Monday, May 12, 2008

New-Age Political Correctness


Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America; Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.


And furthermore...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' -- She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not 'EASY' -- She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' -- She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' -- She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you -- She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE !'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' -- She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' -- He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' -- He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' -- He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' -- He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL A$$' -- He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

What other PC terms can you come up with?
-As American as Apple Pie

46 comments:

The Mountain Cat said...

AAAAP,

Brilliant!

She is not a 'PRUDE', she is 'SEXUALLY REPRESSED'.

Lu' said...

It's not that he doesn't listen, answer or thow out empty containers. He is an energy conservationist.

She doesn't have a fat ass. She has a built for comfort padded seating area.

She's not a bitch. She is pleasant personality challenged.

Pat said...

Hes not a cheap bastard
Hes a fiscally retentive orphan

Lu' said...

He isn't a male chauvinist pig. He is an anal orifice.

Doc said...

He's not a 'No good bum' He's a 'poorly conditioned and address challenged'

She's not a 'MILF' she's a 'Priorly reproductive prospective conjugation object'

Doc said...

She's not a 'Gold Digger' she's a 'Heather Mills'

Doc said...

She's not a 'Old Battle Axe' she's a 'Aged Cranium and Torso Seperating Instrument'

The Mountain Cat said...

I used to be an Appalachian American.

As American as Apple Pie said...

These are great!! Keep em coming.

As American as Apple Pie said...

Doc--Love the MILF!

Micky-T said...

He's not a shit eating bastard,
he's a waste consumer manager
or a fecal flow regulator.

It's not a clusterfuck,
it's, the war in Iraq.

Doc said...

Doc--Love the MILF!

You would... go figure LOL!

Doc said...

He's not 'cheating scum' he is 'an overhugging pond dweller'

Doc said...

She's not a 'Barfly' she is a 'Consumption opportunist'

Lu' said...

It's not a soul sucking daily grind of a job, It's a socially acceptable means for monetary gain.

Lu' said...

it's not doggie style, it's canine impersonatus coitus.

Sassy Mama Bear said...

I'm laughing so hard I don't know if I can come up with any...

He's not a drunk...
he's just self medicated.

She's not a bitch...
she's just an overly outspoken orater.

Anndi said...

I'm Canadian.. you can call me babe as much as you want ;)

Anndi said...

She's not a hoochie, she has fabric allergy.

Doc said...

She's not 'jailbait' she is just a 'pre-ripend mandatory sentence'

Doc said...

I'm Canadian.. you can call me babe as much as you want ;)

I already do.... Babe ;-)

Anndi said...

*giggle*

Lu' said...

He's not a man whore, he is an equal opportunity fornicator.

Doc said...

He doesn't have a 'wandering eye' he just is suffering from 'ocular ADD'

Anndi said...

He's not vain, he's Simon Cowell!

Anndi said...

He's not vain, he's Simon Cowell!

Anndi said...

oops...

Doc said...

He/She's not lying like a 'steaming pile of buffalo dung' he/she's a 'politician'

As American as Apple Pie said...

Ok, the wandering eye & man whore are my favs.

You guys have me rolling on the floor over here!

Doc said...

She doesn't have a 'STD' she is suffering from a 'post encounter cootie-itus'

Lu' said...

She's not butt ugly, she bears an anal resemblance.

They aren't four eyed freaks, they are quadrupley bespectacled non-conformists.

Anndi said...

He doesn't masturbate, he has an affinity for tube socks.

Anndi said...

He isn't a plumber, he has "rear-cleavage".

Lu' said...

Californias are now Quakers

it's not shit for brains, its fecal cranium contents

he's not a flasher, he's a penis protruder and she would be someone who let the cat out of the bag.

Lu' said...

he's not masturbating, he's a palm piolt.

Doc said...

He's not a 'Dead-beat Dad' he is a 'Financially uncooperative Paternal figure'

Aunt Becky said...

He is not a 'BAD DANCER' -- He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

And so am I. So am I.

Robin said...

He diesn't have a fat gut and a small penis, he just has his body bulk awkwardly arranged.

As American as Apple Pie said...

Love the Palm Pilot!!! You're killing me!

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

ROFL, I use Overly Caucasian all the time!!!

Lu' said...

It's not junk in the trunk, it's excessive baggage in the rear compartment.

It's not oral sex, it's non-verbal cum-munications

Apple Hubby said...

It's not a man after a sex change, it's a non-native breasted individual.

Apple Hubby said...

She's not ugly as sin she's "I just ain't drunk enough yet" kinda purty.

The guy's not a dickhead he's a TAB A Cranium.

She doesn't have Crabs she has Mini crustaceans.

Oh and those Appalachian Americans aren't toothless wonders they are dentally suitable for risk free fellatio.

Lesley said...

lmao... I can't even come up with anything except.
She's not short.. She's vertically challenged
Or for a fan of britney S when she's flashing getting out of her car. Instead of saying you can see she is not wearing underwear... It should be "You can see her verticle smile tonight"

Bina said...

LU! "It's not a soul sucking daily grind of a job, It's a socially acceptable means for monetary gain."

This is my job exactly!!!!!

jennifer said...

Horizontally Accessible and Overly Caucasion just slayed me. The blond thing too.

Funny!

Jen