Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Worst Film Ever Made!

I recently watched…ah…rather sat through ‘The Brown Bunny’. Directed, produced, edited and starring Vincent Gallo.

There are no adjectives in any human, animal or Klingon language to describe how bad this film is. I cannot believe this self-absorbed ‘artist’ actually released this film. (Or that someone actually let him release it). It contains, bad editing, bad story, bad acting and bad fellatio.

The story is about this idiot drifter motorcycle race driver who drives cross country in his van lamenting about his dead ex-girlfriend. Along the way he meets women who he decides not to sleep with. (One of whom is played by Cheryl Tiegs!). Until finally he confronts his post mortem love, play by former Oscar nominee Chloë Sevigny, who, in a dream sequence, gives him a real live blow job! (Non-simulated and very graphic). He whips it out, she takes in and then the credits roll.

This is the most dumbfounded film ever put on celluloid! The first 80 minutes are just camera shots of the back of Vincent Gallo’s head driving on the highway with smudges of dead bugs on his windshield while sappy songs by Gordon Lightfoot play in the background. Only until about minute 85 when Chloë Sevigny opens her mouth really wide, does the movie get somewhat interesting. This movie got the worst reception at the Cannes Film Festival in 2003 as well as my living room.

But I have to admit the only reason why I ‘paper viewed’ this film was because of the talented ‘acting’ scene by Chloë as this film is notoriously known for. (So sue me for being just as perverted as our director Mr. Gallo!). But actually, in all honesty, any man who can convince an actress as good looking as Chloë Sevigny to give him head on film, must have a little bit on genius in him. (Supposedly they were dating at the time). In that case, kudos to Vincent Gallo. You are better as a pimp daddy than a film maker.

Even the Easter Bunny hated this film!












Rent Gallo's other film ‘Buffalo '66’ instead, which is actually a decent film.

- The Mountain Cat

31 comments:

Doc said...

Milk Chocolate bunny would probably be better....

Matt-Man said...

"Bad Fellatio"? Is there such a thing? Cheers!!

micky-t said...

Thanks for that Monica and Bill link. Ha ha ha
How do we know it WAS bad?

The Mountain Cat said...

The whole point of this film is the anger Gallo felt about his girlfriend dying on him and leaving him alone. So he
fantasizes about degrading her. Hence the BJ. What a stupid movie!
Happy Easter!

Knight said...

The movie might have been horrible but I sure did enjoy your review of it.

The Mountain Cat said...

Thank you Knight. More reviews to come.
Did you read my Keanu rant:
'http://yougoaheadandkeeponbelievingthat.blogspot.com/2008/02/keanu.html'

As American as Apple Pie said...

Since when are BJs degrading? And I agree with Matt-man, how is there such a thing as bad fellatio? I think most men are happy to get it whatever the circumstances.

As American as Apple Pie said...

Ok, I just looked at the links of the pics of these two. WOOF! They are both uggs! I guess they deserve each other.

TMC-how can you think she's good looking? Unless these pics don't do her justice.

Karen said...

Vincent Gallo is like a God to my sister and her wanna be hipset friends. There are many, many flims in this genre which I have been forced to watch only to shake my head and ask "why". And for some reason a lot of them star Chloe Sevigny.

Karen said...

ummm...not "hipset" friends...HIPSTER.

Anonymous said...

TMC - I thought you were leaving Keanu alone?!?!?!?

LeapO'Faith

Jay said...

You're right, there are no words to describe what a terrible movie that was. Even if you include the blow job scene with Chloe Sevigny it only makes it a really, really bad porn movie. Hell, the acting in a lot of porn movies is better than in this movie!

And I don't see what the big deal about Chloe Sevigny is. She's just another coke head young actress who has pissed away a ton of talent.

Doc said...

I think I am going to have to post a parental advisory on our blog...LOL!

The Mountain Cat said...

Doc - Nice innudeno my friend.

Matt-Man - Ok how about bad acting fellatio?
Micky-T - I still find Monica hot.

AAAAP - Chole has a 'quality' I guess.

Karen - Vincent Gallo brings us Vincenteses down!

LeapO' - I didn't make fun of him again. I just recycled the story for my new readers. LOL.

Jay - Don't hold back man. Tell us how you really feel!

Anonymous said...

Mt. Cat is paying attention today!!! (hee, hee...)

LeapO'Faith

Doc said...

Leap O' - Our little friend McFly from Singapore that went off on Vin about that Keanu post still comes and visits the blog every week to see if anything has been added... Talk about issues!

As American as Apple Pie said...

TMC--Ohhhhh, I get your quality.

The Mountain Cat said...

AAAAP, I didn't mean it THAT way. I'm not a dogg.

Doc said...

I didn't mean it THAT way. I'm not a dogg. - I never heard of a Mountain Dogg anyway...

As American as Apple Pie said...

Too bad...sometimes dogg is good!

The Mountain Cat said...

'Bow wow wow wow, yippee yo, yippee yeah. The Mountain Dogg is in the MFn' house.'

Anonymous said...

Oh, boy, Doc...really? Wow...maybe they actually enjoy reading the blog??

LeapO'Faith

As American as Apple Pie said...

whoa...I guess a little goes a long way with you TMC!

Doc said...

Doggonnit !!

Doc said...

Leap O' - This Annkin McFly doesn't like our blog for the articles.... he/she just wants to bash Vince

The Mountain Cat said...

'Hey McFly, why don't you make like a tree and get out of here.'

Just kidding Annikin. We'd love to hear from you some more....

Doc said...

BWAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA !!

ROLF @ Mt Cat

Becky said...

Sounds terrible. I don't have a penis, but if I did, I'm sure Chole Whatsherface wouldn't exactly do it for me. She's strange looking.

Tink said...

I think I'll skip it and just watch some porn.

Jeff B said...

I haven't seen this one, but the last really, really crappy movie I saw was Ghost Rider with Nicolas Cage.

I sat there in the theater thinking, this has got to get better right? It never did.

Anonymous said...

have to agree with almost everything you said, but I actually liked the movie. I hated it until the end when it was revealed that the girlfriend was dead. I saw it a while ago so the details are a bit hazy. Maybe her death was revealed sooner and I missed it, but if not it was sheer brilliance. I seem to recall it being alluded to when he visited her parents, but remember thinking that she had disappeared or was in hiding or something. It absolutely explained the character's solitude and why he was such a mess. I thought it was an interesting character study for that reason alone. Seriously... I hated it up until that moment at which point it all made sense to me.

Buffalo 66 was much better though.