That means it is time again for my Top Ten List. So in the grand tradition of Sir George Carlin I give you....
My Top Ten People I Can Do Without:
10. An airline pilot who sounds like Elmer Fudd.
My Top Ten People I Can Do Without:
10. An airline pilot who sounds like Elmer Fudd.
9. Any Italian who prefers the food of The Olive Garden.
8. Anyone who orders a Diet Coke with their Big Mac and large fries.
7. Any man who carries wet naps.
6. A lawyer who answers the phone 'yellow?'
5. A woman with a tattoo under her hair.
4. Any man who calls other people 'yahoos'. 'Gee Dan, that guy is a real yahoo!'
3. A shoe salesman who wears pink socks.
2. A hooker who accepts food stamps.
1. Any member of the clergy that regularly eats at Chuck E. Cheese.
Any other people you can do without?
- The Mountain Cat
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178 comments:
LOL...I hate when poeple say "Yellow" on the phone. It makes me crazy. The oher verbal issue that makes me crazy is:
People who say ITLY instead of Italy.
I carry wet-naps
:-(
Doc, you are a parent so you are excluded.
People who think they are perfect parents and that there is no way their children ever do anything wrong.
Does anybody know how to put clock radios back together? My daughter has taken them all apart with her plastic screwdriver. I didn't think that those toys could inflict so much damage.
People I can do without:
-David Archuleta fans
-A surfer who uses a walker
-A molester of little bugs
-Any man who carrys a "man purse"
-A woman whose b.o. smells like moth balls
-Any woman who has a fetish for Mr. Met
-Any familys that have a long running fued over a game of chutes and ladders
-A mailman with a "keep honking I'm reloading" bumper sticker
-Any car mechanic who gets mani/pedis
-Any oil company executive
-A crossing guard who moonlights as a jockey
-A busdriver with one of those trachea talk boxes
Lady Eli, ha! Sounds like you have your hands full. Thank you for your comment. Hope to hear from you more often.
Doc, you are a parent so you are excluded.
No I take them to the speedway... They are awesome... anyway
Hey Lady Eli Welcome back !!!
- Any adult who watches Yo Gabba Gabba.
- Anyone who speaks the Klyngon language fluently.
- Any woman that has several volumes of her diary.
-Any stevedore who sings show tues
-A lighthouse keeper with vertigo
-Anyone who worships Grimace
-An art museum tourguide who sounds like he sucked in helium
-A zookeeper who is afraid of the dark.
- A bishop who beats his bishop.
- Anyone who holds an umbrella over their head when it is sunny.
- Anyone who has a plunger collection.
- Anybody that yells Freebird at any concert that is not Lynyrd Skynyrd (Wait, I do that. Never mind).
-Anyone who loves the game Rock Band
(J/K)
- Anyone who works at Fatz at gets sexually aroused by that Gaffney Peach Tower.
Notre Dame football fans who didn't go to ND and aren't even Catholic.
People who text message, talk on another cell phone, eat a cheeseburger and read the newspaper while they are driving.
Any man that does NOT like to rip a good fart!
Women who put makeup on while driving.
Anyone who would floss there teeth with others at the table.
Any man that does NOT take a little sniff when he rips a good fart.
- People that preach on public transportation.
- Co-workers who insist on showing me pictures of their cat dressed in various outfits.
-A tugboat captain who plays patty cake on duty
-A proctogist whose nickname is "One-eyed Willie"
-A marraige counselor named Zsa-Zsa
-A dyslexic air traffic controller
-A submarine captain with irritable bowel syndrome
The hooker in Boston who refused me "a good time" because she didn't accept American Express Travelers Checks. [true]
Doc is a roll today! Too funny man.
- Any waitress who calls me Sweetie.
- Anyone who thinks there is a female singer named Judith Priest (Hi Mom).
- Anyone who loves the band The Google Dolls (Hi Christine).
- Anyone who planned to see Led Zeppelin only to find out it was Lez Zeppelin (Hi Mountain Cat).
Any service person who comes to your place to fix something, and asks you, "Do you have a rag I can use?"
ROTFLMAO @ Micky-T!!!!!!
Cashiers with picked sores on their hands.
Food service workers with a cold or cough, or picked sores on their hands.
People that like say like, like all the time.
Cigar smokers in public.
Non-responders to the salutation, Hello.
Along the lines of what Karen said, pepole that say Italian emphasis on the IIIIIIIII. I hear it a lot in Pa.
Any asshole who thinks I'm an asshole.
A snuffaloffagus, get a tissue for Christ sake.
A person with BO or bad breath.
A fatty in spandex.
A display of "camel toes"
- Religious zealots who try to be hip by calling the Holy Trinity 'The God Squad'.
- Anyone who mixes whiskey with their Oatmeal.
- Anyone who walks around reciting Coughlin's Law's. Sorry Doc.
Men[?] who have really long fingernails.
Women that have really, really long fingernails.
- Anyone on St. Patty's Day that spray paints their pets green.
-Any golddigger with a wooden leg who tries to compete in a professional dance competition
-A nuclear psyicist whose favorite musician is Marilyn Manson
-Anyone who collects used bubble gum
-A surgeon who flunked biology 4 times
-Any team mascot that carries a can of Nair with him
-A 500 pound judge on a scooter who asks he husband under oath if he did his chores yesterday
A sales clerk with no knowlegde on the product they sell.
A movie goer that has already seen the movie and can't shut up about it.
Someone that eats with their mouth open.
A too slow driver
Cell phone users in restuarants.
Anyone who walks around reciting Coughlin's Law's. Sorry Doc.
Bury the dead... they stink up the joint.
Dude, Doug Coughlin was the best... He was a 'relative negativist' - FANTASTIC !!
People who chew with their mouth open
People who talk with food in their mouths
People who turn their head to cough/sneeze and dont otherwise cover their mouths
Snaggletooth (A chick I used to work with)
Men who take longer to get ready to go out than most women
Men who get their hair done at a SALON
Men who are afraid to get dirty
Most of other peoples kids
People who talk during movies
People who walk too slow in front of me
People who give me dirty looks for going around them when they're walking too slow in front of me
How many are we allowed because I could go on all day?
Customers who whistle or snap at their waiter/waitress -- We're not dogs mother fucker.
The people who record automated messages
People that don't flush and or see the seat is clean before leaving the stall.
People using their hands at a buffet.
My mother in law
My father in law
My mother
People that can't park straight or take up more than one spot because they think it'll keep people from door dinging them.
I bet they wonder why they have spit on their windshield
MUWAHAHAHA!
Men that *wink* and me that don't know me.
A mushy handed handshaker.
A touch feely stranger.
Someone that stands too close.
Someone that doesn't wipe their mouth while eating.
People that don't "get" blogging.
Loud breather, eaters, talkers
-Any sushi chef with a known tropical disease
-Any secret agent who looks like Mr. Bean
-A psychic on anti-psychotics
-A British dentist
-Any auto insurance agent who wants to insure Brittney Spears
-A priest who hums Hermans Hermits Henry the 8th during his homily
Can I just say that I love the way 'G' thinks... LOL @ the 'wink and the gun' and BTW - I miss Gargamel.
Mumblers, too fast talkers, too slow talkers, too much talkers, pompous talkers, stupid talkers, too smart talkers, too sweet talkers, too low talkers.
'Second verse same as the first'
Doc, I have that song on my iPod. Surprised?
People that don't drive at least 5mph over the speed limit.
Someone that sniffs their snot instead of blowing.
People that wear clothes that are not flattering to their body type.
Ones that try to play that their lives are perfect.
Parents that think that their child can do no wrong.
Wal-Mart enough said.
A porn star named Double Hung.
well this makes me sad cause that means you can live without me! I have a tattoo under my hair...actually I have 3!!! And I kick some serious ass!
I can live without the people who ask if my tattoos are real. No you douche, I wake up reaaaaal early every day and draw them on. I'm desperately trying to be cool...
Anyone that doesn't understand BOUNDRIES.
Hey DPH... Mt. Cat said that... Not me.
(but seriously these are all just jokes trying to be funny anyway. It's a George Carlin thing... a game Mt. Cat and I used to play. We are just inviting others to participate)
People who have an shower and an engagement party eventhough they have been living together for 5 years before getting married.
"Friends" who get insulted when their single friends don't want to go to a 4 year old children's party a Chuck E. Cheese.
The lady at the Polish deli who yelled at me this afternoon for speaking in English to my father. Mind Your Own Business.
Doc, I have that song on my iPod. Surprised?
Nope... I like that song too however I was trying to think of the perfect song in that instance. The runners up were MMMMbop by Hansen and Brandy by Looking Glass
Speaking about the tattoos under the hair, Mt Cat what don't you like about that? And why do you only have a problem with women's tattoos under the hair? Which section of hair by the way?
DPH, Doc & Lu',
I just thought it sounded funny. If I offend, my apologies. DPH you can be the exception to my rule ~:)
-A goat farmer named Bruce Lee
-An IT engineer who is Amish
-A third base coach nicknamed No-Neck McGruff
-A lasic surgeon who got his degree from ITT Tech
-A produce clerk who fondles the peaches
-A financial advisor who followed KISS on the road for the decade of the 80s
Thanks Mt. Cat!!! xoxoxoxo
And you didn't offend...
Thanks Mt. Cat!!! xoxoxoxo
And you didn't offend...
- Any woman who get really drunk at a party and yell at the top of voice 'TIN ROOF! RUSTED!'
HER voice I mean.
A third base coach nicknamed No-Neck McGruff
Hilarious Doc! Did you have these written down for awhile?
oh how I want to post something inappropriate...
What? what? :)
Any woman who get really drunk at a party and yell at the top of voice 'TIN ROOF! RUSTED!'
You are a idiot... ROTFLMFAO !!!!
BWAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAA - YOU ARE ASKING FOR IT NOW!!
(oh my gosh that is funny)
Ok for those of you (all of you) who weren't there Mt. Cat has a Super Bowl party back in like 1997 where I was hitting on this girl and she was hitting back on me. Then 'Love Shack' came on the radio and the drunk girls were yelling the song out... I was about to change the music and the girl I was hitting on said "no don't change it" and leaned on me grabbing at the CD I wanted to play. I moved my weight the wrong way and turned my body she went flipping over and I knocked her out cold accidentally... gave the poor girl a concussion... Needless to say teh party ended about then.
We still call her concussion girl.
Hilarious Doc! Did you have these written down for awhile?
Nope... Stream of conscious baby, just like the old days!
oh how I want to post something inappropriate...
What? what? :)
E-mail me if you want to see what she means and I will send it to you...
Doc, I honestly did not remember that Love Shack was playing when we met Concussion Girl. LOL.
WHAT You don't remember.... ???
I don't remember the song being played. But I believe you! Too funny!
Doc, Look it is a sex toy!:
Yo Gabba Gabba
My husband is a diabetic so he orders a diet coke with his big mac and fries cuz the sugar in the regular coke would send him into a coma. :P
ROFL @ Concussion Girl Story!!!
Muno
Mt Cat wouldn't that be Yo Hubba Hubba
Or a bath salts Yo Rubba Dubba, then again that could be the sex toy LOL
-A taxi cab driver with no middle fingers
-A mortgage broker nicknamed Leap O' Faith
-Someone at the gym who works out wearing a cummerbund, bow tie, and Crocs
-A flight attendant with "I'm in the mile high club" tattooed on her lower back
-A car salesman nicknamed "Shifty"
- Anyone who owns DVD copies of those Thumb movies.
- A plummer who wears a thong.
- Bill Belichick
Talisman,
I'm just having fun. I was being ironic as the word 'diet' should not apply with a Big Mac sandwich. LOL
Paula Abdul when speaking
Paula Abdul said: 'I thi..I thi..I thi *HICCUP* I think that David Arugula is a ecccsolunt singer Dogg!'
Paula Abdul said do I work here? who am I?
You know what, Doc...I may listen to John Mayer from time to time, but at least I don't PEE IN MY BED LIKE YOU DO!!!!
Leap O... It's just a play on words. Think about it...the mortgage industry "Leap O Faith"
anyway...
AND I DIDN'T PEE IN MT. CATS MOMS BED... (did I ?)
How about a Motgage Co named Ndn Gvr
LMAO...he literally just told me the same exact thing! You two really do share a brain, huh?!?!?!?
PS - it's all love, Doc! = )
Doc, And you peed on my Falco tape!
How about a Motgage Co named Ndn Gvr
How about a mortgage co named "Bubl Brst"
A mortgage broker nicknamed Leap O' Faith
That's good!!!! We just finished one and it was a leap of faith.
AAAAAAH HA!!!!!
So you admit it was Falco and not some 'Bad Ass mix' tape !!
You all are witnesses!
How about a mortgage co agent,
Blied U. Drigh
Don't turn around, uh-oh
Der Kommissar's in town, uh-oh!
That is "after the fire"
Yes I know but Falco is the singer, God rest his soul.
- People who thinks Oscar was a funny movie.
-Whole New G when she has dirty dreams about mad passionate sweaty sex with Dick Cheney.... It's the dream subconscious
Sorry G I had to...
(You know I am kidding btw.)
A Wal Mart cashier who is slower than an Ethiopian Death March.
A cable TV rep whose IQ is lower than my 5 year old's.
A person with a handicap decal that walks for two hours in the mall. (a friend of mine).
The Big Fat Stupid Retard who works here that told me it's hard to recognize people if you don't know them. (REALLY? I never would have guessed)
A police officer who wears a pink shirt and tie when off duty. (yea, I'm lucky enough to know this person, too).
Me, during PMS week.
My husband on Scotch.
Flo, the Progressive Insurance Lady on crack.
The guy down the road who places a "STOP" sign in the middle of the road when his kids are playing, but does wheelies down the street on his dirt bike.
Flo, the Progressive Insurance Lady on crack.
I LOVE Flo... she is my new TV girlfriend crush!!
I thought about you when I saw her last night...
Bina, You really really REALLY just made me cring with your death march comment.
Hey my cousin works for Progressive. Watch it.
I kid you not, last night, my daughter was dancing around and I said, "What are you doing???" She said, "I HAVE A PARTY IN MY TUMMY".
If not for your, I would never have known where that came from.
Wooo Hooo 100 comments on a Friday !!
I kid you not, last night, my daughter was dancing around and I said, "What are you doing???" She said, "I HAVE A PARTY IN MY TUMMY".
If not for your, I would never have known where that came from.
You know you love me anyway... LOL!
People who pull out in front of you really fast, just to go slow.
Rude, mean, stupid people.
People who let their kids run around like little monkies at restaurants.
Strangers who look at me like I'm an idiot when I smile and say hi!
The asst. manager at McDonalds who acts like she wants to slap the crap out of you for DARING to order food from there!
Any person who feels like they have to be 4 inches from your face and yelling loudly with stank ass breath in order to be heard.
Any person who hasn't been trained in the fine art of replacing toilet paper.
Did I miss it, or hasn't Heather Mills be mentioned yet????
Okay, I'm taking over the comments. I'll stop now. But there are just SO many people I can live without.
But not you Doc!!!!!!
-A fried chicken resteraunt that smells like Baby Oil
-A parking valet on crutches with a halo brace screwed into his skull
-A daycare worker with a diamond uncrusted grille that says 'pay up beoootch' on it
-Anyone who has an unhealthy obsession with Tinker Bell
-Any woman who flosses her teeth with bailing twine
Bina how much time you putting in at Peachfest?
I am Plunger Man!
Doc she'll be good for 50 an hour!
Telling ya, if we try we can do a1000!
Bina how much time you putting in at Peachfest?
I hope a LOT!!! Bina is awesome in multiple comment spewing... It's great! She is in the same league as the triplets (L, L, & A)
Plunger Man, Oh Plunger Man, What's the monkey wrench for, Oh Plunger Man?
Oh my gosh I am cracking up going back and reading all the comments. :p
You people are FUNNY!
Plunger Man, Plunger Man.
Does whatever a Plunger can.
Cleans the shit,
Wipes your ass.
He does it all,in a flash.
Hey theeeerrreee,
Here comes the Plunger Man!
Plunger Man, plunger man... spends his days in a Sani-Can!
I can do with out asshats that put up cool posts and then take them down
LU!!
:p
I can do without Spongebob Squarepants!
My kids say I'm "Plankton" because I'm mean MUWAHAHAHA!
I can do without people knocking on my door.... ever.
Getting called Plankton, doesn't sound complimentary. LOL
The people who blow the train horns at the John Deere plant next to my house....
The jackass that called 911 which led to the fire engine blasting by my house AT NAPTIME today!
Plankton is actually a funny little guy.... he's always trying to scheme evil plans to take over the world. Oh, and to steal the Krusty Krab Secret Formula!
Zombies
the people who decided that MTV should produce reality shows.... or any other show for that matter
A few times I've been around that track,
So it's not just gonna happen like that,
Because I ain't Yo Gabba Gaaaabbbaaaa,
I ain't Yo Gabba Gaaaabbbaaaa.
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit.
Oh, Mountain Cat, thank you for this post!
People I can do without:
People who think they know it all,
People who think that their children never do anything wrong,
Parents who wonder if a teacher is lying about the child saying What the "f#@K" to a teacher
People who do not respect the personal space of others and then wonder why a person is defensive.
Ahhh, that is my list, and I am done for the week. Thanks, Mt.Cat!
Happy Birthday, Apple!
Dear Mountain Cat,
Please do everything in your power to get laid this weekend.
Yours Truly
Oh, I'll be putting out plenty on Tuesday! Virtually, that is!!!! LOL
LOVE the plunger man song!!!!! Ha Ha Ha!
Patrick's Mom, How've you been girl? It's been a while. Thanks!
Anonymous (Pat), That is a not problem. I just want quality over quantity!
Doc, what is our current record for number of comments on one post?
My Dearest Mountain Cat,
Forget the quality girls. Save your money and go for the homely. They're more eager and willing than you realize.
Yours Truly
P.S. Don't call me Pat.
anyone (Doc) who thinks Bill O'Reilly's sexy
**Barf**
You are soo wrong G...
BTW - this is Doc on Patrick's Mommy's computer
MC I think I remember a buck fifty or so way back when.
Speaking of bucks we just had 7 deer come thru our front yard. Two pregnant momma's,a baby buck and a few skippers.
I took a vid to post tomorrow!
Yours Truly,
True dat! Hey I do ok with the homely ones but do you really want me to bring one home? Err and have kids with?? (They don't read this blog so I am safe).
Darling Mountain Cat,
We're not talking about marriage here. We're talking about several consecutive sexual release sessions.
Take off your Plunger Man costume and back slowly away from the adult cartoons. It's not too late.
Yours Truly
The record might be 145... I am still checking
Doc
Leighann,
oh I'd, but I would just, and then people would, forget it...
I guess I'm just gonna put on my asshat and go.
hee hee hee
Hey Your Truly, It is all your fault ever since you tried to set me up with that short skirt chick who was at your birthday party.
Deeyam! You bitches have been busy! Don't you have jobs or kids to carry screaming to the dr. like me?? I need a xanax and BIG FUCKING DRINK!!!!!!!!!!
Mountain Cat, Sweetie, Pumpkin,
You must have me mistaken with someone else. I do however know of someone I'd like to set you up with. You posted his picture. He likes candy.
Yours Truly
Your Truly, Nah. I'm too fast for him.
3 more comments for the record!
That's easy!
YJKOBT is a very fun place to hang out, don't you think?
Oh shoot I just tied the record. Damn. Need two more, not me.
LOL... This record isn't gonna last very long.
Ok I am outta here... Going to apple's b-day "party"
I wanted it...I wanted it!!!
Boo hoo...
LOL!
I can live without the kind of people who would tell us bloggers "To get a life"
I wanna go to Apple's party!! Booohoooo!!!
I win!
ROTFL @ Leap O
Paging Jahooni...
I want cake!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy birthday AAAAP
If you can make it to afton village in an hour come on... you are invited. We will be at the Wine room.
Fuck Peachfest! Lets get 500 comments now!
The 'wine room', huh? Sounds like fun!! We already have our own version goin' on here...lil' during, I mean after work cocktails! LOL!
Have fun...and Happy Birthday, AAAAP!!
Yeah! Plungerfest
Nah! On second thought, I'm outta here!
Later!
We're on our way, TMC! You and I can just sit here and type instead of talking...we'll get there soon enough!
what happens if we break 500 before PeachFest?? Will we have to do 1000, then???
What exactly is 'Plungerfest', Mick??
Plungerfest! BAWWWWWWWWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!
I think they have a plungerfest every night somewhere in West Greenwich Village. I think I will pass....LOL
OK!..... we could do 200!
LMAOROTF, Mt. Cat...I'm really gonna pee my pants!!
Plungerpalooza!
I'm not sure, it has something to do with a monkey wrench.
I don't know where that is and since bringing babies to a bar is frowned upon I have to pass :( Invite me beforehand next time freaks!!! I think the 3 of us would have fun together :)
I knew it started in NY somewhere!
LOL
Yo Gabba Gabbapaloozafest. We'll give away free electric Muno plastic dolls to the first 500 women who post.
Abbag Abbag Oy
Hmmm...a monkey wrench, huh?? A little wine and my brain is working O/T!!
OK! really going now,
yack wit ya tmorra.
Micky-T, You crazy! So what's under that blue and white hat of yours? If you take it off will you look like Annikan Skywalkr/Darth Vader at the end of Return of Jedi? Part man, part machine?
Goodnight all...my baby is demanding attention by trying to cut off the computer...she is wicked smart!
I just KNOW there's a hottie under that hat...!!
A feat of engineering you couldn't possibly imagine!
The Bionic Boatmaster??
Night Merry
I miss saying, wicked good!
That is a Beantown thang!
Wish my fuckin left arm was bionic cuzz it's still broke! I can barely hold a twelve pack!
Micky-T, what the hell happened????
I am out of here. New post on auto timer in 10 minutes. Have a great weekend!
You too Bud!
Thanks for all the funnies guys! I wish you all could have been at my party!
Doc--you weren't referring to me with that "anyone who has an unhealthy Tinkerbell obsession" were you?
Doc--you weren't referring to me with that "anyone who has an unhealthy Tinkerbell obsession" were you?
Well who else do I know who wants Tinkerbell floormats huh?
-Doc (on mommy's computer)
I have to admit, I have the hairline tattoo (on the back of my neck, right below the hairline).
http://ginormousboobs.blogspot.com/2008/03/my-new-ink.html
And I thought I was doing so good because I avoided the tramp stamp!
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