Things bouncing around this head of mine - Wednesday, July 23, 2008

- I am currently reading Lord of the Flies.

- One Sunday I am getting acupuncture for my stiff neck.

- I just ate an apple.

- A grapefruit is next.

- The Yankee game is on at One O'clock. I will listen to the game while I work.

- I have left over broccoli in my office refrigerator.

- I wish I had a window by my desk.

- It is suppose to rain again today.

- I have to finish my bottle of Mountain Dew.

- Oatmeal is boring.

- Which of the two Coreys do like best? License to Drive should have won an Oscar...not.

- I just cleaned out my paper hole puncher.

- I haven't exercised for a few days.

- I need a new bathing suit.

- Should I drink tonight?

- I haven't had a cookie in a while.

- I wish the sun would come out.

- I recently watched A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila. She is appealing to the eye.

- Is there a woman in the world named Claire Voiant?

- Ever have one of those days where you have nothing to say?

- Ever have one of those days where you are trying to hard too find something to say?

- I think today is one of them.

- Oh well,

- Whatever,

- Never mind.

- *sigh*

- The Mountain Cat

Things Bouncing Around This Head of Mine - July 14, 2008

- I fell asleep in my parents' pool yesterday afternoon. I am quite red today. Not burnt though. I guess I woke up in time...No that photo is not me. Luckily I slept with my sunglassed off.

- I hung out with fellow blogger Karen and her peeps last night in her Jersey hood. Nice to finally meet'cha Karen...Wow human interaction? I need to try it more.

- I recently received a bottle of Patron Gold Tequila as a gift from a coworker. That bottle is so holy I don't want to drink it. I think I just like staring at it. I have an unopened bottle of Grey Goose Vodka too from a year ago. No occasion has been good enough yet to drink them!

- In fact, I have several bottles of booze in my apartment left over from my trip to Europe two year ago and my last party in September. My next party's theme will have to be a 'Getting Rid of Alcohol Party'.

- I was offered a ticket for Tuesday's All Star Game at Yankee Stadium but I did not have $500 to throw around. However, I will go to the Hall of Fame parade tomorrow afternoon in Manhattan. All the living MLB Hall of Famers will walk down 6th Avenue. I can't wait!

- And as previously mentioned, I went to The DHL FanFest on Saturday. I felt like I died and went to baseball heaven. I got a lot of free stuff. I also had a couple of baseball cards of myself printed up for free. I will have to scan them and post the photos soon.

- I am trying to eat better and lose weight. So I bought a few of those 'Bumble Bee Sensations' for lunch. It contains a small portion of flavored tuna and crackers. I bought Sundried Tomato and Tuna Medley. Yummy.

- However, my crutch this summer are two to four Corona beers when I socialize.

- Doc, I did try your favorite Landshark Beer with lime a couple of times. but I still prefer Corona.

- Budweiser was bought by a Belgian brewery. (story). Yikes the horror! What next a Muslim president??? Eek!

- I am finally bored with downloading music. I still have a list of old tapes and vinyl records that I want to covert to MP3s but I have so much already. I guess I will save it for a winter project.

- My current phone, The Razor, is dying. There may be an iPhone in my future.

- I heard Weird Al Yankovic's parody of the Bare-naked Ladies song 'One Week'. It is called 'Jerry Spring'. Give a listen here. Absolutely hilarious!

- I went to my cousin James' 50th surprise birthday party on Friday....Wait, I meant his surprise 50th birthday party. We don't love him that much to throw him 50 parties!...His family hired a DJ and we hung out in his backyard. The DJ started with a lot of classic rock for the older crowd then morphed into pop and hip-hop for the 20 year olds as the evening progressed. The highlight of the evening was when everyone on the concrete dance floor was shouting 'WHOOOOOO WE'RE HALF WAY THERE! WHOOO-HOOO! LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!' Everyone but my dad who just snarled in protest as he hates all music made after 1956. But I still love you daddy.

- Even my mom was dancing! In fact early in the evening, when 'Highway Star' by Deep Purple was playing, I raised my hands in the devil horn formation above my head as I bopped to the music. I tried to teach my sweet dear mom the proper way to use the devil horns. However, when the DJ played 'Champion' by Kayne West, I saw my mom swaying near the dance floor with her hands raised with devil horns! I pulled her aside and said 'Ah no no mom, devil horns are not used for hip-hop. But you did form the horns correctly.' Later I gave her the devil horn go ahead during AC/DC's 'Thunderstruck'. Love ya mom!

- The Mountain Cat

Things Bouncing Around This Head of Mine - July 10, 2008

- I downloaded the new Mötley Crüe album, The Saints of Los Angeles. They are back from the dead in a big way. It is their first album in eight years and the first with the original lineup of Vince, Tommy, Mick and Nikki since their Dr. Feelgood album was released 19 years ago! This new album is awesome! It might be their best album ever. No ballads, just 13 hard rocking tracks. I highly recommend that you buy this record. I have to see them live when they go on tour this summer. ***Click here to view The Saints of Los Angeles official music video***

- I also recommend that you read their autobiography The Dirt. A very entertaining read. In fact, Their Saints of Los Angeles album is based on this book. It is sort of a concept album. With all the decadent things these guys did, it is a surprise that they are still alive! But the book is also about karma and redemption. It is a lot deeper than just sex, drugs and rock n’ roll.

- I recently re-joined Netflix. I started with 1970s high octane muscle car cult films. First off was Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry starring Peter Fonda and Susan George. I think I need to buy a Susan George poster and hang it on my wall. Man oh man she was such an underrated sex symbol in the 1970s! I found this fellow blogger's page who did a nice homage to Susan George. My next muscle car flick from Netflix is Vanishing Point from 1971.

- OK now for the humor portion of this program:

- Doc, I bet I can make you cringe. I started watching South Park now. Hee hee.

- Yesterday I heard my cubical buddy Leap O' Faith say: 'Oh my God, he is going to shit a pickle.' I don't know who she was referring to but it made me chuckle.

- Whitey Houston was wrong! I DO NOT believe the children are our future. Have you been in a grammar school recently? Jeez. We need to start to find an alternative source for our future other than our children.

- I saw this vanity license plate that said HJQ- 752. I wonder what it means? LOL

- If money is the root of all evil, then what is the tree of all evil?

- Who do The Joneses keep up with? And by the way, who the hell are The Joneses? I'd like to meet them.

- I really love Tabasco Pepper Sauce now. I used to hate hot foods. I guess I have developed a tolerance. But it does not go well on oatmeal in case you were wondering.

- "Man the soccer game was awesome!! There was a riot in the crowd and I stepped on somebody’s head! It was wild!....Hmm? ...Oh the final score was zero to zero.”

- Doc, Will Angelina Jolie name her twins Castor and Pullox? (Please read Doc’s previous blog within this link about these Gemini Twins).

- I am going to mass produce a line of hand lotion for Spanish matadors and call it Oil of Olé!

- If ‘socks’ can also be spelled ‘sox’, why can’t ‘sex’ also be spelled ‘secks’? But there is also a word spelled 'sects'. Hmm, bizarre.

- And finally, please vote for Jason Giambi to make the 2008 All Star Game. In fact, the American Mustache Institute is pulling for him. Yes apparently this is a real organization. Click here to view their site and vote for Giambi. In fact a lot of Yankee fans - men, women and children - are wearing fake thick mustaches in homage for Mr. Giambi.

- I won’t be going to the All Star Game at Yankee Stadium, but I will be going to the DHL FanFest at the Jacob Javitz Convention Center in Manhattan. Click here to view the festivities.

- The Mountain Cat

Things Bouncing Around This Head of Mine. 5/19/2008

- When I was a child, I used to think it was called Uncle Ben’s Perverted Brand Rice.

- When I was a child, I used to tell everyone ‘When I grow up I want to drive a fire whinge-win!'

- When I was a child, I was with my parents in a car and I pointed out the window and yelled ‘Oh look, Kenfucky Tied Chicken!’

- When I was a child, I once asked my mom for a Sesame Street Bagel.

- When I was a child, my favorite TV show was Wonderama. Remember that show folks? I cried when it was cancelled. (Insert sad face here).

- I don't think I ever went to see a movie in the theater just to see the special effects. It doesn't excite me. Except maybe when I was a child.

- My dad's favorite word is Usufruct. I don't know why? I guess it makes him sound smarter when he uses it.

- Whenever I am in traffic and all the cars are moving slow, I think to myself ‘What asshole is slowing us down?’ It has nothing to do with the amount of cars on the road. It has to do with one individual and one individual only. And he or she is always an asshole.

- What do atheists scream doing sex?

- I am a member of Wait Watchers. I just wait around too much and I watch my weight grow. Man I need to start eating better. (Insert sad face here).

- I hate sandals. My feet just don't get the security I need.

- I cannot stand those tiny paper packets of salt and pepper! They annoy me. So I keep salt and pepper shakers at my desk. Aren’t you glad I shared that with you?

- The first time I was on an airplane was 20 years ago when I moved to Charlotte from New York. I was listening to Pink Floyd’s The Wall in my cassette Walkman. As soon as the plane took off the little girl’s voice in the song 'Goodbye Blue Sky' said ‘Look mummy, there's an airplane up in the sky'. Kinda neat don’t you think?

- Teri Hatcher escapes from mountain lion! Cougar Attacks Cougar. Click here for the full story.

- An example of bad color commentating by a newscaster:

‘…And sadly, the autopsy revealed he was murdered with a screw driver…Well speaking of screwed, the Mets really put the screws to the Yankees last night didn’t they? Here is Bob with sports.’

- A true example of bad color commentating by a newscaster:

A long time ago when I lived in Charlotte there was a newscaster on the NBC affiliate station named Jesse Johnson. She once uttered the following news story: ‘Mrs. Smith came home to find out her husband was not alive. He was dead’. Thank you Jesse for elaborating. I wasn’t quite sure what you were referring to when you said ‘not alive’. True story. Right Doc?

FYI BTW ROTFL N LOL UR BFF LSMFT,
The Mountain Cat

Even More TBATHOM! 4/24

- I really think Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barrack Hussein Obama should both really shut the fuck up. Seriously democrats, pick one already!

- I like the word pentameter. I do not use use it regularly. I will start to: 'Her odd pentameter turned me off so I never called her again.' Probably the wrong use of the word but I am practicing.

- I saw a woman with pink high healed FMP sneakers. They looked kinda sexy.

- Bad karma: A few weeks ago at the Port Authority I bumped into a woman by accident. It was equally her fault but we both yelled at each other. I should have just said I was sorry.

- Good karma: I rush to a seat in a crowded PATH train but gave up my seat to a woman with her infant child. It made me feel good to stand.

- Conversation you will never hear: ‘Yeah I agree. Even his mother things she raised an asshole.’

- Yesterday I met this really beautiful woman but she didn’t look into me. But I asked her her name anyway. She said ‘Fuck off’. Then I asked her ‘Is that Russian?’

- *Cough* Ok I'm empty now. - The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 4/23/2008

- I just found out what Rickrolled means. Apparently this new term was coined on this past April Fools Day.
Rickrolling, per Urbandictionary.com means:
'To post a misleading link with a subject that promises to be exciting or interesting, e.g. "Yankee highlights" or "Paris Hilton blows Busta Rhymes" but actually turns out to be the video for Rick Astley's debut single, "Never Gonna Give You Up". A variant on the duckroll. Allegedly hilarious.' Example video: Brad Pitt naked.

- My ears were stuffed up for some reason recently so I went to a professional Otolaryngologist. The doctor noticed that Madam Tussaud had taken up residence in my ear cancel. He removed her and now I hear great! It is a religious experience and everyone should get it professionally done. However, I now hear TOO well. The last time I got my ear cleaned was in 1995 when I lived in the quite mountain town of Boone, NC. Now I live in Manhattan; the noisiest place in the world. But it still feels better than it did before so should not complain.

- In grammar school we used to say 'You think you're hot shit in a wine glass but you really are just cold diarrhea in a paper cup!' Consider yourself dissed! UGH!

- Someday I want to start a radio station that will play every song ever made in alphabetical order. Wouldn't that be cool?

- Someday I want to write a daytime soap opera and call it As the Freudian Slips. It would go something like this: 'Janet, I just love your breast...ah...I mean dress'. That is the only idea I have so it probably would not last past the pilot.

- Why is it that Ozzy Osborne is one of the rare rock stars where I can understand every word he is singing but I can't understand a single word he says when he talks in a regular conversation. I guess it is one of those unexplained oddities of the world like how it is aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly with wings smaller than their bodies yet somehow they do. Or how Ric Ocasek got Paulina Porizkova....I guess it is just one of those bizarre unknown anomolies of the world ....Ok I've gone off on a tangent....I forgot what my original point was....

- When I was 9 years old my grandmother was baby sitting me one evening and she was watching a horror film on TV. Then she fell asleep and left me all alone watching this movie that scared the shit out of me! I do not remember the title of the movie. All I remember from the film is a darken room with a fireplace where an old woman said to someone 'It is Carlos! They burnt him to a crisp. Feed him to the dogs.' Then that someone opened up a backdoor where he dropped a big garbage bag with the dead body inside of it next to some Rottweilers. I cannot for the life of me find out the name of that movie. I thought it was Burnt Offerings but then I bought the DVD. It wasn't the film. Now I ordered online the original Omen movie with Gregory Peck. I don't that is it either but we shall see. If anyone knows what this movie is, please please let me know!

- One of my biggest pet peeves is when I am walking down the street or in a mall and someone walks next to me coughs really loud. Spppeeewww dude or dudette! Please do that in a bathroom. This happens to me all the time. Ugh, I hate it.

- Another big walking pet peeve of mine is when I am walking down the street or in a mall and I see someone standing to the left or right ahead of the straight line I am walking. 9 times out of 10 I can predict that this dude or dudette will walk right into me. Sure enough, when I get within less then a foot of that person, he or she doesn't even look at bumps into me or I have to swerve and miss bumping them! Sppppeeewwww man or wo-man, watch where you are going! It happens to me constantly like I was a magnet or something.

- OK for all you National Hockey League fans and broadcasters, there is only one Stanley Cup! Not pluralcy. Please stop saying something like 'Mark Messiah has won six Stanley Cups'. Wrong, wrong, wrong! The correct phraseology is 'Mark Messiah has won the Stanley Cup six times' or 'Mark Messiah has won six Stanley Cup Championships.' Please? Thank you.

- I see on IMDB.com that Viggo Mortensen is starring as Edgar Allen Poe in a film biopic. Sylvester Stallone is the director of all people! So that inspired me to come up with a Friday's Top Ten List of Unreleased Edgar Allen Poe Stories. However I could not think of too many as it was really hard and I did not want to torture you all to come up with funny comments. I did think of the following; 'The Tell-Tale Elbow'. 'Winnie the Poe & other Children Stories'; 'Nevermore: The Raven Cookbook'. 'Opium for Dummies' .... I dare you to come up with another one.

- I work at the same office for 10 years in fancy midtown Manhattan. My office is near all these glamorous stores. Gucci, Prada, Salvatore Ferragamo, Fendi, etc. I have gone into all these stores a total of zero times in 10 years.I just can't afford their prices so why even browse?

- The cheapest ticket I found online for the final game ever at Yankee Stadium on September 21st is $268. Should I buy it?

- I wonder if there is a woman in the world named Fallopia?

- The best gift I got for my birthday was a re-gift. At my birthday party, my friend Walter handed me a gift bag with an opened metal box of Curve Cologne, Ode de Toilette and Body Wash. The bottles were not opened though. As he handed me the bag he said 'Happy birthday. I got this gift from someone else a while ago but I never used it. It was at the back of my draw. Enjoy.' Well hell! I didn't even expect a gift from him but I love the smell of Curve! Plus I saw this same gift tin box at Macy's it is a $75 value! Wow thank you Walter!

- Once a month or so I order Chinese food from a place near my office that I have always called 'East-Ocean Dragon'. Well I walked past there today and noticed it is only called 'East-Ocean'. How did I add Dragon to the name??

- There are a lot of bus advertisements for the new film called Baby Mama staring Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. However, they have airbrushed away the scar off Tina Fey's left cheek in the ad. Why?? Everyone knows Tina Fay has that scar. So why airbrush it out? I wonder how she feels about it?

- Speaking of Tina Fey, she is still my Top Five List of Women I Wish to Marry Someday. My new list consists of Eva Green, Danica Patrick, Leah Remini, Tina Fey, Katherine Heigl. It is also the first time Alyssa Milano has not been on my list since before she became a character on Melrose Place. I have finally given up on her.

- Finally, my co-worker Leap O'Faith, who sits right behind me, plays her radio every day and listens to the Top 40 stations. Everyday I have to hear that new annoying John Mayer song 'Say' where he repeats 50 times 'Say what you need to say. Say what you need to say. Say what you need to say. Say what you need to say. Say what you need to say. Say what you need to say. Say what you....AHHHHH!!! Shut that bloody radio off!!!!!

- The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 4/10/2008

- When I visited Doc and Mrs. Doc last year they have a toothpaste squeeze (pictured) in their bathroom. I made a mental note of it and went on my merry way. Well last week I saw a two package toothpaste squeezer for a dollar at the grocery! I got so excited! Think about all the toothpaste I wasted over the years. Probably about a million tons or so in my lifetime. Not anymore. Thanks Mr. & Mrs. Doc!

- How could I forget this in my Rolling Stones post the other day? : I saw the Rolling Stones live in 1997 at Charlotte Ericsson Stadium. Probably the best live show I’ve ever seen. The whole show I kept saying to myself, ‘I can’t believe I am here!’

- Why do I know Kim Kardashian's name??? What talent does she possess?

- If you look very closely, The Statue of Liberty is a very attractive woman. I'll take her over Kim Kardashian.

- I hate it when every spring a Major League ballplayer near the end of his career always says he feels like he is in the best shape of his life. Lies, lies, lies. From now on I am going to remember what player says that and I will track how his season goes. I bet he will only bat an anemic .190.

- I recently started watching The Family Guy reruns on TBS. That show is soooo wrong in soooo many ways. I am disturbed by it but then I can't stop laughing. Stewie, their English speaking baby, is pure evil but the funniest character on that show.

- Why does honey always come in a plastic bear bottle? Why not a cuddly kitten, or dog? Or perhaps a bumble bee? This bothers me.

- There aren’t enough water fountains in the world. I like water fountains. They make me feel happy. I am going to build one in my living room someday.

- I heard that the Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke is so desperate to get this country out of this recession he has contacted the people at Rogaine to help. If they can help hair grow, why not the economy?

- One of my favorite self-coined phrases is 'Fuck-a-luck-a-ducky’. I use it when someone asks me to do something and I kindly oblige. For instance Doc may ask me: 'Vin can get you get me another beer please? And I will happily say: 'Fuck-a-luck-a-ducky'. See how it works? You can use it if you want.

- I own ever ZZTop album on MP3.....So??? They rock! In fact, I almost got into a fist fight at a ZZTop show in college. I'll let Doc explain that one in a future comment or blog.

- I am fascinated by the minute differences between a yard sale, a tag sale, a garage sale, a flea market and a swap meet. It doesn't take much to entertain me.

- If 8 x 11 is letter size and 8 x 14 is legal size, then does that mean 8 x 13 3/4 is barely legal?

-I saw a woman on the train yesterday reading the book ‘The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists’ by Neil Strauss. Either she is a lesbian or just trying to get inside the mind of a man. Hmmm? I found that a bit curious.

- You know those books such as ‘Wine for Dummies’ or ‘The Idiots Guide to Home Repair'? Well I am going to start my own series of books. The first one will be called ‘The Fucking Dumbasses Guide of How Not to Be an Asshole.’ I mean some people need practical advice.

- I found an old cassette tape I bought in college at a 7-11 just outside of Atlanta. It is called Willie & His Hilarious Phone Pranks. He is the poor man's Jerky Boys. Funny stuff.

- Quote from a bitter father: 'I'd like you to meet my wife Edith and these are our two little obligations Taylor and Amber.’

- And finally our man Doc shares the same exact birthday day and year as Mets pitcher Pedro Martinez. Pedro just popped his hamstring and will out until June. Wow and this never happens to Doc. Maybe Doc is in better shape than Pedro??? Somehow I don’t think so.

Y'all have a good day, ya here?

- The Mountain Cat

Things Bouncing Around This Head of Mine - 3/26/08

- Doesn’t new New York Major David Patterson look like the lead signer of the ’80 R & B band Cameo? All he needs is a flat top. Word Up!

- I went to the dentist and the optometrist yesterday. No more candy for me for a while. Eye candy or otherwise.

- In the Manhattan subways there are a lot of guys selling the illegal bootleg DVDs and then pack up and run when the police come. Well I wonder if there are any guys in the city who do that with Girl Scout Cookies. ‘Yo buy your Girl Scout Cookies here. They sell to you for two dollars, but I have a whole box here for 1 dollar. Oh shoot the cop, let’s run!’

- The TV commercial for Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein on Broadway shows the same scenes from the movie but less funny than they were in the movie. So what is my motivation to go see it?? Broadway has definitely jumped the shark. Broadway has run out of their own ideas. Stay tuned for Spaceballs the Musical in 2009 I guess.

- My hands really hurt from typing on the computer all day. I asked my doctor if I suffer from Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. He said no not to worry it is only Carpel Extension Bridge Syndrome which is not that bad. Phew, thank God for that.

- Every time I see a police man or a police car I stop to think if I am doing anything wrong or illegal. After about 5 seconds, I realize that I am not and continue walking or driving...Most of the time anyway.

- What ever happened to Youppi after the Montréal Expos moved to Washington? I miss Youppi.

- Doesn’t the Quaker Oats dude look presidential? I trust the Quaker Oats dude. I’d vote for him instantly! Get it??? Instant Oatmeal!?!? ROTFLMAO!! I crack myself up sometimes.

- I bought the VINCE t-shirt on line that Tom Cruise wore in the film The Color of Money. I look bad ass in this shirt! Oh shoot that’s two Tom Cruise references in one week. The Scientologists are gaining on me!

- Any Beatles fans out there? Please explain to what the hell is a walrus gumboot???

- There is a new band called the Mountain Goats! Yes, I have to buy their album.

- What happened to the good old days when Atticus Finch was the world’s most admirable father figure? Now a day’s kids look up to Hulk Hogan Knows Best of Snoop Dogg’s Fatherhood. Puh-lezzz!

- My mommy game me a couple of 20% off coupons for I-Hop. Valid Anytime. I can’t wait to hop over to I-Hop with my I-Pod.

- I heard that they are building an MGM Hotel and Casino near Foxwoods. I wonder if they will bring the big Lion’s Head back like the one in Vegas before they tore it down since it was bad luck to Chinese gamblers.

- I just watched No Country for Old Men again. Javier Bardem’s portrayal of Anton Chigurh is the best movie villain since Hannibal Lecter as far as I’m concerned.

- While watching this year’s NCAA Basketball Tournament, I finally realized why I hate Basketball. I despise the smell of gymnasiums. I just can’t deal with it.

- Now that The Wire aired its season finale, I cancelled my HBO. I’ll go back to reading books again I guess. Maybe I will re-order it when Entourage and Curb Your Enthusiasm come back.

- The problem is the secondary market. Coop deals are harder to sell so the lenders keep them as portfolio loans. Therefore they are reluctant to change the limits. It is hard for them to justify raising them for coops. I think it is one of those wait and see situations wherever the economy goes in the next quarter.….Oh wait…this is a work email….ignore this. Sorry.

- I just heard a fact that lettuce is the only vegetable that is not sold in cans or frozen. It is only sold fresh. Fascinating!

- I am such a Greek food snob. When ever someone says J-I-row, I correct them. It is Ear-row! Jesus get it right folks!!

- I just bought a breakfast cereal containing flax seeds. But my head didn’t grow like Barry Bonds claims flax seeds did to him.

- I heard Jeeves quit and now works for Google.

- The Mountain Cat

And now for another installment of BobbySox & Portia

This morning BobbySox awoke with that not so fresh feeling. …….nah just fahkin’ wit’cha. I won't subject my fans to that again!

Instead here is my new list of Things Bouncing Around This Head of Mine for Monday, March 3rd, 2008:

- ‘Hi Billy Mays here for Doc & The Mountain Cat!’

- We watched Field of Dreams on the bus on the way home from Cooperstown over the weekend. But there is something about that movie that is completely inaccurate. The voice tells Kevin Costner to ‘Go the distance’. But if this is a true baseball movie, shouldn't the voice say ‘Go six innings and hand it over to the bullpen’?? No pitcher goes the distance anymore.

- Also there are some strange names of elected players in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Click on this link and make you own jokes…

- Also also, in Cooperstown I bought a six pack of Anheuser-Busch ‘Winter’s Bourbon Cask Ale: Ale Aged on Bourbon Barrel Oak and Vanilla Beans’. The last thing I expected to bring back home with me was beer but it seemed like a unique product. Actually it is pretty tasty.

-Lastly in Cooperstown I saw the infamous Curt Schilling Bloody sock from the 2004 playoffs. I still believe it was ketchup as I now have seen it close up with my own eyes.

- 'All fans in attendance of the Yankees/Blue Jays game at Yankee Stadium on April 3rd will receive official New York Yankees condom compliments of Ramses.'

- This morning I cooked some eggs but I accidentally sprayed Rogaine on the frying pan instead of Pam. I now have hair on my tongue.

- If Eminem turned gay he should then call himself Feminem.

- I heard that Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are considering going on tour together. They will call themselves The Beatwhos. But I think The Whotles sounds better don't you think?

- I am sick of people calling me a Nihilist. Their opinions are pointless.

- Wouldn’t it be awesome is this guy really found the Lost Ark of the Covenant the same year that Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Crystal Skull premieres? It would be a nice way to help cross promote the new movie and end the Indiana Jones Quadrilogy.

- Well next week the government finally got me. I have to report for jury duty next Tuesday. I have escaped it several times. But now I will report and do my duty for America. However I heard there is a lot of waiting around. I better get a thick book to read. I think I'll read Mein Kampf while I wait. Boy, I sure hope they pick me for their jury!

- I saw a commercial for a Kids CD of remakes of current day hits sung by kids. Like nice artists like Kelly Clarkson or Josh Groban songs sung by 10 year olds. But I would like to hear the tracks that didn't make the CD. I'd like to see songs by Marilyn Manson or 2Pac sung by little pre-pubescents. Probably a bad idea.

- The other day I was thinking about my younger days growing up in Brooklyn and I remember a friend of mine who had an over protective mom. She would not let him watch the Popeye cartoons because she felt it was too violent. I wonder where that kid is today?

- Well I have similar story: Back in 1983 I was 11 years old and my mom wouldn't let me see the film Perfect starring John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis because of its mature sexual overtones. Instead I went to see The Never Ending Story with a friend. My old friends mad fun of us. :-(

- But I still have nightmares of that flying dog, Falkor. In retrospect that K-9 was freaky looking. (Actually Falkor is a Luckdragon but looks like a dog).

- Yesterday I cracked open a fortune cookie and my fortune read ‘Please re-order new fortunes’. What does this odd riddle mean???

- When I die I want my headstone to read 'My other plot is a mausoleum'.

- New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg recently gave me a key to the city for the website! But it only opens up doors to public subway toilets.

- I bought ‘Renuzit’s Caribbean Cooler Home Fragrance Spray’. My apartment now smells like Antigua.

- And finally I did it! I'm not a virgin anymore!... No seriously, I started The New York Rangers Meetup Group that I previously talked about. I merged with The New York Yankees Meetup Group. Click on this link to view. I hope to see any of you NuYawkas out there at my events. Even if you don’t like hockey, please stop by to say hi.

- The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 2/25/2008

- The FDA has declared that www.yougoaheadandkeeponbelievingthat.blogspot.com/ contains 95% of your recommended dietary allowance and is an excellent source of protein and fiber.

- What ever happened to Monistat 1 through 6?

- Pinocchio’s porn name should be Woody Splinters.

- Can I write off Girl Scout Cookies on my taxes as a charitable contribution?

- If Reverend Run can go from rap to a preacher, image if Vanilla Ice tried it? His sermon would go something like this: 'If you got a problem, yo he'll solve it. Check out the cross 'cause he's nailed on it! He's Christ, Christ baby. He's Jesus Christ, Christ baby'. (Yup, I am taking the express elevator directly to Hell someday, aren’t I?).

- A new study finds that women who live in places with bright illumination at night are more likely to develop breast cancer. Headlights bad for headlights? Hmmm.

- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But what if you are studying for you doctorate? Stay away from apples then I guess?

- Hickory dickory doc. Three mice ran up a clock. The clock struck one, while the other two got away with minor injuries.

- I'm going to vote for John McCain as he looks like a guy my dad would hang out with.

- Someday I am going to writing a book on how to be a non-conformist.

- 'Oh yes. Thank you. You Americans are so nice to us foreigners. Yes, I would love a knuckle sandwich. Sounds tasty. Thank you.'

- I wonder if there is a strip club in a Boca Raton, Florida retirement community called Old Wives’ Tails?

- What exactly qualifies as a bitch slap? I can never quite figure that one out.

- When I was a little boy in the mid 1970s I used to think that every celebrity in the world knew each other. For instance Pope John Paul the First and the band members of KISS had each others phone numbers.

- I dated June last April. Then I dated April last May. And I hope to start seeing May this June.

- There is a drink called The 3 Wise Men which is a combination of Johnny Walker Scotch, Jim Beam Bourbon and Jack Daniels Whiskey. Also known as The 3 Js. Then there is a drink called The Four Musketeers which adds Jose Cuervo Tequila to The 3 Js. I feel a headache coming on as I write this. I need to lie down now.

- My Jack Handy profound thought of the day: Humans are always people...but people aren't always humans. Think about it.

- Have you ever heard anyone say, ‘Man, I can't wait until Tuesday!'? Nothing good ever happens on Tuesdays. (Unless of course you are a big American Idol fan?).

- I can't wait for the movie Ernest Goes to Fallujah. It is going to be a big summer hit!

- I once took a wooden nickel. But nothing bad happened.

- And finally I was with my dad in his car last week and he accidentally took an illegal left turn. Then a cop stopped us and asked him ‘Didn’t you see the arrow?’ And my dad’s response was, ‘Arrow? I didn’t even see the Indian?’ The cop thought that was hilarious and let him go with just a warning.

- The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 2/13/2008

- I thought Herbie Hancock was dead?

- I recently watched the movie Titanic for the very first time on my 11 inch black and white TV. I thought the special effects sucked.

- I am going to write a screenplay to counter act 'Sex & the City' and call it 'Abstinence & the Backwoods'.

- ‘911, can I help you?’
‘I’m sorry I must have dialed the wrong number.’

- How do people confuse sarcasm with irony?

- How the fuck can shampoo condition your hair as well!?!? It's fucking bullshit man and it pisses me off!

- ‘A, B!....C D?’

- Why do smokers throw their finished cigarette butts into the street near the curb? Cars park there. Cars run on oil. And sometimes that oil leaks from cars. Oil is flammable. Someday I will see a huge fiery explosion when someone tosses one and I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh.

- Image Grimace and Barney having sex. Wow, that’s a lot of purple pushin’.

- I decided not to wear my thong Speedo again this summer.

- ‘Just because we had sex doesn’t mean you get to spend money on me.’

- If Joe Torre must wear a Dodgers baseball uniform while he is on the bench, why don’t the coaches in other sports wear a uniform? I’d like to see Bill Belichick wearing a Patriots jersey and shoulder pads on the sidelines. Or Tom Renney in a Rangers hockey outfit and skates. White haired Phil Jackson would look great in a Lakers tank top and shorts don’t you think?

- I am offended by Cracker Barrel. They should change their name because of its racial undertone.

- ‘My name is Hannah Montana. You killed my father’s career. Prepare to die.’

- Last night I went to the store and bought a loaf of bread, some eggs, milk, juice and cereal. No real joke here, I just thought I’d share.

- I just smoked a couple of blunts of oregano. It didn’t get me high but it did give me a craving for Italian food.

- I have never used the word ‘Arsehole’ before.

- I have a great new idea for a TV show: ‘American Idle’. A contest to see who can come up with the most creative way to sit on their fat ass all day. Should be a big hit, no?

- Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Mayor Culpa???

- Seventh Sign the Apocalypse: ‘And the Oscar goes too…..Carrot Top! Yes!’

- The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 1/25

- HAMAS’ SPECIAL WEEKEND DISPENSATION! This weekend and this weekend only all suicide bombers will get 96 virgins instead of the usually 72 virgins when they go to see Allah. But you better act now before the Shams sets over Gush Katif!

- A son tells his parents ‘For my birthday I wanna watch.’ So they let him.

- I couldn’t find my wallet yesterday. So I went to Wikipedia.com which told me to check under my bed. Sure enough there it was.

- Am I the only one who preferred Shemp over Curley?

- I decided to finally make a decision where my deciding point of view determines the decisions of the decided few I care to decide about.

- The official theme song of stem cell research should be: ‘I’m Just an Embryo/I Ain’t Got No Body’.

- CDs are soooooo 20th century.

- “Our father, who art in heaven. Howard be thy name.”

- I am going to make a concerted effort to use the word ‘stalwart’ more in my daily conversations.

- I’m sorry but two ones SHOULD equal eleven!

- I wrote a country song! It’s called ‘Fuck It’s Only Tuesday’.

- Is Beef Jerky really that popular? I’ve never met anyone that eats it.

- My dad and I don’t get along. So when he needed a heart transplant, I made the doctor hook it up to The Clapper.

- I suffer from Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia. But only on Fridays.

- There just aren’t enough movies about Bob Dylan lately.

- I think Gallagher and The Smashing Pumpkins should tour together. Wouldn’t that be great!?

- Mickey Mouse is such an asshole. I never cared much for his attitude.

- Contrary to popular belief, the opposite is true when the court of public opinion is against the feelings of the majority who vote for a change in the prescribed point of views. But only on Fridays.

- ‘We’ll be right back to the Lifetime original movie ‘The Vulva Diaries’ after these important commercial messages’.

- ‘Wow what great movie! The special effects were awesome!! The best scene is when that fat guy exploded!! I am going to see again this weekend on the IMAX!!’

The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine: 1/18

- I just heard on the news that Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby is going to have a baby! Wow!
- For those of you that eat lunch daily in Manhattan, what exactly is in the white sauce?
- When is the last day in the year to stop telling people ‘Happy New Year’? I usually stop saying it on Halloween. Is that too late?
- Am I one of only two people that found Monica Lewinsky hot?
- I just don’t understand chopsticks what so ever. They have shovels in Asian countries right? You’d figure that someone out of 2 billion people would have put two and two together. (oh wow, a pun).
- I recently bought Howie Mandel’s old hair on eBay.
- Howie Mandel recently bought MY old hair on eBay.
- I still believe that Andrew Ridgley was the most talented member of Wham!
- My favorite episode of 'Three’s Company' is the one where there was a misunderstanding. That one episode was so great.
- Speaking of ’70 sitcoms, remember the show 'One Day at a Time'? Most men fantasized about Valerie Bertinelli or McKenzie Phillips. No, not me. I wanted Bonnie Franklin to be my mommy.
- I told Donald Trump the other day that I hate people who name drop. They are just like soooo insecure.
- Why can’t I find Bartleys & James anymore?
- Has anyone been in the Paris Hilton? They have a great continental breakfast.
- I am now a practicing Ren Buddhist. I pray to Stimpy.
- Which is more violent: a melee, a donnybrook or a brouhaha?
- People who shovel cement with pitchforks for a living are called Mortar Forkers.
- I heard Randy Johnson got a vasectomy in the off season and will now be called ‘The Big Eunuch’
- Michael Jackson’s new album will probably come out later in 2008. It is tentatively titled ‘Translucent’.
- I just read the Jewish introspective book ‘Matzo Soup for the Colon’.
- Speaking of food, I invented a new delicacy. Pickled Venison. I am calling it Dill Doe.
- Man I think those Thumb movies are sheer genius.
- I use cotton candy as a dust broom.
- My doctor says I suffer from Attention Defici…oh look balloons!

The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine: 1/10

- If Mississippi borrowed Missouri's New Jersey to wear to a party, what would her best friend Delaware? (answer below).

- "Mets baseball is sponsored by Pampers. The official disposable diaper of the New York Mets."

- As the original document of the Declaration of Independence reads: I believe in Life, Liberty and the Purfuit of Happyneff.

- Wow!!!!!!! I went to the store and received a one dollar bill with my change that originated from Topeka, Kansas!!!!!! So to celebrate, I immediately spent it.

- Paula Cole was right; where HAVE all the cowboys gone?

- The day before yesterday I felt that today is the day that will bring tomorrow but only found out that a week from now it will not happen until the day after.

- "Dominus Vobiscum" is Latin for "Dominic Go Frisk 'Em."

- "Jer-emy Spok-ane...Washingtonnnnnnnnn (TRY to forget this...)."

- Does PETA stands for "People Eat Tasty Animals"?

- I once drank a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer all by myself and I got into a fake a fight.

- What wine goes with Captain Crunch?

- Sometimes I like to mix Sweet n Low, Equal and Splenda in my coffee and let them fight it out.

- This 12 Step Program really works! My footprints are all over town!

- Anita Bryant or Anita Baker? DEFINITELY Anita Baker.

- "...well yeah it's true! Come on now, it was on television."

- "The Mountain Cat back and is better than before. Hey nay, hey nay! The Mountain Cat!"

- Answer: Idaho? Alaska.

Love, TMC