Saturday, January 19, 2008

Ask Doc and the Mt. Cat 1/19

Here is a question recently sent to us:

My tread mill is set in front of of a set of windows so that I can enjoy sunshine and a sense of the outdoors without having to actually subject myself to an environment ravaged by global warming. I have two questions. First, is it still important to wear a sun screen and can you tell me what the S.P.F. is for grape jelly? Secondly, I'm inside the privacy of my own home so what business is it of my neighbors whether I'm wearing pants or not?The jelly pretty much covers up the naughty bits so whats the big deal?

Grape Nutz

Dear Grape Nutz:

First of all we really appreciate your concern about global warming. Each of us has to do our part to help however we are not sure that exercising in the comfort of your home "either heated or air conditioned" is going to help with that. As for your main question about sunscreen we think that in today's world one can never be too careful. Remember the Boy Scouts motto "Be prepared"? this not only applies to prophylactics but to sunscreen as well. Make sure that you apply liberally to any area that might even have the slightest chance of seeing sunlight. As is in stick it where the sun do shine. As far as the grape jelly goes we are a little perplexed on this one. We always thought that orange marmalade worked better. But what do we know??

Your neighbors are a different matter all together. Unless you live across the street from Ozzy Ozbourne then you are probably what is referred to in the normal world as the "weirdo on the block" and even though you may have embraced this as your community role you have to understand that people will tend to stare and say hurtful things about you behind your back. We suggest more marmalade and a good privacy fence. We hope this has been helpful to you. Best of luck with that exercise plan.

Doc and the Mt Cat

(If you are in need of some advice please e-mail us your question and you may see it answered here. Information is over on the right hand side of the page.)

UPDATE!! - The Absolutgator checked in and also has some advice for our friend in need:

Dear Grape Nutz,

Your going to have to apply something better than jelly to protect yourself from the rays of the sun coming through yonder window. The best way to prevent this is by using some type of window film. However, as the cost of this is not cheap, sunscreen is probably your best bet (remember, the stuff only has a shelf life of a year). As for doing it in the buff, I have two thoughts on this: 1) You are in the privacy of your own home and, unless you have neon signs outside pointing to your window, should be able to do what you want; 2) Why in the hell would you want to? If you are a chick, I'm sure the funbags have got to be a wee bit upset w/ your decision to let them go under that kind stress for 30 minutes or more. If you are a guy, doing cardio commando style is just cruel on the boys.

Unlike my esteemed colleague, I do not appreciate your concern about the
global warming hoax. I've never before seen a theory so contested in the science community taken as fact so easily as this hogwash (except the whole world is flat thing). I wouldn't be so upset about it if proponents of the theory didn't keep spewing the same bad science and examples to support their position. Spend your time worrying about real environmental issues like pollution, water contamination, etc.

Keep exercising your body and try to start exercising your brain every once in a while by doing some research.

-The AbsolutGator


Dana said...

Peanut butter will work in a pinch too - preferably creamy!

Jay said...

Seems like the jelly might get a little sticky and there are some places you might not want being all that sticky.

Matt-Man said...

Damn, you guys are wise. Congrats on the COW. Cheers!!

Jahooni said...

thank goodness this advise is free... j/k!

Penelope Anne said...

roflmao ~ I am curious about that grape jelly though.
Funny, my FIL is the weirdo in his neighborhood.
You have been added to The Docking Port blogroll at the Cafe.
Mama Bear

Newt said...

I'm sort of partial to chocolate syrup.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I'm hungry all the sudden.

Hilarious stuff!

DirkStar said...

Sound and sage advice fer sure...

Now, I had a very bad night last night...

Yes, I blogged about it.

Maybe you could stop by?

I sure could use a hug...

Roger said...

Matt sent me I heard about your cow!

DirkStar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Dear Absolutgator: I tried your idea of using the sun screen on my windows, but all it did was leave a greasy smear all over them.

I still got sun burnt,so thanks for nothing.

Thanks though for clearing up the global warming thing, now I can go jogging around the neighborhood without my pants on again.

Thank the Lord above for smart people like you.

Sincerely, Grape Nutz

DirkStar said...

Gator - You couldn't be more wrong about global warming being so "contested" amongst the world science community.

The only group of morons contesting the "Fact" of global warming are currently sitting in the White House.

And if you'll do a little research you'll find a recent speech by George W. where he admits the problem and has scheduled a conference to determine what to do about it.