Thursday, March 13, 2008

Julie's Cat

One winter back in college, Doc and I were visiting some friends in Charlotte. My friend Julie, decided to have a get together at her apartment. So, we drove over to her place in the cold, pouring rain. When we arrived at Julie's, there was a total of 10 of us. We ordered some pizzas and we had all brought beer. So, we were set to have a real fun time and get lambasted. As the evening progressed the cold rain continued, the beer flowed, the pizza got devoured, the music blared and the cigarette smoke filled the whole apartment. Everyone there was smoking except little ol' me. I was the only one who was getting irritated by the smoke after a while. At least at the time I thought I was the only one. Like I said, it was cold out so there were no windows open. Therefore, the smoke in the living room became thicker and thicker. The only window open was the sliding door to Julie's back porch which was open barely an inch.

Little by little we all got trashed. We were laughing, acting stupid and making a big mess spilling beer and food all over the carpet. Julie, our host, drank too much as well and we sensed that she was getting very annoyed. At first she was mad because our dear Doc brought his handgun (A Sig Sauer 9 Millimeter) with him and was showing a couple of our friends its details. Doc of course took the clip out, but Julie still was none too happy. Meanwhile, Julie's boyfriend Charlie ran to the bathroom as he was about to throw up from all the alcohol, junk food and smog. Julie runs into the bathroom after him. At the same time, our friend Dave, (also nicknamed Otis after the town drunk from The Andy Griffith Show) passed out drunk on her couch. This was my opportunity to enact revenge on Dave-Otis as he had put shaving cream on my crotch when I passed out at a party a few months earlier. I knocked on the bathroom door to ask Julie if she had any shaving cream. She did not answer me.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Julie's cat crawls out of hiding. (I don't remember the cat's sex, color or name, but Julie's Cat is a good enough name for all intents and purposes). Julie's Cat wanted nothing to do with us. That darn cat was almost choking to death and feebly dragged itself over to the sliding door and stuck his/her left paw in between the small crack of the door and pushed it open a little more so he/she could stick his/her snout out to get some fresh air. This is where Doc and I lost it. We couldn't believe it! Oh, my God it was the most hilarious thing we ever saw. At one point, it appeared that Julie's Cat looked back at Doc and me, shook its head in disapproval and turned back to breathe again. The two of us turned so red from laughter. No one else in the apartment saw what the cat had done. No one knew why we were rolling on the floor laughing our asses off.

After the laughter died down, I had to go to the bathroom. But it was still occupied by Julie and Charlie. My friend Mike and I were going to find a couple of bushes outside in lieu of the in-house facilities. I opened the front door and then like a flash of lightning, Julie's Cat ran underneath our legs and ran outside!

'Free at last! Free AT last!', Julie's Cat probably thought to his/herself.

But uh-oh we have to find him/her before Julie finds out....Too late. Julie came out of the bathroom and found out I accidentally let the cat out of the...ah...pad. At this point Julie had had enough. She began to scream at the top of her lungs the following diatribe:

'GODDAMN IT EVERYONE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I INVITE YOU ALL OVER TO MY APARTMENT AND THE PLACE IS NOW A FUCKING PIG STY! AND SHANE BRINGS A GODDAMN GUN INTO MY HOUSE, MY BOYFRIEND IS THROWING UP IN MY BATHTUB, SOMEONE KEEPS ASKING FOR SHAVING CREAM AND NOW YOU LET MY FUCKING CAT RUN LOOSE IN THE GODDAMN FREEZING RAIN! PLEASE FIND MY CAT NOW AND EVERYONE GET THE FUCK OUT! DO NOT HELP ME CLEAN JUST GET OUT! I AM TIRED, CHARLIE IS SICK AND I AM NOT FUCKING HAPPY! FIND THE FUCKING CAT AND THEN FUCKING LEAVE!'

Luckily, Mike instantly found the cat and waltzed back in like a hero with he/she in his arms. One by one we said our goodbyes, Mike let the cat down, shut the door and we were gone. I don't remember who drove me home but I was in no condition to drive. Hell none of us were well enough to drive come to think of it.

And in case you were wondering, we were never asked back to hang out at Julie's apartment again.

- The Mountain Cat

28 comments:

Micky-T said...

Wow! Sounds like it was a great party!
Did you ever find out what got her so mad? LOL

The Mountain Cat said...

oh shoot I forgot that I left my scarf and some CDs at her apartment and I had to go back the next day and get them! hahaha!

Lu' said...

I am on Julie's side. It sucks when you're partying at your own place and you see your shit getting trashed so that slowly but surely your buzz gets killed while everyone else get higher. Oh and don't even think it would be pretty at my house if you let one of my cats out. I'd go all phsyco on your drunken asses. Talk about a buzz kill. Now to the kitty gasping for air and opening the door by itself, priceless.

Reggie said...

Great story.

Doc said...

There was a little bit of writers perogative taken here.. but the part of the cat is not exxagerated. It was funny as all heck. That cat was p.o.ed at us for smoking up that little appartment.

Karen said...

Funny. I would never have guessed that the "Julie's Cat" story involved the cat opening the door. I thought y'all killed the cat somehow.

Doc said...

The funnt part was that there were vertical blinds and the cat would hold the vertical blind open with one paw so it could breath the fresh air... After the cat looked at us and distainfully shook it's head and then turned back to get another breath I literally fell down on the floor I was laughing so hard... Tears were flowing. I couldn't stop it... That cat was pissed at us !

Matt-Man said...

I have no desire to go back in time, but I do miss patrying during my college days. Cheers!!

As American as Apple Pie said...

The story is hysterical. I can totally sympathize with Julie and the cat though. I HATE cigarette smoke AND I'm a neat freak so I would probably go postal also.

Doc said...

Disclaimer Ok - Vin and I have discussed it and so here is the disclaimer. I was the driver that night and I was not "trashed" or "drunk" - Of course since Vin was trashed I had to refresh his memory a little bit... LOL - there is no reason to change the story because thats how he remembered it... I just don't want folks to think that I was out there drinking and driving in the pouring rain with a gun in my car...

The Mountain Cat said...

yeah Doc, we ain't rednecks!

Doc said...

Speak for yourself... ROFL!

The Mountain Cat said...

Oh and I'd like to thank LeapO'Faith for spell checking this blog after I wrote my inital draft. And thanks LeapO' for helping me realize that the term is 'intents and purposes' and not 'intensive purposes'. ROTFL!

As American as Apple Pie said...

This story sounds like something that would have happened in WI. Not that I would know anything about that.

Bina said...

Well, you WERE invited, so I don't feel that sorry for her, but I don't see the harm in at least opening a window or something, ya know? But I think I would have laughed harder at her outburst than anything else!

Doc said...

Bina...After running for fear of our lives we laughed at her outburst for ever!

The Mountain Cat said...

I used to date her too. yikes!

Lu' said...

Doc if you'd have been pulled over that night there is no doubt you'd have been saying "no bubba not me" for sure. He'd of just said "shut up bitch"

Anonymous said...

There's so much I want to say right now...

First, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story! I got to preview it and was laughing so much at Julie's tirades that the giggles stuck w/ me for a couple hours!!

As for "intents and purposes"...LMAO, TMC!!! I definitely kept quiet when I fixed that one for ya...figured I'd let you pick that one up on your own!

...and Doc, you ALWAYS make me laugh! Your comments alone tickled me this am!! = )

LeapOFaith

Doc said...

Leap O' - It is a great story... but what I am laughing at right now is wondering exactly what 'intensive purposes' are and almost wishing that you hadn't corrected it so he would have posted it that way.... ROFL !

Anonymous said...

LMAO!! Poor kitty...!!

LeapOFaith

Doc said...

Q - What are the opposite of intensive purposes?

A - laxidasical purposes!

Anonymous said...

...laxidasical accidents! Ha!!

LeapOFaith

Knight said...

You all sound crazy. I've had some parties where I woke up in the morning and couldn't even take a step without getting stuck to the floor. The cat is hilarious. Almost sounds like making a run for it and getting your asses kicked out might have been the plan all along.

Becky said...

Ah, those were the days...

The Mountain Cat said...

I type too fast and didn't realize I put in intensive purposes. Too funny!

Single In The City said...

I would have had a ball! I like gatherings like that. I would have sat on the balcony in the rain, so I would not die from cig smoking. (if it was foggy like you all said.

While drinking and Julie coming out of the bathroom spazzed out! I would have mad her so much more mad, for all I could have done is just laugh.. I hate cats so that would have been the highlight of the night!

Shalom

Anonymous said...

TMC- Doc could tell you the sex of the cat....just ask Maggie!