Things Bouncing Around This Head of Mine. 5/19/2008

- When I was a child, I used to think it was called Uncle Ben’s Perverted Brand Rice.

- When I was a child, I used to tell everyone ‘When I grow up I want to drive a fire whinge-win!'

- When I was a child, I was with my parents in a car and I pointed out the window and yelled ‘Oh look, Kenfucky Tied Chicken!’

- When I was a child, I once asked my mom for a Sesame Street Bagel.

- When I was a child, my favorite TV show was Wonderama. Remember that show folks? I cried when it was cancelled. (Insert sad face here).

- I don't think I ever went to see a movie in the theater just to see the special effects. It doesn't excite me. Except maybe when I was a child.

- My dad's favorite word is Usufruct. I don't know why? I guess it makes him sound smarter when he uses it.

- Whenever I am in traffic and all the cars are moving slow, I think to myself ‘What asshole is slowing us down?’ It has nothing to do with the amount of cars on the road. It has to do with one individual and one individual only. And he or she is always an asshole.

- What do atheists scream doing sex?

- I am a member of Wait Watchers. I just wait around too much and I watch my weight grow. Man I need to start eating better. (Insert sad face here).

- I hate sandals. My feet just don't get the security I need.

- I cannot stand those tiny paper packets of salt and pepper! They annoy me. So I keep salt and pepper shakers at my desk. Aren’t you glad I shared that with you?

- The first time I was on an airplane was 20 years ago when I moved to Charlotte from New York. I was listening to Pink Floyd’s The Wall in my cassette Walkman. As soon as the plane took off the little girl’s voice in the song 'Goodbye Blue Sky' said ‘Look mummy, there's an airplane up in the sky'. Kinda neat don’t you think?

- Teri Hatcher escapes from mountain lion! Cougar Attacks Cougar. Click here for the full story.

- An example of bad color commentating by a newscaster:

‘…And sadly, the autopsy revealed he was murdered with a screw driver…Well speaking of screwed, the Mets really put the screws to the Yankees last night didn’t they? Here is Bob with sports.’

- A true example of bad color commentating by a newscaster:

A long time ago when I lived in Charlotte there was a newscaster on the NBC affiliate station named Jesse Johnson. She once uttered the following news story: ‘Mrs. Smith came home to find out her husband was not alive. He was dead’. Thank you Jesse for elaborating. I wasn’t quite sure what you were referring to when you said ‘not alive’. True story. Right Doc?

FYI BTW ROTFL N LOL UR BFF LSMFT,
The Mountain Cat