If this doesn't make you mad you aren't American

I'm not usually a Sunday blogger and certainly not a Sunday ranter but this just plain made me mad as hell! I woke up this morning to read this. Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called the Sept 11th attacks a "Big Lie" and claims that the death toll caused by those terrorists isn't near 3,000 because the US has never published the names of the victims.

Hey Ahmadinejad you supreme A-hole.. THIS IS THE REASON WE WON'T LET YOU VISIT GROUND ZERO!! As far as not publishing the names of the victims. Maybe you should have sat there and listened to the names being read as a tribute in 2007.

Now as far as justifications for the war on terror, Invading Iraq and Afghanistan, and other political entities of some people may disagree. I think the one thing we can agree on is that Ahmadinejad needs to butt out and keep his off base theories about Sept 11th to himself.

-Doc

I don't like wearing a suit at work

Today I am wearing a suit at work. I do not like wearing this suit. Even though the company I work for a suit is standard dress I am exempt from this rule on a normal day because of the specific job that I do as an off site vendor in a casual work environment. Today is different. Today I have to attend the yearly snoozefest corporate kickoff meeting. This meeting doesn't start until 2 pm so until that time I am stuck here in my regular office wearing the suit while those around me will be wearing their regular clothes. I stick out like a sore thumb. Now don't get me wrong it's a nice suit. It's brand new and given to me by my parents for Christmas. It fits really well and I have a nice new tie to go with it however it's the comments I don't like. I know today I will get the standard odd looks. Someone will ask me "Who died?" in a morbidly joking manner. I am sure to get asked not once but several times if I am going for job interviews today. Yeah right, like that's what I am doing in this economic times when I love my job is advertising that I am looking for something else. Yeesh. Anyway that's what I am going to have to put up with until I leave to go to the meeting after lunch. You work people have a good time making fun of me in my suit. Laugh it up.

-Doc

(Don't forget to check back this afternoon for the Tweet of the Week winner. I will be at my meeting but will have a post go up)

The YJKOBT Curse... An Open letter to 107.9 The Link

Everyone has heard about the Sports Illustrated curse and the Curse of the Bambino. I am here to offer a new curse to add to the list. The YJKOBT curse. This curse struck while I was away in New York. You will remember back just a week or two ago to this post detailing my 'Best of" list for 2009. In this list I had high praise for the very topical and funny Candy and Potter Show on 107.9 the link in Charlotte, NC. I praised it for being the best of the three main shows they offer there. I like Bob and Sheri and The Matt and Ramona show on this same station, (previously praising them on this blog) but in my estimation in the past year the Candy and Potter show really stepped up their game including a late year admission that they were expecting their first child in May of 2010.
Late last week while I was in NY this show was cancelled by 107.9 The Link with a simple statement saying that they were "moving in different direction."In response to that I decided to give this new show a listen to see what that direction was. Apparently that new direction involves pretty much just music. The new host Kelley McKay gives abrupt one liners and little quips in between endless back to back songs. She asks for calls but takes very few. (possibly because it didn't take people long to figure out it's not worth calling) and the ones she does take are brief and ended awkwardly. This does not follow the mantra stated by Greater Media's Bill White who thinks that, "Her style is fun and interactive which enables our listeners to be the "co-host" of the show." Also this new direction lasts an extra hour (10 am - 3 pm) taking an hour away from Matt and Ramona (admittedly this was their original start time).
Basically what The Link and their parent company Greater Media have done is tell the public that music and drive by commentary are more important than a pair of folks who not only moved to Charlotte to take a job but at the same time really dove in and immersed themselves in this city. Candy and Potter dedication to the area and their community involvement wasn't just done as a part of their contract. You can tell that they did these things because they enjoyed them and felt a sense of dedication to charities and those less fortunate in this area. Apparently to Greater Media, not the same company that originally owned the station when they were hired community involvement is not what matters. I suggest that this decision is wrong and that the other shows will suffer because they cancelled Candy and Potter.
Like I previously stated I like both Bob and Sheri and Matt and Ramona but I don't listen to the radio during work days for music. I listen to be informed and entertained and I can certainly find that elsewhere from 10 -3. I just hope that I can remember to change the channel back unless I like really like what I find somewhere else. Now I know that this blog is not the most wide read thing on the web but I can almost guarantee that every time I mention one of the radio shows that someone (probably Angela) from 107.9 the link will read it. Please pass on to Neal Sharpe, Bill White, or whoever is in charge now that there has been a change in management. At least this member of the music advisory panel is not happy with this decision. I am not one who makes ultimatums because who knows what the future holds, but your station's listeners have certainly be hurt by this decision and by extension your advertisers as well. I will certainly be listening less.
Oh and let's hope this YJKOBT curse doesn't continue because I also said recently that I like the Jay Leno show... Oh Whoops!

-Doc

Your regularly scheduled YJKOBT snarkiness will return tomorrow.

Looking forward to getting back to normal

With all the holiday schedules and people travelling etc. my blogging schedule has been messed up. I know that blogging should be whatever you want to post about but my OCD nature makes me have a little bit more rhyme and reason about it. Usually Monday there is a post about the weekly poll, Tuesday and Wednesday are reserved for musings, humor, or ranting about something or other inane, Thursday is for Random thoughts that I collect throughout the week and Friday is a wrap up or Hitting the High Notes every 2-3 weeks or so. This schedule just works for me pretty well seeing as YJKOBT is pretty much a one man show these days.

However with the Christmas holiday and then New Years things have been all jumbled up. One would think that this week things could get back to normal. Not for me. This Wednesday night I am leaving to drive to New York (The NoFo to be exact) for my brother in law's wedding and won't return until next Monday. So my blogging will be all disjointed for at least another week. ARRRRGHHHH I just want things to get back to normal.

OK, Rant over. Thank you for listening and please keep reading, I promise 2010 will be a really good year here at YJKOBT. Thursday Random Thoughts will return (even if only to help keep me sane) Even though I won't have much access to blog while on the road later this week I am going to have something posted each day.

-Doc

Vince's Yule Time Rant '09

Well folks as our holiday season is upon us filled with joy, sentiment and maxed out credit cards, I want to share with you my festive thoughts and feelings as my gift to you with a big fat red bow tied on top.

Yes the Christmas carolers are out and about with jovial voices and runny nosed children chanting holy splendor. But I never get that gushy feeling when a chorus of little pre-teens get together to form a spiritual cluster of octave cheer. It is not the fact that I dislike the tone of 20 odd high pitched little brats singing off key. It is because of how these parents think I am SUPPOSE to feel about them.

‘Oh look, that’s our little Darthaniel singing ‘Oh Come All Yee Faithful’. Isn’t he just so precious and talented?’

‘That’s our wholesome Fawnette; warbling the bars of ‘Silent Night’. Ain’t she just sublime? Didn’t we raise such a swell little girl?’

These parents needs to take the first space shuttle back to the planet earth. Really now folks your offspring are not that special! Yeah yeah they are somewhat cute and I guess they make me all furry inside but he is not Mickey Rooney and your daughter is not Judy Garland…unless she drinks spiked eggnog then maybe she is.

And please do not make it worse by dressing your son for school in a little suit with a five inch snare drum. Your kids version of ‘The Little Boy’ makes me cringe more than when David Bowie teamed up with Bing Crosby. Pa rum pum pum pum THIS!

Look these imps have enough pressure with school work, friends and their Guitar Heros. So stop getting ideas that they will be on TV as ‘America’s Next Superstar Cherub’. Let your grommets run free and don’t expect them to sing in front of Uncle Bill and Auntie Janis on Christmas day. Believe me they will hate you for it and make you pay when you are old and feeble. Don’t mess up your kids more than you were after your second divorce.

But I digress.

This Christmas time should be a period to bring together our personal finances for the greater good of gift giving. And what symbolizes that Madison Avenue icon of presents more than Santa Claus! With that Little Debbie crumbed beard and the Maker’s Mark breathe! What better patriotic symbol do we have in our U.S. of A? The fat man of every shopping mall in America. Well I have a message for these Ed Wood quality thespians: Act like Santa Claus and that’s it! Nothing more! Do not stretch the character! You are NOT going to win an Academy Award up there on that plywood & Styrofoam stage.

'To Ho Ho Ho, or not to Ho Ho Ho? That is the question’. There is no way Santa Claus can pull of Shakespeare!

These children are five and six years old; they are more scared of you than entertained! Stop with the method Santa Claus ok you Robert De Niro wannabes!

Now if you really are an actor and this is the only gig you can get, well then I really think you should start to reconsider another career path.

And if you MUST spruce up your Kriss Kringle do it right. Stop OVERACTING! You are Saint Nicholas, not Saint NICHOLAS CAGE!

I guess I really have to except these faux Santas because they are here to stay. But what really needs to stop are those annoying bastard chipmunks!

Alvin, Simon and who is the other one? I think his name is Road Kill.

Really I am in a Kmart and then I hear piercingly over the load speakers: ‘Chwismus, Chwismus, twime is near, twime fur twoys and twine for chweerrrrrrrr’.

UGH!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!! THE HORROR!!

I suddenly have visions of one of these disease infested forest rats in the torture scene from ‘Reservoir Dogs’!

Can’t you see Mr. Blonde cutting Alvin’s ear off? Now that would be great TV! ‘The Quentin Tarantino Christmas Special’

This will be the darkest Christmas entertainment since ‘The William Shatner Christmas Album’.

But I’m no sadist.

I just think we’ve lost the holiday spirit in a gapping hole of want and need. We are bombarded by commercial ads of useless junk that I’ll forget about come January.

And please ask me what I want for Christmas before you buy me something!

‘Thanks Aunt Ethel! I always wanted an electric hairbrush!’

‘Darling you shouldn’t have! Rambos 1, 2, 3 AND 4. This makes my DVD collection complete!’

‘Grandma. How on earth could you afford to buy me a talking alarm clock on your fixed income?’

Please I’d prefer a Chia Pet and be done with it.

But really for me the best part of the holiday season is snow. I love that white powder. And not because IT IS snow. I love snow because so many people despise snow.

I get a kick out of people who get depressed this time of year because they hate the cold. Well guess what? You live in New York. It is December. It gets cold in New York in December!! Why are you so surprised EVERY year? I know it sucks but you make it worse on yourself by complaining about it. Move to Southern California if 30 degrees is soooo bad. My holiday experience is happier when you are cold and blue. To me this is my kind of jolly cheer. I pray for two feet of snow and 5 degrees Fahrenheit with high winds. It makes me laugh and feel better about myself when you shiver and whine. Keep it up.

So let’s accept the snow and frolic & dance in a white covered Central Park! It should be a happy time! No matter what you have or don’t have. That is the real spirit of Christmas! With chestnuts roasting and five or six or seven Brandy Alexanders. Let us all throw snow balls at the children carolers and rejoice!

Happy Holidays to everyone and a healthy 2010!

I love you all,

Vince

Happy Friday, Happy Birthday and a Must read PIMPING

Happy Friday everyone!!

The weekend is finally here (almost).....

and

Happy Birthday Apple... Mt. Cat and I made something for you:

-Doc

(edited to add the following)

For any of you who have not read my friend Knight's Open letter to Rock Band I implore you to visit her site immediately and read her excellent commentary on this scourge of the earth that is destined to subjugate our youth, teach them not to respect musicians, and worst of all slowly sap away musical knowledge and learning to play a real musical instrument. Thank you Knight for speaking up for those of us who feel this way but haven't had the courage to speak. I am in awe of your greatness. I will PIMP your blog any time, Thank you - Doc

Things that Annoy Me

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and felt the need to purge it from my system so here you go:

1. People who don't use their blinkers--what am I, psychic?

2. People who don't drive at least 5 miles over the speed limit--get out of my way! No, the police are not going to stop you for going less than 7 miles over. I have this on good authority.

3. Stupid people--I suppose I need to define this for you. Basically anyone who doesn't use common sense or asks obvious questions. Stop wasting my time.

4. Mean people--Why? Is your self-esteem that low? Suck it up and be nice!

5. People who spread rumors/talk behind others backs--If you have something to say to me/about me, please have the balls to say it to my face. I promise I won't punch you...probably.

6. People who quit when they don't get their way--"I didn't get to play the game I wanted so I'm taking my ball and going home". How old are you?

7. People who complain they're overweight--put down the Big Mac and fries and do something about it.

8. People who fart and then blame it on someone else--we know it was you, just own up to it already!

9. Negativity--I think the world would be a much better place if we were all a little more positive. We'd for sure be happier!

10. Diplomacy--why can't we just say what we mean? Why use 12 words when 2 will do?

Whew! I feel MUCH better. Thanks for listening. I'll return the favor if you comment with your own annoyances.

-As American as Apple Pie

The Worst Film Ever Made!

I recently watched…ah…rather sat through ‘The Brown Bunny’. Directed, produced, edited and starring Vincent Gallo.

There are no adjectives in any human, animal or Klingon language to describe how bad this film is. I cannot believe this self-absorbed ‘artist’ actually released this film. (Or that someone actually let him release it). It contains, bad editing, bad story, bad acting and bad fellatio.

The story is about this idiot drifter motorcycle race driver who drives cross country in his van lamenting about his dead ex-girlfriend. Along the way he meets women who he decides not to sleep with. (One of whom is played by Cheryl Tiegs!). Until finally he confronts his post mortem love, play by former Oscar nominee Chloë Sevigny, who, in a dream sequence, gives him a real live blow job! (Non-simulated and very graphic). He whips it out, she takes in and then the credits roll.

This is the most dumbfounded film ever put on celluloid! The first 80 minutes are just camera shots of the back of Vincent Gallo’s head driving on the highway with smudges of dead bugs on his windshield while sappy songs by Gordon Lightfoot play in the background. Only until about minute 85 when Chloë Sevigny opens her mouth really wide, does the movie get somewhat interesting. This movie got the worst reception at the Cannes Film Festival in 2003 as well as my living room.

But I have to admit the only reason why I ‘paper viewed’ this film was because of the talented ‘acting’ scene by Chloë as this film is notoriously known for. (So sue me for being just as perverted as our director Mr. Gallo!). But actually, in all honesty, any man who can convince an actress as good looking as Chloë Sevigny to give him head on film, must have a little bit on genius in him. (Supposedly they were dating at the time). In that case, kudos to Vincent Gallo. You are better as a pimp daddy than a film maker.

Even the Easter Bunny hated this film!












Rent Gallo's other film ‘Buffalo '66’ instead, which is actually a decent film.

- The Mountain Cat

Mr. Coffee tried to hurt me

This morning my Black & Decker coffee maker started to bubble over the top. I tried to open the lid and it spit at me! A large glob - part water, part coffee grinds - came shooting out of the flip top and landed on my white tee sheet. It burnt my navel. The wet grinds bubbled over like hot magma and dripped all over all my floor. AHHH!! What a mess! Calgon take me away!

I promptly unplugged the damn thing, cleaned up the mess & residue and changed my clothes. Tonight I will murder the bloody appliance and go directly to a PC Richard's tomorrow and buy a new one. I cannot have any more trauma in my life! Least of all concerning my favorite morning beverage!

- the Mountain Cat

Is there something wrong with my speech?

All day I leave messages for attorneys with their receptionists.
I slowly tell the message taker 'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage'.
Not too difficult right?
Somehow this never computes with the person on the other end of the phone receiver.
For example:

'And who can he call back?''
'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage.'
'Excuse me, who?'
'Vince from Manhattan Mortgage.'
'Lance?'
'No. Vince. V.I.N.C.E.'

or

'Who should I say is calling?'
'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage.'
'Swiss Bank?'
'No, Vince from Manhattan Mortgage. V.I.N.C.E.'

or

'What is the message?'
'Please have her call Vince....from....Manhattan....Mortgage.'
'Please repeat that.'
'Vince..V.I.N.C.E....Vince....from.....Manhattan....Mortgage.'

I don't get it?
Does the phonetics of 'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage' disables people's hearing?
Is it on a wave length that only small dogs can hear? My god.
I think I have to change my first name to John or Bill to avoid having these issues in the future.

- The Mountain Lance

Blatant Sexism in the Fashion Industry ?

I was reading the news the other day and came across something quite disturbing. I found this review about Fashion week in Washington DC. Now this is from a reputable source so please don't think that I am making this up. But it seems that along with all the other silly looking fashion lines coming out this year there is one from Ukrainian designer Aleksey Zalevskiy which claims to be "dog inspired" Yes you read that correctly, Dog inspired. This line goes as far as featuring models with dog muzzles and even lamp shade cone heads on... you know the ones that dogs have to wear after surgery to keep them from licking themselves.

I have a little problem with this. Ladies if you don't stand up for your gender and denounce this as complete crap I may start to lose respect for you. Are you kidding me that a fashion designer was actually bold enough to get models to walk down the runway wearing clothing that debases females in such a blatant manner and portrays them as less than human? I am almost shocked that the models agreed to do it...however we are talking about fashion models who don't have the most stellar intellectual reputation in the first place but I digress. Where is PETA on this one? Where is Gloria Steinem? Oh yeah she is too busy sticking her foot in her mouth while campaigning for Hillary. Where is Michael Vick? Where is the outrage from anyone with any common sense?

What is next? How much more blatant does sexism have to get? Do they have to come out with a clothing line that emphasises barefoot and pregnant women and accessorizes with frying pans and laundry baskets? Are we as a society regressing here folks? Yeesh.

Please tell me if I am off base here but I think some outrage is deserved on this one.

-Doc

Keanu

Please help me with something. I need to understand this in order to get some sleep. Is Keanu Reeves like a train wreck? You are appalled by him but you can't you look away? Why is this? Is it is his Southern California surfer charm or just that his acting is so bad you can't quite believe it? Yesterday I watched the movie A Walk in the Clouds. My jaw is on the floor to extent of Mr. Reeves' acting ability. I want to know from what post office Keanu mailed in his performance for this film? If Ed Wood were still alive Keanu would headline all his movies and we'd be up to Plan 20 from Outerspace.

Suddenly Ben Affleck has the range of Dustin Hoffman. Sly Stallone is Laurence Olivier. And Christian Slater actually is Jack Nicholson and not just doing a bad imitation of him.

Yes, Keanu, Bill and Ted had an excellent adventure but your acting career is a bogus journey! Actually this movie should be required in acting classes. It will show students what not to do.

But if you do enjoy Keanu's thespianism, shall I suggest Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula. Pay no attention to Keanu's gnarly and totally awesome 19th century accent. It is not a plot point! But, instead of calling this movie Dracula, it should have been called Dude, Where's My Blood?

Thanks Keanu for the memories. If it weren't for you, there'd be no good or great actors. You give us all hope that our names can be in neon lights someday.

- The Mountain Cat

As if American Idol wasn't already a joke....

Ole tattoo girl Carly Smithson is actually previous music industry flop Carly Hennessy... funny that in all the background that they did on her there is no mention that MCA records spent millions trying to shove this Irish "pop star" down our throats years ago to no avail. Hmmmm she wasn't worth listening to a few years ago but now with tats all over her arm, a freaky looking inked up husband and her "visa issues" taken care of she is ready for American Idol. Heck she isn't even American why the heck is she on there in the first place?

Pretty much the same is true of Kristy Lee Cook who had a Nashville recoring deal previously and is also in American Idols top 24. Oh yeah and "i once had voice paralysis" David Archuletta he is no first time adutitioner either. He has been performing on TV for years. Call me bitter if you must but I think that American Idol should give us new undisovered talent not rehashing of stuff that has already flopped before.

-Doc

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 2/13/2008

- I thought Herbie Hancock was dead?

- I recently watched the movie Titanic for the very first time on my 11 inch black and white TV. I thought the special effects sucked.

- I am going to write a screenplay to counter act 'Sex & the City' and call it 'Abstinence & the Backwoods'.

- ‘911, can I help you?’
‘I’m sorry I must have dialed the wrong number.’

- How do people confuse sarcasm with irony?

- How the fuck can shampoo condition your hair as well!?!? It's fucking bullshit man and it pisses me off!

- ‘A, B!....C D?’

- Why do smokers throw their finished cigarette butts into the street near the curb? Cars park there. Cars run on oil. And sometimes that oil leaks from cars. Oil is flammable. Someday I will see a huge fiery explosion when someone tosses one and I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh.

- Image Grimace and Barney having sex. Wow, that’s a lot of purple pushin’.

- I decided not to wear my thong Speedo again this summer.

- ‘Just because we had sex doesn’t mean you get to spend money on me.’

- If Joe Torre must wear a Dodgers baseball uniform while he is on the bench, why don’t the coaches in other sports wear a uniform? I’d like to see Bill Belichick wearing a Patriots jersey and shoulder pads on the sidelines. Or Tom Renney in a Rangers hockey outfit and skates. White haired Phil Jackson would look great in a Lakers tank top and shorts don’t you think?

- I am offended by Cracker Barrel. They should change their name because of its racial undertone.

- ‘My name is Hannah Montana. You killed my father’s career. Prepare to die.’

- Last night I went to the store and bought a loaf of bread, some eggs, milk, juice and cereal. No real joke here, I just thought I’d share.

- I just smoked a couple of blunts of oregano. It didn’t get me high but it did give me a craving for Italian food.

- I have never used the word ‘Arsehole’ before.

- I have a great new idea for a TV show: ‘American Idle’. A contest to see who can come up with the most creative way to sit on their fat ass all day. Should be a big hit, no?

- Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Mayor Culpa???

- Seventh Sign the Apocalypse: ‘And the Oscar goes too…..Carrot Top! Yes!’

- The Mountain Cat

A very quick plea to Roger Clemens

The opposing Rook is on the corner. The Queen is in front. And the Horsey...I mean the Knight is hovering at the side. Hey Roger, do you hear what I'm saying to you??? Or do you want Congress to move their Bishop just before checkmate on Wednesday?

- The Mountain Cat

Flyers?!?! Super!!!

On my way to the train station this lovely Super Tuesday morning I was greeted by a 20-something woman handing out flyers spouting 'Vote for Obama! Vote for change!' over and over and over and over. Now call me cynical, but does she REALLY believe what she is saying? Sure she may like the man and may understand his rhetoric, but if all she can say is 'Vote for Obama! Vote for change!', than I doubt she really does believe it. Now common salesmanship is to embellish the positives while ignoring the negatives, but her almost robotic demeanor deludes what she was trying to accomplish. Or maybe I am just thinking way to much into it as she was probably just paid $5 an hour to hand out these flyers and recite that two-liner. Either way she represents Barack Obama and DID NOT help his campaign in my humble opinion.

So then I glide down the escalator before the train platform and this time I am greeted by two women passing out more flyers announcing, 'Vote for Hillary! Vote for Hillary!'. But by now, I do not feel like analyzing anything anymore. I take a flyer and feel like saying to these Bobbsey Twins 'Wow! Vote for Hillary?? I never thought about it! I will vote for Hillary now that you mentioned it! Thank you for enlightening my my train trip, my morning, my day, the rest of my life and probably all of mankind! Man what are you doing here!? You two should be million dollar sales women. Thank you for convincing me with your eloquent persuasiveness!' But I decided not to say it for fear of sounding too sincere (sic).

At any rate, these flyer-passer-on-ers are probably good people who obviously work hard. So I shant be picking on them anymore.

-The Mountain Cat

Ummmm, 'brella???!!!

It is raining here in New York City and to walk to and from the train is annoying. Why do people carry umbrellas the size of the Superdome???? Jeez, the sidewalks are thin enough and I almost got knocked down by some schmuck who decided to raise his backyard lawn table umbrella over his head. I'm surprised he didn't fly away like Mary Poppins at any hint of the wind blowing. So here I am, with my anorexic umbrella fighting the elements as I get bullied like the scrawny kid in the kindergarten school yard. Mike Bloomberg should fine people $1,000 if their umbrella exceeds a certain amount of inches like George Brett's pine tar infraction. I nearly get my eye poked out every time by these umbrella elitists! Stop it please. It is rain. Don't be afraid to get a little on ya. You won't melt like the Wicked Witch of the West my pretty!
(Did I say 'like' enough times like Dennis Miller?)

- The Mountain Cat