped!

The Mountain Cat said...

I just watched the Roger Clemens/Brian McNamee hearing on my iPod. I thought it sucked!

Doc said...

My 8 month old son has an Ipood. I downloaded his favorite song this past weekend. "C is for cookie" by C. Monsta

The Mama Bear said...

Most of these have great bumper sticker potential....this sir has to be added to your daily vocab:

I have never used the word ‘Arsehole’ before.

Doc said...

He is lying about that one Penelope... I heard him use it back in 1998.

The Mountain Cat said...

Shane,
I did not use the word Arsehole.
You must have mis-remembered.

Christine said...

People still smoking butts?

I used to smoke. Once set my office trash can on fire - back in the day when you could smoke at work. I remember reading about how work productivity in the City had decreased when they stopped allowing poeople to smoke inside. 3-4 minutes to wait for the elevator, 4-5 minutes down to the street, 6-10 minutes to smoke, 3-4 minutes to wait for the elevator back up, 4 minute ride again...Could be nearly half an hour, a few times per day...

Doc said...

Vince: I have DNA evidence that you used the word arsehole in 1998 or early 1999 and I will submit it to the committee

The Mountain Cat said...

Christine, didn't you almost burn our house down in Brooklyn around 1984 when you had one of your so called 'parties'.

Christine said...

Whaa? Really, I don't think you got that right at all. Too funny though. You were just a little kid when I had "some friends over." But let's not open up my past of stupid teenage stuff...

The Mountain Cat said...

I mis-remembered. I am not here to talk about the past. Sammy, no speak English....oops, this isn't a steroid disposition. Sorry.

Karen said...

No one is suing you under my watch Mt. Cat. I am admitted in NY so we are clear. Feel free to violate all sorts of intellectual property laws. :)

Doc said...

Christine: you brother Mis-remembers a lot of stuff

The Mountain Cat said...

Karen,

ok. Bloomberg is a pansy. McCain is senile. Hillary is a liar and Obama couldn't find his ass with a GPS device. uhm...did I go too far?

Anndi said...

Inconceivable!

The Mountain Cat said...

Anndi, You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Anndi said...

MC.. marry me?

The Mountain Cat said...

uh Anndi, I am flattered but it looks like you have your hands full! LOL.

random moments said...

Now, technically, you have used the word Arsehole. Is that like when people say "shite"? I do sometimes, have no idea why. I'm from the U.S.

Oregano blunts. Good stuff man.

One last thing. People who leave their ciggie butts ANYWHERE besides ashtrays totally tees me off!!

Doc said...

TWOOOOOOO WUUUUVE !!!

Anndi said...

*sigh*...

What I really wanted to hear was 'As you wish'...

Oh well...

Doc said...

Unlike some other Robin Hoods I can do a British accent !!!!


(whoops wrong movie)

The Mountain Cat said...

I also once smoked Quaker Oatmeal flakes in rolling paper. Again, it didn't get my high but I shat an Oriental Rug from all that fiber. Again, did I say too much?

Doc said...

^^^^^^^^

yes

The Mountain Cat said...

As you wish Anndi. As you wish!

Anndi said...

MC: Was there corn in it? Cause that stuff never seems to really leave your system....

Doc: LOL but a good one!

Mic-t said...

Holy Sheeite!
It's a runaway pop-up!

Leighann said...

Anndi has her hands full of what? I'd like to have have my hands full of Anndi! *giggle*

I just took one year off of your life!

Single In The City said...

Mountain Cat, I was trying to lay down and just read, I was not prepared for this, I am sick!! I am not suppose to Laugh so hard, and expect my mom & dad take care of me! I heard them say is she really sick? Okay,Okay I have my composure now! Really You needed to write a disclaimer when the blog is going to be this funny!!!

This is a hoot! ( in my Ky Accent)

Toodles
Single

p.s. Doc, I am feeding your addiction with my comment !!!! LOL!!

schleif said...

Love the blog, Mt. Cat. As for misremembering? Inconceivable! (You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means)

Becky said...

No speedo? My heart is crushed!

Jahooni said...

seems like i have missed all the fun. shucks.

Hammer said...

Fuunny as hell.

I think Herbie Hancock signed the Declaration of independence.

The Mountain Cat said...

Thanks mic-T.

Leighann: Anndi has her hands full with her family.

Single in the City: Feel better. I hope I can be your Patch Adams.

Schlief: Was that you in Washington yesterday behind Roger Clemens giving him rabbit ears?

Becky: No worries. I will be going 'commando' on the beach instead.

Jahoooooni: Where've ya been girl?


Hammer:
Did you know, if you play 'Rockit' backwards, it will recite the entire D.o.I. document!? wow!

Matt-Man said...

"How do people confuse sarcasm with irony?"

Sadly, I know far too many people that don't understand either one. Cheers!!

The Mountain Cat said...

Oh it is sooooo ironic! hahaha just kidding I was being ironic, I mean sarcastic.

Jahooni said...

TMC-am i invited to the wedding?

The Mountain Cat said...

Jahoooooni, The Mountain Cat doesn't do marriage. He is a playa. purrrrr.

Anndi said...

Mountain Cat:

Anndi has her hands full with her family

He's gifted all right! ;)

The Mountain Cat said...

hmmmmm????