The Homeless Prophets

Well our favorite putrid platform prophet has finally topped himself. Last night he spouted this rant:

‘The Governor should have been honest. Sorry kids, no more money for education. Hookers are expensive.’ That’s his best one liner yet!

He was right in front of me when he said it. My laugh reflexes got the best of me. He saw me smile and let out a quick chuckle. Dammit. Now he’s marked me. He knows who I am. When he finally snaps he’s going to find me if I happen to be on the subway platform at the time. I have to be on high alert down there from now on.

So then I get on the crowded train and there is an old woman sitting across from me. She sort of looked like Ruth Buzzi's character Glady from Laugh-In. Suddenly she starts mumbling obscenities to herself. Then she starts in a little more loudly spewing what sounded like, ‘muck, yuck, frock, pluck, duck, suck, fuck, cluck.’ Not necessarily in that order. Then she gets up and walks over to a guy sitting a row down from me and said, ‘How can you let him draw a picture of you like that? You are a Jew and he is a spy. I am trying to protect you.’ I did not notice anyone drawing or spying on this man. He responded tongue and cheek, ‘Thank you. I will be more careful next time.’ Gladys then got offended and said, ‘Oh you mock me! Ta hell wit’cha!’ She got off at the next stop and as the doors closed we saw her bouncing her body left to right and flailing her arms like some possessed chicken yelling sarcastically to us, ‘wock, wock, wock, wock!’.

I just shook my head and said ‘Only in New York’ to whoever was in ear shot.

- The Mountain Cat

The Homeless Prophet

Everyday in the 53rd Street and Madison Avenue subway station there is a homeless guy who walks up and down the train platform with his cane and pontificates! He looks like Samuel L. Jackson in the film The Caveman’s Valentine (pictured to the left). But he speaks very eloquently.

Among his random oratory contributions are:

- 'The Kennedy family KNEW that woman (yes, singular) would be the cause for all the war in the land. Can't we just live in peace and harmony?'

- 'Lesbianism is a fact of life! If you touch a woman, who are we to judge if you are going to hell or not?’

- ‘President Bush isn't a liar nor thief. If you elected him, you are just as much to blame! Hillary may cause more damage!’

- ‘Woman invented marriage to torture man. Woman invented marriage to torture man! Man should expect to give up all his power and possessions once he is married.’

I think you see a theme here. I assume he was hurt really bad by a former female lover and he lost all his will to be a normal member of society.

In any event, I look forward to his diatribes everyday. Despite his obvious shortcomings (sic) he seems friendly and I see some people talking to him. UH UHH! Not me! I don't want him to know me just in case he does snap one day and decides to throw the first person he recognizes onto the train tracks!

But I bet'cha he is independently wealthy and has nothing else to do with his time.

- The Mountain Cat