Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Airing of Grievances 2009


To continue a Doc and Mt. Cat tradition in order to wish you a Happy Festivus (if you are not familiar with Festivus Click here) I now present this year 2009's Airing of the Grievances:

- Hey Tila Tequilla - Becoming a surrogate mother will not give you the class that you lack or the legitimacy and respect you crave. Why don't you try and tone down the act just a tiny bit in the coming year huh?

-Oh Kanye - I hope that somebody bigger than you bullies the crap out of you someday and craps on your dream you big punk. Obama tried to but then claimed he was misquoted. Get your head out of your ass dude.

-Carrie Prejean - *Knock Knock Knock* No one cares - Move on, nothing to see here

-Just a note to Michael Phelps... If you are gonna puff puff then make sure the cameras are confiscated first. Idiot.

-The Following is the "What the Eff" Section:
Congressman Joe Wilson - What the Eff ??
Serena Williams - What the Eff??
McKenzie Phillips - What the Eff??
Bernie Madoff - What the Eff ??
Kim Jong Ill - What the Eff ??
General Omar al-Bashir - What the Eff ??
Jon Gosselin - What the Eff ??
Morgan Freeman - What the Eff??
Norm Coleman - What the Eff??

-Chris Brown - here is a tip for ya... It is your fault and you can't blame America for being pissed at you.

-Hey Sarah Palin, thank you for both quitting on Alaska and trying to invent imaginary"Death Panels" It sold you a few books and guaranteed that you will never be elected to the Executive branch.

-Hey US Army - Do you think it might be a good idea not to have someone with radical Islamic views and a proven hostility towards his own employer as a psychiatrist dealing with PTSD? It sounds simple... BECAUSE IT IS SIMPLE!

-Dumb-ass quote of the year: "James Bond is an imperialist, misogynist sociopath who goes around bedding women, swilling martinis and killing people. He's repulsive." -- Actor Matt Damon who plays rival action hero Jason Bourne.

-Glenn Beck - Just because not everyone agrees with you doesn't mean we love America any less than you do AND it doesn't make us idiots.

- To my beloved NY Mets - It cannot possibly be worse that it was in 2009 so you better have gotten all the crap out of the way and be ready to got for 2010. Oh never mind Omar Minaya is still there. And you aren't immune either Carolina Panthers and Florida State Seminoles... you just haven't reeked quite as pungently as the Mets did this year.

- Tiger Woods why are you taking an indefinite leave from golf... Golf wasn't the problem. The screwing all the waitresses and hostesses was what cost you your marriage. Playing golf was probably the safest thing you were doing.

- Hey media - WE GET IT - Michael Jackson is dead... We don't need 24 hour coverage of it!

- I am sure there are others that I can't think of right now but I reserve the right to revise and extend my remarks as needed.

Please feel free to comment on mine or add a few grievances of your own from 2009 and until next year...Happy Festivus !!

-Doc

13 comments:

terri said...

Love your list! It started my day with a good laugh.

Unfortunately, I have nothing to add. I'm in too good of a mood to complain today.

Kim said...

Excellent!

The airing of grievances is the best part of the holiday season, LOL.

Paige said...

Awesome! Sadly I'm too tire this morning to come up with any witty responses. *sigh*

The AbsolutGator said...

Doc, I could contribute, but I think I'd get censored again!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

No complaints here, other than I have to leave my warm, snuggly home to pick up a prescription today. Bah!

3 Men and a Lady said...

I wholeheartedly agree. And I couldn't care less if I heard another thing about Michael Jackson ever again. It's nice that everybody started giving a shit about him once he was dead. Typical.

Mandy said...

Funny you mention Joe Wilson. My family has known his since before I was born. We used to live very close to each other when I was in school. His good friend, Rusty DePass, made the news here this year as well. He does a lot politically and made a dumb comment on Facebook, trying to be funny, and not realizing everyone could see it, about Michelle Obama. Made all kinds of headlines, he lost his job, etc. Well, crazy as it is, Rusty is my Godfather. See, crazy stuff just happens in my life... but isn't it entertaining??

Lu' said...

Jason Bourne rocks :)

Four Dinners said...

Being a Brit I'm unsure who many of these retards are...I think I'm on safe ground to say that given your view of them...;-)

Sarah Palin. We all thought she was somekind of dominatrix who'd whipped the President. Came as a shock she was actually a politician. Shame really.

Tiger Woods. Always thought he was a nobhead. Loved his wifey twatting him with one of his own clubs. You go girl!!!

Kanye West. Top top top arsehole.

Matt Damon. Poor mans James Bond

Is the WTF? bit on Morgan Freeman to do with that car smash and some other bird he was shagging?

Apart from that I'm at a loss old bean.

Very interesting stuff though.

Have a great Crimbo chaps.

The AbsolutGator said...

Just clicked the 'Next Blog' link at the top a few dozen times for S&Gs. I didn't find anything interesting, but there are a lot of people who do scrapbooking/stamping and love to blog about it.

Doc said...

Yeah Four D ... note for those who missed it this year. Morgan Freeman admitted this year that he has been having an affair with his 28 year old step-grandaughter yes I typed that correctly... Mr. Freeman's next role should be as Mr. Creepy McPerv-a-lot

Hilary said...

You have the makings of a Seindfeldesue legend. ;)

Joker_SATX said...

Doc!

Your blog is the breath of Fresh Air I need. Here I am finally catching up and reading and laughing like a dumbass!

Kudos Bro!