Hello Norma Jean!

This past Sunday, as a long departure from the book I was reading about the Baltimore ghetto ‘The Corner’, I started reading ‘The Many Lives of Marilyn Monroe’ (Yes I am so metro-sexual aren’t I?). It is a very revealing book analyzing who she was along with stories about her many sexual trysts and mysteries behind her death. The cover photo is a naked Marilyn with a pink scarf in her mouth (This is from her last photo shoot known as ‘The Last Sitting’ which was taken not long before her death). I never saw or heard of this photo shoot before I started reading this book. Well now I hear that this is the exact photo that Lindsay Lohan re-creates in a New York Magazine spread this month. Famed photographer Bert Stern shot the original Marilyn ‘The Last Sitting’ as well as the Lindsay homage.

Here is the link from New York Magazine of Lindsay along with original photos of Marilyn: The New ‘The Last Sitting’. Click on the Slide Show and the Behind the Scenes at the Photo Shoot as well.

Well LiLo in my mind your comeback is complete. :-)

- The Mountain Cat

Keanu

Please help me with something. I need to understand this in order to get some sleep. Is Keanu Reeves like a train wreck? You are appalled by him but you can't you look away? Why is this? Is it is his Southern California surfer charm or just that his acting is so bad you can't quite believe it? Yesterday I watched the movie A Walk in the Clouds. My jaw is on the floor to extent of Mr. Reeves' acting ability. I want to know from what post office Keanu mailed in his performance for this film? If Ed Wood were still alive Keanu would headline all his movies and we'd be up to Plan 20 from Outerspace.

Suddenly Ben Affleck has the range of Dustin Hoffman. Sly Stallone is Laurence Olivier. And Christian Slater actually is Jack Nicholson and not just doing a bad imitation of him.

Yes, Keanu, Bill and Ted had an excellent adventure but your acting career is a bogus journey! Actually this movie should be required in acting classes. It will show students what not to do.

But if you do enjoy Keanu's thespianism, shall I suggest Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula. Pay no attention to Keanu's gnarly and totally awesome 19th century accent. It is not a plot point! But, instead of calling this movie Dracula, it should have been called Dude, Where's My Blood?

Thanks Keanu for the memories. If it weren't for you, there'd be no good or great actors. You give us all hope that our names can be in neon lights someday.

- The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 2/13/2008

- I thought Herbie Hancock was dead?

- I recently watched the movie Titanic for the very first time on my 11 inch black and white TV. I thought the special effects sucked.

- I am going to write a screenplay to counter act 'Sex & the City' and call it 'Abstinence & the Backwoods'.

- ‘911, can I help you?’
‘I’m sorry I must have dialed the wrong number.’

- How do people confuse sarcasm with irony?

- How the fuck can shampoo condition your hair as well!?!? It's fucking bullshit man and it pisses me off!

- ‘A, B!....C D?’

- Why do smokers throw their finished cigarette butts into the street near the curb? Cars park there. Cars run on oil. And sometimes that oil leaks from cars. Oil is flammable. Someday I will see a huge fiery explosion when someone tosses one and I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh.

- Image Grimace and Barney having sex. Wow, that’s a lot of purple pushin’.

- I decided not to wear my thong Speedo again this summer.

- ‘Just because we had sex doesn’t mean you get to spend money on me.’

- If Joe Torre must wear a Dodgers baseball uniform while he is on the bench, why don’t the coaches in other sports wear a uniform? I’d like to see Bill Belichick wearing a Patriots jersey and shoulder pads on the sidelines. Or Tom Renney in a Rangers hockey outfit and skates. White haired Phil Jackson would look great in a Lakers tank top and shorts don’t you think?

- I am offended by Cracker Barrel. They should change their name because of its racial undertone.

- ‘My name is Hannah Montana. You killed my father’s career. Prepare to die.’

- Last night I went to the store and bought a loaf of bread, some eggs, milk, juice and cereal. No real joke here, I just thought I’d share.

- I just smoked a couple of blunts of oregano. It didn’t get me high but it did give me a craving for Italian food.

- I have never used the word ‘Arsehole’ before.

- I have a great new idea for a TV show: ‘American Idle’. A contest to see who can come up with the most creative way to sit on their fat ass all day. Should be a big hit, no?

- Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Mayor Culpa???

- Seventh Sign the Apocalypse: ‘And the Oscar goes too…..Carrot Top! Yes!’

- The Mountain Cat

A very quick plea to Roger Clemens

The opposing Rook is on the corner. The Queen is in front. And the Horsey...I mean the Knight is hovering at the side. Hey Roger, do you hear what I'm saying to you??? Or do you want Congress to move their Bishop just before checkmate on Wednesday?

- The Mountain Cat

Lenten McSacrifice

Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent for a good innocent virgin Catholic boy like me. Well this time of year always reminds me of a funny story that happened many aeons ago when I was a college scholar in the foothills of the North Carolina Mountains. (Doc you know already where this story is going don’t you?).

Back in 1994, one of my roommates….lets call him Cory. Well that is his real name, so why not call him Cory? Ok, Cory was a good innocent virgin Catholic boy too. He put himself through school and worked full time while taking 15 odd credits a semester. He becomes an assistant manager at McDonalds. Certainly not the prestige as the CEO of Proctor & Gamble, but hey it’s noble for a 22 year old in Boone, North Carolina. Anyway, Cory was strapped for cash all the time. But luckily for him, as an assistant manager, he was able to indulge for free in the epicurean delights that McDonalds had to offer. So basically he began to eat McDonald’s food virtually every meal, every day. So much so, he acted as if he was addicted to their food. Sausage, egg & cheese McMuffin and hash browns for breakfast. Big Mac, large fries and apple pie for lunch. But for dinner he would eat light and just have a Crispy Chicken Sandwich and small fries. Yes he was Morgan Spurlock’s wet dream. And if I remember correctly, he hated coffee so he had soda for breakfast too. Not quite a South Beach Diet. More like a South Bronx Diet.

As Catholics, during Lent we are supposed to atone for our sins by not eating meat on Fridays. A sacrifice for Yahweh. Now it is the first Friday of the Lenten season 1994. So Mayor McCory and I that afternoon were getting ready to drive to his McDonalds store for dinner. Suddenly, Cory realized he had a dilemma. This is when Cory turned to me and uttered the following phrase that still haunts me to this day: ‘I can’t eat meat today so that means I have to eat a Filet O’ Fish’.

The operative words in this proclaim is ‘have to’.
‘I can’t eat meat today so that means I HAVE TO eat a Filet O’ Fish’.
‘HAVE TO’!

That is fucking scary.

Cory had no choice. He backed himself into a corner and had to eat McDonald’s contribution to seafood cuisine in lieu of beef or poultry. Cory sounded like a heroin slinger addicted to his daily needle blasts into his veins. He had become brainwashed by the fascist McReich of Ronald McDonald and Grimace. He must have been forced to read McMein Kampf by the Hamburgler. Judgment at Nuremburger. Poor Cory. I figured with his diet, he was not going to live past 35. A heart attack in waiting.

Where is Cory now you say? Well I lost touch with him. Last I heard he did make it past 35 and is married with 3 kids! I doubt he still eats Micky Ds as much anymore but the man sounds like he is doing quite well for himself. But whenever I go near I fish sandwich, my eyes welt for a man who was once a McMenu hophead.

- The Mountain Cat

Top 10 rejected cereal names

10. Buttafucc-Os! (Kids love 'em).
9. Shredded Meat.
8. Honey Bunches of Bark.
7. Weedies.
6. Lobster Bran.
5. Dingleberry Chucks & Corn Kernels.
4. Princess Pruneberry.
3. Brokeback Mountain: The Cereal. Now with bananas!
2. Caesar Salad & Vinegar clusters.

And the number one rejected cereal names:
Come on Doc lets say it together,

1. Krispy Wheats & Razor Blades.

Have any other rejected cereal names? Let me know!













- The Mountain Cat

MT Doc, Empty Float

Wow all the pressure is on me while my blogger brother is out.

Well I attempted to see the Giants parade yesterday. I only managed to get as close as five blocks north of City Hall. I did get a great photo of the float the Giant players WERE on. Great picture clarity don't you think? I pushed my way though a crowd of two million fans so what more do you expect from me dammit! I had too much to do at my office than dance around in this crowd all day. Besides I had to go to the bathroom.

I did however see a bunch of punks smash up a couple parked cars! They were standing on them in order to see the parade. Either their weight, or carelessness or both destroyed a minivan and a white Ford. I was unable to get good photos of these mangled cars due to the immenseness of the crowd. Ahh, shades of 1999 when the Yankees won the World Series and I saw a few cars get smashed as well during their ticker-tape parade. However I do not feel sorry for those folks who got their cars totaled. They should have known better than to park in on a street corner during such an event!

I did manage to get these photos as well:
(Click on the photos to make them larger).

Those are some of the punks who smahed the cars.

Is that Eli Manning on the bus in the background?

- The Mountain Cat

Flyers?!?! Super!!!

On my way to the train station this lovely Super Tuesday morning I was greeted by a 20-something woman handing out flyers spouting 'Vote for Obama! Vote for change!' over and over and over and over. Now call me cynical, but does she REALLY believe what she is saying? Sure she may like the man and may understand his rhetoric, but if all she can say is 'Vote for Obama! Vote for change!', than I doubt she really does believe it. Now common salesmanship is to embellish the positives while ignoring the negatives, but her almost robotic demeanor deludes what she was trying to accomplish. Or maybe I am just thinking way to much into it as she was probably just paid $5 an hour to hand out these flyers and recite that two-liner. Either way she represents Barack Obama and DID NOT help his campaign in my humble opinion.

So then I glide down the escalator before the train platform and this time I am greeted by two women passing out more flyers announcing, 'Vote for Hillary! Vote for Hillary!'. But by now, I do not feel like analyzing anything anymore. I take a flyer and feel like saying to these Bobbsey Twins 'Wow! Vote for Hillary?? I never thought about it! I will vote for Hillary now that you mentioned it! Thank you for enlightening my my train trip, my morning, my day, the rest of my life and probably all of mankind! Man what are you doing here!? You two should be million dollar sales women. Thank you for convincing me with your eloquent persuasiveness!' But I decided not to say it for fear of sounding too sincere (sic).

At any rate, these flyer-passer-on-ers are probably good people who obviously work hard. So I shant be picking on them anymore.

-The Mountain Cat

I Whine from Wine

This cat went to a wine tasting last night and had a few too many. Therefore my creative juices have been sucked out my head all day. So I really have nothing to say today otherwise. But if you want to talk about the weather or Britney or the latest mortgage rates, feel free to let your thoughts be known.

- The Mountain Cat

Ummmm, 'brella???!!!

It is raining here in New York City and to walk to and from the train is annoying. Why do people carry umbrellas the size of the Superdome???? Jeez, the sidewalks are thin enough and I almost got knocked down by some schmuck who decided to raise his backyard lawn table umbrella over his head. I'm surprised he didn't fly away like Mary Poppins at any hint of the wind blowing. So here I am, with my anorexic umbrella fighting the elements as I get bullied like the scrawny kid in the kindergarten school yard. Mike Bloomberg should fine people $1,000 if their umbrella exceeds a certain amount of inches like George Brett's pine tar infraction. I nearly get my eye poked out every time by these umbrella elitists! Stop it please. It is rain. Don't be afraid to get a little on ya. You won't melt like the Wicked Witch of the West my pretty!
(Did I say 'like' enough times like Dennis Miller?)

- The Mountain Cat

Snacks and the City

This spring our favorite self-centered 'guurlfriends' Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda are back with Sex and the City: The Movie. When this HBO show was on TV, it influenced millions of women across the country. From Cosmopolitan Martinis to 5-inch 'FMP' heals to woman talking opening in public about the one night stand they had over the weekend. Now I am no Puritan by any means, but I was always a little disturbed by how far reaching Sex and City was (and still is) in influencing pop culture. Especially here in Manhattan, the shows back drop metropolis. But I am curious to see if the filmmakers have come up with anything new that will be trend setters in 2008. But I hope they get really creative to satisfy the fickle public who are waiting impatiently to find out.

What I suggest is the female feedbag.

I mean why not? For the busy working girl on the go. You can pour your $12 Chop't salad into the feedbag, and chew as you walk, hail a cab or eat under an umbrella on those rainy days. Wouldn't you love to see Carrie walk around with one strapped to her chin? Seriously if you promote it the right way, the summer of 2008 will be the summer of fashionable feedbag. Imagine, thousands of Manhattan women walking around Park Avenue with their Coach Bags, Gucci shoes, Fendi diamond necklaces and National Bridle feedbags. Now that's hot! Versace will sell them with pink floral patterns and Prada will have them with diamond encrusted studs and a cell phone strap attached to the top, so you can listen to a conversation while you eat. Gisele Bundchen can walk down a runway in Victoria Secret lingerie and a black laced feedbag. I really think this can be a new American sensation!

So for the writers of Sex and the City, I give you permission to use my idea for the movie sequel. But when this becomes a big hit, I hope to see some royalties.

- The Mountain Cat

Maybe Martians Could Do Better Than We've Done?

Last week there was a news story about an image taken on Mars that looks like a ‘humanoid figure’ (story). Some scientists say it is just an odd rock formation. However many others do not believe that theory. Here are some of the other theories:


The ever ellusive Bigfoot?













Does it look similiar to a Danish mermaid statue?

Maybe Ray Walston really could be ‘My Favorite Martian’?

Does Marvin really exist?

Maybe it's 'The Rock’ ?

Did we finally find Jimmy Hoffa?

Or maybe its just an illegal alien?

Come to think of it,

where has Michael Jackson been lately?

Oh well, it is a mystery. But then again, some mysteries can never be solved I guess?

(P.S.: I stole the title of this blog from a song lyric. Who can guess the song and artist? WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP!)

- The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 1/25

- HAMAS’ SPECIAL WEEKEND DISPENSATION! This weekend and this weekend only all suicide bombers will get 96 virgins instead of the usually 72 virgins when they go to see Allah. But you better act now before the Shams sets over Gush Katif!

- A son tells his parents ‘For my birthday I wanna watch.’ So they let him.

- I couldn’t find my wallet yesterday. So I went to Wikipedia.com which told me to check under my bed. Sure enough there it was.

- Am I the only one who preferred Shemp over Curley?

- I decided to finally make a decision where my deciding point of view determines the decisions of the decided few I care to decide about.

- The official theme song of stem cell research should be: ‘I’m Just an Embryo/I Ain’t Got No Body’.

- CDs are soooooo 20th century.

- “Our father, who art in heaven. Howard be thy name.”

- I am going to make a concerted effort to use the word ‘stalwart’ more in my daily conversations.

- I’m sorry but two ones SHOULD equal eleven!

- I wrote a country song! It’s called ‘Fuck It’s Only Tuesday’.

- Is Beef Jerky really that popular? I’ve never met anyone that eats it.

- My dad and I don’t get along. So when he needed a heart transplant, I made the doctor hook it up to The Clapper.

- I suffer from Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia. But only on Fridays.

- There just aren’t enough movies about Bob Dylan lately.

- I think Gallagher and The Smashing Pumpkins should tour together. Wouldn’t that be great!?

- Mickey Mouse is such an asshole. I never cared much for his attitude.

- Contrary to popular belief, the opposite is true when the court of public opinion is against the feelings of the majority who vote for a change in the prescribed point of views. But only on Fridays.

- ‘We’ll be right back to the Lifetime original movie ‘The Vulva Diaries’ after these important commercial messages’.

- ‘Wow what great movie! The special effects were awesome!! The best scene is when that fat guy exploded!! I am going to see again this weekend on the IMAX!!’

The Mountain Cat

Can someone explain to me

How Jim Brown or anyone else for that matter can tell Tiger Woods how he should have reacted to recent comments by golf channel announcer Kelly Tilghman? People (and the media) keep trying to perpetuate this very minor story and create something that is just not there. Why can't anyone just accept what Tiger is saying that he knows Kelly and he did not take offense to her comments because he knows that she is not racist and didn't mean him any harm? Good grief people. In my opinion America needs to grow a little thicker skin about some things. Sometimes people just say dumb things and that doesn't make them racist. How can we be the country who is so willing to forgive and forget cheating politicians, drug addict musicians, and athletes who abuse women but we are so offended by a silly remark said in jest by a golf TV announcer who obviously had no racist intent? Let's save our outrage at racism over real racism and stop trying to tell others when they ought to be offended or dig up racism when it's not there. I think Tiger is more qualified than the media or Jim Brown to know when he himself should be offended.

Just something for ya'll to think about.

-Doc

Brooklyn

I was born in Brooklyn. Then I moved to North Carolina 20 years ago. I moved back to the New York City area 10 years ago and now live in New Jersey. But for the better part of the last 20 years I have had this disdain for the city of Brooklyn. I always felt there were too many ghosts there for me. Ghosts of being a young dumb kid that I don't like to associate myself with. I am a far better refined person than that little kid now. But maybe a lot of us feel that way about the place we grew up in.

But recently I have visited some places in Brooklyn and felt an exhilaration for some reason. I've noticed there have been big changes to the city. Especially as the real estate market grows, some of the Brooklyn neighborhoods have improved drastically. With all these changes, I finally realized that it is not 1988 anymore. For me Brooklyn had become a metaphor of what I did not want to be. This is no longer the Brooklyn I remembered.

Also as we mourn the tragic death of Heath Ledger, I see that he previously lived in the Boerum Hill section of Brooklyn. Which has become a very clean and decorous neighborhood. It reminds me that if Brooklyn was such a terrible place, then why do so many celebrities live there? (Ledger, Michelle Williams, John Turturro, Tony 'Paulie Walnuts' Sirico to name a few).

Of course not everyone in Brooklyn lives like The Huxtables from the Cosby Show. But I've started to become more curious about the city of my birth. Why hate it? I am better off embracing it. To make peace with my past helps ensures peace for my future.

- The Mountain Cat

Our blog on AOL News website

I was looking through some of our blog trafficking reports this morning and noticed we were getting a lot of referrals from AOL News. So I checked out THIS PAGE and sure enough under the article listed Related Blog Posts is Vince's post It's Raining Giants Pretty cool that our little blog was scanned by AOL news... You never know who is out there reading.

Keep reading AOL... We'll write more !

-Doc

(I wonder how AOL voted on the global warming poll?? )

Wheres George ??

I have this hobby that I am really interested in and may (or may not) interest you as well. I like to track where my dollar bills go after I spend them. To do this I use a website http://www.wheresgeorge.com/ The basic idea is that I take dollar bills that I receive in change or from a bank and enter the serial numbers into the website at the location I am currently using the zip code. I mark the bills with the website name and then spend them. Others notice the website name on the dollar bills and then "update" their location by entering the zip code where the bill is currently? Its a fun way to track where your money goes after it leaves your hands. There is also a score associated with the number of bills you enter and the number of bills that are found (or hit) and where they are found.

I heard about it on the radio but others usually learn about it by finding a marked bill and entering it's location themselves. I am completely hooked on this little hobby. There is a whole online community of "Georgers" who chat online about "Georging" and even have large gatherings where they swap money to spend in different parts of the country and the world.I have only been doing this less than a year but have had really good results.

So far I have had bills found in 32 of the 50 US states, 2 US territories, the District of Columbia, and Canada. My George Score has me currently ranked 72nd of 3150 in the state of North Carolina rankings with an overall hit rate on my bills of over 18% (the site average is about 10%).

Sometimes people look at me funny when I ask to see their money to see if they happen to have any rare or unique bills and when I ask them to trade money with me if they are going to travel but overall people are very helpful. My in-laws have carried marked bills for me up north and overseas and my parents are doing the same thing next month.

Here is a link to my George profile that includes maps of the states and counties where I have had bills found... Oh yeah btw using the wheresgeorge.com website is free so if anyone wants to check it out please feel free. You do have to register for a profile in order to actually track bills but it's risk free as well. Oh and one more thing. If you ever look down into the bills you received in change and see one that has stamps on it saying wheresgeorge.com please take a moment to enter the serial # and the current zip code into the website and see where that bill has come from. You might be surprised how far George has travelled.


Doc

The origin of The Mountain Cat

Back in 1972 in a small village known as Brooklyn, a baby was born that would usher in a new era and change the evolution of mankind as we know it. Well didn't I? Ok, ok, never mind.

My last name in Italian means Mountain Lion. But I morphed it into The Mountain Cat as my stage name. (And isn't Cat easier to spell than Lion?). Actually to be honest I don't know why I choose Cat over Lion. Personal choose I guess. But I do refer The Mountain Cat's origin from the Jerky Boys 1992 first prank phone call album where Tarbash the Egyptian Magician wanted to bring his mountain cat on stage to 'terrorize people' for his magic act (Listen here).

But I have to admit that I have turned The Mountain Cat persona into a bit of an obsession. I recently had my new iPod engraved ‘The Mountain Cat’s iPod’. Also, I did donate $25 to the Mountain Lion Foundation. (They sent me a thank you certificate which I framed). This organization protects these animals from hunters and poachers so they don’t become endangered. And I was really upset when during a game former Mets pitcher Turk Wendell wore a necklace of teeth from a mountain lion he killed in Colorado. That bastard!

But probably my most over the top moment was when I got a vanity license plate when I lived in North Carolina in the 1990s. To fit on the plate, I had to shorten it to 'Mt. Cat'. But unfortunately too many people were reading it as ‘Empty Cat’. Oh well, I still think it looked cool.








- The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine: 1/18

- I just heard on the news that Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby is going to have a baby! Wow!
- For those of you that eat lunch daily in Manhattan, what exactly is in the white sauce?
- When is the last day in the year to stop telling people ‘Happy New Year’? I usually stop saying it on Halloween. Is that too late?
- Am I one of only two people that found Monica Lewinsky hot?
- I just don’t understand chopsticks what so ever. They have shovels in Asian countries right? You’d figure that someone out of 2 billion people would have put two and two together. (oh wow, a pun).
- I recently bought Howie Mandel’s old hair on eBay.
- Howie Mandel recently bought MY old hair on eBay.
- I still believe that Andrew Ridgley was the most talented member of Wham!
- My favorite episode of 'Three’s Company' is the one where there was a misunderstanding. That one episode was so great.
- Speaking of ’70 sitcoms, remember the show 'One Day at a Time'? Most men fantasized about Valerie Bertinelli or McKenzie Phillips. No, not me. I wanted Bonnie Franklin to be my mommy.
- I told Donald Trump the other day that I hate people who name drop. They are just like soooo insecure.
- Why can’t I find Bartleys & James anymore?
- Has anyone been in the Paris Hilton? They have a great continental breakfast.
- I am now a practicing Ren Buddhist. I pray to Stimpy.
- Which is more violent: a melee, a donnybrook or a brouhaha?
- People who shovel cement with pitchforks for a living are called Mortar Forkers.
- I heard Randy Johnson got a vasectomy in the off season and will now be called ‘The Big Eunuch’
- Michael Jackson’s new album will probably come out later in 2008. It is tentatively titled ‘Translucent’.
- I just read the Jewish introspective book ‘Matzo Soup for the Colon’.
- Speaking of food, I invented a new delicacy. Pickled Venison. I am calling it Dill Doe.
- Man I think those Thumb movies are sheer genius.
- I use cotton candy as a dust broom.
- My doctor says I suffer from Attention Defici…oh look balloons!

The Mountain Cat

What kind of RUSH are you?

I work for a mortgage broker. The job of a mortgage broker company is to bring in the clients and place them with a lender that best suits their needs. We deal in very high volume and send lots of file packages to several lenders (Citibank, HSBC, Wells Fargo, etc.). More often than not we are at the mercy of the lender's own volume for a quick mortgage approval. To circumvent this problem the loan originator who brought in the business would mark the client’s file with the word RUSH with a red magic marker. Usually in big letters across the front cover of the file. This will indicate to the lender that we need them to step on it so we can get an approval quicker than a non-RUSH file. This sounds simple. However, the busier we get, the more RUSH files get sent to the already overwhelmed lender. Therefore if every file is a RUSH then NONE of the loans becomes a RUSH! The more RUSH-es we have, the word RUSH no longer has a meaning. The urgency of these files gets diluted.

To troubleshoot, we have come up with different levels of RUSH depending upon the client’s situation. Below is a matrix of these levels (Sort of a Homeland Security Advisory System for Mortgages):

- *BLANK* (No Rush. Client’s do not have a deadline to get approved, meet rate & guidelines or closing).
- RUSH (Client needs an approval in a week. And will need to close within 60 days to meet rate & guidelines).
- RUSH RUSH! (Client needs an approval within 5 days as they need it for a coop board meeting and closing within 60 days).
- MAJOR RUSH!! (Client needs an approval within 4 days as they need it for a coop board meeting and closing within 45 days).
- SUPER RUSH!!! (Without an approval in 3 days, their coop board meeting will be delayed a month and cannot close within 30 days now before their rate goes up).
- SUPER SUPER RUSH!!!! (An approval must be faxed within 2 days as the seller has already set a closing date 20 days from now and there are a lot of outstanding items that have to be cleared!).
- EXTREME RUSH!!!!! (Must have the approval by tomorrow!! The seller is threatening my client to close within 15 days!!)

Well it does get worse. We have yet to use these following terms, but maybe we may have to as this industry gets more frantic and competitive:

- SUPER SEVERE EXTREME RUSH!!!!!! (200 pages were faxed to the lender at 9:01 AM! Must get an approval no later than noon today! Must close by Friday or the clients lose their $100,000 down payment!!!)
- BLOODY SUICIDAL SUPER SEVERE EXTREME RUSH!!!!!!! (HELP!!! We stole this loan from another mortgage broker!! Needs to close in 48 hours! We just faxed you 300 pages. Need the closing set now!!! AGHHH!!!!!!).
- MAJOR SUPER EXTREME SEVERE BLOODY SUICIDAL HOMICIDAL RUSH RUSH RUSH RUSH!!!!!!!!!! (I’ve never seen this kind of RUSH before. But if I do, it will probably be the seventh sign of the apocalypse).

- The Mortgage Cat.