Friday, April 9, 2010

Accents and Timelines ....

Hola peeps!  It’s me, Jay the Cynical_Bastard guest posting on this lovely Friday.  Well, I assume it’s a lovely Friday. I mean, it might be a really crappy Friday, I don’t know.  But, let’s just pretend that it’s a lovely Friday, shall we?

Today I thought I would blog about two of my biggest pet peeves with television shows.  Now, I know that when we’re watching TV or movies we are supposed to suspend reality a bit and just accept certain things.  For the most part I can do that.  I pretend that fat, goofy guys who work in blue collar jobs can be married to someone as hot as Leah Remini.  I pretend that teenage girls can put on a blond wig and be a pop music superstar and nobody in her school could ever find out.  Hell, I even pretend that a mullet-sporting redneck like Billy Ray Cyrus was totally believable as a doctor on “Doc.”  

But, there are a couple of things that I just can’t seem to get past on TV shows..

So, since Doc is a proud North Carolinian and I’m an embarrassed Arkansan (sorry, I don’t like Arkanasawyer) I thought I would bring up my first complaint here.  Now, I know that Hollywood would NEVER stereotype people. But, have you ever noticed that every dumb character has a southern accent?

Hell, even if the character lives in Chicago or Minnesota or Los Angeles or whatever, if they’re dumb, they have a southern accent.  You would think that with Sarah Palin on the scene now, liberal Hollywood would give all our dumb ass characters a “youbetcha” type accent.  But, oh no.  Dumb people are always country people and they always have a southern accent.  Even if they’ve never lived in the south. 

Okay, so now complaint number 2 is all about timelines.  This is honestly my biggest pet peeve about any show.  It just amazes me how much ground people on TV can cover in such a short amount of time.  I’ll give you an example using one of my favorite shows NCIS:

So, everyone shows up for work in the morning at NCIS headquarters.  We can assume it’s 8 o’clock-ish, when they get there.  Gibbs is already there and tells the team that they have a fugitive they need to go pick up in Virginia somewhere.  So, they head out and drive all way out into the boonies. 

Amazingly enough they don’t hit any traffic at all.  I guess traffic around Washington D.C. isn’t all that bad.  Anyway, they get there and they find their fugitive.  Unfortunately he’s dead.  Sucks for him.  Now they have to call Ducky and Palmer to come out to the crime scene in the mobile meth crime lab van thingy.  Ducky and Palmer get there lickity-split also.  They do all their forensic work, load up the stiff and head back to NCIS offices. 

AND THEY GET BACK TO THE OFFICE BEFORE IT’S EVEN LUNCHTIME!

It’s amazing!  Federal agents on TV can be told about a crime in California, get on a plane and fly out there from Kentucky and get there before the police have even “processed” the crime scene.  Amazing!  And then they interview witnesses and chase the bad guys to the Mexican border, shoot EVERYBODY (except the dumb girl with the southern accent who got duped by one of the bad guys) and head on home before it gets dark.  Even in daylight savings time this is a remarkable accomplishment.  And it really does drive me crazy.

Also, last night as I was talking to my very awesome friend who also happens to be super damn hot, I thought of another one of these pet peeves.  This one is pretty much confined to soap operas though.  Ever notice how someone can have a baby, and all of the sudden that baby become like a six year old over the weekend?  And then like month later that six year old is suddenly like 12?  Weird.

And, ever notice how someone can be in a car accident, lose the use of his legs, but when they have him at the hospital right after the accident, they don’t even have an IV set up on that kid?  Amazing! And he’s totally able to talk and understand what people are saying and whatever.  Of course, after years and years of watching people with really hideous diseases and injuries being completely cured in under an hour on “ER,” I guess that “no IV” thing shouldn’t really be all that big of a deal. 

Okay, I should probably end this here.  Otherwise I’ll turn it into a looooong list of pet peeves about TV and movies and who knows what else.   Thanks for letting me guest post Doc.  And you can breathe a sigh of relief now since I didn’t blog about hookers or strippers. 

Or Miley Cyrus. 

35 comments:

Karen said...

That time thing never occurred to me. I just focus on the action, I guess. But the soap opera thing is where the kid ages is crazy. I have been thinking about that for years!

And are you trying to say people from the south aren't dumb? That is like saying that there are Italians who aren't in the mob!

Mrs. D said...

You know an awful lot about the Hannah Montana show for not having a tween daughter ;-) And what are you Arkansas people supposed to be called anyway? I've never thought about it.

People with southern accents do get the dumb label a lot. And so do Italians for being criminals. And gay men for being hot and fashionable.

I think Leah Remini would be very lucky to have Kevin James, btw.

Dana said...

Like Karen I have never even questioned television time travel. Maybe it stems from Back to the Future being ingrained in my teenage years??

And Karen, are you trying to say all Italians aren't connected to the mob? That's like saying all NASCAR fans aren't rednecks ... with a southern accent ... and a gun rack in the back window of their pickup!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I don't have a problem with hookers and strippers...

kcinnova said...

But... but... I thought it was all real! ;)

Kat said...

Hahahaha! Yes, soap operas unfortunately sometimes insult the audience's intelligence with some if the silliness they pull. Of course, I guess soap operas are just silly in general right? lol! But I can't live without my OLTL!

Jay said...

Karen: There ARE Italians who aren't part of the Mafia? Really? Next you're gonna tell me that not all Italians are like the kids on Jersey Shore. LOL ;-)

Mrs D: Is being a fan of Hannah Montana wrong? hahahaha

Dana: Yeah, "Back to the Future" did ruin time lines for all of us. Good point.

Also, NASCAR fans aren't necessarily rednecks, they just need to remember that it's not a sport. LOL

Jay said...

Phfrankie: Well, I don't know any decent people who do have problems with strippers and hookers. They're good people.

Kcinnova: It is all real. Don't worry. ;-)

Kat: LOL! Yeah, they do tend to stretch reality just a touch on there. But, it's entertainment, right?

Paige said...

My favorite movie thing is when they take a hot girl and put glasses on her, put her in baggy clothes, and pull her hair back to make her the "nerd." Then voila, they later take them off and she's suddenly this surprisingly hot chick. Dude, she was already hot. *sigh*

andygirl said...

You're SO right! And how about on soap operas, when they change an actor and we're all supposed to believe it's the same person?

Or, in both TV and movies, when they're driving on one side of town and then magically on another. How did that happen? Did they find a wormhole in the middle of Los Angeles? How did they get from Hollywood to downtown in 2 seconds? That trip takes me 45 minutes.

And my last pet peeve has to do with makeup and hair. How do women have wild sex, fight bad guys, tromp through swamps, etc, and still have perfect hair and makeup? Oh, they make get a smudge of dirt here and there, but the lipstick will in intact and the hair perfectly coiffed, It makes me insane.

KathyA said...

In order for them to get around that fast their day at work would have to begin in the middle of the night! AND -- they can get to Norfolk pronto -- it takes us about 5 hours on a good day. AND there are no mountains on the beaches around here, and it's not Silver Springs -- it's Silver Spring, MD....and the list goes on....

Disaster Chick said...

Who really wants to watch tv characters in traffic?

Will and Grace touched on the big guys with the knock-out skinny wife. There has been a shift where guys that are a 4-6 on that 1-10 scale expect women that are in the 9-10 range. What about us women that are 4-6, what do we get?

Outside My Name is Earl I've never noticed that the dumb characters are southerners.

I don't catch the Ghost Whisperer very often but in one episode Jennifer Love Hewitt had a baby and then it went to him being age 5. I wondered if it was a storyline to see the future or if it really jumped that far ahead. I guess there were not many story lines to have with a baby.

What do you expect with soap operas. There will be an actor to play a character, think they are very popular and will try better television or movies, character replaced by another actor - either had an accident and had to get surgery, went away, or you just are suppose to notice, actor fails at better television or movies and wants to come back to the Soap, actor 1 is more well loved, so actor 2 is replaced...

Dianne said...

my peeve about TV and movies is how there is always a place to park!! they just pull up in front and the street is empty and they just park

I guess it comes from being a NYer

one of my most favorite Seinfeld lines is when he said "for every new car shown at the car show there should be a parking spot featured next to it"

Charlene said...

I see the country person being the dumb one all the time.

The use of the word "redneck" the punch line for every joke. Redneck originally was a descriptive word for farmer and having grown up on a working farm, a farmer is an honorable job.

Jay said...

Paige: I know! That's a good one. Trying to pretend that Mandy Moore, Anne Hathaway or even Lea Michele are plain or ugly is kinda ridiculous. haha

Andygirl: I think maybe Scottie just beams everyone across town.

Oh, and yeah, women keep their hair and makeup perfect no matter what. And if they do have a smudge of dirt on them, it somehow makes them look even cuter! LOL ;-)

KathyA: See, you know what I'm talking about. They drive all over The District and never hit traffic!

Jay said...

Dianne: Yes! Parking! Oh my goodness I forgot about that! Front door parking is always available!

Charlene: I agree about the word "redneck" its origins are completely honorable.

Mike said...

You tricked me. You said the words naked and nude on your blog and ..... THERE'S JUST WORDS!

There's still time to add links.

Matt-Man said...

Go back to writing about hookers. I hate it when you burst my bubble and imply that what happens on TV doesn't mirror real life. Bastard. Cheers Jay!!

Linda Medrano said...

The guy in "Justified" ain't dumb Jay! Just hotter than one would expect from a ranger or whatever the heck he is.

I hope you do this again because I love to visit new places!

And write all you want about hookers and strippers. You always do it with good taste!

jennifer said...

After several seasons of seeing Ginger manage to create mascara, hair spray, and a razor (to keep that strappy dress from becoming unsightly)... Mary Ann make coconut cream pies with no mixer... Skipper, Gilligan and the Professor not wind up in a love triangle... and the entire group not axe murdering Thurston and Lovey...

a little time travel is plausible to me!

You are right about the southern accent thing. I want to escape the type casting and move to California. Everyone who lives there is skinny and rich.

Bond said...

See now this is why I LOVED 24, because if you got on a plane in NY you did not land in LA until the 6th episode (they actually did this with one character in season one)...they have thrown it out the window the last two seasons and this season is the worst...
They are in NYC and they leave Manhattan to go to McGuire AirForce base ( a 2 hour drive) and arrive in 24 minutes --- the premise is it is in real time folks...you can't screw with things like that and not have the writers shot for that kind of crap

Jay said...

Mike: I was hoping somebody would fall for that!! haha

Matt-Man: You just want me to write about hookers cause that's something you know about too. ;-)

Linda: Oh no! Raylen isn't dumb at all. But the bad guys usually are. And last week, that girl who got duped by the bad guy has a southern accent even though she wasn't southern.

Jennifer: LOL! You make a great point about Gilligan's Island. They could build houses, cars, electronic devices. Everything but a boat to get themselves home. Nice. ;-)

Vinny: I've never watched "24" but if I did that would bug me. The whole idea is that it's a 24 hour period and you just know they're full of it. haha

flask said...

hi! i just want you to know i showed up at the party!

i'm totally toasty with that time thing on tv; i don't want to see the traffic or the search for a parking space, unless that's the premise of the show, which might could be fun for about two episodes.

as for the baby thing, i think they grow up so fast because it costs a FORTUNE to film with infants. the child labor laws are very strict and the infant regs even harder to film around. i forget how many minutes they can be on set, but it's pretty much one take and they're done.

SkylersDad said...

Sorry it took me so long to follow you over here Jay, but you left almost no clue or links to find you... ;^)

I agree with those weird timelines in shows, and have some police friends that just hate those shows because now people come up to them with every vile thing under the sun just in case they needed some more DNA evidence.

Jay said...

Flask: Thanks for coming over! And I agree that the labor laws do have a lot to do with the infants. Also, there's only so much you can dow with a baby in the story line. They need to be able to talk and get sick with a rare disease that can be cured in a week to be useful. :-)

SD: Sorry I made it so hard for you to find me. LOL

I'm sure prosecutors get frustrated with jurors who expect perfect evidence like on CSI too.

Mandy said...

Funny post...and yes, in soap opera terms it's call RAS or Rapid Aging Syndrome...seems to be a common affliction!

And yeah! What's up with the southern accent thing?

injaynesworld said...

Okay. Guilty as charged. I was one of those writing in all the "Cut To", "Dissolve To," "Fade To," and don't even get me started on "Smash Cut or Cross-Fade". Yep. I was a TV writer and now you know my dirty little secret. And here we always thought we were pulling a fast one on you.

P.S. I also stuck a dumb ass or two with a Southern accent.

The AbsolutGator said...

Jay, it has always amazed me that Libville, I mean Hollywood, always depicts Southerners as stupid when a large percentage of our country's greatest politicians, scholars, athletes, and actors come from the South. Is that to say there are no dumb people in the South, no. However, its just to say that there are dumb people everywhere, not just the South.

Four Dinners said...

It's all gone quiet over there!!..No not here..there...Cynical Bastard!

Time travel eh? Episode II of the new Doctor Who in about 20 minutes...It is fucking A! as you Americans say.

Micky-T said...

I came, I saw, I read, I left without a comment figuring I'd be back.


I lied!

...but not really because here I am.

Jay said...

Mandy: Rapid Aging Syndrome you say? I guess that's what happened to me when I turned 40. haha

injaynesworld So it's all your fault! I was wondering who to talk to about this. ;-)

AbsoluteGator: Also, many a great writer came from the south too. You'd think that writers would remember that when they do this crap.

FourD: I should watch "Dr. Who" more. It's a great show. But, I don't have BBC America on my cable. :(

Micky-T: Good thing you came back and commented. It would have hurt my feelings if you didn't. ;-)

Desert Songbird said...

But, but.....he's GIBBS for chrissakes! He can do anything!

Kwizgiver said...

Yanno, I hadn't thought about the southern accent = dumb thing, but even one of my favorite shows, The Closer, perpetuates that by having Brenda pour on the accent when she is grilling the unsuspected.

Jay said...

Desert: Gibbs does kick a lot of ass. Very true.

Kwizgiver: The Closer's accent drives me crazy. I find it very annoying. ;-)

the_ugly_duckling said...

thank goodness someone said it! once you started talking about movies and tv, i was afraid you were gonna hate on my vamps again!