Congrats Micky-T

Doc and I won't normally give awards away out of the blue. But I want to give one to Micky-T for his parody earlier today of my posting 'Excuse me, who?...Vince from Manhattan Mortgage' when you left this hilarious comment:

Excuse me sir, did you say vents in a mans hat in porridge?

I don't even know what the hell it means but it was funny as all hell!

Therefore, you are the first recipient of my Lion candy bar:

Enjoy Micky-T and thanks for being a loyal daily reader of our blogs!

- The Mountain Cat

Is there something wrong with my speech?

All day I leave messages for attorneys with their receptionists.
I slowly tell the message taker 'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage'.
Not too difficult right?
Somehow this never computes with the person on the other end of the phone receiver.
For example:

'And who can he call back?''
'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage.'
'Excuse me, who?'
'Vince from Manhattan Mortgage.'
'Lance?'
'No. Vince. V.I.N.C.E.'

or

'Who should I say is calling?'
'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage.'
'Swiss Bank?'
'No, Vince from Manhattan Mortgage. V.I.N.C.E.'

or

'What is the message?'
'Please have her call Vince....from....Manhattan....Mortgage.'
'Please repeat that.'
'Vince..V.I.N.C.E....Vince....from.....Manhattan....Mortgage.'

I don't get it?
Does the phonetics of 'This is Vince from Manhattan Mortgage' disables people's hearing?
Is it on a wave length that only small dogs can hear? My god.
I think I have to change my first name to John or Bill to avoid having these issues in the future.

- The Mountain Lance

Blatant Sexism in the Fashion Industry ?

I was reading the news the other day and came across something quite disturbing. I found this review about Fashion week in Washington DC. Now this is from a reputable source so please don't think that I am making this up. But it seems that along with all the other silly looking fashion lines coming out this year there is one from Ukrainian designer Aleksey Zalevskiy which claims to be "dog inspired" Yes you read that correctly, Dog inspired. This line goes as far as featuring models with dog muzzles and even lamp shade cone heads on... you know the ones that dogs have to wear after surgery to keep them from licking themselves.

I have a little problem with this. Ladies if you don't stand up for your gender and denounce this as complete crap I may start to lose respect for you. Are you kidding me that a fashion designer was actually bold enough to get models to walk down the runway wearing clothing that debases females in such a blatant manner and portrays them as less than human? I am almost shocked that the models agreed to do it...however we are talking about fashion models who don't have the most stellar intellectual reputation in the first place but I digress. Where is PETA on this one? Where is Gloria Steinem? Oh yeah she is too busy sticking her foot in her mouth while campaigning for Hillary. Where is Michael Vick? Where is the outrage from anyone with any common sense?

What is next? How much more blatant does sexism have to get? Do they have to come out with a clothing line that emphasises barefoot and pregnant women and accessorizes with frying pans and laundry baskets? Are we as a society regressing here folks? Yeesh.

Please tell me if I am off base here but I think some outrage is deserved on this one.

-Doc

Tuesday Word Game Winner 3/5

A big thank you to all who submitted answers for yesterday's Word Game... As usual everyone was on their game and really brought it with the answers. As always they were all really good. However one stood out to me and I want to Congratulate Karen who writes Smiling Through It All for this very funny and topical answer to the game:

This year's first recipient will be The members of The Writer's Guild specifically because they interupted our regularly scheduled programs - for months.

Congrats Karen! Here is your Peach to enjoy!:

-Doc

Tuesday Word Game - 3/4

This weeks word game comes to us from the realm of academia. It seems that Notre Dame is giving Martin Sheen some sort of medal for his charity work. While I am sure that it is well deserved it's really not all that funny so I decided that we should juice it up a bit. As usual just add something false and funny to this real news article below. Please fill in the blanks (yes two of them this week) with a name and then the reason. Of course the one that makes me laugh the most wins a peach. Here goes:

SOUTH BEND, Ind. - Activist-actor Martin Sheen will be honored by the University of Notre Dame with its Laetare Medal for his humanitarian work, the school announced Sunday. Since 1883, the Laetare Medal has been awarded annually to a Catholic "whose genius has ennobled the arts and sciences, illustrated the ideals of the church and enriched the heritage of humanity."

In related news Notre Dame also announced that It would be giving out its first ever "Humongous A-Hole Award". This award will be given annually to someone who exemplifies the absolute worst that humanity has to offer. This year's first recipient will be ___________ specifically because _________________________.

Make them funny and of course you can give as many replies as you want.

-Doc

An Almost Incident

My alma mater Appalachian State University in Boone, North Carolina was in the news yesterday. A mysterious man was seen walking near some college apartments with a handgun and wearing a ski mask. The campus was on lock down. The local police have no idea who he is or what he is up to. The man has not been found but the campus is still on alert. (Link to the full story here).

Now this reminds me of an incident that happened to me when I was a student at Appalachian State in 1994. One spring Saturday night I was hanging out with my friend Melissa and a couple of her roommates in their apartment. One of her roommates Christy was there with her boyfriend David. We all were just lounging around, having several beers and watching TV. Now I met David once before. My friend Melissa told me that he was in Boone by himself working and was not a student. He had some family problems in Pennsylvania and moved to Boone recently to get away. He seemed nice but oddly quiet. But, I didn’t know him well enough to judge him.

So as the evening progressed David went into the other room with Christy for a while. The rest of us paid no attention really. Then around 11pm we heard them arguing. I had no idea what they were fighting about but they were getting louder. They both came out of the bedroom and they were screaming at each other. Apparently this guy David was yelling at Christy for not paying attention to him. She is calling him crazy and possessive. Then Christy runs outside the apartment to the woods behind the dorm building. David chases after her. Obviously concerned, I then followed them. He wasn’t threatening her but we had this feeling something bad was going to happen. Melissa then called the campus police.

Outside the dorm I yelled to David to calm down and to leave her alone. We’ve been drinking a lot and you are not thinking rationally. This is where David shouts back at me ‘Vin, I suggest you go back inside as I have a gun’. I thought he was bullshit me at first. Then Christy told me that he was not. I turned white as a ghost. Yes I was worried that this guy was going to try to hurt her, but of course I didn’t want to get shot myself! My heart was beating faster than I’d ever experienced. But luckily somehow, Christy distracted him, and swiped the gun and holster from him. She came up to me with the gun in her hands hysterically crying. At that same moment, the campus police arrived. They calmed David down, put him in handcuffs and put him in the temporary jail over night. Christy explained to the police that he didn’t threaten her and that they both had too much to drink. She was not pressing charges. Lord knows why she didn’t. Hell, come to think of it why didn’t I press charges! At any rate, the gun was taken from him, he was set free but banned from our campus.

I spoke to Christy the next day and she explained to me that she felt bad for this guy David. Apparently he had no one else in his life. He was born into a strict Mennonites family in Pennsylvania. Christy told me he got some girl pregnant and they had an abortion. His family found out and ostracized him. They banished him and told him never to come back and he was no longer part of their family. Certainly a quite fantastic story. I am still not sure whether I believe it or not. Either way this guy David was really messed in the head. Later that week, Christy called me and said David wanted to apologize to me. I really wanted nothing to do with him. But for some reason, which still baffles me to this day, I agreed to meet with him. But I brought along Christy, Melissa and my roommate Ryan. We met one afternoon at an off campus in a public park. David was crying non stop begging me to forgive him for scaring me like he did. He partially told me about him problems back home. I just wanted this guy to go away so I said whatever dude, I accept your apology. I just suggested that he should stay away from me. I can feel bad about someone who has been dealt terrible cards in life, but not when my life is in danger.

I never did see him again. Christy, was smart enough and broke up with him soon after. I have no idea what happened to David. But I am lucky that this was just a passing incident and not a lot worse.

- The Mountain Cat

And now for another installment of BobbySox & Portia

This morning BobbySox awoke with that not so fresh feeling. …….nah just fahkin’ wit’cha. I won't subject my fans to that again!

Instead here is my new list of Things Bouncing Around This Head of Mine for Monday, March 3rd, 2008:

- ‘Hi Billy Mays here for Doc & The Mountain Cat!’

- We watched Field of Dreams on the bus on the way home from Cooperstown over the weekend. But there is something about that movie that is completely inaccurate. The voice tells Kevin Costner to ‘Go the distance’. But if this is a true baseball movie, shouldn't the voice say ‘Go six innings and hand it over to the bullpen’?? No pitcher goes the distance anymore.

- Also there are some strange names of elected players in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Click on this link and make you own jokes…

- Also also, in Cooperstown I bought a six pack of Anheuser-Busch ‘Winter’s Bourbon Cask Ale: Ale Aged on Bourbon Barrel Oak and Vanilla Beans’. The last thing I expected to bring back home with me was beer but it seemed like a unique product. Actually it is pretty tasty.

-Lastly in Cooperstown I saw the infamous Curt Schilling Bloody sock from the 2004 playoffs. I still believe it was ketchup as I now have seen it close up with my own eyes.

- 'All fans in attendance of the Yankees/Blue Jays game at Yankee Stadium on April 3rd will receive official New York Yankees condom compliments of Ramses.'

- This morning I cooked some eggs but I accidentally sprayed Rogaine on the frying pan instead of Pam. I now have hair on my tongue.

- If Eminem turned gay he should then call himself Feminem.

- I heard that Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are considering going on tour together. They will call themselves The Beatwhos. But I think The Whotles sounds better don't you think?

- I am sick of people calling me a Nihilist. Their opinions are pointless.

- Wouldn’t it be awesome is this guy really found the Lost Ark of the Covenant the same year that Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Crystal Skull premieres? It would be a nice way to help cross promote the new movie and end the Indiana Jones Quadrilogy.

- Well next week the government finally got me. I have to report for jury duty next Tuesday. I have escaped it several times. But now I will report and do my duty for America. However I heard there is a lot of waiting around. I better get a thick book to read. I think I'll read Mein Kampf while I wait. Boy, I sure hope they pick me for their jury!

- I saw a commercial for a Kids CD of remakes of current day hits sung by kids. Like nice artists like Kelly Clarkson or Josh Groban songs sung by 10 year olds. But I would like to hear the tracks that didn't make the CD. I'd like to see songs by Marilyn Manson or 2Pac sung by little pre-pubescents. Probably a bad idea.

- The other day I was thinking about my younger days growing up in Brooklyn and I remember a friend of mine who had an over protective mom. She would not let him watch the Popeye cartoons because she felt it was too violent. I wonder where that kid is today?

- Well I have similar story: Back in 1983 I was 11 years old and my mom wouldn't let me see the film Perfect starring John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis because of its mature sexual overtones. Instead I went to see The Never Ending Story with a friend. My old friends mad fun of us. :-(

- But I still have nightmares of that flying dog, Falkor. In retrospect that K-9 was freaky looking. (Actually Falkor is a Luckdragon but looks like a dog).

- Yesterday I cracked open a fortune cookie and my fortune read ‘Please re-order new fortunes’. What does this odd riddle mean???

- When I die I want my headstone to read 'My other plot is a mausoleum'.

- New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg recently gave me a key to the city for the website! But it only opens up doors to public subway toilets.

- I bought ‘Renuzit’s Caribbean Cooler Home Fragrance Spray’. My apartment now smells like Antigua.

- And finally I did it! I'm not a virgin anymore!... No seriously, I started The New York Rangers Meetup Group that I previously talked about. I merged with The New York Yankees Meetup Group. Click on this link to view. I hope to see any of you NuYawkas out there at my events. Even if you don’t like hockey, please stop by to say hi.

- The Mountain Cat

Weekly Poll - 3/3

Happy Monday everyone! Thank you to everyone who voted in last weeks poll as we learned that overwhelmingly the readers of this blog prefer the Grammy's as their favorite awards show. (I still want to know who voted for the Tony's)

This weeks poll comes to us as a suggestion from my buddy the Mt. Cat. He wants to poll who you think is/was the funniest television neighbor? There are several choices up there to pick from and of course feel free to discuss your choice as well. I bet we missed a few in the poll so let us know.

-Doc