Monday, April 5, 2010

I'm No Wilt Chamberlin, but...

Several weeks ago, Doc posted a blog regarding Warren Beatty’s claim to having sex with over 12,000 women. While I find it hard to believe, it did get me wondering about my sex life, “How often do my wife and I have sex?” While not as active as we were BC (Before Children) and having careers, I would have said we were definitely above the norm. But, I had to know for sure!

So, due to a bad mix of curiosity and OCD, I started tracking the number of times my wife and I did the deed since the beginning of the year; all thanks to Doc and his wonderful blog. After 60 days, I calculated the frequency and thought the percentage was pretty good. I did a little searching online for studies done and found my results to be accurate.

With a good passing grade in the frequency category versus the rest of society, it dawns on me that I have overlooked the more important aspect. I got so wound up in thinking about the number of times that I didn’t think about the quality. Like most busy couples, we have to fit sex in to our schedule on occasion and sometimes the pre-sex ‘buildup’ isn’t there. But I’d like to think that even during those interactions, we both enjoy what’s going on. The only way to answer this question was for me to ask the wife, “What do you think?” I sweated this out for a few days before finding the right opportunity to ask. C’mon, making sure her bell is rung well and often is a job I take seriously. If she were to say her satisfaction level was low, I’d be crushed!

Now, I’m not going into details (the wife would not be happy and then there would be no quantity to test the quality!), but suffice it to say I was pleased with her answer and even more that it led us to speaking about things we hadn’t in a long while. Being together for almost 16 years, we both had stopped doing things we once had and took other things for granted.

How do you/your significant other view your sex life? The first part, you can do on your own. For the second, you have the option of guessing or, for the brave at heart, asking them first to answer correctly. Also, which is more important to you: quantity or quality?

18 comments:

Mrs. D said...

I'm going to be a cake-eater and say BOTH are important ;-)

And I'm leaving it at that.

The AbsolutGator said...

Ah, a door 'Number 3' answer. Enjoy your cake!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

The Evil Twin and I have been together for 18 years and we both agree that it gets better and better with time. With kids, we don't have tons of opportunity for quantity, but we make the best of the time we DO have (and the guest room downstairs helps! LOL).

Christine said...

Definitely quality. I'd pass on a quicky nine times out of ten and wait for the "real thing".

Jay said...

Since I don't have a significant other, I'll just have to check with the crack whore on the corner next time I see her. haha ;-)

However, if I did have a significant other I would probably agree with our good friend Mrs. D.

Disaster Chick said...

No significant other now or in the foreseeable future. Finally giving up on the non-relationship.

I would also go with option #3. Not that I need to have my world rocked every time - it is just good to everything connected because when it is just physical it is an empty experience.

Karen said...

I don't currently have a significant other either.

But I still can reflect on my own sex life and feel pretty ok about. While I can't say that I have been with someone for 16 or 18 years, I think I lead a normal, healthy and satisfying sex/dating life.

And Absolutgator - I think you are quite brave to tackle this topic.

Dana said...

I'd like door #4 please! The "Intimacy is more important than sex" door!

That said, I'm in the same boat as Jay so it's all hypothetical on my part.

On a side note, I think age is a HUGE factor in the answer to this question. Had I answered this question 10 years ago (when I was in my mid 30's) my answer would have been far different.

The AbsolutGator said...

Dana - I agree. I was trying to think of a good analogy for the quality/quantity issue when I wrote this. I couldn't help but think back to college and the whole 'type of beer' debate. Back then I'd buy the cheapest stuff and drink a ton of it. I know y'all remember hittin' some Keystone Light! Anyway, it was kind of the same way with sex. In college, it was all about getting to bang (especially after a lot of Keystones), not so much about putting on a good show.

ETW - All I can say is that the pic you have on here doesn't make you look old enough to have been in an 18 year relationship. You are aging well.

Jay - Put down the corner crack whore and invest in a Fleshlight.

Christine - I bet that 1 out of every 10 quickie must be awesome!

Bond said...

As a newly-wed, I think our mixture of raw sex and intimacy is perfect...and I am pretty sure my bride things so also

Chandra said...

I will be married for 16 years on the 16th...while in the begining "newlywed" stage we had ALOT of sex, anywhere, anytime, anyplace...then children came along and now we're lucky if we have it in the same place at the same time...how sad is that? LOL!

I like quality best...just sayin. I'm not looking for a marathon either..just get in, get the job done and get out! LOL!

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh, crap.. It's all important! We've been married for 21 years and I still get it two and three times a week. It's all good stuff, too. ;-)

Mandy said...

Quality is far better than quantity but I agree with Mrs. D, both are preferred!

Candy Minx said...

Wow, this is a fantastic blog post. I am really amazed you felt comfy to write this out here. I love it.

I think both are important...although I would take quality over quantity if I had to choose. I have to link this particular post to my blog...it's so good!

jennifer said...

Honestly? I am AMAZED that I have been married for almost 19 years, weigh *ahem* more than I did when we married, have been exposed to each other's farts, and STILL have the quality that we do(if anything it's BETTER). I think that's the intimacy that Dana mentioned at play.

Great post!

Darkwulfe said...

While both are preferred...if I had to choose I would choose quality over quantity.

Four Dinners said...

I wonder if, by the law of averages, I ever got sloppy seconds?....;-)

terri said...

I have to agree with Disaster Chick. The important thing is to be connected. The empty experience sucks!