A kid named "Natcher"

Our three year old started pre-school last week and he seems to be loving it. He gets to meet and play with other kids and do other fun stuff 3 days a week for a few hours so it's all good. Each day at dinner we try and ask him about his day and what he did at school. He seems to be telling us all kinds of wild stories about how the teachers won't let them play on the swings and they never got any snack that day so we kind of took it with a grain of salt.

On Wednesday he starts telling us about this "really bad guy" at school who pokes other kids in the eyes and wouldn't let him play with the brown firetruck. We asked him of course what this child's name is and he responded Natcher. Natcher? Not the name we had ever heard of before so my wife asked him if it was supposed to be Thatcher? No it's Natcher says our son.

My wife works out at the Y with one of the teachers and so she asked if there was a child with a name like that in the class and she says no, but they did have a kid poking kids in the eye the other day by a different name. Last night we asked our son if the kid poking others was this other child and once again he responded that it was Natcher.

We just kind of blew it off. Later on when it's almost bed time and our son is sitting on the potty my wife asks him if he is finished and he replies, I'm Natcher. Apparently in threeyearoldese Natcher is the way you say "Not sure." So all along he was trying to tell us that he was "not sure" of the other kids name. My wife and I had a good laugh about that one.

-Doc

Who is 'Jeb' Obama ?

I found this picture and caption on CNN Thursday July 3, at 11:41 AM:

Jeb Obama campaigned in Colorado Thursday.

Here is the link to CNN's political ticker article and picture where I found this. I am wondering who the heck Jeb Obama is? At best its a Freudian slip but if someone was a conspiracy theorist they may want to think that CNN was trying to tie Barack Obama to George Bush's younger brother Jeb subliminally. Well hopefully it's just a mistake but how on earth do you confuse Jeb for Barack?

They will probably have fixed it before anyone else notices and before this gets posted on Sunday but I wanted to share this with you guys. And I have witnesses that it was there as 'Jeb'. I am not making it up.

-Doc

Tim McGraw = Good Guy

In addition to being my wife's favorite singer and a Florida State Seminole fan Tim McGraw is apparently a good guy as well. It seems on Tuesday night during his concert in Seattle he helped save a female fan from being attacked by some guy. He was onstage and saw the attack happening. He realizes that security doesn't see it so he acted and helps his road crew pull the guy up onstage. Then (and this is great) "When the heavyset fan moves toward McGraw, the singer threatens him with a cocked fist as he's hauled away." What makes this story even better is that they never quit singing the song they were performing. Ironically the next line of the song was "I ain't lookin' for trouble ..."
You go Tim, you get my good guy hero award today... Hey I wouldn't mess with him. Would you?

-Doc

It was a jailbreak !

Last night we had a jailbreak at our home. Previously you have seen the "baby jail" that we have set up in our living room for our son Patrick to play in. Well last night we had a little issue. While Mommy was off at church teaching the Bible school Patrick and I stayed home to play. I set him in baby jail and went to check my e-mail. He usually fake cries for a minute then finds something fun to play with that keeps his attention. I was listening and last night seemed like the usual. He whimpered for a minute or two then I heard sounds of him playing. Well I was gone for about 10 minutes checking the blog and e-mail and checking over my newly drafted fantasy football team before heading back down to see what Patrick was up to. I peered around the corner and my heart stopped... He wasn't there. It was just like the scene from the Shawshank Redemption when the warden pulls back the poster and sees the hole in the wall because there was a breach in the baby jail wall that was not their earlier. It sat there staring at me mocking me, basically saying, "your 12 month old is smart enough to break out of the prison you tired to cage him in!" Yikes where is he ? I swung around. He was not in the dining room or the kitchen and I began to get frantic. Where is he? Well just like the Shawshank Redemption he had pulled an Andy Dufresne. He decided to get busy living because there he was sitting in front of the plasma TV with our DVD player in hand shaking it up and down just as happy as a clam. I guess he was wondering why it wouldn't play Yo Gabba Gabba or some other show that he loves. He went for the one big thing that Mommy and Daddy will not let him touch. He smiled up at me and had the look of "Well what are you gonna do about THAT Daddy?" I smiled back at him and couldn't be mad because at least he was safe and unhurt. I just asked him what he wanted for dinner. Everything was fine... however after I put him to bed I did fix the jailbreak point. I still can't figure how he broke out.

-Doc

Hide Your Women and Children

PHOENIX -- A rabid mountain lion like the one pictured attacked a 10-year-old boy north of Phoenix on Saturday, before being shot to death by a family member, said Randy Babb of the Arizona Department Game and Fish.
The boy was lucky to have suffered only minor scratches to his back, said Babb.
The incident occurred in the Tonto National Forest in an area called Sheep Bridge in the extreme southeast corner of Yavapai County.
"One of the adults shot the animal and transported it back to their residence," Babb said.
The mountain lion was then submitted to the Arizona State Health Laboratory for testing. The boy and several others who may have been exposed to the cat will undergo preventative rabies treatment over the next few weeks, Babb said.

Moral of the story is Be careful folks... Mt. Cats are dangerous when they are on the prowl !!

-Doc

A Beatles Memory

My dear cousin Pat who is a regular commentor on this webblog would like to share with us the following hilarious story. Enjoy:

Quite a few years ago my husband and I were comp-ed tickets for Ringo Star and his All-star Band at Caesar's in Atlantic City. Members of the All-star Band included, Billy Preston, Mark Farner (Grand Funk), John Ethwistle (The Who), Randy Bachman (BTO), Felix Cavalieri (The Rascals) and Zach Starky on drums (Ringo's son).

This concert was very special to my husband because he is Grand Funk Railroads biggest fan and seeing Mark Farner in a small venue like A.C. was going to be great.

When we arrived they seated us on the first table next to the stage. What a rush to know some of our music Idols would be within reach. Now it’s time for the show to start and the crowd is going crazy and out comes each member being introduced by Ringo Star himself. A Beatle standing right in front of me, I could touch his shoes…I was so excited.

Every artist did solos from some of their greatest hits…Randy Bachman whose position on stage, playing in the band, was right in front of me. He sang “Taking care of Business” and “No Sugar Tonight”.

He was great, but he kept staring at me and smiling...I kept looking behind me, but no one was there but a bunch of yuppies drinking beers. I thought maybe I was mistaken, so I just watched the rest of the show. Mark Farner came out and did “Locomotion” and “I’m your Captain” my husband was yelling and singing and well just becoming a little embarrassing. At the end of his solo time Farner bends over the stage to shake all his fans hands …My husband (if he were taller than 5’4) would have boosted himself on the stage to get a handshake from his IDOL. It was like slow motion, down the stage he came, shaking hands and greeting people, and as he got to us he looked up at the audience and gave a wave and passed us right up…It was an outrage…would my husband ever get over it? Would this be the concert he’d like to forget…Well, I felt terrible for him, but for me it didn’t matter.

The concert continues and we are enjoying all the rest of the artists, but between each song, the language I had to listen to from my husband about not getting his hand shook was never-ending. Why must he make such a big deal about this guy...Knock it off already I wanted to tell him…But I didn’t.

Finally Ringo Star comes on and does a medley of some of his famous Beatles songs (not that there were many) and then some of his songs he made famous as a single artist. His song “Your Sixteen” a popular song that many generations will recognize he closed the show with….But here’s the catch, as he was singing, he would look at woman in the audience and sing to them; He then looked at me and started to sing, I was going to faint, all I could hear is him sing “Your 16”, put his hand out and shakes it from side to side and make the sound ‘Ehhh’! “Your Beautiful and Your Mine.” Did I hear right, from all the women in the audience he decides to look at me and say, basically “Sweetie your not even close”……Oh My God! I was ranked out by a Beatle…For some reason my husband had forgotten his fury aimed at Mark Farner and was rolling on the floor with laughter, telling strangers at the other tables what Ringo did to his wife.

The concert ends, still in shock, I go to turn and follow my husband out of the arena when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn and it was Randy Bachman from BTO asking me if I would like his guitar pick from the show. Well this was a nice consolation prize, to settle some of my misery. My husband is now not laughing as hard, after he sees what I had been given. As we enter the casino we both go to different slot machines to try our luck, I got up to move to another machine, and who is behind me, (you’re right) Randy Bachman. I was startled, but smiled and said” Hi, you must be exhausted after the show,” He said, yeah just going to have a cocktail with my manager would you like to join us?” ……WHAT? Was I hearing things, did he ask me for a drink? WOW!” I would love to but I am meeting my husband here in 5 minutes”. Did I just say that, O boy! Have I changed…The night proved to have its ups and downs but Ringo was right…I certainly wasn’t sixteen anymore…

- Cousin Pat

It was 40 years ago today

Normally we are all about fun here at YJKOBT but every once in a while there is something a bit more serious that needs to be discussed. It was 40 years ago today April 4, 1968 that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed in Memphis Tennessee where he was attempting to help solve a sanitation workers strike. As a child I was told about Dr. King by my parents. They were part of the civil rights movement and part of my childhood was spent in a mostly black neighborhood in Greensboro North Carolina where my father was the pastor at a mostly black Lutheran Church. For some small part I lived part of the civil rights movement and learned of the nastiness that people in the south even during the 1970s showed towards those who supported integration and equality for African Americans.

Later when we lived in Salisbury, North Carolina we attended a church that was all white except for my sister who is bi-racial. I have never been the same since the day that my innocence was taken from me when on the phone someone claiming to be with the KKK threatened to blow our house up because in his words my dad was the "one bringing niggers into the church". I cried and asked my mom why they hated my sister so much and she answered that they were people filled with hate and not love and they were cowards to threaten children and work in secret. I was 10 years old and my innocence was lost that day and I still do not understand the hatred and racial tensions that still seem to exist in this country. We are all just people, human beings, what deep down does skin color really matter anyway? Sometimes I wonder if another "King" Rodney King wasn't onto something when he asked, "Why can't we all just get along?"

On this day let's take pause for a minute and reflect on the closing words from Dr. Kings most famous speech, The I have a Dream Speech given August 28, 1963 on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. I think the are still applicable today:

'when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!" '

My wish for today is for each of us to do our own small part of letting freedom, TRUE freedom ring.

-Doc

The Homeless Prophets

Well our favorite putrid platform prophet has finally topped himself. Last night he spouted this rant:

‘The Governor should have been honest. Sorry kids, no more money for education. Hookers are expensive.’ That’s his best one liner yet!

He was right in front of me when he said it. My laugh reflexes got the best of me. He saw me smile and let out a quick chuckle. Dammit. Now he’s marked me. He knows who I am. When he finally snaps he’s going to find me if I happen to be on the subway platform at the time. I have to be on high alert down there from now on.

So then I get on the crowded train and there is an old woman sitting across from me. She sort of looked like Ruth Buzzi's character Glady from Laugh-In. Suddenly she starts mumbling obscenities to herself. Then she starts in a little more loudly spewing what sounded like, ‘muck, yuck, frock, pluck, duck, suck, fuck, cluck.’ Not necessarily in that order. Then she gets up and walks over to a guy sitting a row down from me and said, ‘How can you let him draw a picture of you like that? You are a Jew and he is a spy. I am trying to protect you.’ I did not notice anyone drawing or spying on this man. He responded tongue and cheek, ‘Thank you. I will be more careful next time.’ Gladys then got offended and said, ‘Oh you mock me! Ta hell wit’cha!’ She got off at the next stop and as the doors closed we saw her bouncing her body left to right and flailing her arms like some possessed chicken yelling sarcastically to us, ‘wock, wock, wock, wock!’.

I just shook my head and said ‘Only in New York’ to whoever was in ear shot.

- The Mountain Cat

Julie's Cat

One winter back in college, Doc and I were visiting some friends in Charlotte. My friend Julie, decided to have a get together at her apartment. So, we drove over to her place in the cold, pouring rain. When we arrived at Julie's, there was a total of 10 of us. We ordered some pizzas and we had all brought beer. So, we were set to have a real fun time and get lambasted. As the evening progressed the cold rain continued, the beer flowed, the pizza got devoured, the music blared and the cigarette smoke filled the whole apartment. Everyone there was smoking except little ol' me. I was the only one who was getting irritated by the smoke after a while. At least at the time I thought I was the only one. Like I said, it was cold out so there were no windows open. Therefore, the smoke in the living room became thicker and thicker. The only window open was the sliding door to Julie's back porch which was open barely an inch.

Little by little we all got trashed. We were laughing, acting stupid and making a big mess spilling beer and food all over the carpet. Julie, our host, drank too much as well and we sensed that she was getting very annoyed. At first she was mad because our dear Doc brought his handgun (A Sig Sauer 9 Millimeter) with him and was showing a couple of our friends its details. Doc of course took the clip out, but Julie still was none too happy. Meanwhile, Julie's boyfriend Charlie ran to the bathroom as he was about to throw up from all the alcohol, junk food and smog. Julie runs into the bathroom after him. At the same time, our friend Dave, (also nicknamed Otis after the town drunk from The Andy Griffith Show) passed out drunk on her couch. This was my opportunity to enact revenge on Dave-Otis as he had put shaving cream on my crotch when I passed out at a party a few months earlier. I knocked on the bathroom door to ask Julie if she had any shaving cream. She did not answer me.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Julie's cat crawls out of hiding. (I don't remember the cat's sex, color or name, but Julie's Cat is a good enough name for all intents and purposes). Julie's Cat wanted nothing to do with us. That darn cat was almost choking to death and feebly dragged itself over to the sliding door and stuck his/her left paw in between the small crack of the door and pushed it open a little more so he/she could stick his/her snout out to get some fresh air. This is where Doc and I lost it. We couldn't believe it! Oh, my God it was the most hilarious thing we ever saw. At one point, it appeared that Julie's Cat looked back at Doc and me, shook its head in disapproval and turned back to breathe again. The two of us turned so red from laughter. No one else in the apartment saw what the cat had done. No one knew why we were rolling on the floor laughing our asses off.

After the laughter died down, I had to go to the bathroom. But it was still occupied by Julie and Charlie. My friend Mike and I were going to find a couple of bushes outside in lieu of the in-house facilities. I opened the front door and then like a flash of lightning, Julie's Cat ran underneath our legs and ran outside!

'Free at last! Free AT last!', Julie's Cat probably thought to his/herself.

But uh-oh we have to find him/her before Julie finds out....Too late. Julie came out of the bathroom and found out I accidentally let the cat out of the...ah...pad. At this point Julie had had enough. She began to scream at the top of her lungs the following diatribe:

'GODDAMN IT EVERYONE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I INVITE YOU ALL OVER TO MY APARTMENT AND THE PLACE IS NOW A FUCKING PIG STY! AND SHANE BRINGS A GODDAMN GUN INTO MY HOUSE, MY BOYFRIEND IS THROWING UP IN MY BATHTUB, SOMEONE KEEPS ASKING FOR SHAVING CREAM AND NOW YOU LET MY FUCKING CAT RUN LOOSE IN THE GODDAMN FREEZING RAIN! PLEASE FIND MY CAT NOW AND EVERYONE GET THE FUCK OUT! DO NOT HELP ME CLEAN JUST GET OUT! I AM TIRED, CHARLIE IS SICK AND I AM NOT FUCKING HAPPY! FIND THE FUCKING CAT AND THEN FUCKING LEAVE!'

Luckily, Mike instantly found the cat and waltzed back in like a hero with he/she in his arms. One by one we said our goodbyes, Mike let the cat down, shut the door and we were gone. I don't remember who drove me home but I was in no condition to drive. Hell none of us were well enough to drive come to think of it.

And in case you were wondering, we were never asked back to hang out at Julie's apartment again.

- The Mountain Cat

Jury Cat

Today I am proudly serving my country at my local court house for jury duty. Hopefully this experience will give me some good blogging material. Potential Friday's Top Ten List perhaps? Otherwise I will bored out of my mind. Either way I'll have Elmore Leonard and Dan Silva novels to keep me company. Stay tuned.

- The Mountain Cat

'Hey Eliot, so how do the women rate you?'.....

Spitzer Is Linked to Prostitution Ring

Posted Mar 10th 2008 2:26PM by Peter CohanFiled under: Law, Headline news

The New York Times reports that New York Governor and Eliot Spitzer, will give a press conference this afternoon to announce his involvement with a prostitution ring. This is something I would expect to see on the cover of a tabloid, not the Times.
Spitzer informed his most senior administration officials that he had been involved in a prostitution ring. Just last week, federal prosecutors arrested four people in connection with an expensive prostitution operation. Administration officials would not say that this was the ring with which the governor had become involved.

Stay tuned for Spitzer's press conference for word on whether any of those four people implicated Spitzer or whether Spitzer will resign. No word on how his wife and three children feel. In January, Vanity Fair wrote after reviewing Spitzer's tough first year in office "Ask Jim Cramer of CNBC's Mad Money, Spitzer's pal from Harvard Law School, about the guy [Spitzer] and he is uncharacteristically speechless." No doubt Cramer would also be speechless about Spitzer's latest news.
---

What a dunce!












- Posted by The Mountain Cat

Mr. Coffee tried to hurt me

This morning my Black & Decker coffee maker started to bubble over the top. I tried to open the lid and it spit at me! A large glob - part water, part coffee grinds - came shooting out of the flip top and landed on my white tee sheet. It burnt my navel. The wet grinds bubbled over like hot magma and dripped all over all my floor. AHHH!! What a mess! Calgon take me away!

I promptly unplugged the damn thing, cleaned up the mess & residue and changed my clothes. Tonight I will murder the bloody appliance and go directly to a PC Richard's tomorrow and buy a new one. I cannot have any more trauma in my life! Least of all concerning my favorite morning beverage!

- the Mountain Cat

Is there something wrong with my speech?

All day I leave messages for attorneys with their receptionists.
I slowly tell the message taker 'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage'.
Not too difficult right?
Somehow this never computes with the person on the other end of the phone receiver.
For example:

'And who can he call back?''
'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage.'
'Excuse me, who?'
'Vince from Manhattan Mortgage.'
'Lance?'
'No. Vince. V.I.N.C.E.'

or

'Who should I say is calling?'
'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage.'
'Swiss Bank?'
'No, Vince from Manhattan Mortgage. V.I.N.C.E.'

or

'What is the message?'
'Please have her call Vince....from....Manhattan....Mortgage.'
'Please repeat that.'
'Vince..V.I.N.C.E....Vince....from.....Manhattan....Mortgage.'

I don't get it?
Does the phonetics of 'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage' disables people's hearing?
Is it on a wave length that only small dogs can hear? My god.
I think I have to change my first name to John or Bill to avoid having these issues in the future.

- The Mountain Lance

An Almost Incident

My alma mater Appalachian State University in Boone, North Carolina was in the news yesterday. A mysterious man was seen walking near some college apartments with a handgun and wearing a ski mask. The campus was on lock down. The local police have no idea who he is or what he is up to. The man has not been found but the campus is still on alert. (Link to the full story here).

Now this reminds me of an incident that happened to me when I was a student at Appalachian State in 1994. One spring Saturday night I was hanging out with my friend Melissa and a couple of her roommates in their apartment. One of her roommates Christy was there with her boyfriend David. We all were just lounging around, having several beers and watching TV. Now I met David once before. My friend Melissa told me that he was in Boone by himself working and was not a student. He had some family problems in Pennsylvania and moved to Boone recently to get away. He seemed nice but oddly quiet. But, I didn’t know him well enough to judge him.

So as the evening progressed David went into the other room with Christy for a while. The rest of us paid no attention really. Then around 11pm we heard them arguing. I had no idea what they were fighting about but they were getting louder. They both came out of the bedroom and they were screaming at each other. Apparently this guy David was yelling at Christy for not paying attention to him. She is calling him crazy and possessive. Then Christy runs outside the apartment to the woods behind the dorm building. David chases after her. Obviously concerned, I then followed them. He wasn’t threatening her but we had this feeling something bad was going to happen. Melissa then called the campus police.

Outside the dorm I yelled to David to calm down and to leave her alone. We’ve been drinking a lot and you are not thinking rationally. This is where David shouts back at me ‘Vin, I suggest you go back inside as I have a gun’. I thought he was bullshit me at first. Then Christy told me that he was not. I turned white as a ghost. Yes I was worried that this guy was going to try to hurt her, but of course I didn’t want to get shot myself! My heart was beating faster than I’d ever experienced. But luckily somehow, Christy distracted him, and swiped the gun and holster from him. She came up to me with the gun in her hands hysterically crying. At that same moment, the campus police arrived. They calmed David down, put him in handcuffs and put him in the temporary jail over night. Christy explained to the police that he didn’t threaten her and that they both had too much to drink. She was not pressing charges. Lord knows why she didn’t. Hell, come to think of it why didn’t I press charges! At any rate, the gun was taken from him, he was set free but banned from our campus.

I spoke to Christy the next day and she explained to me that she felt bad for this guy David. Apparently he had no one else in his life. He was born into a strict Mennonites family in Pennsylvania. Christy told me he got some girl pregnant and they had an abortion. His family found out and ostracized him. They banished him and told him never to come back and he was no longer part of their family. Certainly a quite fantastic story. I am still not sure whether I believe it or not. Either way this guy David was really messed in the head. Later that week, Christy called me and said David wanted to apologize to me. I really wanted nothing to do with him. But for some reason, which still baffles me to this day, I agreed to meet with him. But I brought along Christy, Melissa and my roommate Ryan. We met one afternoon at an off campus in a public park. David was crying non stop begging me to forgive him for scaring me like he did. He partially told me about him problems back home. I just wanted this guy to go away so I said whatever dude, I accept your apology. I just suggested that he should stay away from me. I can feel bad about someone who has been dealt terrible cards in life, but not when my life is in danger.

I never did see him again. Christy, was smart enough and broke up with him soon after. I have no idea what happened to David. But I am lucky that this was just a passing incident and not a lot worse.

- The Mountain Cat

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

My office is on the 14th floor of a 30 story building. I enter the elevator section for floors 1 through 14. So I am the last stop. Every morning and afternoon, it is a mad dash for me to get into an elevator by myself and then quickly press the close door button so I don't have several people follow me in and stop on floors 1 through 13 below me. Well this afternoon after lunch I was in a good mood. I got on the elevator and as the doors slowly began to close, a woman was peering through the doors from the other side to get on. Kindly, I put my arm between the doors to open them to let her on. What I did not notice around the bend of the hallway was the cavalcade of people that also wanted to get on my elevator car! Suddenly the elevator went from just one person, me, to eight people. The elevator was so packed it was a fire hazard!

Oh well at least I am going to heaven now. That is after the elevator stops on every floor first on my way there.

- The Mountain Cat

The Homeless Prophet

Everyday in the 53rd Street and Madison Avenue subway station there is a homeless guy who walks up and down the train platform with his cane and pontificates! He looks like Samuel L. Jackson in the film The Caveman’s Valentine (pictured to the left). But he speaks very eloquently.

Among his random oratory contributions are:

- 'The Kennedy family KNEW that woman (yes, singular) would be the cause for all the war in the land. Can't we just live in peace and harmony?'

- 'Lesbianism is a fact of life! If you touch a woman, who are we to judge if you are going to hell or not?’

- ‘President Bush isn't a liar nor thief. If you elected him, you are just as much to blame! Hillary may cause more damage!’

- ‘Woman invented marriage to torture man. Woman invented marriage to torture man! Man should expect to give up all his power and possessions once he is married.’

I think you see a theme here. I assume he was hurt really bad by a former female lover and he lost all his will to be a normal member of society.

In any event, I look forward to his diatribes everyday. Despite his obvious shortcomings (sic) he seems friendly and I see some people talking to him. UH UHH! Not me! I don't want him to know me just in case he does snap one day and decides to throw the first person he recognizes onto the train tracks!

But I bet'cha he is independently wealthy and has nothing else to do with his time.

- The Mountain Cat

I prefer dissonance

Last night I did not feel like going home after work as I wanted to go out and watch the Ranger game and get something to eat. None of my friends were around and they don’t like hockey anyway. So I went to the trusty website Meetup.com to find some Rangers fans. To my surprise there are no Ranger Meetup groups. Strange considering this is such a big sports town. So I searched some more and I came across the Pittsburg Penguins Meetup Group. So I figured why not? So I hopped on a train to the East Village Bar where they were meeting. When I got there I met the crowd of 10 Penguins fans….rabid Penguins fans, 6 men and 4 women. Immediately I made my allegiance be known. I explained that yes I am a New York Rangers fan but I just wanted to meet some cool hockey fans and enjoy some brewskis. There was sudden silence at the table. They were in shock that I had the gall to show up. I was about to excuse myself but they told me not to worry as they won’t beat me up. So I hung around and had some beers and food with them. They turned out to be a nice group of kids (mid 20s/early 30s so I was the elder statesman). However, they still had to get there zingers in to diss my beloved Rangers. I didn’t get mad at any point considering that I volunteered to be there! It was all in good fun.

Their Penguins were losing to the Florida Panthers 1 to nothing at the halfway point. Meanwhile I was sitting pretty as my Rangers were destroying the Montreal Canadians 5 to zero in the middle of the second period as well (Goals are hard to come by in the NHL nowadays). But little by little, that score began to change. Montreal scored to make it 5 to 1. They scored again to make it 5 to 2. Then again; 5 to 3. Then again; 5 to 4! The more the Canadians scored the more abuse I got from these Penguins. Their team tied the score and eventually won in the finally minute of regulation. But suddenly the second to last nail in my coffin got hammered in: 5 to 5! Ex-Ranger castoff Alexi Kovelov scored the game tier for the Canadians. I began to sulk. I should have left. But I decided to be a good sport and stick it out. The game went to overtime. Then a shootout then……...NO!!!!!!.......Saku Koivu wins the game for the Canadians 6 to 5!! The damn Rangers blew a 5 goal lead while I was at a table full of abusive Puffins. This team has been so inconsistent all year. I was sad and angry. But then the Penguins were nice to me and asked that I come hang out with them again. I guess they felt sorry for me. Afterwards we all chipped in for some Mega Millions tickets before we left. I haven’t heard from the group’s organizers so they may have run off with part of my $220 million dollars. Last time I trust any Penguins fans! But they did inspire me as I need to start my own New York Rangers Meetup Group.

But like I said I am a sucker for punishment. I like to test the waters full of sharks to see what happens apparently. Just like the time I wore my Yankees cap at Fenway Park in Boston when I was 16. Uhhh, that was not a good idea either. Some drunkard took my cap and the Red Sox fans threw it around like a beach ball. I did get the cap back an hour later with mustard stains on it. I am sure I did a lot more eccentric things but I’ll save them for another blog. Like Shirley Manson once sang ‘I only like it when it’s complicated. I'm only happy when it rains’.

Oh well curiosity killed the Mountain Cat I guess?

- The Mountain Cat

1-800-62 (everyone please re-listen)

U P D A T E - I am sorry I previously linked the wrong Audio... Now both are linked - Please listen to Part One - It should make more sense now.... Sorry

Today you guys get a little bit of a treat. What we have today is a piece of the past. A little audio from 1994 that I hope that you will find hilarious. Ok here is the set up. My first job out of college was a claims investigator with an insurance company who insured drivers who had problem driving records. During my time there I found that dealing with many of these people was difficult and actually comical at times. I began to document some of these conversations and situations that I had. The following audio is actually me attempting to give my phone # to two different people trying to have the person involved in the accident call me back. I am just trying to give a simple phone # and that's where it all goes awry. My good buddy Mt. Cat has been nice enough to transcribe the conversation as well. Stick with it because even though it is a little bit long it is hilarious. Oh yes and what you are about to hear is 100% real and unscripted. Enjoy, we call this 1-800-62. Part 1 The audio starts after I have tried 3 times to give this old man my 1-800 number. Let me know what you think:

PLEASE CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE AUDIO - I am sorry I had the wrong audio linked before

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO PART TWO AUDIO

Transcript:

SHANE: It’s, it’s 1-800-642…not six four three.

OLD MAN: Uhhuh, you said four two?

SHANE: Yes six four two.

OLD MAN: Ok.

SHANE: You got it?

OLD MAN: Wait just a minute…6….fo….six four two.

SHANE: Yes sir.

OLD MAN: Ok…I to have him call you.

SHANE: Ok hold up hold up. It’s 1-800-642-0506.

OLD MAN: Uh…is this some kind of business or somthin’?

SHANE: I’m his insurance company.

OLD MAN: What kinda place is this?

SHANE: This, I’m the person who is investigating the accident he was involved in.

OLD MAN: Uh-huh.

SHANE: ‘k…I’m not, I need to, I to get give you the full number so he can call me…It’s a (half laughing) free call.

OLD MAN: Wait just a minute (---walks away---) Freddie, come here…..I thought……(---comes back to the phone---) I thought that was him out there but it wasn’t.

SHANE: Ok…well how much of the number do you have down so far?

OLD MAN: HUH?

SHANE: The, the phone number how much do you have written down?

OLD MAN: I got 1-800-62.

SHANE: Ok.

OLD MAN: Oh.

SHANE: Ok…It’s…(Half laughing) start all over.

OLD MAN: Huh?

SHANE: Lemme give you the number again.

OLD MAN: 1-800,

SHANE: six four,

OLD MAN: six,

SHANE: four two,

OLD MAN: Yeah.

SHANE: zero five,

OLD MAN: Wait a minute…..Zero…five, yeah?

SHANE: And then zero six.

OLD MAN: Zero six.

SHANE: After the zero five …..(Half laughing) And there’s more.

OLD MAN: Huh?

SHANE: (half laughing) and then there’s more…. I have an extension number.

OLD MAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: The extension is three nine….

OLD MAN: Yeah.

SHANE: three three….

OLD MAN: Yeah?

SHANE: Now read me what you got.

OLD MAN: 1-800-62…

SHANE: No it’s six four two…..

OLD MAN: Six…no I ain’t talking about, I’m talking about just a straight number?

SHANE: Right.

OLD MAN: Oh, 1-800...six…two.

SHANE: No it’s six four two, sir.

OLD MAN: (feeble) Huh?

SHANE: It’s it’s 1-800-642-0506 and then the extension number. I don’t know where you are getting the six two after the 1-800.

OLD MAN: I got 1-800- but I...and ah…six, six two…..and you say?

SHANE: No it’s six four two.

OLD MAN: Six…..le uh, let her get this I can’t understand that! (Trails away)

OLD WOMAN: Hello?

SHANE: Ma’am?

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh?

SHANE: Can you talk down a number and have uh Fredrick call me back?

OLD WOMAN: What’s this number?

SHANE: 1-800,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: Six four two,

OLD WOMAN: Six four two.

SHANE: Oh five,

OLD WOMAN: Five.

SHANE: Zero five!

OLD WOMAN: Oh five.

SHANE: And then oh six.

OLD WOMAN: Oh six?

SHANE: Let me read it to ya.

OLD WOMAN: Wait now, I’ve got 800, 1-800-six four two, five oh five.

SHANE: No, it’s not just zero five, not oh five…six four two,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: Zero fiv,

OLD WOMAN: Zero fiv, uh, oh? Not, not 800?

SHANE: Yeah it’s 1-800,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: six four two,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: Zero five,

OLD WOMAN: Zero five.

SHANE: Zero six.

OLD WOMAN: Zero...six.

SHANE: And my extension number,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: Is three nine three three…

OLD WOMAN: Six three nine, what?

SHANE: Three three.

OLD WOMAN: Three three, ok.

SHANE: Read it back to me one mor, one time just to make sure I got it.

OLD WOMAN: Ok...now eh you have uh uh, six four two, five oh, six oh.

SHANE: No it’s oh five oh six.

OLD WOMAN: (laugh) It’s oh five oh six! Oh my goodness let me start all over! Six four,

SHANE: (half laugh) That’s 1-800 six four two

OLD WOMAN: Oh…oh five, oh six

SHANE: Yes.

OLD WOMAN: Oh six, extension three nine three…

SHANE: Three.

OLD WOMAN: Three.

SHANE: Now let me read it to you one time to make sure we got.

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: 1-800,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: six four two,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.
.
SHANE: Zero five zero six,

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

SHANE: Extension three nine three three.

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh, awhoaw.

SHANE: Ok, have Fred, and my name is Shane by the way.

OLD WOMAN: Shane?

SHANE: Yes.

OLD WOMAN: S,

SHANE: Have, have,

OLD WOMAN: S H what?

SHANE: S,H,A,N,E.

OLD WOMAN: S, H, A, N, E. Ok.

SHANE: Have Fredrick call me as soon as he gets in.

OLD WOMAN: Ok.

SHANE: Thank you.

OLD WOMAN: Uh huh.

*click* *dial tone*

SHANE: You gotta be kidding me? (laugh)


-Doc

MT Doc, Empty Float

Wow all the pressure is on me while my blogger brother is out.

Well I attempted to see the Giants parade yesterday. I only managed to get as close as five blocks north of City Hall. I did get a great photo of the float the Giant players WERE on. Great picture clarity don't you think? I pushed my way though a crowd of two million fans so what more do you expect from me dammit! I had too much to do at my office than dance around in this crowd all day. Besides I had to go to the bathroom.

I did however see a bunch of punks smash up a couple parked cars! They were standing on them in order to see the parade. Either their weight, or carelessness or both destroyed a minivan and a white Ford. I was unable to get good photos of these mangled cars due to the immenseness of the crowd. Ahh, shades of 1999 when the Yankees won the World Series and I saw a few cars get smashed as well during their ticker-tape parade. However I do not feel sorry for those folks who got their cars totaled. They should have known better than to park in on a street corner during such an event!

I did manage to get these photos as well:
(Click on the photos to make them larger).

Those are some of the punks who smahed the cars.

Is that Eli Manning on the bus in the background?

- The Mountain Cat

I heard the worst combination of four words in the history of mankind

(Let me preempt this by saying, I was given a Starbucks gift card from a client).
The woman in front of me in the line at Starbucks ordered a 'Grande Soy Chai Latte'.
WTF is in a 'Grande Soy Chai Latte'????????
I myself bought a 'Tall Americano' which is the closest thing in Starbucks to regular coffee. Or in Starbuckanese; Cafe Regulari. But I REFUSE to order a 'Tall'. I want a small one.
So I asked for a small! Then the cashier says 'One Tall Americano'. Then I snapped back, 'Yes, a Small Americano'. She is not going to control my speech!! I think Starbucks is the closest thing to modern day fascism.
- The Mountain Cat