Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Heather Mills strikes again!

Well, everybody's favorite token 'Dancing with the Stars' contestant has scored a new gig! After her recent public and trash-talken divorce from Paul McCartney, Mills will be one of the judges for the Miss USA pageant, on this Fri.


I have to admit...sometimes I am such a girl. I LOVE pageants! I love all the fancy dresses and silly dance routines. I know all the arguments against them: beauty not brains, scantily clad bodies on parade, yada-yada-yada! Who cares! Sometimes a little girl just needs to dream! (And little boys can fantasize)


So, dear readers, give me your thoughts? Is Heather really qualified to judge? Do you think pageants are fair, or silly, or fun, or whatever adjective you choose?
-As American as Apple Pie

97 comments:

Doc said...

No offense meant but is she even American?

Leighann said...

I wouldn't take Heather Mills opinion on ANYTHING. I don't know who she screwed to get this gig but he's obviously blind and numb from the neck down.

Leighann said...

I don't watch pageants of any sort, it's just not my thing. Not so long ago I watched a documentary called "Painted Babies" about childrens pageants and let me just say this, it was VILE what they did to those little girls.

Vile.

Lu' said...

Apple, did you see Adam get the boot? I hope he got it right up the old bootey!

Lu' said...

Heather Mills might be qualified to judge a limp dick contest. As for pagents, never cared one way or the other. Adults can do as they choose. I do not agree with pagents for children because the parents are sick, sick, sick for the most part.

Doc said...

LOL @ Lu's qualification comment

I am with both Leighann and Lu on this child pagent thing... After jon Benet Ramsey was killed I learned about the sickening world of child pagents... what a screwed up deal that is

The Mountain Cat said...

I think it is a wonderful idea to have Heather Mills host the Miss USA pageant! In fact lets take it a step further. If one of the contestants fouls up, which they usually do often, Heather will take off her leg and throw it at them and yell 'Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!'. Or how about you place a huge metal symbol behind her and she can bang it will her appendage when things go wrong ala The Gong Show. huh? huh? good ideas? Too over the top? Ok maybe the leg thingy is in bad taste. She can instead just throw a glass of of water at them. Espicially if one of them sings 'Just Another Silly Love Song'.

Doc said...

Vin, if you think that is innapropriate you should have seen the comment I made first before I deleted it for being classless. Yeah I had to censor myself.

Lu' said...

Ah Doc shouldn't we be the judge? Oy, if you read all things I've thought better of printing.

Doc said...

Ok, you judge... I called her a "gold digging peg leg". Too classless of me?

Karen said...

I didn't even realize they were still holding Ms. America. Which one did they get rid of? Anyway, I am not a pageant person. I have not moral opposition to them - I just think they are ultra-boring and I'd rather watch a baseball game or go out drinking with my friends.

Good Luck to Heather Mills.

Doc said...

I just think they are ultra-boring and I'd rather watch a baseball game or go out drinking with my friends.

Karen, you had me at hello

Lu' said...

Not at all. The truth hurts. Maybe she can take off her leg and use the sock to dry her tears.

Doc said...

We better be careful... Heather is liable to try and sue us...and then dump a glass of water on us in court if she isn't geting her way... (did ya'll hear about that?)

That chick is unstable... and I don't just mean wobbly on her leg.

The Mountain Cat said...

Classless?? Who me? I was going to call her Ahad as she walks with a pirate leg and she was trying to harpoon the whale of Paul McCartney's assets. Now THAT would have been classless.

Anndi said...

I think the scepter the winner will receive shall be a replica of Mills' artificial appendage...

Of course she's friggin qualified!!!! Pageants are fake and so is her leg!

Anndi said...

Or how about you place a huge metal symbol behind her and she can bang it will her appendage when things go wrong ala The Gong Show.

New job possibility for Jeff Gilooly... he knows all about whacking and legs. (like I could stay away from that one...)

Christine said...

It's a perfect gig for her - since all the contestants these days seem to be sobbing about their problems with drinking, and drug addictions. They can all whine together.

Doc said...

The guy who whacked Nancy on the leg was Shane Stant... Trust me on this one... Gilooly was just a patsy.

Lu' said...

Anndi, stay away from what, whacking or legs? :)

Leighann said...

Classless? Did someone call for me? :D

The Mountain Cat said...

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Shane Minoaka Stant (born 15 April 1971) is an American convict. He was hired by Tonya Harding's ex-husband Jeff Gillooly and friend Shawn Eckhardt to assault Nancy Kerrigan in the weeks before the 1994 Winter Olympics in Lillehammer, Norway.

On January 6, 1994, Kerrigan had finished a practice session at Cobo Arena in Detroit during the U.S. Figure Skating Championships. When she stopped to talk to a news reporter, Stant crouched down, struck her on the knee with a retractable metal baton, and ran away. The exit door was locked, so he escaped by breaking through an acrylic glass door. He jumped into Derrick B. Smith's getaway car. He, along with Shawn Eckhardt and Derrick Smith, were arrested and sentenced to four years in prison. Stant served 14 months before being released.

On December 1, 2005, a judge in Multnomah County, Oregon denied a petition by Stant to have his conviction in the Kerrigan attack expunged. Stant had petitioned to have his record cleared because he wanted to apply for the Navy SEALs, who will not accept anyone with a felony conviction. The petition was odd, as one must be under 28 years of age to qualify for SEAL training, while Stant was 34 at the time of his petition. Kerrigan wrote a letter to the court to oppose the petition because she felt it could send a message that a crime like Stant's could be "swept under the rug".

Leighann said...

Doc, I read your comment as "Gilooly was just a PASTY"

I was about to start a list of BETTER things to use for pasties!

Leighann said...

Lookit Mt Cat being all resourceful with Wiki :p

Anndi said...

I know it was Shane.. but seriously, Gilooly is a far funnier name... plus he has that mustache.

Leighann said...

I wonder if Heather Mills' dancing partner ever got splinters or "road rash"

Anndi said...

Leighann, ewww at the thought of Gilooly any where near my boobies...

Anndi said...

lu.. I don't whack, I dissolve ;p

Leighann said...

Anndi don't worry, I'll protect them!

Anndi said...

Counting on it Leighann...

Leighann said...

I think we've hijacked the comments again *giggle*

Lu' said...

Maybe Heather could enter her leg in the pagent. I wonder how it would look in a bathing suit and pump.

Leighann said...

I bet she'd win the knobby-est knee competition!

Lu' said...

There is no chance the judges would be stumped on that one.

Doc said...

Jeff Gilooly changed his name to Jeff Stone a few years ago and got sued by some guy whose real name is Jeff Stone for defemation of the name Stone... (True Story)


I need to make a Wiki page for YJKOBT

Leighann said...

Good idea Doc!

I think you should institue an Anndi, Lu & Leighann day too! :D

Doc said...

There is no chance the judges would be stumped on that one.


Ok Lu... you got the Diet Pepsi spew award on that one... HOLY CRAP THAT IS FUNNY!!!

Lu' said...

Thanks Doc. Sorry about the spewage. Hey her disability could give her a leg up in the competition.

Anndi said...

Hey her disability could give her a leg up in the competition.

but then she'd go down... um, I mean fall...

The Mountain Cat said...

Leap O' Faith made me a birthday cake and we all enjoyed it in my office's lunchroom! Thank you Leap O' Faith!

Anndi said...

Jeff Gilooly changed his name to Jeff Stone a few years ago and got sued by some guy whose real name is Jeff Stone for defemation of the name Stone... (True Story)


Ha! He picked the wrong name.. he doesn't have stones.

Anndi said...

Maybe Heather could enter her leg in the pagent. I wonder how it would look in a bathing suit and pump.

Her leg has more personality than she does, so the interview portion of the pageant might work out well...

Anndi said...

Mountain cat.. you have a bit of icing in your whiskers...

runningwildkids said...

If you have a chance to get to see a preliminary to Miss Illinois or any other pageant it is clear that these girls are very talented and intelligent. Many of them win scholarships to college and get masters (ex. miss Illinois won $50k for college) There are parents or people that ten dot go very overboard with it too! I would have to say that she would be very experienced as a judge.

The Mountain Cat said...

Thanks Anndi. All clean now.

Leighann said...

OH geez, runningwildkids has to come along and piss on our parade!

(don't freak out Doc, I know her which means I can talk to her that way)

Leighann said...

Mt Cat you greey bas*ard, don't you think it would have been nice to have shared with the group?

No fair that Anndi got to lick your face clean!

PAT said...

Why Paul McCartney ever chose to be with her is a mystery...couldnt he see she was UNSTABLE!

Leighann said...

Pat it's possible that early signs of dementia are creeping in.

As American as Apple Pie said...

Wow! Who would have thought there'd be so much banter about this. I'm amused that the only men chiming in are Doc and TMC. Come on guys...don't you have any opinions?

I wish I had been at my computer this afternoon to reply to comments earlier but alas, my job required me to be elsewhere. I've enjoyed reading it all though.

Personally, I don't agree with child pageants but I'm all for the adult (or mostly adult) version. As runningwildkids said: they are very smart and get great scholarships. Plus they get to speak on behalf of many charities.

Doc said...

Running Wild w/youguns - Welcome... I agree that the contestants work hard in these pagents it's their choice of judges that I question... (and occasionally the contestents like Miss Teen SC last year... "umm Like The Iraq such as and so forth" )

Single In The City said...

Doc: I have a post I am working on Called you had me at hello!!! GMTA?

Anyway Doc and Mt Cat, Forgive me! But I cannot stand that Biotch!

She needs to just hide out and never be seen ever again.. I should not have this much Hate in my heart but she just a nasty lil Biotch!! Okay back to being Innocent!

Single

Doc said...

Anndi - If Heather is using that leg to her advantage she should get an endorsement contract with a pesticide company. I can see it now: "I use Raid defogger to keep the termites away"

Doc said...

*Winking at Single* Great Minds DO think alike

Lu' said...

She doesn't use pesticides Doc. They bother her ant eater.

Lu' said...

Anndi, LOL


(Her leg has more personality than she does, so the interview portion of the pageant might work out well...)

Lu' said...

Anteaters can eat up to 30,000 termites a day. They have no teeth so if it runs out of termites, she finds other ways to keep it busy.

Leighann said...

I think it also doubles as a paper shredder.

Anndi said...

She doesn't use pesticides Doc. They bother her ant eater.


Bwahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha!

Oh I have to be good... even if it kills me...

Doc said...

They have no teeth so if it runs out of termites, she finds other ways to keep it busy. - If I am reading this correctly then this may be the sickest post ever on YJKOBT (Mt. Cat's posts not included)

Doc said...

I think it also doubles as a paper shredder. - So thats how she got rid of that pesky pre-nup Paul tried to get her to sign

Lu' said...

Doc, I think we have only tickled sick, but yes you were reading it correctly.

Anndi said...

Here I thought ant eaters were warm blooded...

The Mountain Cat said...

Leighann, If I could shove chocolate cake through the internet cables I would! :-)

As American as Apple Pie said...

Oooo, chocolate cake. If I can't have pie, I want chocolate cake!

Lu' said...

Mt Cat if you could shove chocolate cake thru the internet, you would be a millionaire.

Doc said...

This ant eater discussion is disturbing... LOL!

Doc said...

Apple... didn't you just have cake too?

Lu' said...

Anteaters eat pie. I think Heather said that.

Doc said...

This anteater discussion is disturbing....

Anndi said...

Mt Cat, if you could shove chocolate cake through the internet I'd worship the quicksand you walk on.. wait, I already do! ;p

Anndi said...

This anteater discussion is disturbing....

Doc - I blame it on spring...

Doc said...

Isn't there a child book called the very hungry anteater or something like that?

Anndi said...

Isn't there a child book called the very hungry anteater or something like that?

If that isn't a post idea...

Doc said...

If Mt. Cat could shove chocolate cake through the internet then Heather Mills would have probably married him instead of Sir. Paul.

The Mountain Cat said...

Cool a new Word Game!!

If Mt. Cat could shove chocolate cake through the internet________________.
Please fill in the blank.

Lu' said...

If Mt. Cat could shove chocolate cake through the internet________________.
Please fill in the blank.

Heather Mills would buy it as long as it didn't cost and arm. It's ok if it cost a leg, she has those to spare.

Anndi said...

If Mt. Cat could shove chocolate cake through the internet servers all across the United States would crash due to an overwhelming demand on high-speed services.

Leighann said...

Mt Cat, I think you and Doc would ban me from your blog if I were to take part in that word game!

Anndi said...

If Mt. Cat could shove chocolate cake through the internet Jarod the Subway dude would never leave the house.

Doc said...

If Mt. Cat could shove chocolate cake through the internet:

-Bill Gates would have to create an operating system named "icing" instead of windows

-Stat counter would keep track of caloric intake instead of page hits

-Cinnabon and Little Debbie would angage in a furious bidding war but Entenmanns would end up pulling a surprise hostile takover

Anonymous said...

Doc - very creative...looks like you've given this some real thought! LOL!

You're very welcome, TMC...I'm glad you enjoyed your birthday cake!

...and if you really could shove cake through the internet, we could both quit our jobs!!! I'll bake and you push...LOL!!

LeapO'Faith

The Mountain Cat said...

If Mt. Cat could shove chocolate cake through the internet Docs mom will save it (Doc will explain this comment in a forthcoming blog story).

Doc said...

I'll bake and you push...LOL!! - I think this response would fit right in with yesterday's Word Game theme

Sassy Mama Bear said...

She has no qualifications to be a judge for the pagaent in my opinion. Glad I will not be watching that. NASCAR on Saturday night!

Doc said...

You tell 'em Penelope! Racing at Phoenix on Saturday!

Miss Merry Sunshine said...

Ummmm...I am uncomfortable with you living in Kannapolis, lol!! I keep waiting for someone that knows me or my husband to "out" me...he has no idea that I blog or call him DB behind his back...awkward!

Love your blog...I'll be a regular as I spend all my happy days surfing the web and NOT working ;)

As American as Apple Pie said...

Welcome Miss Mary. Do we know you? It's hard to believe there is someone else from K-town out there. Not that no ones else blogs, just that they would admit to being from Kannapolis!

Either way, we look forward to hearing from you often. Come and not do work with us anytime!

Miss Merry Sunshine said...

I'm in Charlotte but, that's close enough, lol!

The Mountain Cat said...

Who cares about NASCAR??
Rangers v. Devils tonight, game 1. Uh-oh I think we had this conversation before....

Doc said...

Welcome Miss Merry.. Your secret is safe with us. Come back and hang out.. .We have fun everyday!

Micky-T said...

Wow!!!! What a great place to come and laugh!
I just love this blog!

Lesley said...

Ummm, what was the question? lol.. Sorry, it took so long to read the comments I nearly forgot what the issue at hand was. Mind you the comments were very entertaining..

Oh yeah, NO H.M should NOT be judging the beauty thingie because I don't like the way she tried to step on a beatle!

Sorry I'm so late in my reply, I sorta feel a bit left out being probably the only one who is typing while your all sleeping over the other side of the world.
Hugs,
Lesley

Lesley said...

Oh and the other parts of that Q..
I have nothing against those contests for adults, not for kids who are exploited for their parents own pleasure.
DOC.. I think the book you were thinking of was the Very Hungry Caterpillar.
Hugs'N'Luv,
Lesley

Sitting in Silence said...

I kinda like pagents...watching the carry on and stuff...

I would not in a million years consider entering one through...

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I've got something Heather Mills can judge....

runningwildkids said...

Leighann: your orenery self hasn't changed a bit in all of these years, but still love it!

Doc thanks for the welcome and loving your take on things. I agree with you about their choice on judges!