Bobby D

This following post is from my cousin Anthony who is sad to see his favorite actor Robert DeNiro play shitty roles lately. He has some movie suggestions for him...

Why doesn't Scorsese just continue to take the Goodfella's/Casino story on the road...

1) Deniro as a Cuban-Jew Drug dealer in Miami. Like what Tony Montana would be in his 60's if 3000 Colombians didn't shoot up his mansion.... Joe Pesci is his partner and they meet for early bird dinners in South Beach's Famous Wolf's Deli, like John Gotti and Sammy the Bull used to meet at the Ravenite Social Club on Mulberry Street. Scorsese plays fast talking Deli owner Manny Wolf. Deniro wears double breasted Armani Suits, Pesci is repulsive in Hawaiian shirts and cargo shorts. Sarah Palin plays Deniro's Mob-Doll wife in the Michelle Pfeiffer/Sharon Stone Milf roll, having an affair with Leo DiCaprio who plays center for the Tampa Bay Lightning, taking her "Hockey Mom" Roll to a new low. Ray Liotta is an undercover DEA Agent, posing as a gay House DJ at Club Madonna, who kills people "Dexter" style when they refer to Sauce as Gravy. Moonlighting as a waiter at Wolf's Deli, he offers Deniro his sauce on the High Holy Day of Yom Kippur, and his cover is blown, and the plot, like an unwatched pot of gravy, thickens!!

2) Deniro as a Mob connected Studio Exec/Movie Producer in Hollywood. Pesci is his "Turtle"driving him around. Travolta reprieves his role from "Get Shorty" and they compete for Vinnie Chase in the prequel , "Medellin...The Early Years", Ray Liotta plays Vinnie Chase's other brother, "Too Much Drama", who makes sauce for the entourage. Scorsese plays Vinnie's fast talking agent "Arnie". Leo DiCaprio is his homo-sexual assistant "Floyd".

3) Deniro as an Al Capone type character in 1920's Chicago..."Scarpuss, the Untold Story". Ray Liotta plays a corrupt "G-Man" who'd rather make sauce on Sundays than put Deniro away. Geraldo Rivera ironically plays a victim shoved inside a bank safe alive and dumped into Lake Michigan by, who else, Joe Pesci. Barack Obama plays Deniro's chauffer, in black face, who's trying to get his boss to "change" the sports landscape of the Second City, and fix the World Series for the Cubs to win, a few years after they fixed the Black Sox Series of 1919, for the White Sox to lose. Scorsese plays a shorter Lou Pinella type, volatile Manager of the Cubbies. Leonardo DiCaprio plays the young Deniro in flashbacks to the 1890's city of Ciacca, on the island of Sicily, where he scars his face when a local rival dips his head in a hot pot of sauce for calling it gravy. Liotta doubles as the rival.

4) Deniro as a corrupt Texas Chief of Staff, selling Mexicans coming over the border into slavery. Deniro wears a Dick Cheney mask to hide his true identity when he's dealing with Joe Pesci, the "auctioneer" who wheels and deals with Washington Fat-Cats and Wall Street Execs to get the Mexicans placed as servants and concubines to the rich. George W. plays the clueless Governor of Texas, Elliot Spitzer plays the NY connection for placing the hottest Mexican Girls in a high priced whorehouse, run by Hillary Clinton, playing herself.. Ray Liotta plays a corrupt Border Patrol cop who can't get good sauce deep in the heart of Texas, and smuggles girls on the side up to Spitzer in return for some sauce from Little Italy's S.P.Q.R., owned and operated by Scorsese himself as a shorter version of Emiril. All the characters meet at the restaurant for a GOP fundraiser, and it all comes to a head at the restaurant as Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" plays on Leo DiCaprio's IPOD, as he tries to park W's Limo on the narrow streets of Little Italy. This one's a comedy....

- BuffTony (The Mountain Cat's elder cousin)

PS - Here is one more movie idea: Martin Scorsese's Sesame Street