Tuesday, December 15, 2009

YJKOBT Christmas Pageant 2009

We here at YJKOBT are happy to present as our Christmas gift you you this Holiday season our Christmas Pageant. Based on everything that has happened this past year we have attempted to bring an all star cast to portray the Manger nativity scene. So here as our we proudly present the cast for this years Christmas Pageant as only YJKOBT can do it:

Portraying Mary the Blessed Mother of Jesus we have Sarah Palin. A perfect symbol of pure holier-than-thou-ness who also seems to have already had some experience with pageants as well as the immaculate conception and virgin birth. Sarah will take some time out of her book tour make a fine Virgin Mary and besides we tried to get Angelina Jolie but she was busy abroad adopting another child and trying to save the world in other ways.

We thought about Joseph and who could possibly be better than Barack Obama to portray Jesus' father? Even though he really wanted to play the Savior instead we cast him for Joseph. Obama will make a great Joseph because who else can better portray having a big presence in the story but really not having a heck of a lot of control of the outcome? Besides we already have one Joseph (Biden) in the White House who does nothing. Might as well make it two.

Now who shall we get to play our glorious Christ Child in YJKOBT's Christmas pageant? Well Falcon Heene of course! Our little balloon boy is perfect! Who better to act out what happens to a kid suddenly thrust into a spotlight that he wasn't ready for? (Let's just hope that he doesn't puke on our stage)

Every Christmas pageant has an Angel Gabriel who announces to the frightened shepherds that The Savior has been born. We didn't have to look far to cast this one because already singing with the angels (maybe) is Michael Jackson. He already has the costume picked out and you can best believe it has plenty of sequins. The King of Pop will portray the Angel Gabriel and will be accompanied by an entire stage of heavenly hosts including Taylor Swift, Miley Sirus, The Jonas Brothers, and Susan Boyle. Oh yes we go all out here at YJKOBT.


Cast as the shepherds who were watching their flocks by night are Robert Pattinson, Adam Lambert, and Kanye West. These three all had years worthy of being cast for various reasons although Adam and Robert are really concerned that Kanye is gonna steal the spotlight.

Following those poor shepherds of course are sheep. We were inundated with requests to be in the play and had to limit the number of sheep we could cast. Out of all the requests we settled on the following sheep who have been underexposed in 2009 and really need the exposure: Kim Kardashian, Megan Fox, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Brittney Spears, and Carrie Prejean. After finishing the casting we had to reconsider and add another sheep as well. We added Amy Winehouse since not only does she need the exposure but she is certainly close to death now that she is 27 and the YJKOBT pageant just may be her final performance.

To continue we looked at the characters of the Three Wise Men. When we cast David Letterman, Gov. Mark Sanford, and Tiger Woods (just missing the cut was John Edwards) as our Christmas wise men we decided that the concept would be reversed. In our pageant these three will be known as Dumb, Dumber, and Just Plain Stupid. The three idiots. And you wondered why the wise men traveled from afar without their wives? I think we know now.

Bringing the idiots on their long journey of course are camels and once again we had to narrow the list from a ton of qualified candidates who wanted to make our play. We settled on the most dromedary like characters we could find. Making the cast were Keith Olberman, Bill O'Riley, Sean Hannity, Jay Leno, and Conan O'Brien. Jimmy Fallon would have been cast here but we were afraid that his 2009's trend would continue and nobody would come and watch.


Last but not least we had to fill out the stage with the animals gathered around the manger. The oxen and the asses. We found no shortage of able bodied people willing to fill these roles. Cast as the oxen and the asses this year are Perez Hilton, Bernard Madoff, Chris Brown, and Jon Gosselin.


So what do you think? How will this cast perform? Is there anyone we missed that deserved casting? Please as always your comments are welcome and we would love to hear your thoughts.



Merry Christmas everybody!!
-Doc

17 comments:

Mandy said...

Oh wow. You had me laughing out loud, I think the people next to me assume I am insane. Hilarious. I can't even pick a favorite part, it was all so well laid out and so spot on! Really well done.

Will have to think and see if there is anyone else I would have cast.

Kim said...

Hahaha, this is perfect!

Paige said...

Absolutely hilarious!

Southern Belle said...

Well written and totally on que! I bet you did have some very hard decision on the oxen and asses!I heard that Joe Jackson really wanted the part of one of the asses!

3 Men and a Lady said...

Lol, great post! At first I was worried when I saw Sarah Palin in my reader.

Doc said...

HA! Glad you all liked it....

OK So we need to add Joe Jackson to the Oxen and asses cast... maybe he can be an understudy.

Four Dinners said...

Great stuff old bean. Even a backwoods Englishman knows who yer on about!!!

Could I recommend our own (so called) PM Gordon Brown as King Herod?

....and Kylie Minogue as a very sexy 'star'?

Karen said...

Too funny!! You did a great job. And I honestly can't think of anyone deserving who was left out.

Lu' said...

Great job indded Doc, ha ha ha! By the way nice balls, the ones on your Christmas Blogger header, jeeze :)

The Mountain Cat said...

Awesome! Good work Doc!!

Doc said...

Ok so we have Gordon Brown as King Herod... (Nice one Four D!) I completely forgot about the old lout who wanted to kill all the children under 3 years of age. Sounds like something Brown would do to...

Jay said...

Somebody needs to turn this into a made for tv movie right now! Very funny dude! ;-)

Tammy said...

Very funny!

Dianne said...

excellent!!
I think this could play Broadway

Ginger Snaps said...

Doc... I'm linking this post to my fb page so all my can enjoy, I hope you don't mind. Funny shiz, my friend.

Doc said...

Go ahead and link away, Snaps... Enjoy

jennifer said...

This was a hoot!

Could Glenn Beck narrate the pageant? He could wear his Christmas Sweater :)