Always check your child's homework

The assignement was to draw a picture of what you want to be when you grow up and here is what the little girl turned in:


(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)

Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

-Doc

Contemporary Christmas Songs

I'm taking a week off from the poll due to the holiday week but still figured I would post something. So in the spirit of Christmas I figured I would put a little twist on the typical favorite Christmas music post. There are so many classic Christmas songs from the likes of Bing Crosby and Johny Mathis. That's not what I am looking for here. I want rock and roll or at least more contemporary stuff. Just off the top of my head I came up with a list of my favorites:
(I can't promise that the links work since youtube is blocked at work)

The Eagles - Please Come Home for Christmas

The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping


Bruce Springsteen - Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Billy Squier - Christmas is a Time to Say I love You

Adam Sandler - The Hanukkah Song (Not Christmas obviously but still a great tune)

Josh Groban - O Holy Night

and my favorite:

Barenaked Ladies w/ Sarah McLachlan - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

So tell me what are your favorite rock or more contemporary Christmas songs? Lets make a list!

-Doc

2009 College Bowl Game Predictions

College Bowl season starts today and here are my picks for each of the games:

(Prediction in Orange - Correct picks in Green - Incorrect in Red)

Record = 18 - 14 .563

(Please feel free to comment as you wish. Agree with me disagree with me or make fun of my win/loss record)

Non-BCS Bowl Games:

Dec. 19 New Mexico Albuquerque, N.M. ESPN 4:30 p.m. Wyoming (6-6) vs. Fresno State (8-4) - Fresno State

Dec. 19 St. Petersburg St. Petersburg, Fla. ESPN 8 p.m. Rutgers (8-4) vs. UCF (8-4) - Rutgers

Dec. 20 New Orleans New Orleans ESPN 8:30 p.m. Middle Tennessee State (9-3) vs. Southern Miss (7-5) - Southern Miss

Dec. 22 Maaco Las Vegas Las Vegas, Nev. ESPN 8 p.m. Oregon State (8-4) vs. BYU (10-2) - Oregon State

Dec. 23 Poinsettia San Diego, Calif. ESPN 8 p.m. Utah (9-3) vs. California (8-4) - Utah

Dec. 24 Hawaii Honolulu ESPN 8 p.m. Nevada (8-4) vs. SMU (7-5) - Nevada

Dec. 26 Little Caesars Detroit, Mich. ESPN 1 p.m. Ohio (9-4) vs. Marshall (6-6) - Ohio

Dec. 26 Emerald San Francisco ESPN 8 p.m. Boston College (8-4) vs. Southern California (8-4) - USC

Dec. 26 Meineke Car Care Charlotte, N.C. ESPN 4:30 p.m. North Carolina (8-4) vs. Pittsburgh (9-3) - Pittsburgh

Dec. 27 Music City Nashville, Tenn. ESPN 8:30 p.m. Kentucky (7-5) vs. Clemson (8-5) - Clemson

Dec. 28 Independence Shreveport, La. ESPN2 5 p.m. Texas A&M (6-6) vs. Georgia (7-5) - Texas A&M

Dec. 29 Champs Sports Orlando, Fla. ESPN 8 p.m. Miami (Fla.) (9-3) vs. Wisconsin (9-3) - Miami

Dec. 29 EagleBank Washington D.C. ESPN 4:30 p.m. UCLA (6-6) vs. Temple (9-3) - UCLA

Dec. 30 Holiday San Diego, Calif. ESPN 8 p.m. Nebraska (9-4) vs. Arizona (8-4) - Nebraska

Dec. 30 Humanitarian Boise, Idaho ESPN 4:30 p.m. Idaho (7-5) vs. Bowling Green (7-5) - Idaho

Dec. 31 Armed Forces Fort Worth, Tex. ESPN Noon Air Force (7-5) vs. Houston (10-3) - Houston

Dec. 31 Sun El Paso, Tex. CBS 2 p.m. Stanford (8-4) vs. Oklahoma (7-5) - Oklahoma

Dec. 31 Texas Houston ESPN 3:30 p.m. Missouri (8-4) vs. Navy (8-4) - Missouri

Dec. 31 Insight Tempe, Ariz. NFL Net. 6 p.m. Minnesota (6-6) vs. Iowa State (6-6) - Iowa State

Dec. 31 Chick-fil-A Atlanta ESPN 7:30 p.m. Virginia Tech (9-3) vs. Tennessee (7-5) - Virginia Tech

Jan. 1 Gator Jacksonville, Fla. CBS 1 p.m. West Virginia (9-3) vs. Florida State (6-6) - Florida State

Jan. 1 Capital One Orlando, Fla. ABC 1 p.m. Penn State (10-2) vs. LSU (9-3) - LSU

Jan. 1 Outback Tampa, Fla. ESPN 11 a.m. Northwestern (8-4) vs. Auburn (7-5) - Auburn

Jan. 2 International Toronto ESPN2 Noon South Florida (7-5) vs. Northern Illinois (7-5) - South Florida

Jan. 2 Cotton Dallas FOX 2 p.m. Oklahoma State (9-3) vs. Mississippi (8-4) - Oklahoma State

Jan. 2 Papajohns.com Birmingham, ESPN 2 p.m. Connecticut (7-5) vs. South Carolina (7-5) - Connecticut

Jan. 2 Liberty Memphis, Tenn. ESPN 5:30 p.m. East Carolina (9-4) vs. Arkansas (7-5) - Arkansas

Jan. 2 Alamo San Antonio ESPN 9 p.m. Texas Tech (8-4) vs. Michigan State (6-6) - Texas Tech

Jan. 6 GMAC Mobile, Ala. ESPN 7 p.m. Central Michigan (11-2) vs. Troy (9-3) - Central Michigan

BCS Games:

Jan. 1 Rose Pasadena, Calif. ABC 4:30 p.m. Oregon (10-2) vs. Ohio State (10-2) - Oregon

Jan. 1 Sugar New Orleans, La. FOX 8:30 p.m. Cincinnati (12-0) vs. Florida (12-1) - Florida

Jan. 4 Fiesta Glendale, Ariz. FOX 8 p.m. TCU (12-0) vs. Boise State (13-0) - TCU

Jan. 5 Orange Miami FOX 8 p.m. Georgia Tech (11-2) vs. Iowa (10-2) - Georgia Tech

Jan. 7 BCS Title Pasadena, Calif. ABC 8 p.m. Alabama (13-0) vs. Texas (13-0) - Alabama

Wow this is very Innapropriate

I was just going to add this story to an addition of "Hitting the High Notes" but after giving it a re-read I figured it deserved an entire post of its own. Ok so I was reading this article about a billboard in New Zealand showing Mary and Joseph in bed together. The billboard is trying to draw attention to "alternate theories of Jesus' birth" by showing the apparently no longer Virgin Mary in bed with Joeseph during a post coital moment. Mary is looking upwards and Joeseph looking forlorn as if he wasn't able to perform adequately and uses the following caption. "Poor Joseph. God was a hard act to follow." As if God actually had intercourse with Mary and was a good lover and Joseph couldn't measure up.


Oh wow, how inappropriate is this? I can understand that there are alternate theories to how Jesus was conceived and how his life, death, and resurrection are portrayed in the Bible and throughout Christianity but throwing this in the face of believers in the form of a billboard is just wrong. In my opinion it's not being used "to challenge stereotypes about the way that Jesus was conceived and get people talking about the Christmas story." as vicar, Archdeacon Glynn Cardy of St. Matthews Anglican Church claims. It's being used for it's shock value and it's ability to draw anger from believers. I am a Christian who considers myself pretty open and accepting of other religious views but this one goes too far for even me to tolerate so I had to post it here. Maybe I can use it to start a discussion.

So I would love to hear what you guys think? Is this billboard just a way to get a discussion going? It is just for shock value? Is it blasphemous? What do you think? Please keep it civil though folks...

-Doc

Thursday Random thoughts 12/17/2009

Stuff I have been thinking about:

-Yesterday at lunch I decided to have a treat instead of water and got an egg nog milkshake from Jack in the Box and let me tell you folks this thing was flat out yummy! I know that people fall into love or hate on the whole egg nog thing but oh my gosh you have to try one of these. It's great, very thick though. You will have to let it melt a little bit before trying to drink it through the straw. Probably not the most healthy thing you will ever have though.

- Am I the only one who doesn't like to go to CNN.com anymore now that they have changed their format?

- I will bet you that I have gotten an e-mail from Jockey.com every day since Thanksgiving promoting some sort of sale or something. Now I have never bought anything from this website and probably never will but after investigating a little further they have an account and password in my name and typical password that I use for other things like amazon or Ebay. Like I said I have NEVER bought underwear over the Internet and I wonder how I got an account at Jockey.com ?

-Here is a travesty for you. ABBA was just elected to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. That in itself isn't the travesty. Now we can debate whether or not ABBA is really rock and roll or if they deserve to be in the hall of fame but there should be no debate about this. KISS was once again rejected for election to the hall and that is a travesty! Say what you want but I will bet you Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons are pissed that the hall "took a chance" on ABBA and left KISS unable to "rock and roll all night and party everyday".

-Hey parents, Any hints on keeping a two and a half year old from playing with the ornaments on the tree?

-Interesting Stat counter search note of the week. Someone from Atlanta Georgia routinely checks our blog monthly searching for Jennifer Wilbanks from the same IP address. Remember her?

- Interesting search note # 2. (and this is not a joke) Someone from Wasilla, Alaska General Communication found our blog by searching for Sarah Palin. Seriously. Nahhhh It couldn't be her. She won't be caught dead in Alaska anymore now that she has gotten her ticket out.

-Do you all remember that disaster that was supposed to happen to computers on Y2K? Well of course it never really materialized. Well we are about to pass another milestone in a few weeks to 2010. I wonder if the computers are ready for it or if just maybe they have been dormant since they failed in their attack on Y2K and they are going to rise up and get us on Y2K + 10?

-Doc

Awsome Christmas Decorating Idea

I saw this idea for a spoof on Christmas lights and just had to post it... Hilarious. This guy set this up to look as if his ladder fell out from under him while he was stringing up the lights! Read the caption below. I ought to do this at our house:

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my
Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after two
days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories,
but two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me
that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove
by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost
killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize that it was fake
until she climbed to the top (she was not happy).

By the way, she
was one of the many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it
either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my
yard.

Merry Christmas !

-Doc

YJKOBT Christmas Pageant 2009

We here at YJKOBT are happy to present as our Christmas gift you you this Holiday season our Christmas Pageant. Based on everything that has happened this past year we have attempted to bring an all star cast to portray the Manger nativity scene. So here as our we proudly present the cast for this years Christmas Pageant as only YJKOBT can do it:

Portraying Mary the Blessed Mother of Jesus we have Sarah Palin. A perfect symbol of pure holier-than-thou-ness who also seems to have already had some experience with pageants as well as the immaculate conception and virgin birth. Sarah will take some time out of her book tour make a fine Virgin Mary and besides we tried to get Angelina Jolie but she was busy abroad adopting another child and trying to save the world in other ways.

We thought about Joseph and who could possibly be better than Barack Obama to portray Jesus' father? Even though he really wanted to play the Savior instead we cast him for Joseph. Obama will make a great Joseph because who else can better portray having a big presence in the story but really not having a heck of a lot of control of the outcome? Besides we already have one Joseph (Biden) in the White House who does nothing. Might as well make it two.

Now who shall we get to play our glorious Christ Child in YJKOBT's Christmas pageant? Well Falcon Heene of course! Our little balloon boy is perfect! Who better to act out what happens to a kid suddenly thrust into a spotlight that he wasn't ready for? (Let's just hope that he doesn't puke on our stage)

Every Christmas pageant has an Angel Gabriel who announces to the frightened shepherds that The Savior has been born. We didn't have to look far to cast this one because already singing with the angels (maybe) is Michael Jackson. He already has the costume picked out and you can best believe it has plenty of sequins. The King of Pop will portray the Angel Gabriel and will be accompanied by an entire stage of heavenly hosts including Taylor Swift, Miley Sirus, The Jonas Brothers, and Susan Boyle. Oh yes we go all out here at YJKOBT.

Cast as the shepherds who were watching their flocks by night are Robert Pattinson, Adam Lambert, and Kanye West. These three all had years worthy of being cast for various reasons although Adam and Robert are really concerned that Kanye is gonna steal the spotlight.

Following those poor shepherds of course are sheep. We were inundated with requests to be in the play and had to limit the number of sheep we could cast. Out of all the requests we settled on the following sheep who have been underexposed in 2009 and really need the exposure: Kim Kardashian, Megan Fox, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Brittney Spears, and Carrie Prejean. After finishing the casting we had to reconsider and add another sheep as well. We added Amy Winehouse since not only does she need the exposure but she is certainly close to death now that she is 27 and the YJKOBT pageant just may be her final performance.

To continue we looked at the characters of the Three Wise Men. When we cast David Letterman, Gov. Mark Sanford, and Tiger Woods (just missing the cut was John Edwards) as our Christmas wise men we decided that the concept would be reversed. In our pageant these three will be known as Dumb, Dumber, and Just Plain Stupid. The three idiots. And you wondered why the wise men traveled from afar without their wives? I think we know now.

Bringing the idiots on their long journey of course are camels and once again we had to narrow the list from a ton of qualified candidates who wanted to make our play. We settled on the most dromedary like characters we could find. Making the cast were Keith Olberman, Bill O'Riley, Sean Hannity, Jay Leno, and Conan O'Brien. Jimmy Fallon would have been cast here but we were afraid that his 2009's trend would continue and nobody would come and watch.

Last but not least we had to fill out the stage with the animals gathered around the manger. The oxen and the asses. We found no shortage of able bodied people willing to fill these roles. Cast as the oxen and the asses this year are Perez Hilton, Bernard Madoff, Chris Brown, and Jon Gosselin.

So what do you think? How will this cast perform? Is there anyone we missed that deserved casting? Please as always your comments are welcome and we would love to hear your thoughts.

Merry Christmas everybody!!

-Doc

Christmas Cartoons - Weekly Poll 12/14/2009

I'm continuing the holiday theme this week with the poll. Last week we found out that YJKOBT readers prefer artificial trees to real ones. Even though live trees made a late week comeback they were no match for the fake ones.
This weeks poll is about Christmas cartoon specials. I picked out what I think are the most popular and made the poll. Which is your favorite? Do you like Rudolph or Frosty? How about Charlie Brown? My personal favorite is the Grinch. Watched it on Tivo just last week with my son for the first time. I just love the sneaky Grinch and his little dog.
Which of these is your favorite? Please vote in the poll and of course comment and defend your choice. Let me know if there are any of your favorites out there that I have forgotten.

-Doc