Where did 15 years go?

15 years, seriously? Where did it go? As I got here to work this morning and realized that my annual performance review was due today I started thinking. I looked at the heading and it includes my hire date June 25, 1995. Fifteen years ago today. Wow. A lot has happened in the past 15 years. Some bad but most good.
If you consider a working career with a company 30 years then I guess I am at the mid-point. Everything is down hill to retirement right? I seriously need to keep working though because my investments and portfolio aren't nearly ready to support me and my family yet.
I included the most recently taken picture of me that I can find. Taken at our friends' 25 wedding vow ceremony, or more specifically at the party after. I look at myself and how I have aged from that kid that 15 years ago who fresh off a failed first career out of college attempt took the next job with benefits that came along. I figured I would work here a few years until I found my true calling. Did that true calling ever come? Maybe it has and I just never realized it. I have a few things that I would like to tell that kid from fifteen years ago who was so care free and had his whole life in front of him. A few things maybe but I don't think I would tell him to change much. Here's hoping the next fifteen years go well also.

-Doc

5 Minute Management Course

A guide for future success.

Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2
A pastor offered a young lady a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her dress to reveal a leg.
The pastor nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The young lady said, 'Pastor, remember Psalm 129?'
The pastor removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The young lady once again said, 'Pastor, remember Psalm 129?'
The pastor apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at her destination, the young lady sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the pastor rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.

Happy Thursday!

-As American as Apple Pie

What kind of RUSH are you?

I work for a mortgage broker. The job of a mortgage broker company is to bring in the clients and place them with a lender that best suits their needs. We deal in very high volume and send lots of file packages to several lenders (Citibank, HSBC, Wells Fargo, etc.). More often than not we are at the mercy of the lender's own volume for a quick mortgage approval. To circumvent this problem the loan originator who brought in the business would mark the client’s file with the word RUSH with a red magic marker. Usually in big letters across the front cover of the file. This will indicate to the lender that we need them to step on it so we can get an approval quicker than a non-RUSH file. This sounds simple. However, the busier we get, the more RUSH files get sent to the already overwhelmed lender. Therefore if every file is a RUSH then NONE of the loans becomes a RUSH! The more RUSH-es we have, the word RUSH no longer has a meaning. The urgency of these files gets diluted.

To troubleshoot, we have come up with different levels of RUSH depending upon the client’s situation. Below is a matrix of these levels (Sort of a Homeland Security Advisory System for Mortgages):

- *BLANK* (No Rush. Client’s do not have a deadline to get approved, meet rate & guidelines or closing).
- RUSH (Client needs an approval in a week. And will need to close within 60 days to meet rate & guidelines).
- RUSH RUSH! (Client needs an approval within 5 days as they need it for a coop board meeting and closing within 60 days).
- MAJOR RUSH!! (Client needs an approval within 4 days as they need it for a coop board meeting and closing within 45 days).
- SUPER RUSH!!! (Without an approval in 3 days, their coop board meeting will be delayed a month and cannot close within 30 days now before their rate goes up).
- SUPER SUPER RUSH!!!! (An approval must be faxed within 2 days as the seller has already set a closing date 20 days from now and there are a lot of outstanding items that have to be cleared!).
- EXTREME RUSH!!!!! (Must have the approval by tomorrow!! The seller is threatening my client to close within 15 days!!)

Well it does get worse. We have yet to use these following terms, but maybe we may have to as this industry gets more frantic and competitive:

- SUPER SEVERE EXTREME RUSH!!!!!! (200 pages were faxed to the lender at 9:01 AM! Must get an approval no later than noon today! Must close by Friday or the clients lose their $100,000 down payment!!!)
- BLOODY SUICIDAL SUPER SEVERE EXTREME RUSH!!!!!!! (HELP!!! We stole this loan from another mortgage broker!! Needs to close in 48 hours! We just faxed you 300 pages. Need the closing set now!!! AGHHH!!!!!!).
- MAJOR SUPER EXTREME SEVERE BLOODY SUICIDAL HOMICIDAL RUSH RUSH RUSH RUSH!!!!!!!!!! (I’ve never seen this kind of RUSH before. But if I do, it will probably be the seventh sign of the apocalypse).

- The Mortgage Cat.