I Whine from Wine

This cat went to a wine tasting last night and had a few too many. Therefore my creative juices have been sucked out my head all day. So I really have nothing to say today otherwise. But if you want to talk about the weather or Britney or the latest mortgage rates, feel free to let your thoughts be known.

- The Mountain Cat

Thursday Random Thoughts 1/31

Stuff I have been thinking about in the past week:

-I wonder if JK Rowling listens to The Who. Maybe she named the key member of the Quidditch team "The Seeker" after their song of the same name?

-I heard on the radio that Jan 30th was international "delete your Myspace page day". Does myspace even still exist?

-Can you believe that 2 seperate people have clicked on this blog after doing a Google search for the name Dan Pangburn? Faithful readers will remember that person as the one who fired the initial shot in the Global Warming war. There has also been 1 person who clicked on us after searching for the correct way to use the word adroitness in a sentence. No kidding.

-Why is "under par" a good thing but "sub-par" not a good thing?

-I want to say a thank you to the nice manager at BJ's Wholesale club who gave us $100 off on our new TV.

-Ben Franklin plumbing in Charlotte NC uses Tommy Tutone's 867-5309 Jenny in it's radio commercials with a really bad parody singer butchering the lyrics. (ie. Benny Benny won't you do some plumbing for me?)Something tells me that the real Benjamin Franklin would not be happy that his name is being used in this manner.

-Some one told me in the past week that they were taking a "Pre-emptive sick day" They weren't sick but were taking the day off from work so they wouldn't get sick. What the heck ????

-For some reason I was surprised when I found out that Gretta Van Susteren is a Scientologist.

-Big endorsement to Liberty Tax Service. This company was founded by the same guy who originally founded Jackson Hewitt) They really did a good thorough job on our taxes last weekend and didn't cost an arm and a leg. You may recognize them. They always have people out on the street dressed in statue of liberty costumes waving at cars.

-I still think that Boo-Berry is a cool name for a cereal. Even though I would never touch the stuff.

-If you haven't seen the Jerry O'Connell video poking fun at Tom Cruise you need to. My brother in law showed me last weekend and it is hilarious. "It's all about KFC" HA!

-Our black lab Morgan is the biggest mooch in the entire world. This dog eats his food, tries to eat the cat food and our sons food. He tries to eat our food, and tries to lick the dirty plates in the dishwasher, our son's spit up, and if we let him he would eat the cat turds out of the litter box. GOOD GRIEF!! I tell my wife that he is nothing but an 80 pound cockroach with fur.

-I was talking with someone last week who actually thought it was the "raise card" not the "race card" that they talk about being played. I didn't bother trying to explain to this person that they were wrong and that a raise card probably has something to do with poker because it would have been a waste of breath. But I did think to myself, Heck if was the "raise card" I think that I may have to play that one at work...

-I saw and article the other day entitled "Debunking that biggest video game myths" and thought to myself. Who cares?

-Senator Ted Kennedy recently came out and endorsed Barak Obama's run for the Presidency. What wasn't as widely reported was that he actually came out in favor of a full minority ticket and has endorsed Jose Cuervo for Vice President. Think about it....


-Doc

Ask Doc and the Mt. Cat 1/30

This question comes sorta non-anonymously:

My question is... How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop??

LeapOFaith

Dear Leap O' Faith:

We feel that we are not quite qualified to answer your question but instead refer you to that wise old sage Owl:

His answer is (all together now) A ONE..... A TWO..... A THREE (CRUNCH) - THREE LICKS!

Hope that answers your question. Please keep them coming and we will do our best to answer them. Until next time


-Doc and the Mt. Cat

Ummmm, 'brella???!!!

It is raining here in New York City and to walk to and from the train is annoying. Why do people carry umbrellas the size of the Superdome???? Jeez, the sidewalks are thin enough and I almost got knocked down by some schmuck who decided to raise his backyard lawn table umbrella over his head. I'm surprised he didn't fly away like Mary Poppins at any hint of the wind blowing. So here I am, with my anorexic umbrella fighting the elements as I get bullied like the scrawny kid in the kindergarten school yard. Mike Bloomberg should fine people $1,000 if their umbrella exceeds a certain amount of inches like George Brett's pine tar infraction. I nearly get my eye poked out every time by these umbrella elitists! Stop it please. It is rain. Don't be afraid to get a little on ya. You won't melt like the Wicked Witch of the West my pretty!
(Did I say 'like' enough times like Dennis Miller?)

- The Mountain Cat

Tuesday Word Game winner

We have a winner in the Tuesday word game !! It was a tough choice because all the answers were really good however someone had to win and this weeks winner is Leighann for her answer:
"Perez Hilton is said to be bent over in anticipation of the arrival of the bus and it's possible extraterrestrial occupants."
Congrats Leighann, that answer made me laugh the most, not to mention a disturbing mental image. So here is your award. It's the BIG PEACH!!
I wanted something with a bit of local flavor so this is a picture of the watertower in Gaffney SC (just google Gaffney Peach) that faces I-85. The big joke of course is that they put the crack of the peach facing the road and it really looks like a "full moon". A perfect and hopefully original trophy for winning the Tuesday word game.

Make sure and check Leighann out at Pessimists need Love too . I have the HTML coding so you can use as a button on your blog if you want to. Just e-mail me at docnolz@yahoo.com and I will be happy to send it to you... Of course I will come up with a new word game for next Tuesday and continue the contest. Thanks to everyone who played. The decision was hard because they were great answers.


-Doc

Tuesday word game 1/29...

OK lets play a game. This should be fun because you guys are very funny and quick thinking. Here is how it works. I will summarize a recent news story and you fill in the next line of the story with a witty or funny but obviously untrue way to end it. Here is the story and a few of my examples:

I read in the news that there is a spy satellite the size of a bus that is going to come crashing down to earth sooner or later. They say that it was launched years ago and was supposed to be the biggest new state of the art technology but it simply never met expectations or worked out like they thought it would. Now it is just dead and will fall to earth soon. __________________________________ . (you finish the story)

My examples:

-White House spokesperson Dana Pirino downplayed reports today that this was the satellite that gave us the inaccurate information on the WMD that were never found in Iraq.

-Campaign officials denied reports today that this satellite actually contained Fred Thompson's Presidential campaign momentum.

-NFL commissioner Roger Goodell today dispelled rumors that this satellite originally worked properly but became non-operational after being tugged out of orbit by the gravitational pull of Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones' ego. The NFL is however worried that it may crash land through the hole in the Texas Stadium roof.

-TMZ.com confirmed today that there is no truth to online gossip indicating that this satellite actually held Paris Hilton's singing career but it may have held her inheritance.

You get the idea... Give it some thought and let's see what you guys can come up with. Let's have some fun with this and if it goes over well we can play every Tuesday!!

-Doc

Snacks and the City

This spring our favorite self-centered 'guurlfriends' Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda are back with Sex and the City: The Movie. When this HBO show was on TV, it influenced millions of women across the country. From Cosmopolitan Martinis to 5-inch 'FMP' heals to woman talking opening in public about the one night stand they had over the weekend. Now I am no Puritan by any means, but I was always a little disturbed by how far reaching Sex and City was (and still is) in influencing pop culture. Especially here in Manhattan, the shows back drop metropolis. But I am curious to see if the filmmakers have come up with anything new that will be trend setters in 2008. But I hope they get really creative to satisfy the fickle public who are waiting impatiently to find out.

What I suggest is the female feedbag.

I mean why not? For the busy working girl on the go. You can pour your $12 Chop't salad into the feedbag, and chew as you walk, hail a cab or eat under an umbrella on those rainy days. Wouldn't you love to see Carrie walk around with one strapped to her chin? Seriously if you promote it the right way, the summer of 2008 will be the summer of fashionable feedbag. Imagine, thousands of Manhattan women walking around Park Avenue with their Coach Bags, Gucci shoes, Fendi diamond necklaces and National Bridle feedbags. Now that's hot! Versace will sell them with pink floral patterns and Prada will have them with diamond encrusted studs and a cell phone strap attached to the top, so you can listen to a conversation while you eat. Gisele Bundchen can walk down a runway in Victoria Secret lingerie and a black laced feedbag. I really think this can be a new American sensation!

So for the writers of Sex and the City, I give you permission to use my idea for the movie sequel. But when this becomes a big hit, I hope to see some royalties.

- The Mountain Cat

New Poll 1/28

Good Monday to everyone and as usual we have a new poll to vote in this week. Last week we were able to solve the Global Warming debate because a whopping 70% of voters agreed that global warming was possible and not a hoax. Thank you to everyone who voted.

This week we delve into the world of chain coffee stores. I heard last week that there is vicious war going on between two of these chains Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts. A sort of no holds barred loser leave town caffeine fueled conflict that has gotten down right nasty between the loyal drinkers of that sludge known as coffee. We will attempt to solve this war this week right here on our blog. For the sake of the readers we are also going to include Caribou Coffee so there is a third option.

Vote for which you prefer and any debate on the subject is of course welcome. Voting ends Sunday at midnight.

-Doc

Maybe Martians Could Do Better Than We've Done?

Last week there was a news story about an image taken on Mars that looks like a ‘humanoid figure’ (story). Some scientists say it is just an odd rock formation. However many others do not believe that theory. Here are some of the other theories:


The ever ellusive Bigfoot?













Does it look similiar to a Danish mermaid statue?

Maybe Ray Walston really could be ‘My Favorite Martian’?

Does Marvin really exist?

Maybe it's 'The Rock’ ?

Did we finally find Jimmy Hoffa?

Or maybe its just an illegal alien?

Come to think of it,

where has Michael Jackson been lately?

Oh well, it is a mystery. But then again, some mysteries can never be solved I guess?

(P.S.: I stole the title of this blog from a song lyric. Who can guess the song and artist? WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP!)

- The Mountain Cat

Things bouncing around this head of mine. 1/25

- HAMAS’ SPECIAL WEEKEND DISPENSATION! This weekend and this weekend only all suicide bombers will get 96 virgins instead of the usually 72 virgins when they go to see Allah. But you better act now before the Shams sets over Gush Katif!

- A son tells his parents ‘For my birthday I wanna watch.’ So they let him.

- I couldn’t find my wallet yesterday. So I went to Wikipedia.com which told me to check under my bed. Sure enough there it was.

- Am I the only one who preferred Shemp over Curley?

- I decided to finally make a decision where my deciding point of view determines the decisions of the decided few I care to decide about.

- The official theme song of stem cell research should be: ‘I’m Just an Embryo/I Ain’t Got No Body’.

- CDs are soooooo 20th century.

- “Our father, who art in heaven. Howard be thy name.”

- I am going to make a concerted effort to use the word ‘stalwart’ more in my daily conversations.

- I’m sorry but two ones SHOULD equal eleven!

- I wrote a country song! It’s called ‘Fuck It’s Only Tuesday’.

- Is Beef Jerky really that popular? I’ve never met anyone that eats it.

- My dad and I don’t get along. So when he needed a heart transplant, I made the doctor hook it up to The Clapper.

- I suffer from Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia. But only on Fridays.

- There just aren’t enough movies about Bob Dylan lately.

- I think Gallagher and The Smashing Pumpkins should tour together. Wouldn’t that be great!?

- Mickey Mouse is such an asshole. I never cared much for his attitude.

- Contrary to popular belief, the opposite is true when the court of public opinion is against the feelings of the majority who vote for a change in the prescribed point of views. But only on Fridays.

- ‘We’ll be right back to the Lifetime original movie ‘The Vulva Diaries’ after these important commercial messages’.

- ‘Wow what great movie! The special effects were awesome!! The best scene is when that fat guy exploded!! I am going to see again this weekend on the IMAX!!’

The Mountain Cat

Can someone explain to me

How Jim Brown or anyone else for that matter can tell Tiger Woods how he should have reacted to recent comments by golf channel announcer Kelly Tilghman? People (and the media) keep trying to perpetuate this very minor story and create something that is just not there. Why can't anyone just accept what Tiger is saying that he knows Kelly and he did not take offense to her comments because he knows that she is not racist and didn't mean him any harm? Good grief people. In my opinion America needs to grow a little thicker skin about some things. Sometimes people just say dumb things and that doesn't make them racist. How can we be the country who is so willing to forgive and forget cheating politicians, drug addict musicians, and athletes who abuse women but we are so offended by a silly remark said in jest by a golf TV announcer who obviously had no racist intent? Let's save our outrage at racism over real racism and stop trying to tell others when they ought to be offended or dig up racism when it's not there. I think Tiger is more qualified than the media or Jim Brown to know when he himself should be offended.

Just something for ya'll to think about.

-Doc

Brooklyn

I was born in Brooklyn. Then I moved to North Carolina 20 years ago. I moved back to the New York City area 10 years ago and now live in New Jersey. But for the better part of the last 20 years I have had this disdain for the city of Brooklyn. I always felt there were too many ghosts there for me. Ghosts of being a young dumb kid that I don't like to associate myself with. I am a far better refined person than that little kid now. But maybe a lot of us feel that way about the place we grew up in.

But recently I have visited some places in Brooklyn and felt an exhilaration for some reason. I've noticed there have been big changes to the city. Especially as the real estate market grows, some of the Brooklyn neighborhoods have improved drastically. With all these changes, I finally realized that it is not 1988 anymore. For me Brooklyn had become a metaphor of what I did not want to be. This is no longer the Brooklyn I remembered.

Also as we mourn the tragic death of Heath Ledger, I see that he previously lived in the Boerum Hill section of Brooklyn. Which has become a very clean and decorous neighborhood. It reminds me that if Brooklyn was such a terrible place, then why do so many celebrities live there? (Ledger, Michelle Williams, John Turturro, Tony 'Paulie Walnuts' Sirico to name a few).

Of course not everyone in Brooklyn lives like The Huxtables from the Cosby Show. But I've started to become more curious about the city of my birth. Why hate it? I am better off embracing it. To make peace with my past helps ensures peace for my future.

- The Mountain Cat

Thursday Random Thoughts 1/24

Stuff I have been thinking about:

- I found out on Sunday that one of our friends from church as found our blog and reads it so she told my wife. (Hi Doris !!) That's great I love it...however the funny part was when she asked my wife, now your husband is Doc right? For some reason that question struck me as funny and I just died laughing.

-A friend of mine is flying from Georgia to Los Angeles this week to see a concert or should I say concerts. Nothing really out of the ordinary about that you say? Check this out. He is flying out to LA to see Garth Brooks in concert at the Staples center FIVE TIMES... Yes apparently Garth is doing benefit shows for the victims of the wildfires and my buddy is going to all 5 shows in one weekend. That is dedication ladies and gentleman.

-I usually eat a few gummy bears after lunch each day for desert. My two favorite flavors are red and clear.

-I heard on the radio the other day that there is apparently a nasty rivalry in the Northeast between Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts coffee. Like there is serious bad blood between the fans of each coffee. Maybe I should make a poll about it... I am kidding however I wonder if the Dunkin donut fans realize that their coffee is actually manufactured by S&D coffee right here in Concord NC?

-Am I the only one who actually tried to look up "Bagwine, Ohio" on a map ?

-When Vince suggested that we put up Travelin' Band as the theme music for our blog (an old reference to a conversation the two of had probably 10 years ago) I loved the idea. While searching youtube for the right video I actually paused for a minute and thought about trying to convince him that Tarzan boy by Baltimora would be a better choice. But I thought better of it.

-Pop Tarts taste sooooo good when you toast them until they are almost burnt.

-First John McCain's campaign almost went bankrupt this past summer. Then Rudy Guliani's staffers and advisers started to work for free when funds started running short. Now I read this week that Mike Huckabee's campaign advisers are doing the same thing and not accepting paychecks. Hmmmm I thought that the Republicans were the rich peoples party? Sounds like they can hardly afford to run. Take that a step further and it seems like they aren't even able to manage their own campaign finances very well, why should we trust them to manage our tax money?

-Why do crooks do really dumb stuff like trying to steal an alligator named Mr. Cranky Pants ?

-I went back and forth several times this week on which TV to buy but I think I have settled on the Samsung 42" Plasma HD instead of the LG.

-I had a Hardee's loaded omelet biscuit the other day and it was awesome. Hardee's (Carl's Jr. out west) stuff is underrated.

-Media reports say that Eminem has gained a lot of weight by sitting around the house and playing video games and drinking all day. His mother even says that he has really ballooned up. My thought is that Slim Fast needs to contact him about doing a weight loss campaign. That way he can start to call himself Slim-Fast Shady. I can hear it now, "Two Slim-Fast girls go round the outside, round the outside!"

-Doc

Gisele Bundchen .....

Is going to ruin Tom Brady just like Jessica Simpson did to Tony Romo!
She took Tom Brady to a club where her ex boyfriend Leo DiCaprio just HAPPENED to be there as well!
click to read article: http://www.pr-inside.com/bundchen-amp-dicaprio-avoid-each-other-r398510.htm

Tom Brady is frazzled already!!!

Go Giants!! Superbowl XLII champions!!

- The Mountain Raisin

Our blog on AOL News website

I was looking through some of our blog trafficking reports this morning and noticed we were getting a lot of referrals from AOL News. So I checked out THIS PAGE and sure enough under the article listed Related Blog Posts is Vince's post It's Raining Giants Pretty cool that our little blog was scanned by AOL news... You never know who is out there reading.

Keep reading AOL... We'll write more !

-Doc

(I wonder how AOL voted on the global warming poll?? )

Conspiracy Uncovered

Earlier this week then I saw Vince's post about the Giants going to the Super Bowl something stuck in my mind. It was that little Football in the Super Bowl Logo. This one Here:

I thought it looked familiar and then I uncovered something truly shocking. It seems that there has been a conspiracy and the football is actually one of the California Raisins who were known to many in the 80s as musicians and pitchmen for the rasin industry. This particular rasin (we'll call him Jasin) must not have invested his earnings well because an investigation revealed that he has taken this gig because he is out of work due to the writers strike in Hollywood. When reached for comment one of his fellow raisins who wished to remain annomyous insisted that Jasin is a scab and that crossing the picket line was unacceptable even for promoting the NFL. "It's just a disgrace that a fine dried fruit like Jasin would pimp himself out as a piece of pigskin for a few bucks." Here on this blog for the first time we are unmasking the culprit who has crossed the picket line and is masquerading as a football and not staying true to his raisin roots. Here is Jasin the resemblance is uncanny don't you think?

-Doc

And it's time to change, it's time to re-arrange....

A new question from a reader for the 'Ask Doc and The Mountain Cat' portion of this program:

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of “Change.” Some of us thrive on it, even seek it out, while others avoid it, and fear it. One thing is for certain, change is inevitable. The Ebb and Flow of life. I read last night the classic, silly, yet important book titled, “Who Moved My Cheese?” In it is asks…”What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” So I send the question out to Mt. Cat and Doc and invite all fellow bloggers to answer. Thanks fellas.

Sincerely,

The Google Doll

Wheres George ??

I have this hobby that I am really interested in and may (or may not) interest you as well. I like to track where my dollar bills go after I spend them. To do this I use a website http://www.wheresgeorge.com/ The basic idea is that I take dollar bills that I receive in change or from a bank and enter the serial numbers into the website at the location I am currently using the zip code. I mark the bills with the website name and then spend them. Others notice the website name on the dollar bills and then "update" their location by entering the zip code where the bill is currently? Its a fun way to track where your money goes after it leaves your hands. There is also a score associated with the number of bills you enter and the number of bills that are found (or hit) and where they are found.

I heard about it on the radio but others usually learn about it by finding a marked bill and entering it's location themselves. I am completely hooked on this little hobby. There is a whole online community of "Georgers" who chat online about "Georging" and even have large gatherings where they swap money to spend in different parts of the country and the world.I have only been doing this less than a year but have had really good results.

So far I have had bills found in 32 of the 50 US states, 2 US territories, the District of Columbia, and Canada. My George Score has me currently ranked 72nd of 3150 in the state of North Carolina rankings with an overall hit rate on my bills of over 18% (the site average is about 10%).

Sometimes people look at me funny when I ask to see their money to see if they happen to have any rare or unique bills and when I ask them to trade money with me if they are going to travel but overall people are very helpful. My in-laws have carried marked bills for me up north and overseas and my parents are doing the same thing next month.

Here is a link to my George profile that includes maps of the states and counties where I have had bills found... Oh yeah btw using the wheresgeorge.com website is free so if anyone wants to check it out please feel free. You do have to register for a profile in order to actually track bills but it's risk free as well. Oh and one more thing. If you ever look down into the bills you received in change and see one that has stamps on it saying wheresgeorge.com please take a moment to enter the serial # and the current zip code into the website and see where that bill has come from. You might be surprised how far George has travelled.


Doc

The origin of The Mountain Cat

Back in 1972 in a small village known as Brooklyn, a baby was born that would usher in a new era and change the evolution of mankind as we know it. Well didn't I? Ok, ok, never mind.

My last name in Italian means Mountain Lion. But I morphed it into The Mountain Cat as my stage name. (And isn't Cat easier to spell than Lion?). Actually to be honest I don't know why I choose Cat over Lion. Personal choose I guess. But I do refer The Mountain Cat's origin from the Jerky Boys 1992 first prank phone call album where Tarbash the Egyptian Magician wanted to bring his mountain cat on stage to 'terrorize people' for his magic act (Listen here).

But I have to admit that I have turned The Mountain Cat persona into a bit of an obsession. I recently had my new iPod engraved ‘The Mountain Cat’s iPod’. Also, I did donate $25 to the Mountain Lion Foundation. (They sent me a thank you certificate which I framed). This organization protects these animals from hunters and poachers so they don’t become endangered. And I was really upset when during a game former Mets pitcher Turk Wendell wore a necklace of teeth from a mountain lion he killed in Colorado. That bastard!

But probably my most over the top moment was when I got a vanity license plate when I lived in North Carolina in the 1990s. To fit on the plate, I had to shorten it to 'Mt. Cat'. But unfortunately too many people were reading it as ‘Empty Cat’. Oh well, I still think it looked cool.








- The Mountain Cat

New Poll 1/21/08

First of all congrats to Soda for dominating the vote from last weeks poll with over 52% of the vote. Soda easily outdistanced Pop in a somewhat surprising vote. Thanks to all who voted.

Thank you also for all the good suggestions in comments and by e-mail for a poll this week. After taking a look at all of them I decided that the poll for this week should come from something that AbsolutGator had me post in response to Grape Nutz' Ask Doc and the Mt. Cat question. It seems that Absolut took issue with Nutz' stance that global warming may exist. There seems to be some bit of controversy surrounding this issue so what better idea for the next poll question?

What do you think about global warming? Please vote on the right hand side of the page for one of the 3 options available. Global warming may be possible, global warming is a hoax, or I don't care screw the environment.

Let's see if this generates a few votes....

-Doc

IT'S RAINING GIANTS!!!

In one of the greatest (and sloppiest) football games I have ever seen, the New York Giants defeated the Green Bay Packers and are going to Super Bowl XLII against the New England Patriots! Wow!!! I was a bar watching the game and completely lost my voice from screaming at the TV for 3 hours.

The Patriots are undefeated and have an 18 and 0 record. So my rally cry for the next two weeks before the Super Bowl will be '18 and 1! 18 and 1!'

If the New York Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl, it will be the greatest victory in the history of mankind! WHOOAAAAHOOO!!!!!!!!

- The Mountain Cat

Next weeks poll...any ideas?

Does anyone have any good ideas for this coming weeks poll? I thought about "Who do you want to win the Superbowl?" but after today that will pretty much be everybody wanting Green Bay or the Giants whoever wins. I thought about another food poll...but figured I would save that for later on this winter because I have a doozy that will stir up some controversy.

But for now... Please give us some ideas. Post what you think would be a good poll for this week starting tomorrow. Something that will move the needle an generate some discussion.

Thanks,

Doc

Ask Doc and the Mt. Cat 1/19

Here is a question recently sent to us:

My tread mill is set in front of of a set of windows so that I can enjoy sunshine and a sense of the outdoors without having to actually subject myself to an environment ravaged by global warming. I have two questions. First, is it still important to wear a sun screen and can you tell me what the S.P.F. is for grape jelly? Secondly, I'm inside the privacy of my own home so what business is it of my neighbors whether I'm wearing pants or not?The jelly pretty much covers up the naughty bits so whats the big deal?

Sincerely,
Grape Nutz


Dear Grape Nutz:

First of all we really appreciate your concern about global warming. Each of us has to do our part to help however we are not sure that exercising in the comfort of your home "either heated or air conditioned" is going to help with that. As for your main question about sunscreen we think that in today's world one can never be too careful. Remember the Boy Scouts motto "Be prepared"? this not only applies to prophylactics but to sunscreen as well. Make sure that you apply liberally to any area that might even have the slightest chance of seeing sunlight. As is in stick it where the sun do shine. As far as the grape jelly goes we are a little perplexed on this one. We always thought that orange marmalade worked better. But what do we know??

Your neighbors are a different matter all together. Unless you live across the street from Ozzy Ozbourne then you are probably what is referred to in the normal world as the "weirdo on the block" and even though you may have embraced this as your community role you have to understand that people will tend to stare and say hurtful things about you behind your back. We suggest more marmalade and a good privacy fence. We hope this has been helpful to you. Best of luck with that exercise plan.

Doc and the Mt Cat

(If you are in need of some advice please e-mail us your question and you may see it answered here. Information is over on the right hand side of the page.)

UPDATE!! - The Absolutgator checked in and also has some advice for our friend in need:

Dear Grape Nutz,

Your going to have to apply something better than jelly to protect yourself from the rays of the sun coming through yonder window. The best way to prevent this is by using some type of window film. However, as the cost of this is not cheap, sunscreen is probably your best bet (remember, the stuff only has a shelf life of a year). As for doing it in the buff, I have two thoughts on this: 1) You are in the privacy of your own home and, unless you have neon signs outside pointing to your window, should be able to do what you want; 2) Why in the hell would you want to? If you are a chick, I'm sure the funbags have got to be a wee bit upset w/ your decision to let them go under that kind stress for 30 minutes or more. If you are a guy, doing cardio commando style is just cruel on the boys.

Unlike my esteemed colleague, I do not appreciate your concern about the global warming hoax. I've never before seen a theory so contested in the science community taken as fact so easily as this hogwash (except the whole world is flat thing). I wouldn't be so upset about it if proponents of the theory didn't keep spewing the same bad science and examples to support their position. Spend your time worrying about real environmental issues like pollution, water contamination, etc.

Keep exercising your body and try to start exercising your brain every once in a while by doing some research.

-The AbsolutGator

Weekly Odd News Roundup 1/18

Hitting the high notes:
-First some sad news, The founder of the company that brought us the hula-hoop and the Frisbee passed away this week.
-According to this article you now know who to blame if you get Syphilis. Blame Christopher Columbus, it's all his fault. But you better not try and tell that to Tony Soprano's gang, they don't like ole Chris' reputation tarnished.
-NORRISTOWN, Pa. - A man who mailed a bloody cow's head to his wife's lover has been sentenced to probation and community service. Jason Michael Fife "understands that in a civilized society a person cannot send a severed cow's head to anybody," said his defense lawyer, Henry Hilles. "My client did step over the line here, but one can certainly understand his frustration, given that the victim was carrying on an affair with my client's wife," Hilles said.Well that pretty much sums it up. I feel safer don't you? YIKES !!
-This story will scare the hell out of you. A construction worker claimed that when he went to a hospital after being hit on the forehead by a falling wooden beam, emergency room staffers forcibly gave him a rectal examination. And this was NY Presbyterian hospital. It appears that this guy REALLY didn't want the exam and ended up assaulting the doctor. It's going to court as a lawsuit. How would you like to be on that jury? If there is something worse than a "forced rectal examination" I certainly can't think of what it is.

-Doc

Things bouncing around this head of mine: 1/18

- I just heard on the news that Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby is going to have a baby! Wow!
- For those of you that eat lunch daily in Manhattan, what exactly is in the white sauce?
- When is the last day in the year to stop telling people ‘Happy New Year’? I usually stop saying it on Halloween. Is that too late?
- Am I one of only two people that found Monica Lewinsky hot?
- I just don’t understand chopsticks what so ever. They have shovels in Asian countries right? You’d figure that someone out of 2 billion people would have put two and two together. (oh wow, a pun).
- I recently bought Howie Mandel’s old hair on eBay.
- Howie Mandel recently bought MY old hair on eBay.
- I still believe that Andrew Ridgley was the most talented member of Wham!
- My favorite episode of 'Three’s Company' is the one where there was a misunderstanding. That one episode was so great.
- Speaking of ’70 sitcoms, remember the show 'One Day at a Time'? Most men fantasized about Valerie Bertinelli or McKenzie Phillips. No, not me. I wanted Bonnie Franklin to be my mommy.
- I told Donald Trump the other day that I hate people who name drop. They are just like soooo insecure.
- Why can’t I find Bartleys & James anymore?
- Has anyone been in the Paris Hilton? They have a great continental breakfast.
- I am now a practicing Ren Buddhist. I pray to Stimpy.
- Which is more violent: a melee, a donnybrook or a brouhaha?
- People who shovel cement with pitchforks for a living are called Mortar Forkers.
- I heard Randy Johnson got a vasectomy in the off season and will now be called ‘The Big Eunuch’
- Michael Jackson’s new album will probably come out later in 2008. It is tentatively titled ‘Translucent’.
- I just read the Jewish introspective book ‘Matzo Soup for the Colon’.
- Speaking of food, I invented a new delicacy. Pickled Venison. I am calling it Dill Doe.
- Man I think those Thumb movies are sheer genius.
- I use cotton candy as a dust broom.
- My doctor says I suffer from Attention Defici…oh look balloons!

The Mountain Cat

Thursday Random Thoughts 1/17

Stuff I have been thinking about recently:

-I was wondering the other day if the origin of the rap "beef" goes back to the inter-music feud between the Van Zandts and Neil Young in Sweet Home Alabama ? Was this the first calling out in music? Did this fued inspire rappers to call each other out in their music? And did this in any way contribute to the deaths of Tupac and Biggie ?

-Goody's Powders are hands down the best non-prescription headache reliever EVER !!

-It's snowing here today which is really cool because it doesn't snow very often in Charlotte, NC.

-I found out this week that my Alma mater Lenoir-Rhyne College is considering becoming a university. What exactly would that change be? What the heck is the difference between a college and a university. Is there something there I am not getting?

-Am I the only one who doesn't have some sort of music for my cellphone ring tone? All I have is a boring "Ring-Ring" like an old rotary dial phone. It's my "retro" rebellion.

-$243,898 in assets and $180 million in liabilities. Who is that? Mike Nifong thats who. He filed for bankruptcy on January 15th. He deserves any punishment that gets handed down to him.

-I know that I was one of the last people to start paying my bills online but now that I have it sure was nice not to have to worry about writing checks for those annual life insurance premiums I usually forget about in January.

-I have been doing some thinking on this. Give a listen to Shakira and then Tracy Chapman their voices sound eerily the same don't you think? You don't think so? Listen again.

-Don't feel bad laughing at some of the American Idol reject singers. I heard a radio interview yesterday with the "Go down Moses, Let my people Go" singer. He said he was intentionally singing bad to get on TV because he is an actor and he wanted to get his face out there. He doesn't have a disability like someone I was watching the show with thought.

- I am actually very surprised that I really enjoy the music that I have heard off Fergie's album "The Duchess." I don't really care for the Black Eyed Peas but this album is good. Now am I the only one who thinks that Fergie's song Clumsy sounds like the beat track came straight from a Casio keyboard circa the 1980's ??

-I had a dead battery the other day and I wanted to again thank the nice lady whose name I don't know who let me borrow her battery for a jump so I didn't have to call AAA.

-Does anyone else LOVE the taste of Red Lobster's cheddar bay biscuits ??

-Tomorrow is the birthday of someone very special to me... It's the birthday of the best wife and mother I know of. I love you Sweetie and I hope you have a great birthday.


-Doc

What kind of RUSH are you?

I work for a mortgage broker. The job of a mortgage broker company is to bring in the clients and place them with a lender that best suits their needs. We deal in very high volume and send lots of file packages to several lenders (Citibank, HSBC, Wells Fargo, etc.). More often than not we are at the mercy of the lender's own volume for a quick mortgage approval. To circumvent this problem the loan originator who brought in the business would mark the client’s file with the word RUSH with a red magic marker. Usually in big letters across the front cover of the file. This will indicate to the lender that we need them to step on it so we can get an approval quicker than a non-RUSH file. This sounds simple. However, the busier we get, the more RUSH files get sent to the already overwhelmed lender. Therefore if every file is a RUSH then NONE of the loans becomes a RUSH! The more RUSH-es we have, the word RUSH no longer has a meaning. The urgency of these files gets diluted.

To troubleshoot, we have come up with different levels of RUSH depending upon the client’s situation. Below is a matrix of these levels (Sort of a Homeland Security Advisory System for Mortgages):

- *BLANK* (No Rush. Client’s do not have a deadline to get approved, meet rate & guidelines or closing).
- RUSH (Client needs an approval in a week. And will need to close within 60 days to meet rate & guidelines).
- RUSH RUSH! (Client needs an approval within 5 days as they need it for a coop board meeting and closing within 60 days).
- MAJOR RUSH!! (Client needs an approval within 4 days as they need it for a coop board meeting and closing within 45 days).
- SUPER RUSH!!! (Without an approval in 3 days, their coop board meeting will be delayed a month and cannot close within 30 days now before their rate goes up).
- SUPER SUPER RUSH!!!! (An approval must be faxed within 2 days as the seller has already set a closing date 20 days from now and there are a lot of outstanding items that have to be cleared!).
- EXTREME RUSH!!!!! (Must have the approval by tomorrow!! The seller is threatening my client to close within 15 days!!)

Well it does get worse. We have yet to use these following terms, but maybe we may have to as this industry gets more frantic and competitive:

- SUPER SEVERE EXTREME RUSH!!!!!! (200 pages were faxed to the lender at 9:01 AM! Must get an approval no later than noon today! Must close by Friday or the clients lose their $100,000 down payment!!!)
- BLOODY SUICIDAL SUPER SEVERE EXTREME RUSH!!!!!!! (HELP!!! We stole this loan from another mortgage broker!! Needs to close in 48 hours! We just faxed you 300 pages. Need the closing set now!!! AGHHH!!!!!!).
- MAJOR SUPER EXTREME SEVERE BLOODY SUICIDAL HOMICIDAL RUSH RUSH RUSH RUSH!!!!!!!!!! (I’ve never seen this kind of RUSH before. But if I do, it will probably be the seventh sign of the apocalypse).

- The Mortgage Cat.

If you want the job at least spell it write... err right

I find this hilarious. Charlotte, NC mayor Pat McCrory announced that he was running for North Carolina Governor on Tuesday and then promptly sent out news releases that had this on them:

Now call me on this if I am wrong but if you are running for an elected office like governor wouldn't you want to make sure you could at least spell it? Now of course "Mayor Pat"as we call him around here wasn't the one in charge of spelling however those who were responsible then decided to get wacky.

The fun began when the mistake was pointed out. It seems the campaign manager said "a hacker had accessed the campaign's computer to alter the word". Then they said no it was a graphic design error. When asked to comment again later in the day they said there was a second hacker attack, then finally at the end of the day McCrory said No it was just a spelling error. Wheew could you follow all that?

Let's hope that if these are indeed lies that McCrory's staff can keep them better under wraps or at least make sure everyone knows which lie is being told so there is less confusion.

Good grief. Not a good way to start out the first day of a campaign. This campaign may prove fun for watching!

-Doc

(In the interest of full disclosure I did vote for McCrory, a Republican twice for mayor of Charlotte despite being a Democrat myself and I think he has done a good job running Charlotte even though he should be a full time mayor and not a Duke Energy employee)

Ask Doc and the Mt. Cat

We meant to introduce this yesterday but got caught up in The great won ton caper of '08. We are going to have a new segment from time to time here called "Ask Doc and the Mt. Cat" If you have an issue that you need advise on please submit an e-mail to docmtcat@gmail.com and we will endeavour to give you our best advice "Dear Abby" style. Of course your identity will be kept anonymous and hopefully we can help. This is just our little way of giving back to the community that has been so good to us.

There is a box that will stay on the right hand side of the page with the e-mail address and some information.

Help us help you!

-Doc and the Mt. Cat

Wonton-gate '08!

Yo this Cat is not happy. I brought into work a whole lot of left over Chinese food from the weekend and someone in my office either ate or threw out my wonton soup! I had big Tupperware filed with wontons. Plus someone took my last fried wonton. Oh but they didn't touch the rest of my Happy Family with mixed Chinese vegetables or Barbecued Beef with rice dishes!! Not that this food was expensive but it is the doggone principle of it! I confronted a few likely culprits but no admissions. Mark my words I will get to the bottom of this.

Hell hath no fury than a Cat who has his food stolen!

- The Mountain Cat!!!

This made me think

The other day while stopped in bad traffic waiting to turn on to the interstate I saw another car opposite of me that I can only describe as a kind of gang banger car. It was lowered with big chrome rims and there was a 20ish African American male slumped low in the drivers seat sporting cornrow braids. I didn't think anything of it at first as this in itself is not an unusual sight, however I had to take a second look. As I sat there I began to realize that he was singing the the same song that I was hearing on my car radio. I looked again and there was no doubt that he was mouthing the words to Led Zeppelin's Living Loving Maid.

I had two thoughts. First of all maybe just maybe I have more street cred than I thought. Then discarding that as preposterous my second thought was that some prejudice or preconceived notion inside of me automatically assumed that this guy based solely on his appearance would probably enjoy some other kind of music that I was listening to. That made me think. I am certainly not a racist person. I was actually brought up in a very racially and culturally diverse family setting. This situation just helped to remind me that self examination of my own preconceived notions about the other folks we share this planet with is healthy for me. Never make assumptions based on appearances because so often those are wrong. If my window had been down I would have probably said something totally un-cool to him like. "Rock On Man!"

Yeah I really need to work on that street cred thing.

-Doc

New Poll 1/14/08 - Cola Wars

Thanks to everyone who voted in last weeks poll. (which is archived down the right hand side of the page) Subway Oil and Vinegar posed a huge challenge to Arby's Horsey Sauce however Horsey won in the end due not only to it's deliciousness but also to it's huge fan following. Taco Bell Mild Sauce finished a distant third. Therefore Arby's horsey Sauce shall here by be referred to as "World's Best Condiment" Thank you to those who got up and clicked it to victory and in the process making Oil and Vinegar seem more like Oil and water. But I digress.

This week I expect an equally epic battle. Last week taste buds were the determining factor but this week I feel that the vote will fall along geographical lines. It's The Cola Wars !! The poll this week is What do you call those carbonated beverages that we all drink? Soda, Pop, Soft Drink, coke (generic term), Cola, or Other. Let the debate and the war wage and may the best term with the most support win. If you have an "other" please post it here. Voting begins now and runs through Midnight Sunday night.

Bottoms up !

-Doc

I am feeling very BLUE this morning

My Monday morning begins with sheer euphoria over my New York Giants fantastic win over those hated Dallas Cowboys last night. It was the very first playoff game between these two teams believe it or not. This is one of the greatest rivalries in sports, so this win is completely satisfying. But now I have a very important personal decision to make and I need the help of my fellow readers. There are a couple of rabid Cowboys fans in my office that I have engaged in verbal battles with over this past season. I am debating on taking the high road and just smiling when I see them, OR running up to them yelling 'Yeah baby!! Giants win!! Cowboys suck! Tony Romo's gotta a big ol' butt, oh yeah! Whoop, whoop, whoop!' What should I do my friends? I am learning towards the former with quite, dignity and grace.

I watched the game in Hoboken with some friends including fellow blogger Uber. After the game Uber and I hailed a cab in the pouring rain. As we get in the taxi feeling high on football, ironically the first song we hear on the driver's radio is 'It's Raining Men' by the Weather Girls! Now it is said that music is associated with good memories. So unfortunately, this Giants victory will be associated with this song! Ugh, the horror!! I am unable to block the song out of my head now. Oh well, to make lemons with lemonade I turned to Uber and jokingly said 'Whenever I think about this day again my friend, I will remember this moment we shared together in this cab'. Uber just shook his head and ignored me.

- The Mountain Cat

The Meanest Mom on the Planet

I simply love when parents find interesting and unique ways to get their point across to their kids in punishment. There is this mom in St. Augustine Florida whose 13 year old daughter apparently stole her car. She had to wear a sandwich board sign that read: "I am 13 years old. I stole my mother's car without her permission and endangered my two younger brothers' lives as well as others on the road," and stand downtown for hours. It seems to have gotten the point across. And the picture is priceless.

The article also gives examples of others who have had to wear sandwich board signs. My favorite is: The family of Jamal Wooten, 16, of Portage, Ind., made him wear a sign downtown after he got into trouble at school. The sign said, "I got suspended for using foul language. Look at me now. Don't be like me." It's great when parents are creative and get the point across without simply beating their kids. The lessons learned probably last a lot longer too.

Those other stories are good however none compare with "The Meanest Mom on the Planet" Jane Hambleton of Iowa who became semi-famous earlier this week. This mom just got her son a car around Thanksgiving and gave him only 2 rules. Keep the car locked and No booze. Should be easy enough to follow don't you think? NOT for young Steven Hambleton. Mom finds a bottle of booze in the car and decides to levy the greatest punishment EVER! She placed the following classified ad in the DesMoine register:

Yep she sold his car. Something tells me he got the point. In my opinion the punishment fits the crime and no punishment is too strong to deter a teenager from drinking and driving.

Does anyone else have a unique parent punishment story that you either used or had used on you that got the point across? We would love to hear them.

-Doc

The final word on Roger Clemens and steroids

All we hear is did Clemens do it? Is he lying? Why would his trainer Brian McNamee lie? No, no, no, no, NO! Stop it please! I am tired of this back and forth as I am sure most of you are. There is one thing and one thing only to indict Roger Clemens at this point and I am surprised that this key point has not brought to attention more by sports talk radio and writers: Roger Clemens is guilty by association. Period. Sorry Roger but you are. Look I can slightly believe that you did not do steroids and HGH. But in no way do I believe that you did not know that Brian McNamee was a supplier of these illegal substances. McNamee is consider 'family' according to Clemens' own words.

Roger Clemens should have seen this one coming a long long time ago. He is a public figure and did watch his associations carefully. Sure he can argue all he wants that he did not get these injections from him. But if Brian McNamee injected other players (Andy Pettitte, et'al), the court of public opinion will always associate you with a drug dealer. It is like saying I don't steal but I hang around thieves. So wouldn't you think I was a thief too? It is all about choices you make. And this goes for all the other players wrapped up in this scandal. The problem is I don't think we will ever find the proverbial 'smoking gun' to prove that Clemens is innocent or guilty. So I predict his reputation will forever be tarnished.

But when it is all said and done, Roger Clemens is still a Hall of Fame pitcher. But people will just snicker and just link him with this scandal in their minds when they look at his Gold Plaque in Cooperstown someday.

Now how do we get final closure on this baseball steroid scandal? Maybe we need to embrace it? Sounds ironic but maybe the Baseball Hall of Fame should have a display acknowledging the steroid era? That may be unfair to those great players who did not do steroids. But lets face fact here, 100 years from now we won't remember names. Just the whole lot who played during this time period was involved in one form of the other since it was so wide spread. But we all turned a blind eye. The baseball executives, the players, and us the fan knew something had to be going on illegally. Yes, us the fan. We all enjoyed seeing the homerun records broken even though we knew some of these players looked like massive Belgium Cattle (Mark McGwire, et'al). We perpetuated the sport into riches they never dreamed of. We are all to blame for letting this manifest to the colossal imbroglio we see our beloved sport in now. So like Senator George Mitchell stated in his speech when he released his report, lets accept this and move on. Otherwise this stink will just linger indefinitely.

- The Mountain Cat

Status of my Type B metamorphosis

I am taking baby steps to my goal literally. I am walking much slower too and from the subways. What used to take me 5 minutes from my apartment to the train station, now takes 8.
Then when I get out on Madison Avenue, I let everyone walk, push, rush past me and I am the last one up the stairs and out of the station. Really now, why rush? So I get to my cubical at 8:55 instead of 8:52. Meanwhile in this tortoise-like walk of mine, I am either grooving to my iPod or just breathing in all of God's nature that midtown Manhattan has to offer (Exhaust fumes, truck horns, panic). Ahhhh, serenity. It is mind control. I am beginning to block it out like Brett Farve on a Sunday in front of 80,000 screaming Cheeseheads. I am in the zone to total Type-B-ocity. I have found myself enjoying those precious moments more. Why rush through life?
- The Mountain Cat

Friday Randoms 1/11

A few things I have been thinking about this week:

- I thought this was classic. Disney World is banning kids from one of their restaurants. Normally known for being about the most kid friendly place on earth the rats at Disney have said enough is enough! I guess they are making an attempt to give the parents at least a little break from mouse ears and hot dogs and kids running around all over the place. I bet you that place will be packed.

-I heard on the radio yesterday that Jessica Simpson's new nickname is Yoko Romo. Hilarious!!

- General Motors says cars that drive and park themselves are on the horizon, about a decade away. That's great and all that. I am sure they will be a big seller..but HELLO, HOW ABOUT STOP WASTING TIME AND MONEY ON THAT AND MAKE A CAR THAT GETS 100 MILES PER GALLON ON GAS ??

-Idiot of the week goes to Ryan A. Mueller of Wisconsin, It seems this guy was so desperate for cash that he broke into a house and was stealing money out of a two year old's piggy bank. Anyone else agree that we can suspend constitutional rights on this nimrod and give him life w/o parole? No one steals from a toddler's piggy bank in my book.

-Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s bar Whisky River is getting ready to open here in downtown Charlotte. Now I am not really into the going out to bar scene anymore but that might be a cool place to check out.

-Who knew that there were so many fans of Subway's Oil and Vinegar? Please keep voting in the poll. Voting ends midnight Sunday night.

- He might have some good things to say but Presidential candidate John McCain sure does look like a fossil.

- I received and e-mail from a marketing person with the radio station that I mentioned in this randoms post last Friday about the Matt and Ramona Show. (Hi Angela!) Pretty cool that she sought out this blog because I was talking about their show. Well I still like it and will continue to pimp Matt and Ramona as long as they keep reading.

- I wonder how old this Hannah Montana body double is?

- I am really looking forward to American Idol starting back up again. My wife is getting tired of watching political campaign news commentators (I am to a little bit) and we also have a little Idol contest every year to try and pick the winners. Any other AI fans out there?

- Here is some fantastic irony for you. The FBI is having their legal (and illegal) wiretaps that they fought tooth and nail for under the Patriot Act shut down by phone companies because they are terribly bad about paying their phone bills. Does anyone feel safer now?

- If you want a really good sandwich then go to Jersey Mikes and order a #2 "Mikes Way" without the vinegar. It's the closest thing I can find down south to the best sandwich on earth from Voltaco's in Ocean City New Jersey.

-Doc

Things bouncing around this head of mine: 1/10

- If Mississippi borrowed Missouri's New Jersey to wear to a party, what would her best friend Delaware? (answer below).

- "Mets baseball is sponsored by Pampers. The official disposable diaper of the New York Mets."

- As the original document of the Declaration of Independence reads: I believe in Life, Liberty and the Purfuit of Happyneff.

- Wow!!!!!!! I went to the store and received a one dollar bill with my change that originated from Topeka, Kansas!!!!!! So to celebrate, I immediately spent it.

- Paula Cole was right; where HAVE all the cowboys gone?

- The day before yesterday I felt that today is the day that will bring tomorrow but only found out that a week from now it will not happen until the day after.

- "Dominus Vobiscum" is Latin for "Dominic Go Frisk 'Em."

- "Jer-emy Spok-ane...Washingtonnnnnnnnn (TRY to forget this...)."

- Does PETA stands for "People Eat Tasty Animals"?

- I once drank a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer all by myself and I got into a fake a fight.

- What wine goes with Captain Crunch?

- Sometimes I like to mix Sweet n Low, Equal and Splenda in my coffee and let them fight it out.

- This 12 Step Program really works! My footprints are all over town!

- Anita Bryant or Anita Baker? DEFINITELY Anita Baker.

- "...well yeah it's true! Come on now, it was on television."

- "The Mountain Cat back and is better than before. Hey nay, hey nay! The Mountain Cat!"

- Answer: Idaho? Alaska.

Love, TMC

Thursday Random thoughts 1/10

Just some things running around in my head:

-Sirius satellite radio rocks but recently I have been getting a lot of satellite interference with the signal. No matter how I move the receptor I still get interference. VERY Annoying!

- My son turned seven months old on Sunday 1/6. He also said his first word. Da-Da! He has started to master saying it this week and now he yells DA-DA all the time. I love that kid!

- I heard on the radio the other day that there is a new book coming out that contends that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter Surri is not his biological child but was actually conceived by a sperm donation from L. Ron Hubbard the deceased founder of Scientology. While probably not true it sure is funny as heck. Whoever wrote that book sure gets some credit in my book for originality.

- I read the other day that Amy Fisher the Long Island Lolita and her formerly estranged husband are coming out with a sex tape because "I always wanted to be No. 1 at something." Didn't your 15 minutes run out a long long time ago?

-The woman who asked Hillary Clinton the question that made her become emotional in New Hampshire earlier this week says that she still voted for Barak Obama because Hillary switched back to "politician" too quick after crying.

- Since Michael Vick's crime was committed against dogs then why shouldn't his sentence be carried out in dog years?

- Speaking of Michael Vick, it looks like he has entered drug rehab and may wiggle out of prison earlier than first thought.

- Since we are on sports I hope that some team (ANY team) can beat the New England Patriots so they don't win the Super Bowl. Hopefully they become an afterthought instead of a juggernaut.

- I am really looking forward to NASCAR season starting again soon.

- I read where American Idol winner Taylor Hicks lost his record deal. This is just further proof to what I have been saying for almost two years that Chris Daughtry was/is the TRUE American Idol.

- What would you have paid to be a fly on the wall when Dr. Phil came busting in to Brittney Spears hotel room and tried to counsel her? HA! I be the tirade that she went into would rival any tirade that Tommy Lasorda ever had.

- It's about this time every year that I see the little Girl Scouts with their fliers selling cookies and I remember just exactly how much I love the thin mint cookies. I don't eat a lot of sweets but I can eat those things by the sleeve.

-Doc

(Insert headline here)

To my fellow bloggers and fans of this website. I implore you. I need your help. Like every great artist sometimes go through, I am having a hard time coming up with anything creative or interesting to say. I don't want to put out half-assed material like Elton John's 'The Fox' album or Woody Allen's film 'The Curse of the Jade Scorpion'. For the layperson, I don't want to suck. I am here being honest. Stripped down. Here I am. Completely naked for you. Help me help you. Be my muse. What topics do you want to discuss or have me write about? Please bring the Sgt. Pepper album back to my adroitness.

- The Mountain Cat

And the senior citizen of the week award goes to...

Martha Smith of Fairburn South Dakota. Vince you better steer clear of this 80 year old Annie Oakley wanna be. She shot and killed a mountain lion that was going after her dog with a .22 rifle !! Forget her age for a second I think it's impressive enough that she got the job done with a puny little 22. She has to be a pretty good shot soVince you better stick to Manhattan and stay away from South Dakota.

-Shane (doc)

(And of course she wants to have it stuffed and mounted as a trophy.)

Warning: Gratuitous Cute Kid Pictures ALERT!!!

Several of you have asked to see pictures of my son Patrick so I figured I would post a couple. Patrick just turned seven months old on January 6th and these photos were taken within the last two weeks.

(I think you should be able to click on the pictures to see full size)

- Shane (Daddy Doc)

New Poll 1/8/08

Thank you for voting last weeks poll... The Mullet was determined to be Billy Ray Cyrus' biggest contribution to society by a landslide.

Please take a moment and vote in our new poll and help us decide what the Best Fast Food Condiment in the World is!

Poll will be open until Midnight Sunday. Vote for as many as you like.

-Doc and the Mountain Cat

Roger Clemens is a black man

Barry Bonds had once said that this steroids scandal is a witch hunt against him because he is a black man. So according to that logic, Roger Clemens is also African American. I did not realize it. Maybe Roger is an albino like the monk in 'The Da Vinci Code'.

Then again maybe Roger Clemens is the racist since all his sons names start with K:

Koby, Kory, Kacy, Kody......hmmmm, not quite. The 'K' is for strikeout, not Klu Klux Klan.

Does this blog have a point? No. Not really.

Do I believe Roger Clemens is telling the truth that he did not take HGH? I really don't know what to thing anymore. Lets wait until he meets with Congress next Wednesday.

But his wife is still hot.

- The Mountain Cat

I heard the worst combination of four words in the history of mankind

(Let me preempt this by saying, I was given a Starbucks gift card from a client).
The woman in front of me in the line at Starbucks ordered a 'Grande Soy Chai Latte'.
WTF is in a 'Grande Soy Chai Latte'????????
I myself bought a 'Tall Americano' which is the closest thing in Starbucks to regular coffee. Or in Starbuckanese; Cafe Regulari. But I REFUSE to order a 'Tall'. I want a small one.
So I asked for a small! Then the cashier says 'One Tall Americano'. Then I snapped back, 'Yes, a Small Americano'. She is not going to control my speech!! I think Starbucks is the closest thing to modern day fascism.
- The Mountain Cat

Richard Arens deserves to be publically burned at the stake

Ever wonder why gasoline prices are so high? Well besides taxes a lot of it has to do with the futures market. It's complicated and I will not endeavor to explain it here but lets just say that gas prices are determined based on a lot of gambling by price fixers... err commodity traders.

That brings me to Mr. Richard Arens of ABS oil brokerage service. Yes I am calling you out sir. It seems that Mr. Arens decided that he wanted to become the first person in the world to pay $100 per barrel for oil last week and in the process made international headlines. OIL HITS $100 A BARREL !!!! is what we read instead of the headline we should have read. LONE A-HOLE IS CAUSING US TO PAY TOO MUCH AT THE PUMP.

Good grief. Am I the only one outraged by this? Guys like this have way too much influence on what the price of gasoline is and of course at the same time Exxon Mobil makes record profits. I am all for free enterprise it's "fixed" enterprise that makes my blood boil.

All the artificial gasoline price setting A-holes deserve to be publicly burned at the stake (with their commodity used as the accelerant) starting with you Mr. Richard Arens.

-Shane (doc)

11:55 am **Update - Mr. Arens, if you were the one Googling yourself (at the IP address linked to your company at the bank) and checking out this posting please PLEASE come in and post a comment defending yourself . We would LOVE to hear from you.... **

1:48 pm **Update - Mr. (or Ms.) Futures trader from Carr Futures Inc. Chicago, Il would you care to defend your fellow futures trader??**

-Doc

Condiment Nominations Needed

For next weeks poll the topic will be "The best fast food condiment" and we need nominations for what condiments will be selected. Please post your nomination in a comment and be very specific. If you think one restaurant's ketchup is better than another let us know. If its a sauce then tell us exactly which one. The nominations will go from today (Sat the 5th) until 12 pm ET on Tuesday the 8th. Then the poll will be conducted to determine the winner of the "Best Fast Food Condiment In the WORLD! Each person is allowed to nominate no more than 2 condiments. (and the first two you mention will be your nomination)

Thanks in advance for your participation. Let the nominations begin!!

Oh and I will kick of the nomination process by nominating Arby's Horsey sauce!

-Shane (doc)

Where Is Your Government Approved Bubble?

I’m on my way home and I hear a public service announcement about wearing seatbelts and that not doing so will lead to getting a ticket (if caught). Is this insane to anyone else but me? Don’t get me wrong; I think everyone should wear a seatbelt. I believe every motorcycle rider should wear a helmet and jacket. Not because it is the law, but because it is common sense. If someone makes the choice not to wear a proven safety device, then they should bear the responsibility of that decision. I am not heartless; I feel for those injured or killed in accidents that don’t wear these safety devices, but cannot help it when that little voice in my head says, “What did you expect?!” However, I do believe in protecting those that cannot make educated decisions for themselves (i.e. - child seats and electrical outlet covers for kids). Just don’t waste taxpayer money on making laws out of things that should be obvious and let natural selection thrive.

But what do I know; I’m just a guy who eats his red meat medium-rare (and hates it when I’m told I can’t get it that way).

-The AbsolutGator

P.S. - Don't comment that you know someone who knows someone that if they'd been wearing a seatbelt in their accident that they wouldn't have survived. That type of accident (if it exists) would be such a small and trivial percentage of all accidents that it would be pointless to bring up.

How much for that coffee in the window?

This morning I went to pick up my rent-a-car at the Hyatt Hotel right near the Hudson River in Jersey City. Very very swank hotel with Manhattan views. I was early so I decided to go to their dining area to get breakfast to go. The hostess directed me to the breakfast bar where I selected for myself one banana and one apple danish. I walked over to her counter where she was pouring me coffee at my request. At that time I looked down and in front of me was my bill.

The following is the conversation that happened next:

'Excuse me, is this my bill?'
'Yes it is.'
'Umm, there must be mistake. $15.85 for a banana, danish and coffee?'
'Yes that is for our breakfast package. You can add more stuff if you'd like'.
'No no, I don't want more stuff nor a banana, danish and coffee for $15.85. These items should only cost at most $4.00.'
'Oh O.K. Well what I'll do is ring up these items the other way.'

The other way. What is the other way??? She goes back to her register and brings me another bill.

'It looks like it will not be much cheaper. Your total is now $12.19.'
'Wait a minute. There is no way a banana, danish and coffee should cost this much no matter how nice this hotel is. No thank you. Have a good day.'

So after I picked up the rent-a-car I stopped off at the Exxon gas station near the Holland Tunnel and bought a pre-wrapped cheese cake and a Starbucks iced drink in a bottle.

'That will be $3.75 sir'.

Nice! And I was willing to spend $4.00. So I saved myself a quarter.

- The Mountain Cat

Friday Random thoughts 1/4/08

My random thoughts from this week:

-The Iowa caucuses are over and even though Mike Huckabee and Barak Obama won them I think that the happiest people, the real winners here are the people of Iowa. They can finally get back to their lives without political ads on every other TV commercial, candidate rallies all over the place, bus trips crisscrossing their state and worst of all the crush of news media that had descended on Des Moines. They can now breathe a sigh of relief, The circus is now on to New Hampshire. Good luck to those folks.

- I have two TV commercials that are really getting on my last nerve to tirade about today. The first is the series of "Dude" ads for Bud Light. Yes the first time I saw one it was OK. However they seem to have made an entire series of these . Bud Light needs to stick with the Whassssup guys next time because that "Dude" dude is annoying as hell. The second commercial is just plain not right. It's the Viagra commercial where there are a bunch of middle aged guys all in a bar playing musical instruments and singing a parody of Elvis's Viva Las Vegas called Viva Viagra. It's downright creepy to watch. Especially when they stop singing and then hightail it out of there to their cars and motorcycles presumably to go home to their ladies... Yikes watch out if you are trying to travel on that road.

- Remember Kid-N-Play? They were teen rap stars that made a couple of albums and the House Party Movies in the early 90's ? I read this article yesterday about Christopher "Play"Martin. He was severely injured in an accident in Durham NC where he now lives and had to be taken to the hospital along with his passenger. The accident was not his fault, as it seems he was hit by a driver who was fleeing the police after a shooting. In a strange twist of irony it also goes on to say that Martin recently made a documentary film about gang activity in the Durham area.

- Does anyone think that any company will REALLY stop having their toys made in China?

- North Carolina is the 9th largest state in the country by population size however due to having our Presidential primary elections in May after the nominee is already decided I won't really have any say so in who the nominee is for the Democratic party. That kind of stinks because there is something about Hillary Clinton that scares the daylights out of me. GO OBAMA !!!

- My wife read me a reader submitted story last night out of Parents magazine that went something like this: There was this 4 year old kid named Jeff who was in church and kept making noise and being a distraction for others. His mother warned him several times but to no avail. Finally his mom told him 1 more noise an he would be taken out for a spanking. Well poor Jeff made noise again and of course his mother angrily grabbed him up to be taken out. While being carried out by his mother Jeff said in a voice that all the congregation could hear. "Please pray for me!"

- In 2008 maybe I need to find a job with fewer bomb threats. The latest was yesterday and the building had to be evacuated for half an hour while the police and fire department cleared the "threat". Of course yesterday was the coldest day this winter so far... GRRRR !

- For my money The Matt and Ramona show on local 107.9 the LINK is the best afternoon drive time radio show in this market. The best morning drive show is the Ace and TJ show.

- Tell me this isn't redneck. I found this article about a dispute between two guys on New Years day. How did they decide to solve this dispute, with their fists or even a gun? No sirree this fight ended with one guy stabbing the other guy in the neck WITH A PORK CHOP BONE! I challenge anyone to come up with something more redneck. Take THAT Jeff Foxworthy!

- I have to agree with the conclusions I read here. There are some words and phrases that are overused or simply just need to go away. The article includes some good examples but the one that I want to see banned the most is "It is what it is" I hate this one with a passion. This phrase is absolutely pointless. It means NOTHING, its a complete waste of words and is simply a cutesy way of saying "oh well I have no explanation or point at all so F- it" Please join my cause and help me make this useless phrase go away in 2008. Thank you in advance for your support.

- Shane (doc)