Lucky Underwear

When I was in Florida back in November to see my friend Chris (The Absolutgator) we happened to be together on a night where both of our college football teams were playing on TV. As we were getting ready to watch the games Chris' wife says to his cousin, "Chris is so serious about Florida football that I bet he is even wearing his lucky orange underwear." My response was, "What is wrong with that? It just so happens that I have my lucky garnet underwear on." Half not believing that these two grown men actually coordinate what underwear they will wear based on who happens to be playing football that day she asked to take a picture of us showing our underwear to memorialize the occasion.

The thing about this that I don't coordinate my underwear for anything else. I just consider it an act of solidarity to show support to my team that is playing and I imagine that Absolut will tell you the same thing. Superstitious? Maybe but I guess that I figure it has worked for me so far I probably ought to keep it up.
So do you have anything like our lucky underwear? Any little superstitions? Please feel free to share. Or to pick on the picture Absolut's wife took.

-Doc

To Microwave or Not to Microwave? That is the Question!

On Monday, I bought a new microwave (pictured). An Emerson; good quality. I bought it at a small department store five blocks from my apartment. I did not have a car and I could not find a cab, so I carried the 30 odd pound thing, in it’s box, all the way home. Again, it is only five block but they are long blocks. It didn't feel too heavy, just cumbersome. I stopped a few times to make sure I didn’t loose my grip. Finally I got it home and my arms were in so much pain I could barely hold a coffee cup! My joints are still sore but it was a good work out nevertheless!

Anyway, let me get to the point of my story. I took it out of the box and set it on my kitchen table. Now look at this photo again. Doesn’t it look odd to you? The white on the left is part of the door. The inside of the door looks cut off and looks uneven. It bothers me. Now the photo on the box looks sort of the same but for some reason it looks better than the real thing. I can't really explain it but trust me it does.

On the bright side, it works fine. A lot better than the microwave I had before. Just this one bothers me esthetically. Now I am debating on returning it and search for a nicer one at another store. But it was such a bitch to get to my apartment, it will be a bitch to return.

Now what do you think I should do? Should I keep it? Should I return it? Am I psycho?

Oh and I almost forgot, I had to use two $25 gift cards and cash to buy the blasted thing. The woman teller at the store did not know how to debit from two gift cards and said she can only use one card. I was arguing with her to call a manger to help her out as I’ve used two gift cards to buy big items before. This is not rocket science for crying out loud! Finally she caved and called her manager who took forever to debit the cards! So if I return it, they may not know how to refund back to two gift cards!

I think I got to bite the bullet on this one and keep it. I’d like to hear your opinions. Thank you.

- The Mountain Cat

The Mountain Cat has a new favorite condiment!

Trappey's Red Devil Cayenne Pepper Sauce.

This stuff is awesome! It is not too spicy but it has kick! And a plethora of flavor. I put in on my eggs, burgers, ham sandwiches...it goes good with anything and everything!

It replaces my previous favorite condiment, Chick-fil-A's Polynesian Sauce. There are no Chick-fil-A's in New Jersey or New York anyway so I lost the desire for it.

- The Mountain Cat

The Mountain Cat's Yule Time Rant '08

Well folks as our holiday season is upon us filled with joy, sentiment and maxed out credit cards, I want to share with you my festive thoughts and feelings as my gift to you with a big fat red bow tied on top.

Yes the Christmas carolers are out and about with jovial voices and runny nosed children chanting holy splendor. But I never get that gushy feeling when a chorus of little pre-teens get together to form a spiritual cluster of octave cheer. It is not the fact that I dislike the tone of 20 odd high pitched little brats singing off key. It is because of how these parents think I am SUPPOSE to feel about them.

‘Oh look, that’s our little Darthaniel singing ‘Oh Come All Yee Faithful’. Isn’t he just so precious and talented?’‘That’s our wholesome Fawnette; warbling the bars of ‘Silent Night’. Ain’t she just sublime? Didn’t we raise such a swell little girl?’

These parents needs to take the first space shuttle back to the planet earth. Really now folks your offspring are not that special! Yeah yeah they are somewhat cute and I guess they make me all furry inside but he is not Mickey Rooney and your daughter is not Judy Garland…unless she drinks spiked eggnog then maybe she is.

And please do not make it worse by dressing your son for school in a little suit with a five inch snare drum. Your kids version of ‘The Little Boy’ makes me cringe more than when David Bowie teamed up with Bing Crosby. Pa rum pum pum pum THIS!

Look these imps have enough pressure with school work, friends and their Wii’s. So stop getting ideas that they will be on TV as ‘America’s Next Superstar Cherub’. Let your grommets run free and don’t expect them to sing in front of Uncle Bill and Auntie Janis on Christmas day. Believe me they will hate you for it and make you pay when you are old and feeble. Don’t mess up your kids more than you were after your second divorce.

But I digress.

This Christmas time should be a period to bring together our personal finances for the greater good of gift giving. And what symbolizes that Madison Avenue icon of presents more than Santa Claus! With that Little Debbie crumbed beard and the Old Granddad breathe! What better patriotic symbol do we have in our U.S. of A? The fat man of every shopping mall in America. Well I have a message for these Ed Wood quality thespians: Act like Santa Claus and that’s it! Nothing more! Do not stretch the character! You are NOT going to win an Academy Award up there on that plywood & Styrofoam stage.

‘To Ho Ho Ho, or not to Ho Ho Ho? That is the question’. There is no way Santa Claus can pull of Shakespeare!

These children are five and six years old; they are more scared of you than entertained! Stop with the method Santa Claus ok you Robert De Niro wannabes! Now if you really are an actor and this is the only gig you can get, well then I really think you should start to reconsider another career path.And if you MUST spruce up your Kriss Kringle do it right. Stop OVERACTING! You are Saint Nicholas, not Saint NICHOLAS CAGE!

I guess I really have to except these faux Santas because they are here to stay. But what really needs to stop are those annoying bastard chipmunks!Alvin, Simon and who is the other one? I think his name is Road Kill.

Really I am in a Kmart and then I hear piercingly over the load speakers: ‘Chwismus, Chwismus, twime is near, twime fur twoys and twine for chweerrrrrrrr’. UGH!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!! THE HORROR!! I suddenly have visions of one of these disease infested forest rats in the torture scene from ‘Reservoir Dogs’! Can’t you see Mr. Blonde cutting Alvin’s ear off? Now that would be great TV! ‘The Quentin Tarantino Christmas Special’This will be the darkest Christmas entertainment since ‘The William Shatner Christmas Album’.

But I’m no sadist.

I just think we’ve lost the holiday spirit in a gapping hole of want and need. We are bombarded by commercial ads of useless junk that I’ll forget about come January.And please ask me what I want for Christmas before you buy me something!

'Thanks Aunt Ethel! I always wanted an electric hairbrush!’‘Darling you shouldn’t have! Rambos 1, 2 AND 3. This makes my DVD collection complete!’‘Grandma. How on earth could you afford to buy me a talking alarm clock on your fixed income?’

Please I’d prefer a Chia Pet and be done with it.

But really for me the best part of the holiday season is snow. I love that white powder. And not because IT IS snow. I love snow because so many people despise snow.I get a kick out of people who get depressed this time of year because they hate the cold. Well guess what? You live in New York. It is December. It gets cold in New York in December!! Why are you so surprised EVERY year? I know it sucks but you make it worse on yourself by complaining about it. Move to Southern California if 30 degrees is soooo bad. My holiday experience is happier when you are cold and blue. To me this is my kind of jolly cheer. I pray for two feet of snow and 5 degrees Fahrenheit with high winds. It makes me laugh and feel better about myself when you shiver and whine. Keep it up.

So let’s accept the snow and frolic & dance in a white covered Central Park! It should be a happy time! No matter what you have or don’t have. That is the real spirit of Christmas! With chestnuts roasting and five or six or seven Brandy Alexanders. Let us all throw snow balls at the children carolers and rejoice!

Happy Holidays to everyone and a healthy 2009!

I love you all,

Vince (aka The Mountain Cat)

Coffee is not helping me today....

I'm going to sleep early tonight...zzzzzz................. - The Mountain Cat

Sarah Palin Has a Fluffy Tail

I had this funny conversation with my dad recently:

Me: 'Look at that cute squirrel.'

Dad: 'Yeah.'

Me: 'But squirrels are rabid. Really now, what's the difference between squirrels and rats?'

Dad: 'Lipstick.'

Thanks for the political jest dad!

- The Mountain Cat.

Finally something positive about this recession

I know that the economy really stinks these days. Prices for everything except homes are up. The stock market has motion sickness and could implode any minute. Mortgage lenders and banks are in trouble and most 401(k)'s have turned into 201(k)'s. The government is intervening where they never should and there seems to be no end in sight however I have managed to find a silver lining in this whole recession thing. The makers of the worst product of all time ZIMA have finally decided to stop making it. Hopefully this will give you some reason to smile and see that at least something positive has come out of this troubled economy. God bless this recession, now if we could only get them to stop making peeps the second worst product of all time we would really be heading in the right direction.

-Doc

Queen Quiz

Please read the following article and please let me know who you think 'The Queen' is:

Who has bigger ego? Aretha Franklin says it's Tina Turner By Edna Gundersen, USA TODAY

The Queen of Soul is in high dudgeon. Aretha Franklin, who expressed her displeasure in February after Beyoncé referred to Tina Turner as "the queen" during a salute on the Grammy Awards, is now fuming over remarks by her royal rival.

Turner, currently on tour, was silent when Franklin dubbed Beyoncé's remark "a cheap shot for controversy." Asked to comment in a USA TODAY interview last week, Turner said, "She's the queen of soul, and I'm the queen of rock 'n' roll. There were so many kings and queens there that night. Her ego must be so big to think she was the only one." She joked, "That's how queens are!"

One queen wasn't laughing. In a statement to USA TODAY, Franklin says Turner "clearly was talking about herself" in terms of ego.

"I never figured her to resort to tacky press just to sell a few tickets," says Franklin, who adds she has never met Turner. "I really had put her in a different class — higher than that.

"No one has been more gracious … to their peers than I have, and I am confident and secure enough to do so, unlike some others." Turner did not respond to requests for comment.

- TMC

Bobby D

This following post is from my cousin Anthony who is sad to see his favorite actor Robert DeNiro play shitty roles lately. He has some movie suggestions for him...

Why doesn't Scorsese just continue to take the Goodfella's/Casino story on the road...

1) Deniro as a Cuban-Jew Drug dealer in Miami. Like what Tony Montana would be in his 60's if 3000 Colombians didn't shoot up his mansion.... Joe Pesci is his partner and they meet for early bird dinners in South Beach's Famous Wolf's Deli, like John Gotti and Sammy the Bull used to meet at the Ravenite Social Club on Mulberry Street. Scorsese plays fast talking Deli owner Manny Wolf. Deniro wears double breasted Armani Suits, Pesci is repulsive in Hawaiian shirts and cargo shorts. Sarah Palin plays Deniro's Mob-Doll wife in the Michelle Pfeiffer/Sharon Stone Milf roll, having an affair with Leo DiCaprio who plays center for the Tampa Bay Lightning, taking her "Hockey Mom" Roll to a new low. Ray Liotta is an undercover DEA Agent, posing as a gay House DJ at Club Madonna, who kills people "Dexter" style when they refer to Sauce as Gravy. Moonlighting as a waiter at Wolf's Deli, he offers Deniro his sauce on the High Holy Day of Yom Kippur, and his cover is blown, and the plot, like an unwatched pot of gravy, thickens!!

2) Deniro as a Mob connected Studio Exec/Movie Producer in Hollywood. Pesci is his "Turtle"driving him around. Travolta reprieves his role from "Get Shorty" and they compete for Vinnie Chase in the prequel , "Medellin...The Early Years", Ray Liotta plays Vinnie Chase's other brother, "Too Much Drama", who makes sauce for the entourage. Scorsese plays Vinnie's fast talking agent "Arnie". Leo DiCaprio is his homo-sexual assistant "Floyd".

3) Deniro as an Al Capone type character in 1920's Chicago..."Scarpuss, the Untold Story". Ray Liotta plays a corrupt "G-Man" who'd rather make sauce on Sundays than put Deniro away. Geraldo Rivera ironically plays a victim shoved inside a bank safe alive and dumped into Lake Michigan by, who else, Joe Pesci. Barack Obama plays Deniro's chauffer, in black face, who's trying to get his boss to "change" the sports landscape of the Second City, and fix the World Series for the Cubs to win, a few years after they fixed the Black Sox Series of 1919, for the White Sox to lose. Scorsese plays a shorter Lou Pinella type, volatile Manager of the Cubbies. Leonardo DiCaprio plays the young Deniro in flashbacks to the 1890's city of Ciacca, on the island of Sicily, where he scars his face when a local rival dips his head in a hot pot of sauce for calling it gravy. Liotta doubles as the rival.

4) Deniro as a corrupt Texas Chief of Staff, selling Mexicans coming over the border into slavery. Deniro wears a Dick Cheney mask to hide his true identity when he's dealing with Joe Pesci, the "auctioneer" who wheels and deals with Washington Fat-Cats and Wall Street Execs to get the Mexicans placed as servants and concubines to the rich. George W. plays the clueless Governor of Texas, Elliot Spitzer plays the NY connection for placing the hottest Mexican Girls in a high priced whorehouse, run by Hillary Clinton, playing herself.. Ray Liotta plays a corrupt Border Patrol cop who can't get good sauce deep in the heart of Texas, and smuggles girls on the side up to Spitzer in return for some sauce from Little Italy's S.P.Q.R., owned and operated by Scorsese himself as a shorter version of Emiril. All the characters meet at the restaurant for a GOP fundraiser, and it all comes to a head at the restaurant as Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" plays on Leo DiCaprio's IPOD, as he tries to park W's Limo on the narrow streets of Little Italy. This one's a comedy....

- BuffTony (The Mountain Cat's elder cousin)

PS - Here is one more movie idea: Martin Scorsese's Sesame Street

Quidditch at Notre Dame ??

Who knew that they played Quidditch at ole Notre Dame???? (At least Gryffindor won!!)

-Doc

CLEAN YOURSELVES YOU HEATHENS!!

- tmc

Great wording in this article

Now I don't really care much about Jamie Lynn Spears or her baby or her mother for that matter but I happened upon this article about her pregnancy and found something hilarious. No it's not that her Mom thought that her pregnancy was a joke because that is just sad. It's this line about Jamie Lynn's boyfriend Casey Aldridge:

Spears said she realized it wasn't a joke because Aldridge, a pipe-layer from Liberty, Mississippi, wouldn't look at her.

BWAAHAHAAHAHAAAAA !!! CNN actually refers to Jamie Lynn's boyfriend as a "pipe-layer" in this article. Uhhhh is ole Casey actually a career "pipe-layer?" Is he a professional? Does he lay pipe for a living or just for fun? Because I think that laying a little pipe is what got them into this predicament in the first place. Something tells me they left that double entendre there on purpose.

-Doc

America

- TMC

Somebody dropped a dime on ole Tater Salad

Last night Ron White was arrested in Florida for possession of pot after an an anonymous tipster told Vero Beach Police detectives an airplane would be landing at 5 p.m. at the city’s airport with a passenger carrying illegal drugs.
Here is my question. I wonder if he told the cops "They call me tater salad" ?

-Doc

Palins in comparison

"Hello everyone! It's time again for America's favorite game show 'Who is America's Favorite Palin?' [APPLAUSE] And I'm your host Phink Philibusket. [APPLAUSE]

Thank you. Thank you. You are too kind. Thank you.

Are you ready for today's contestants?? [APPLAUSE, CHEERS, YEAH YEAH, WHOOP, WHOOP]

Ok folks, here is our first contestant on 'Who is America's Favorite Palin?':

She is the governor of Alaska. She is 44 years old, mother of five, an avid fisherman & hunter. She is a proud card carrying member of the NRA. She once finished second is a beauty contest! Her favorite movie is 'Deliverance'. And her favorite dessert is chocolate Malomars. And she may just be our next American Vice President! Please lets give a very warm welcome to Mrs. Sarah Palin! [APPLAUSE, CHEERS, YEAH YEAH, WHOOP, WHOOP] Glad you can be here Sarah.


Our next contestant is from Broomhill, England. He is a 65 year old actor and writer. He has been a comedic icon for years as well. He is one of the founding members of Monty Python's Flying Circus. He has appeared in several hit films such as A Fish Called Wanda, Fierce Creatures, Brazil, Jabberwocky, Life of Brian and The Holy Grail. His hobbies include being a lumberjack and selling dead parrots. His favorite food is Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Delicious Spam! Wonderful Spam!

Yes IT'S Mr. Michael Palin!! [APPLAUSE, CHEERS, YEAH YEAH, WHOOP, WHOOP, AND ONE YIPPEE].
Ah thanks for coming Michael. Ah ha ha thank you, Michael, thank you!

Now ladies and gentlemen. The pressure in now on you. Located in front of your seat is a computer screen where you can vote for your favorite Palin. Will it Sarah Palin....or....Michael Palin.....ooh tough choice. I'd hate to be in your position right now. Ah ha ha, ah ha ha.

We'll be right back after these important commercial announcements to reveal 'Who is America's Favorite Palin?'! [APPLAUSE, CHEERS, YEAH YEAH, WHOOP, WHOOP, AND TWO YIPPEE]. "

- The Mountain Cat

Nothing

Doc has no time and The Mountain Cat has no ideas today. Please talk amongst yourselves.

Drive Safely this Holiday Weekend

- Doc, TMC, Jack & Austin

Empty Head Today

I am sorry you guys but my head is empty today and I have no inspirations or anything to blog about. I will try to do better in the future. Here is a picture of how I feel today:
-Doc

How Long is Four hours?

First of all I am glad to be back from vacation but have been very busy and blogging has been down on the list of things to do. Thank you very much to my buddy Mt. Cat for picking up the slack in my absence. I will post about the rest of our family vacation later but I had to share this story.

Last Sunday we were scheduled to fly back from New York's JFK airport at 2:25 pm to arrive home before 5 pm after our wonderful vacation. We had decided that we needed to get to the airport early because not only is JFK very busy but my wife had lost her drivers license and we were concerned that she might have trouble at security. So got there plenty early. The security was not too bad and so we found ourselves able to relax for a bit and get a bit to eat and have an hour and a half before our flight was to board. Cool.

We had Patrick with us of course and we decided to let him stretch his legs and get some energy out so he ran around the terminal and tried to mess with peoples things. We chased after him and had some fun. It gets to be 2 pm and we find out that our flight is going to be delayed boarding due to another late flight coming in that they were holding a plane at our gate for. At this point we get a bit concerned because there is weather out to the west that will be arriving later and we don't want to get stuck. We are still OK though and Patrick seems to be alright.

We keep hearing delay after delay announcements for our flight which are not all that bad we finally get in line to board about 3:45 pm. Everything is still OK because they are telling us that we will still get out before the weather and get back home to Charlotte by 6 pm. No problem right? WRONG !

I checked my watch when we were seated on the airplane and it was exactly 4 pm. The crew goes through the normal pre-flight stuff and then the captain comes on the intercom and advises that we are in for a bit of delay because of the weather we are 65th in line to take off. Yes 65th in line to take off. At this point Patrick whose "seat" is either my wife's or my lap is starting to get a bit antsy. There simply is no room on an airplane for a 14 month old to do his thing and move around and he doesn't understand why he is being trapped there.

The time starts to drag on. We are going nowhere fast and the captain keeps coming on to tell us about the weather and they are hoping to take off soon. Oh and did I mention that the free satellite TV wasn't working even though they restarted it twice? Yep we were just stuck there. At one point they even turned the engines off and the exasperated captain tells us that we "aren't going anywhere any time soon."

Now I don't want to sound like I am blaming Jet Blue. It wasn't their fault and they did try to make us comfortable giving out water and chips but it was flat out miserable in there. People were agitated. Patrick was restless but you can't really blame him, he was hungry, had diaper rash and was cutting new teeth. The really nice lady who we shared a row with was a saint. She even took turns holding Patrick and one time even walked up and down the isles with him. I want to publicly thank Eleanor Grant who is a gospel singer and who we shared a row with. She has a new CD coming out and was on her way to Miami to do publicity photos. We might not have made it without her.

Well if you have managed to read this far you may figure out by the title of this post that we didn't take off until just after 8 pm. Yes we sat on the runway at JFK for FOUR HOURS. How long is four hours? Long enough for an average NASCAR race, or the movie Titanic (if you sit through the credits), an hour longer than the average NFL game, or half of an average work day. I submit that the longest four hours possible to be experienced is sitting on an airplane with a teething, hungry, and antsy 14 month old who just wants to run around. I never want to do that again! What is your idea of the longest possible 4 hours you could ever experience?

-Doc

Forget Oprah...The 'Mystery' Visitor to Kannapolis was ...

It wasn't Oprah all along who caused the Dale Earnhardt flags to be taken down in Kannapolis it was much MUCH worse. We had to take those banners down for a federal convict. It was Martha Stewart.

KANNAPOLIS, N.C. — Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart was the guest of a billionaire developer who prompted local officials to take down flags honoring the late NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt in his hometown, newspapers reported Friday.
Stewart visited the North Carolina Research Campus in Kannapolis on Thursday with David Murdock, the campus founder and owner of Dole Food Co.
Stewart said she would take ideas from the campus to her Center for Living at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York.
Last week, city workers took down flags honoring Earnhardt after an official at Murdock's real estate company and a local tourism official said some were dirty and torn and might upset a Murdock guest, who wasn't identified.

The 350-acre biotech complex was started in February 2006. Murdock's real estate company, Castle & Cooke, is developing the campus.
"It's fascinating to see something happening in such a short time," Stewart told the Salisbury Post after the tour. "The effort should be applauded."
Stewart took photos out the window as Murdock drove her around the complex and strolled through Cannon Village, a shopping area near the former Cannon Mills complex where the campus is being constructed.

This is just terrible. I have managed to uncover a picture taken of Martha touring Cannon Village though...

-Doc